Anyone else applying independent of their parents?

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Dr Trek 1

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I know everyone always talks about their parents' involvement in the application process. I personally am very, very independent and have not even told my parents that I'm applying to medical school, even though I am awaiting acceptances right now. I am 22.

Is anyone else this independent this far along in the process? I just get annoyed when parents seem to be vicariously living through their children. Don't get me wrong, my parents are very supportive, but I prefer my motivation to be purely intrinsic. Anyone else like me??
 
I've heard of people bringing their parents to their interview trips.

I also remember one person mentioning that their mother would be mad that he did not complete some secondary from some top school.

I think its sucks/sad that parents get so involved. I couldn't imagine having that pressure.

Actually what might be worse is having in-laws asking you about how your application is going. Thats pressure no one wants no matter if your an all-star applicant.
 
I'm along with you. The first time applying, i had the support of my parents (i was also still in school and they wanted to help me acheive my goals). Well, after not getting in, i wanted to try and do most everything on my own without their help. Dont get me wrong, they still supported me and all, but i did the whole application thing and prep on my own with my own funds and did everything I needed to do in order to acheive my dreams. They ask me along the way how things are going and they are still interesting in what school im planning to attend, but im trying to keep them out of all the major decisions that i am making about my future.
 
I am, because my family cares less about the application process than the end result - getting to brag publicly that their kid is in med school, even if they've been actively discouraging me from it in private.

I'm glad they're not involved with my applications, but I wish they understood how the process worked instead of constantly asking me why I have to go on so many interviews if I have a top choice, why am I applying so early if school starts in more than a year, how come I can't try to graduate med school in 3 years instead of 4, etc. ugh...
 
Well, yes, I applied independently of my parents. My mom was 36 when she had me, and I was 43 when I applied. My dad passed away a couple of years ago, which is actually what got me to quit postponing my dream of going to medical school.

Don't think the family pressure ever goes away, though. At the age of 80, my mother is the only resident of the senior apartment community where she lives who has a pre-med for a son - and she is *loving* every minute of it!! :laugh:
 
potato51 said:
I am, because my family cares less about the application process than the end result - getting to brag publicly that their kid is in med school, even if they've been actively discouraging me from it in private.

I'm glad they're not involved with my applications, but I wish they understood how the process worked instead of constantly asking me why I have to go on so many interviews if I have a top choice, why am I applying so early if school starts in more than a year, how come I can't try to graduate med school in 3 years instead of 4, etc. ugh...

I am too.
And your parents are *exactly* like mine. Everything you said has been true of my parents.
 
I want my mom to know that i'm applying to medical school. I told her when I got my first interview and we went to lunch, since it was Mayo. (we had lots of cheesecake after the rejection letter came.) I live on on my own but I think my parents would be hurt if i didn't tell them about the medical school applications. They've known its what i'm applying for for years and it'd be mean not to tell them, I guess. I mean they don't pressure me about it or anything. If i didn't want to go, i wouldn't have to. If i got accepted and declined and went to teach ballroom dancing they'd be okay with it. they'd check my temp, but okay. *Shrug* I guess we're never independent in anything. if your parents ever supported your dream your not independent. unless they're controlling and stress you out, i would include them. at least tell them fi you get in!!!!!
 
potato51 said:
I am, because my family cares less about the application process than the end result - getting to brag publicly that their kid is in med school, even if they've been actively discouraging me from it in private.

I'm glad they're not involved with my applications, but I wish they understood how the process worked.... ugh...
Ah, Indian parents.... I know that feeling well.
I'm applying independent of my parents because they don't have a clue about it. But I do wish I could have the help of other family members - not just because they know about applying to graduate/professional schools, but also because they have good contacts who they don't want to piss off so they won't let me bother them!
 
desiredusername said:
Ah, Indian parents.... I know that feeling well.
I'm applying independent of my parents because they don't have a clue about it. But I do wish I could have the help of other family members - not just because they know about applying to graduate/professional schools, but also because they have good contacts who they don't want to piss off so they won't let me bother them!
Heh, it's especially frustrating being in my family where hardly anyone, immediate or extended, has gone beyond college and there's even an anti-education sentiment with them. And the rare family members who've gone on to professional careers have all given them up to do missionary work, and this is seen as noble. So in the back of my parents' minds they're thinking I'll eventually do the same, which is hilarious since I don't share their religious beliefs at all.

Must be really frustrating for you to have contacts in reach but not being allowed to contact them.
 
My parents know but don't pressure me and are supportive of anything that I do. They don't know much about the process but they try to act like they do. What ticks me off is when they talk to other people who have no idea what the freak is going on with the whole process and they try to pass the advice to me. Lame. I'll be 30 in May so I've pretty much cut the apron strings along time ago but I don't feel pressured either way in the pursuit of my goals. Lucky I guess. If they did pressure me though, I'd tell them to take a leap. 👍
 
I have only told one friend that I am applying and he told me that I won't et in with my MCAT. Decided not to tell my mom untill I get in as I don't want her to stress about it---she's really supportive and kool and I don't want her to worry. Definately not telling my dad even if I do get in as we don't talk and it's none of his business. Sometimes I wish I'd told my mom as this process is disheartening at times but I think it is for the best if I do it alone.
 
My mother knows when I'm starting to get a cold 😛 I'm very close to my parents. They know most of what's going on in my life. And I'm married! I'm not crazy overly attached or anything, but I talk to them almost every day. They have been involved from the beginning, helping me make my decision to apply, then helping review my personal statement, and supporting me all the way through. I think I'm lucky to have support from wonderful parents, a wonderful husband, and wonderful friends. I realize that not everybody is as close to their parents as I am, and of course I can understand wanting to distance yourself through the application process if that's the case. But just because some of us ARE close to our parents, and getting support, doesn't mean our parents are vicariously living through us. In my case, most definitely not! They are proud of me, but they've always pushed me to make my own decisions.
 
Yeah, I'm only going to tell my parents once I get in and hope they will pay the $1,500 down payment, hehehe.
 
Dr Trek 1 said:
I know everyone always talks about their parents' involvement in the application process. I personally am very, very independent and have not even told my parents that I'm applying to medical school, even though I am awaiting acceptances right now. I am 22.

Is anyone else this independent this far along in the process? I just get annoyed when parents seem to be vicariously living through their children. Don't get me wrong, my parents are very supportive, but I prefer my motivation to be purely intrinsic. Anyone else like me??
People in my family are super independent, though I did let my parents know about my plans. My parents were excited for me, but they didn't try to get involved. When I went to dinner with my folks, sometimes it would come up in conversation, but they never pried. Once I got in, my parents had a small celebratory dinner in my honor. That was it though.

IMHO, I think it is perverse when parents appear on this site. Being involved is your child's life is ok, but that really shouldn't extend to doing research for a professional career, or (worse) holding your child's hand through college and the AMCAS application process. If the kid needs the help, they shouldn't be a doctor. If they don't need the help, then the parent needs to get their own life. I would have a hard time considering an applicant to be a serious candidate if I found out they still had their mom/dad up their @ss as a sophomore/junior/senior in college. And the parents of HS kids who are planning their kid's future really need to let it go, before the kid turns into a freak or ends up like that kid in dead poet's society. You've already lived your life; you don't get to live your child's life too! Independance Rocks!!!! My uncle tried this (being overinvolved and controlling), and now none of his children like to speak to him. Before you feel sad for him, you should know that he deserves the disinterest and apathy of his own children.
 
I'm 22 and moved back home after graduation to save up some money before med school. My mom is a big reason that I'm going into medicine, so I let her be my editor for my PS and some of the longer secondary essays. She actively tried to dissuade me for about 4 years from going into medicine, just because she wanted to make sure I was dealing in the reality of what the career entails. My dad is just kind of there cheering for me, and he'll help out with the loan process and the logistics of me moving out. He cant wait for me to move out so that I stop making a mess at home.

On the flipside, I've footed the bill for both application cycles and my MCAT course and my interview traveling (something like 8 grand in total). It's completely my decision on where to go, and it will be me footing the bills for everything during med school. They put me through hs and undergrad, and when I can I'll take care of them with a nice place to retire and a few grandkids to keep them busy.

I think there's a fine ballance to be struck between completely relying on your parents for everything every step of the way and completely cutting them out of your life. I'd feel completely irresponsible if they paid for the entire process and flew across the country to decide where I'm going to school. But at the same time, I feel that I owe it to them to keep them updated on where I'm going with my life so they know that the $150,000 they dumped into my education isnt going to waste as I work a $28,000 lab tech job.
 
Yeah, when parents have to live vicariously through their children and brag non-stop about their accomplishments, typically the parents are not happy about their own lives and how they have lived their own lives. That's my psychological perspective.

My dad has always tried to get me to work for him (in a totally unrelated business) because I could make $200-$300K per year plus lots of benefits- with only a BA, hehe. So, since an excellent physician in a good practice only earns $150K per year on average (not to mention loan and malpractice insurance payments) and I'll probably work in a city hospital and get paid much, much less, I'm glad to see that money doesn't motivate me at all.

And I indeed agree- people who need their parents to hold their hands through the application process do not have the maturity to be in medical school.
 
tigress said:
My mother knows when I'm starting to get a cold 😛 I'm very close to my parents. They know most of what's going on in my life. And I'm married! I'm not crazy overly attached or anything, but I talk to them almost every day. They have been involved from the beginning, helping me make my decision to apply, then helping review my personal statement, and supporting me all the way through. I think I'm lucky to have support from wonderful parents, a wonderful husband, and wonderful friends. I realize that not everybody is as close to their parents as I am, and of course I can understand wanting to distance yourself through the application process if that's the case. But just because some of us ARE close to our parents, and getting support, doesn't mean our parents are vicariously living through us. In my case, most definitely not! They are proud of me, but they've always pushed me to make my own decisions.


My parents (well my mom more than my dad) are the same too. They are very supportive of whatever path I take. I am sure they will be reviewingmy secondary essays too when I apply
 
My parents were supportive, yet utterly clueless, if that makes any sense. Initially, my mother in particular tried to dissuade me from applying to medical school, but once I'd made my decision she didn't say anything about it anymore. Still, my parents knew nothing about the process. My mom still doesn't know what a secondary is or why I spent so many hours filling them out. She doesn't understand why I applied to so many schools ("but when you applied to college, you applied to four schools and you were fine!"). As far as I can tell, my father just kinda lets it all wash by without trying to understand; I think he's got a little more faith that I know what I'm doing.

Even now that I'm in school, my mom has no idea how hard I work. She wonders why I can't come home for the weekend every few weeks ("but you could come home when you were in college! Why not now?"). Sigh.
 
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