anyone else coerced into med school by family pressures?

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stat3113

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is there anyone here who isn't CRAZY about the idea of going to med school but is playing the game b/c of family pressure? i would think there would be many, especially from asian backgrounds. i don't see any discussion about that. how do you keep motivated during the application process if you know you'd rather do something else with your life?

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Yeah being a doctor is great and everything. But seriously, there are sooo many things out there you can be doing that will make you happy, it's your life. Make yourself happy. Hope everything works out for the best.
 
Why submit yourself to such torture and pressure as well as an extremely long training path for something you don't want to do?
It doesn't make any sense to me.
 
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is there anyone here who isn't CRAZY about the idea of going to med school but is playing the game b/c of family pressure? i would think there would be many, especially from asian backgrounds. i don't see any discussion about that. how do you keep motivated during the application process if you know you'd rather do something else with your life?

Simple. Don't do it. When I first entered college, I was intent on saving enough money in the first year to transfer to the art school because my parents refused to pay for me to be a dancer. But after doing some research and actually BEING in science, I realized..I loved it! So I stayed, despite a horrible first 3 semesters because I wasn't used to the work + family troubles + working to save up for dance school (you get the idea)...but I stayed. If I hadn't loved physics/bio, I would be in studio right now.
 
I thought we already had an Indian Pre-med thread...
 
My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles are all doctors so I definately had a lot of pressure to follow in their footsteps...I rebelled when I went to college and studied aviation. Ironically, I later decided medicine was what I wanted, but it has been a really great experience to gain a degree in something totally unrelated and still go into medicine. You can always consider taking a year off traveling or doing something totally unrelated before medicine. Having said that, the money in the right specialty is always a plus 😀 .
 
if you don't like it DO NOT **** WITH IT. This is the easiest way to live a meaningless regretfull life.
 
Frankly anyone who goes into medicine without any passion is doing themselves, future patients, and other applicants a huge wrong. You people are both insane for submitting yourself to such difficult training and cruel for denighing someone else the fulfillment of their often life-long desire to become a physician. Get a spine, take a deep breath, and act like the adult your age tells you that you should be: tell your parents you don't want to be a physician.
 
is there anyone here who isn't CRAZY about the idea of going to med school but is playing the game b/c of family pressure? i would think there would be many, especially from asian backgrounds. i don't see any discussion about that. how do you keep motivated during the application process if you know you'd rather do something else with your life?

This is kind of a weird story but the truth.

I came into college pre-med (like probably more than half of the people that enter college). B/c of the ridiculous committment, I began to question myself and the reason why I would want to go through hell to become a doctor... was I really doing it for sincere reasons?.... So then I decided to hell with it. I told my parents (who both wanted me to become a doctor of course) and they were not pleased, but in the end, accepted it. Then a year went by ... and I had no outside stress telling me to become a doctor. I then realized it is what I want to do (by doing some clinical volunteering, etc). I found out that it was a pure desire not tainted by factors that werent personal.

So I guess what I would suggest is make sure you really really want to do it. If you don't... its just stupid to appease your parents or whomever.
 
That's a terrible comment to make...

They could be Asian too.

Theres a lot of white people that go into medicine for reasons like this also (one's that have a family legacy).

dont hate.
 
op, if i'm reading you right then you're one of the top kinds of people that adcoms screen out. i hope, for your sake, that they are succesful unless you have a change of heart.

(man, i didn't think this particular species of premed ever ventured out into the open where the rest of us could see them..)
 
Put it this way.. there are a lot of people who go into the profession for seemingly the right reasons who have a lot of trouble with it. I wouldn't even THINK about going through with it unless I was DEAD certain that's what I wanted to do.

Remember, it's your life. And if you want to be a physician, that will become you.

There are a lot of very rewarding professions out there and a lot of ways to do a great deal of good for the world that don't have anything to do with being a doctor.
 
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op, if i'm reading you right then you're one of the top kinds of people that adcoms screen out. i hope, for your sake, that they are succesful unless you have a change of heart.

(man, i didn't think this particular species of premed ever ventured out into the open where the rest of us could see them..)
AZhopeful... we see all types of people here. People you couldn't possibly imagine being in medicine, people who were destined to be doctors, people who are blind to the world, the socially aware, gunners, etc. etc. Im not really surprised anymore by anything I read here. I guess this means Im addictted lol
 
Similar Idea: How many of you, when you told your parents you wanted to go into medicine, see your family begin to brag and push you even harder?

That is what is happening to me right now. I am just happy that I chose medicine for myself.

One thought though. My dad is educated, my mother is not. They both come from a foreign country where a lot of their degrees do not transfer. My mom wanted to be a doctor when she was younger, but she never did (she had "circumstances"). Anyways, I feel it is almost my duty to become the doctor she never was but always wanted to be. It is my way of saying thanks to my mom, and it will truly honor everything she has done for me.

In my own honest opinion, you should not pick your career without the consultation of your parents, because they know you better than you know yourself.
 
Similar Idea: How many of you, when you told your parents you wanted to go into medicine, see your family begin to brag and push you even harder?

That is what is happening to me right now. I am just happy that I chose medicine for myself.

One thought though. My dad is educated, my mother is not. They both come from a foreign country where a lot of their degrees do not transfer. My mom wanted to be a doctor when she was younger, but she never did (she had "circumstances"). Anyways, I feel it is almost my duty to become the doctor she never was but always wanted to be. It is my way of saying thanks to my mom, and it will truly honor everything she has done for me.

In my own honest opinion, you should not pick your career without the consultation of your parents, because they know you better than you know yourself.

I'm coming from pretty much the same position. Although my mom and Dad pushed me to go into medicine, I haven't let their reasons coindcide with mine. If I personally did not want to be a doctor, I would have pushed for an alternative a long time ago. If this wasn't something I could imagine myself doing, I wouldn't be here stressing over it.
But yes, part of me does do it for them because my mom wanted to be a doctor too. She could have if her circomstances hadn't pulled her out. But c'est la vie.
 
I'm just glad I had choices with my professions growing up.

I could be a doctor, a dentist, OR a pharmacist!

jk
 
I'm surely not the only one in the exact opposite position.

I've had to put up with passive aggressive BS from a large portion of my immediate family on every single career/education related decision I have ever made. They've tried to tell me the following are bad ideas/decisions/desires:

i) Wanting to go to MIT.

ii) Going to the local state school on a full scholarship instead of going to the city school.

iii) Wanting to major in Electrical Engineering. They wanted me to major in Civil Engineering for a variety of reasons from a few solid ones to ones as stupid as my older brother having all the books.

iv) Wanting to get a PhD.

I am not looking forward to the crap I will take when they find out I not only want to go to Med School, but want to do an MD/PhD program...
 
is there anyone here who isn't CRAZY about the idea of going to med school but is playing the game b/c of family pressure? i would think there would be many, especially from asian backgrounds. i don't see any discussion about that. how do you keep motivated during the application process if you know you'd rather do something else with your life?

Do not go into medicine unless you really really want to be a doctor! Not kidding! Medicine is a path that is hard enough to endure even if you really want to be there, but intolerable if you don't. Keeping motivated through the application process is going to be a joke compared to trying to keep motivated through rotations and residency when you are at the hospital during all your waking hours doing something you can't even pretend you enjoy. There are a handful of bad reasons to go into the profession and this one is probably the top of the list. Your parents lived their lives, and now you have to live yours. They do not know best if they are pushing you in a direction you don't want to go. You should do what you think you want -- if it later turns out they were right, you can always do med school later, but don't use up your vibrant years doing something you dislike. If your parents want to go to med school, tell them nontrads get in all the time.
 
Just because I'm asian doesn't mean there's a higher likelihood my parents pushed me into medicine rather than deciding on it for my own reasons 🙄

My parents have never pushed me into anything - the only thing they've ever told me is that "It's your life. Do whatever you want, because we know we could never force you to do anything you don't want to". Guess I'm lucky.

For those whose parents *are* forcing them down certain paths (i.e. medicine), I truly feel sorry for you. I would liken the experience to my parents forcing me to be a mathematician or an investment banker - I'd hate my life and I wouldn't do well.

The trick as a parent (assuming you have a career path you'd like your kid to go down) is to covertly direct them towards it :laugh: Hence, my dad always complaining about engineering (he's an engineer) which put me off from the field and my mom deviously taking me to the science center / buying me science books when I was a kid haha. Maybe I guess they had the upper hand all along!
 
My crazy asian parents never forced me into medicine either. My whole family was pretty much and in many ways is pretty much against it. They think medicine is too much work and too little compensation.
 
My best friend through college came from a very traditional Vietnamese home. I didn't learn most of this until our junior year, but my friend only chose Biomedical Engineering as a compromise with his dad. He had a passion for Computer Science, but his dad insisted he go to medical school.

Fortunately, my friend wasn't one of these geniuses who could just ace anything he took. He did make straight As in ALL of his engineering courses. But in Organic Chem, Biochem, etc. he barely made Cs. His MCAT was miserable. However, this did not mean anything to his father. He simply insisted my friend purue pharmacy. At this point we were seniors and my friend was already getting job offers from great engineering firms (which is all he wanted to do). But, in an effort to be loyal to family, my friend took the PCAT and despite his half-hearted effort he made like in the 85 percentile. That got him an interview. He ACTUALLY TOLD THE INTERVIEWER he DID NOT want to go, but that he was doing it for his dad.....he was accepted.

Fortunately, several of my friend's professors (some being Asian themselves) helped him realize what a mistake he'd be making and my friend took an engineering job. His dad got over it, but ironically would not let his sister (who really did want to be a doctor) consider medicine since a girl's place is in the home.

I'm not here to judge Asian culture, but here is the problem: Those of you with strict, traditional Asian parents are in a horrible spot. Your parents are still loyal to the culture they know, while you have probably never even visited your home country. Most likely, you grew up an "American" the same as all your friends. Despite your parents best efforts, you don't have the same frame of reference they have. So now, the choice is yours.
 
My best friend through college came from a very traditional Vietnamese home. I didn't learn most of this until our junior year, but my friend only chose Biomedical Engineering as a compromise with his dad. He had a passion for Computer Science, but his dad insisted he go to medical school.

Fortunately, my friend wasn't one of these geniuses who could just ace anything he took. He did make straight As in ALL of his engineering courses. But in Organic Chem, Biochem, etc. he barely made Cs. His MCAT was miserable. However, this did not mean anything to his father. He simply insisted my friend purue pharmacy. At this point we were seniors and my friend was already getting job offers from great engineering firms (which is all he wanted to do). But, in an effort to be loyal to family, my friend took the PCAT and despite his half-hearted effort he made like in the 85 percentile. That got him an interview. He ACTUALLY TOLD THE INTERVIEWER he DID NOT want to go, but that he was doing it for his dad.....he was accepted.

Fortunately, several of my friend's professors (some being Asian themselves) helped him realize what a mistake he'd be making and my friend took an engineering job. His dad got over it, but ironically would not let his sister (who really did want to be a doctor) consider medicine since a girl's place is in the home.

I'm not here to judge Asian culture, but here is the problem: Those of you with strict, traditional Asian parents are in a horrible spot. Your parents are still loyal to the culture they know, while you have probably never even visited your home country. Most likely, you grew up an "American" the same as all your friends. Despite your parents best efforts, you don't have the same frame of reference they have. So now, the choice is yours.


That's incredibly sad. I usually do the opposite of what my parents tell me to do. It creates a lot of tension, but I wouldn't have it any other way. For example, Parents: No You'll never be a doctor! Me: I'll show you! *shakes fist*
 
Anecdotally from my Asian friends they are not forced to become physicians.

Actually, they have tons of choices:
Physician
Dentist
Engineer
Pharmacist


🙄

I mean damn, my parents were happy that I graduated high school.

That being said, one of my best friends(who is Vietnamese) is in his second year of pharm school and is still feeling the pressure to go to medical school. :/
 
Frankly anyone who goes into medicine without any ******* is doing themselves, future patients, and other applicants a huge wrong. You people are both insane for submitting yourself to such difficult training and cruel for denighing someone else the fulfillment of their often life-long desire to become a physician. Get a spine, take a deep breath, and act like the adult your age tells you that you should be: tell your parents you don't want to be a physician.

Not so fast. People go to medical school for a lot of reasons which, on reflection many years later make them slap their heads and say, "I'm a ******."

Parental pressure sounds bad but when you think about it, it's probably as good a reason as any.
 
I think you are correct that people choose to go into medicine for many "wrong" reasons. But we're not talking about money, renown, or even boredom here. We're talking about someone choosing a profession that is, at it's heart, a service to humanity simply because their parents want them to.

While I can't speak from experience about all Asian families, I can tell you that my friend's father wanted him to be a doctor NOT for altruist reasons, but for bragging rights. In fact, that is what Hoang resented most about his father. Empathy is not something that can be forced on a person. You either have it or you don't. It may not be a trait required of a physician, but there are others that are.

I'll admit readily that I do not understand some Asian cultural practices. But when you adhere to one set of cultural principals while raising your kids in a country with a completely different set, you have to be ready to give some things up. Kids growing up in Vietnam would probably never even know to question their parents. Kids here do. That's a fact of life in America.
 
i would think there would be many, especially from asian backgrounds. i don't see any discussion about that.

Now do you realize why no one's had the cojones to begin this discussion yet?

Because you're gonna get bashed by the majority of the people on this site who actually want to pursue medicine because it's their goal & passion. But now people like you, who are only tryin' to make mommy and daddy proud, are their competition and making it even harder to get in.

My parents really wanted me to pursue medicine, this is right b4 I entered college. I said no thanks, not interested, I think I'd rather do engineering. Well in the end, I found out for myself that it's what I want to do, and everyone ended up happy.

Please just do whatever YOU want to do!
 
I want to become President of the United States. Where's the application for that?
 
I thought we already had an Indian Pre-med thread...

While there are many indian parents who pressure their kids to get in, trust me when I say my parents are not one of them. They learned a long time ago with my brothers that it wasn't going to happen and they were going to do what makes them happy not what made my parents happy.

I'm going into it by my own will. And I can say most of the Indians I know around me may be encouraged by their parents but they are not doing it without also wanting to do it themselves. If they wanted to do business or engineering or something else their parents would very much support them so long as they are doing something that both makes them happy and in which they will be able to make a decent living. Where I grew up I know of a girl who's dad was a doctor and neither her nor her two brothers went into medicine. In fact she became a teacher and her younger brother is going into business. Another south indian family had a son that went into something else besides medicine too and his parents were fine with it. Same with the other families. no one that I've known has done it because parents forcing them to do it so much as because its one of the things they know well.

Remember that we are often the product of our experiences and often times those who grow up aroud medical doctors know about medicine better then they know about other things so they get influenced into doing it and inspired by it. its the same way for my friends who have had teachers as parents. Those people have grown to love teaching. And those that have been engineers kids or had people like math teachers as parents have found math related or engineering fields enjoyable. You get the point. We are influenced but not all of us are pressured against our will.

I've actually found more american people who's parents were trying to pressure them then indian people. In fact the 2 cases of caucasians that I've known who experienced this took the MCAT and the courses but in the end they chose to do what they want. One wanted to act because she was into fine arts and the other wanted to do grad school in microbiology and that's exactly what each did in the end.
 
I want to become President of the United States. Where's the application for that?

"And to the C students....you too can become President" -George W Bush

My all time favorite quote. Just wanted to throw that out there
 
Yeah, I was just being sarcastic about the whole indian premed thing, btw...
 
I'm coming from the legal field and going into the medical field.

While working in law, I encountered many lawyers who were miserable. They went into law for the money or prestige or family pressure, and then ten years later they figured out they were the ones that had to live their lives. They then proceeded to become bitter A-holes who tried only to make others as miserable as they were.

So, my advice is, be careful. Make sure you can see yourself ten, twenty, thirty years down the line in your field.

Good luck.

SF
 
My best friend through college came from a very traditional Vietnamese home. I didn't learn most of this until our junior year, but my friend only chose Biomedical Engineering as a compromise with his dad. He had a passion for Computer Science, but his dad insisted he go to medical school.

.....

I'm not here to judge Asian culture, but here is the problem: Those of you with strict, traditional Asian parents are in a horrible spot. Your parents are still loyal to the culture they know, while you have probably never even visited your home country. Most likely, you grew up an "American" the same as all your friends. Despite your parents best efforts, you don't have the same frame of reference they have. So now, the choice is yours.

Very true, it's the price of living in between cultures. You have one set and your friends are basing their values off of another set of societal values. The thing is, many asians who come to this country came because they felt a lack of opportunities in their own countries (or they liked what they saw here), and so they are brought up with the mindset that you must pick your majors based on things like marketability and job security. Medicine appeals to people for these and other more superficial reasons (prestige etc). So asian parents may feel kids can't major in things like english or pyschology because they did not grow up with the understanding of the numerous more job opportunities in the US.

Anecdotally from my Asian friends they are not forced to become physicians.

Actually, they have tons of choices:
Physician
Dentist
Engineer
Pharmacist


🙄

I mean damn, my parents were happy that I graduated high school.

That being said, one of my best friends(who is Vietnamese) is in his second year of pharm school and is still feeling the pressure to go to medical school. :/

Add MBA to the list, check out Northwestern University's MBA class pic from a few years ago.....

Not so fast. People go to medical school for a lot of reasons which, on reflection many years later make them slap their heads and say, "I'm a ******."

Parental pressure sounds bad but when you think about it, it's probably as good a reason as any.

I think what people are alluding to is the intense parental pressure to do only medicine. I've heard some Indian kids tell me that they were told from a very young age that medicine is the only route, the braiwashing starts young and it's so intense that going against takes some strong effort. My parents have a close (asian) family friend who is like that with her 3 year old twins (my med school acceptance was all she could yabber about to her twins when she came over).

Parental pressure to major in something marketable, to go to college....those things are good because they still offer flexibility in choices while assuring a good future. Parental pressure to do medicine and only medicine as the career option....well, that's bad parental pressure because it's inflexible and increases the likelihood that your kid may not actually have an interest in what you push them to do. And I can't imagine going through this process and then dealing with med school all the while thinking, gee, I really wish I was doing something else!
 
Actually, asian people can choose from...
Physician
Dentist
Engineer
Pharmacist
Law
Business


I have lots of asian friends who go into business or law. In fact, I know more who go into those two than anything related to medicine. Asian parents want their children to do well and be successful. That's all. They don't necessarily push for a certain career (medicine, as you all are suggesting).

That being said, I shadowed a doctor and when I asked her why she went into medicine, she said her parents pushed her into it. She was white. And you know what, even though her parents pushed her, she's happy with her job, she's successful adn her patients love her.
 
Frankly anyone who goes into medicine without any passion is doing themselves, future patients, and other applicants a huge wrong. You people are both insane for submitting yourself to such difficult training and cruel for denighing someone else the fulfillment of their often life-long desire to become a physician. Get a spine, take a deep breath, and act like the adult your age tells you that you should be: tell your parents you don't want to be a physician.

I don't get it. Just because your parents want you to be one doesn't mean you can't be a good one. And as for denying someone else fullfillment? WTF?? IF that person really wanted to be a doctor they'd find a way.

I don't believe in following parents blindly but youre making staggering generalizations.
 
sorry again triplicate... stupid lag time and rapid clicking
 
Hahah, he actually said that? That's awesome. :laugh:

Easy now. I was a C student. If you don't plan on medical school or law school, there really is no reason to kill yourself in college. I have been on many job interviews (for engineering) and nobody ever asked for my transcripts or about my GPA. It's just unimportant.
 
Theres a lot of white people that go into medicine for reasons like this also (one's that have a family legacy).

dont hate.
ya agreed
it's quite different with family legacy (comparing to, "son, u want to become a doctor when u grow up and get out of this lower-middle class status", etc)
u cant ignore the influences ur doc parents have on u (all the talks about the patients, diseases, etc)
 
Very true, it's the price of living in between cultures. You have one set and your friends are basing their values off of another set of societal values. The thing is, many asians who come to this country came because they felt a lack of opportunities in their own countries (or they liked what they saw here), and so they are brought up with the mindset that you must pick your majors based on things like marketability and job security. Medicine appeals to people for these and other more superficial reasons (prestige etc). So asian parents may feel kids can't major in things like english or pyschology because they did not grow up with the understanding of the numerous more job opportunities in the US.



Add MBA to the list, check out Northwestern University's MBA class pic from a few years ago.....



I think what people are alluding to is the intense parental pressure to do only medicine. I've heard some Indian kids tell me that they were told from a very young age that medicine is the only route, the braiwashing starts young and it's so intense that going against takes some strong effort. My parents have a close (asian) family friend who is like that with her 3 year old twins (my med school acceptance was all she could yabber about to her twins when she came over).

Parental pressure to major in something marketable, to go to college....those things are good because they still offer flexibility in choices while assuring a good future. Parental pressure to do medicine and only medicine as the career option....well, that's bad parental pressure because it's inflexible and increases the likelihood that your kid may not actually have an interest in what you push them to do. And I can't imagine going through this process and then dealing with med school all the while thinking, gee, I really wish I was doing something else!


I have heard the same thing from my indian friends. It would be great if more American parents pushed their kids that hard. What are you really going to do with a pschology or communication degree?

Most underwhelming thing I have heard from a relative: "My son has a 4.0 average. He's majoring in Psychology."

Well la de ****ing dah.
 
best Life lesson for anyone...

do what you love....and don't trap yourself in something you don't like.

Life is too short to regret....make a decision for yourself, your life, and your sanity 🙂

Good Luck!

PG
 
I have heard the same thing from my indian friends. It would be great if more American parents pushed their kids that hard. What are you really going to do with a pschology or communication degree?

Most underwhelming thing I have heard from a relative: "My son has a 4.0 average. He's majoring in Psychology."

Well la de ****ing dah.

As my father said, in America, you can be whatever you want to be, becuase no one starves in this country. He was referring to those flighty college students who picked majors based on their interests with not a thought to future marketability (i.e "I'm am dance major because I love to dance....I'll worry about a job when I graduate").

And that's why parents in this country may not feel the need to push their kids as much, because when it comes down to it, this is a land of plenty as much as it is a land of opportunity. A kid can screw around in college, screw around post-graduation, and not have to worry about their next meal.
 
Not so fast. People go to medical school for a lot of reasons which, on reflection many years later make them slap their heads and say, "I'm a ******."

Parental pressure sounds bad but when you think about it, it's probably as good a reason as any.

Disagree. At least other bad reasons are people own reasons. It's far worse to go down the wrong path for someone elses reasons because you will harbor resentment, rather than mere self loathing.
 
Do not go into medicine unless you really really want to be a doctor! Not kidding! Medicine is a path that is hard enough to endure even if you really want to be there, but intolerable if you don't. Keeping motivated through the application process is going to be a joke compared to trying to keep motivated through rotations and residency when you are at the hospital during all your waking hours doing something you can't even pretend you enjoy. There are a handful of bad reasons to go into the profession and this one is probably the top of the list. Your parents lived their lives, and now you have to live yours. They do not know best if they are pushing you in a direction you don't want to go. You should do what you think you want -- if it later turns out they were right, you can always do med school later, but don't use up your vibrant years doing something you dislike. If your parents want to go to med school, tell them nontrads get in all the time.

Law2doc besides "helping people" and "having a calling" what are some good reasons to go into medicine?
I excluded those two because we know everyone that doesn't have a good answer usually uses those.
 
Law2doc besides "helping people" and "having a calling" what are some good reasons to go into medicine?
I excluded those two because we know everyone that doesn't have a good answer usually uses those.

A genuine interest in being a doctor.

(FWIW I don't consider helping people as a good reason for being a doctor because there are a zillion jobs where you can help people).
 
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