Anyone else get snarky comments about their age?

Discussion in 'Nontraditional Students' started by fayevalentine, Feb 17, 2018.

  1. fayevalentine

    fayevalentine See you space cowboy.
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    Just wondering. Happened again today when talking to the CSR of a bank I have a student account with. "Wait, you're over 24? And you're STILL in college? WOW!". I had to go to urgent care a year ago and the medical assistant said something similar. It just gets old. I'm too polite for my own good so I just smile as say yes, but internally I'm thinking "yeah, we don't all aspire to answer phone calls all day".

    Just wondering if this bothers anyone else as much as it does me.
     
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  3. wholeheartedly

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    I've actually had more of the opposite problem. People seem to be so encouraging of my aspirations with no clue of the challenges of doing this much older.
     
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  4. Crayola227

    Crayola227 The Oncoming Storm
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    Nope not at all. I am aware that many people who have not completed a college education or had to take numerous pre-reqs credits in addition to a bachelor's in prep for grueling health care career training, are not aware that it might take a whole 2 years extra to be done with college. I was in college full time for 6 years, had stellar grades, always full time. I majored, minored, and took a lot of prereqs despite their serious overlap with my major.

    I don't know why you expect others to understand you while you look down on them. I'm not sure they mean it to disparage you but just aren't used to seeing 24 year olds in school for whatever their uninformed reasons are.

    I would always just say it takes a lot of extra work, classes, credits, to qualify to apply to professional school

    People seem impressed by that, so not sure why so snotty
     
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  5. Crayola227

    Crayola227 The Oncoming Storm
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    Perhaps they are impressed by you staying in school so long. That's actually what it is for most people who don't continue school :-/

    Sounds more like your insecurity
     
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  6. fayevalentine

    fayevalentine See you space cowboy.
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    No, you would understand that it is not them being impressed if you heard the tone of voice. The medical assistant actually said to me, "really? still in school? at your age? hmmm". And yeah, I'm sure from my post it sounds like I'm constantly looking down on them, but really it's just a visceral reaction to someone else being outright rude. You never think overly mean things when people are rude to you? I don't expect anyone to understand me but I do expect them to behave in a civilized manner.
     
  7. anewmanx

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    I value being a lifelong learner. Don't let a troglodyte's opinion hold you down.
     
  8. Matthew9Thirtyfive

    Matthew9Thirtyfive That’s one cute lil’ ol’ granny.
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    You can’t control how people talk to you. All you can control is how you respond and how you let it make you feel.
     
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  9. feeling-dizzy

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    does not even mean anything, I am 32 and still in school. So what
     
  10. Forever Geebs

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    Just ignore and move on.
     
  11. Crayola227

    Crayola227 The Oncoming Storm
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    I think I'm sensitive to any tone where people in higher education/have higher educational achievement seem to sound like they think they are better than people with humble jobs or haven't done as much school.

    Much as they shouldn't judge you, you shouldn't judge them.

    Perhaps they're being snotty with you because they feel intimidated or feel bad they're not in school, and pointing out "bbbbut why so slow???" makes them feel better about it. That's sad.

    I'm sick of living in this meritocracy where we look down on the average common man.
     
  12. sb247

    sb247 Doer of things
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    You’re overthinking this. It literally doesn’t matter
     
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  13. fayevalentine

    fayevalentine See you space cowboy.
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    No, I don't think you are being sensitive. You're actually right on point. It's not okay to judge one another, and I'm letting my own emotions get the best of me and being a jerk myself. I get bummed out pretty easily when I see people being cruel to each other and I lash out. It's not right. As many of you said, I can only control how I feel and behave. Thank you. ☮
     
  14. Crayola227

    Crayola227 The Oncoming Storm
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    Yeah, I wasn't even trying to beat up on you, it was more trying to explain why I jumped on you. And I trend I've seen in general.

    I can totally see why people might have reactions that bug you, it happened to me too, since I was in college for almost 7 years before applying to med school. And not for any frak up reasons or waffling. I had a clear direction on my education and that's how long it took.
     
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  15. RNthenDoc

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    I’ve been in college since the Bush administration. You’ve gotta’ have rough skin to be a medical professional.

    You should hear the sexist, racist crap patients say. And then recall that their opinions of you determine how you are payed.
     
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  16. Jasmine2022

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    This is right along the lines I was thinking. There will be a great number of instances where people are going to be snarky to each of us for some reason or another. Sometimes it's due to ignorance, sometimes it's due to being a jerk, or perhaps a whole other reason. Choose your battles, enlighten those who are willing to listen, and don't let anyone undermine your self-worth (not saying this happened, but just in case, you know).

    Cheers.
     
  17. Bush 41 here.
     
  18. physgal

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    When I worked in family medicine as an MA, I constantly had patients be rude about my age and aspirations. "You are 31...whose going to take care of your kids if you a doctor."
     
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  19. ADSigMel

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    My endocrinologist said this to me. I told him I had a perfectly capable husband who helped me make those kids and could damn well do his part now. Then I fired him.
     
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  20. Lucky Day

    Lucky Day Farly, Farly, Farly, Farly, Farly, Farly, Afarrr!
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    I say: Give me my student discount/perks and you can talk to me any way you damn well please, thank you very much!
     
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  21. star.buck

    star.buck MD Class of 2020
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    35 this year, and MS2 (almost MS3!)...

    Not sure if someone else said this already or not, but the non-med school people who aren't pursuing an advanced degree or a degree to better their lives likely speak against you or attempt to belittle your aspirations due to feeling threatened or intimidated by you, or they simply do not understand what you are doing with your life. Usually (in my experience) any time someone attempted to speak down to me in this way it was because of their own insecurities or their perceived inabilities to pursue their own dreams. Realizing this might help you tolerate the comments a little more - even if they are inappropriate and based in ignorance.

    I had this happen several times before I got into medical school, when I was a 31 year old at the local community college... and now it's died down quite a bit.

    And no - med school and being a doctor is not of more value or higher up on the totem pole than those who are in manufacturing, bank tellers, CNA's, or wherever - I only speak about those who attempt to belittle someone for pursuing that MD or BSN or PA or PHD or whatever degree. I come from a very humble family, and worked over a decade in the plants and entry level jobs. Those positions are incredibly valuable to our society - and at the end of the day it's the CNA or nurse that will pray with our grandparents as they go to sleep - not the MD's.
     
    #20 star.buck, Feb 22, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2018
  22. RNthenDoc

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    [QUOTE="fayevalentine, post: 19735817, member: 5978 I'm thinking "yeah, we don't all aspire to answer phone calls all day".[/QUOTE]

    Although you will be spending countless hours answering pages..... hahahha
     
  23. Dares Dareson

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    This. I'm 35 and MS3 and everyone says "But you're still so young!" forgetting that I have one year of school and at least five years of residency left. I'll be 42 when I start paying back my loans and everyone else is making partner, upgrading to the 4000 sq. ft. house, sending kid number 3 off to kindergarten, etc.
     
  24. stayathomemom

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    I'm 35 and feel complimented when I get carded buying cooking wine. :oldman:
     
  25. star.buck

    star.buck MD Class of 2020
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    I wonder... the people getting encouragement, seems mostly males? Vs those who are being questioned... females? Could be a societal thing, which wouldn’t surprise me at all... (the false perception that women need to worry about age, due to fertility issues; and should worry more about family than a career...)
     
  26. willow84

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    I receive a lot of encouragement about what I'm doing (and I'm female!), but it sounds like it's how I position it in comparison to the OP. I generally say, "After doing my bachelors and MBA I went back to do a post bacc program, and now I'm going to medical school." People are usually very supportive and way nicer than I expect.

    I've definitely had people ask me how I will do this in my 30s while being a woman... "what about kids?!" Good thing I don't want them, I guess?
     
  27. ADSigMel

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    This makes sense - when people ask what I do for a living, my response is usually “I practiced law for ten years, but now I’m changing careers and starting medical school this fall.” Put that way, the response is usually more along the lines of “you’re so brave” or “what an inspiration!” It might help that I’ve already got three kids and zero intention of having any more.
     
  28. wholeheartedly

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    I'm female and generally getting a lot of encouragement. I'm single with no kids though.
     
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  29. star.buck

    star.buck MD Class of 2020
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    Yeah, I get the "What about kids" fairly often when speaking to new people about my aspirations... I have yet to figure out how to tactfully say "I don't want them"... because the responses to that are usually fairly judgemental. I now just say "I guess I'll see what the future holds when I get there! For now, medical school is keeping me busy enough!"
     
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  30. NuttyEngDude

    NuttyEngDude Red-Flagville
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    My experience with this is with people that may have a personal problem with me and not my age will bring up my age. Other than that, my age is not an issue.
     
  31. sb247

    sb247 Doer of things
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    Docs are actually higher up the totem pole in society....maybe not in esoteric value but in responsibility, economic value, individual influence etc....it is what it is

    And in general, I call bull on the “nurse sitting at the bedside praying all day with the dying patient while the doc is off doing God knows what”. You have clearly been around drastically different cohorts of nurses and doctors than I have
     
  32. star.buck

    star.buck MD Class of 2020
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    Your quotes in reference to what I said, are actually not at all what I said...

    And humility is a very good trait to have, regardless of station in life.
     
    #31 star.buck, Feb 23, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2018
  33. sb247

    sb247 Doer of things
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    Haha, you meant praying with my grandmother when she takes a nap? Not dying?
     
  34. WhiteCoatWonder

    WhiteCoatWonder doin' it for the culture
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    yep. currently savoring the first half of my dirty 30's, finishing up M4.

    as an M2, i attended a mentoring event at the request of my program's minority recruitment director. one of the high school students in attendance asked me how old i was. totally dont mind sharing this when im asked directly, as im pretty proud of my story and feel blessed to be on my path, at my appointed time.

    before i could answer, the director piped in with "yeah, she's REAL old!" from our encounters, this person has a track record of being a butt-inski who walks a reaaally fine line between professional and ratchet. she's made sideways comments before, in a way that i find overly familiar/comfortable with virtual strangers, no matter what we have in common. anyway, (as this was prior to the latter phase of my professional evolution), i responded with "well gosh, how old does that make you?"

    no further comment from her end.
     
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  35. WhiteCoatWonder

    WhiteCoatWonder doin' it for the culture
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    this is an interesting observation.

    in a similar sense, i dont usually hear my male counterparts being asked "are you married?", "kids?" as much as female students do when discussing plans after graduation. not that im a fly on the wall for each of these conversations, but its definitely come up in several group settings and i get asked all the time. like wtf? leave my intentionally icy ovaries alone and let me aspire to locums and entrepreneurship. thank you.

    youre right. just the slant of people-think, i guess.
     
  36. Matthew9Thirtyfive

    Matthew9Thirtyfive That’s one cute lil’ ol’ granny.
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    I’m male, and when I was 26 and an OR tech starting college to try to go to med school, I had female nurses tell me to my face that I was going to fail, and that I’d still be just an OR tech in ten years. Now I’m 33, and I’ll be starting med school at 34, I get nothing but encouragement (I haven’t worked at that hospital in 8 years though). Not sure if there’s a connection.
     
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  37. stayathomemom

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    To be fair I haven't told a whole lot of people (everyone I've told has been someone close to me), BUT...

    I am a 35-year-old Christian homemaker, church volunteer, etc. etc. Very traditional values family and community. And everyone I've told, including members and staff at my church, have been very supportive. Exactly the opposite of what I was expecting, but a happy surprise.
     
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  38. star.buck

    star.buck MD Class of 2020
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    That's another really good observation... women seemed to be asked more about marriage, kids, and how they will balance it all... men usually not (in my observations anyway)... Sometimes I don't think there is any maliciousness behind the questions, just curiosity because of the perceived uniqueness to the person who is asking the questions. And... the "intentionally icy ovaries" made me laugh... I think I may steal that!
     
  39. NuttyEngDude

    NuttyEngDude Red-Flagville
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    We should also bring race into it, since we're changing it from ageism to sexism
     
  40. RNtoMD87

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    Lol 24... I'm 30, and will be in college still when I am 33. Doesn't matter how old you are, it matters what you've done with your life.
     
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  41. QofQuimica

    QofQuimica Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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    There may be something to this. But I would argue that a lot of it stems from the fact that, on average, women just care a lot more than men do about what other people think of them, even perfect strangers/casual acquaintances like bank tellers and MAs. With absolutely no disrespect intended toward the OP, most men would never even think of posting a thread like this on a public forum....assuming they bothered talking their career plans over with their bank teller or their MA in the first place.

    Which seriously makes me wonder: don't people make small talk with acquaintances about inconsequential things like the weather any more? Why must we feel obligated to delve into deeply personal topics with random people who can't possibly appreciate their import to us, and then get upset when they make glib comments because they don't know what else to say?
     
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  42. RNthenDoc

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    Remember the old statistics about how many words a woman uses in a day vs. how many a man does?

    Iirc there was a large difference.
     
  43. But this is the time of transparency, as in skin so thin you can see right through it.
    Every casual conversation is a test to see how sensitive and correct you are and therefore an opportunity to offend someone's delicate sensibilities. By extension then there is no any such thing as a casual conversation.

    [​IMG]
     
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  44. fayevalentine

    fayevalentine See you space cowboy.
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    No offence taken, however as far as your second point I would like to point out that I did not bring up my career plans for the sake of conversation. Only my close friends and family know my goals and situation. These have all been instances where I was asked to share my occupation for reasons like insurance or in the case of a bank, justifying having a student account.
     
  45. fayevalentine

    fayevalentine See you space cowboy.
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    I would argue that people should be kinder to one another in their daily lives. There is very rarely a good reason to say something rude to another person. The world is a dark enough place as it is.
     
  46. Matthew9Thirtyfive

    Matthew9Thirtyfive That’s one cute lil’ ol’ granny.
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    I agree with this, though I think the line over which something is considered rude has been pushed way back over the recent years. I have seen people get offended over the most benign comments. Your situation doesn’t fall into that, and someone saying something about your age and being a student isn’t appropriate, but I just wanted to point out that it’s possible for both sides to have a point.
     
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  47. The point that I and the others are trying to make here is that this is such a low intensity interaction that it should barely register to you beyond getting in your car and reflecting for no more than the time it takes to utter the phrase "wow that bank teller is kind of an idiot", and moving on. Out there in the cold and dark world there is a mass grave getting filled and you're posting in a pre-med forum about an inconsequential interaction with a random person who's opinion should not have affected you in the slightest.

    So the answer to your original question is "No, and it shouldn't have bothered you enough to start this post."

    And by the way, this right here is exactly the kind of thing that gets millennials trashed by previous generations.
     
  48. RNtoMD87

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    This crap does get on my nerves. When people are so focused on such petty matters, my mind still wanders to 10 years ago. As Im sitting in this college student union and listen to the chatter, I'm realize this is the reason I have a hard time finding people I can relate to.
     

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  49. Dares Dareson

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    What "gets millenials trashed by previous generations" is members of these "previous generations" listening to some right-wing talk radio personality telling them that millenials are "lazy snowflakes." Curiously, most of these "previous generation" folks benefit/benefited from Medicare, full pensions, high wages, and cheap college tuition while denying all these things to millenials through the political system.
     
  50. sb247

    sb247 Doer of things
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    I would argue it was the “no one should have to wonder if they can afford school” access to loans that caused the explosion in college expens

    More of an unitended consequence of “giving” the younger generations something than denying them something
     
  51. Skiiiiiing

    Skiiiiiing SDN Bronze Donor
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    Constantly. Toughen up.

    [​IMG]
     

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