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StringBean

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Just wondering if anyone else out there is feeling like me. So I'm more than 1/2 way through intern year and the end just isn't coming fast enough. I'm tired and stressed. I'm sad and I have no energy. I'm tired of working my ass off just to feel stupid everyday anyway. I feel completely isolated and I feel cheated out of life. I miss my family and feel like I have no friends because all the people I knew before 'this life' have moved on to other things and just don't understand the life of a resident. All this comes with loving the specialty i chose and loving my program. Weird.

Just wondering if anyone iout there is in my boat.

Bean
 

johankriek

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Just wondering if anyone else out there is feeling like me. So I'm more than 1/2 way through intern year and the end just isn't coming fast enough. I'm tired and stressed. I'm sad and I have no energy. I'm tired of working my ass off just to feel stupid everyday anyway. I feel completely isolated and I feel cheated out of life. I miss my family and feel like I have no friends because all the people I knew before 'this life' have moved on to other things and just don't understand the life of a resident. All this comes with loving the specialty i chose and loving my program. Weird.

Just wondering if anyone iout there is in my boat.

Bean

hey you are just stressed and sad since you prolly just realized as a pediatrician you will not be making more than 110K per year your whole career. I liken this to when someone cannulates the carotid artery instead of the internal jugular vein and hooks the catheter to a transducer. when you turn to look at the wave form and you see 150/90 coming from your internal jugular vein. Thats the look and the feeling one gets when they just realize that has happened or is going to happen to them..

Im sorry. Very feeble attempt at humor. FOrgive me. Ive been there in your shoes feeling exactly what you are feeling. While I wanna say it will pass, i dont wanna lie to you. You just learn to live with it. DOnt focus too much on your work, when you come home dont think about work, watch the cartoon channel as often as you can. AND do not watch the local evening news.

Im sorry for the way you are feeling.
 

lotp129ivdu

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Internship will pass, and years from now you will have a better life and this will be a distant memory.

I respect that you're honest with yourself. Medicine is too full of cognitive dissonance. It takes guts to say, look this is not making me happy and I feel overwhelmed. Many people probably feel the same way but suppress it with rationalizations. This profession we signed up for is long and painful. If one is not careful, it can suck the passion and life out of that person during their best, healthiest years. You're aware of this though, and you'll end up with a clearer perspective than some of your colleagues because of it.

Just wondering if anyone else out there is feeling like me. So I'm more than 1/2 way through intern year and the end just isn't coming fast enough. I'm tired and stressed. I'm sad and I have no energy. I'm tired of working my ass off just to feel stupid everyday anyway. I feel completely isolated and I feel cheated out of life. I miss my family and feel like I have no friends because all the people I knew before 'this life' have moved on to other things and just don't understand the life of a resident. All this comes with loving the specialty i chose and loving my program. Weird.

Just wondering if anyone iout there is in my boat.

Bean
 
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Just wondering if anyone else out there is feeling like me. So I'm more than 1/2 way through intern year and the end just isn't coming fast enough. I'm tired and stressed. I'm sad and I have no energy. I'm tired of working my ass off just to feel stupid everyday anyway. I feel completely isolated and I feel cheated out of life. I miss my family and feel like I have no friends because all the people I knew before 'this life' have moved on to other things and just don't understand the life of a resident. All this comes with loving the specialty i chose and loving my program. Weird.

Just wondering if anyone iout there is in my boat.

Bean

Internship will pass, and years from now you will have a better life and this will be a distant memory.

When I was prelim IM, I felt exactly like you. EXACTLY.

But the person above me is absolutely right - you WILL get through it, you WILL have a better life, and it WILL be a distant memory.

Trust me - I was there, and am here now, and it is all true.
 

dynx

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Just wondering if anyone else out there is feeling like me. So I'm more than 1/2 way through intern year and the end just isn't coming fast enough. I'm tired and stressed. I'm sad and I have no energy. I'm tired of working my ass off just to feel stupid everyday anyway. I feel completely isolated and I feel cheated out of life. I miss my family and feel like I have no friends because all the people I knew before 'this life' have moved on to other things and just don't understand the life of a resident. All this comes with loving the specialty i chose and loving my program. Weird.

Just wondering if anyone iout there is in my boat.

Bean

This year will end. Every single day is one day closer to finishing.
 

SexPanther

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This year will end. Every single day is one day closer to finishing.

In the meantime, is there anyone with whom you can talk to? I'm sure that there is a mental health service that you can utilize....it might be prudent to be screened for MDD.

Good luck.
 

doctawife

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I very clearly remember feeling like you. I was in the step down unit, none of the kiddos were ever going to get any better, they were all going to die, and nothing I did was ever going to change anything.

And the s**t kept rolling downhill to my shoulders. And sticking, and clinging, and getting heavier every day.

The good news: it gets better.

No really, it does.

I'm an attending now - and some things still suck. I'm still carrying the extra 15 lbs I picked up intern year, I didn't match for fellowship, and my license took forever so I was unemployed for seven months after finishing residency. But really, I'm now making attending money, I have a great husband, I have time to see him (!) and I have some great friends from residency.

Midway through intern year is pretty much rock bottom. Everyone hits a wall and everyone thinks that the wall can't be defeated. But somehow, we all get through.

Have faith, stick it out, and you'll be okay.
 

gwen

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yes, this would make me feel better if i was depressed and you stated things that way. way to cheer someone up.

hey you are just stressed and sad since you prolly just realized as a pediatrician you will not be making more than 110K per year your whole career.
 

StringBean

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Thanks to all those who replied. Not that I'm glad you all went through this crap called internship, but it is reassuring that others felt the same way at this point too.

Hearing your thoughts on here is helpful. I feel like some of the non-medical people that surround us as residents sometimes act as though we must have this amazing life being doctors and all... that we are 'lucky'. I just think that those ideas sometimes cause residents to hide thier true feelings and thoughts about what they are experiencing and thus results in a type of emotional isolation because it makes us less likely to say "this sucks" out loud. I feel better that I said it here... and I thank those of you who took a minute to share your thoughts and feelings too! Sometimes you just need to vent, you know :oops:

Thanks! :love:
 

Leukocyte

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If this will make you feel better...

....I am going to scramble into a Preliminary surgery position for 2007, and will most likely do another preliminary surgery position in 2008, before I can finaly be a real resident and start PGY-1 categorical surgery in 2009, IF I AM LUCKY. :(

I am 30 years old, and have no life yet. This career uncertainty is truly depressing.

Loving surgery and the OR is a BIG burden...and sometimes I wonder if it is worth all the trouble.


I hope you get better, and good luck.
 

toby2

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I think depression is quite common among medical professionals, and other careers that demand so much of you personally. I'm not sure exactly why this is so. I don't think it's just the demanding hours and stress of the medical profession alone. I suspect it has something to do with the phrenetic, productivity paradigm of our culture, which in many ways is anti-creative and doesn't let you have much time to discover what is truly important to you. In Prozac Nation, you're not supposed to feel sad, have down times or times of personal un-productivity. But sometimes you need to take time for yourself. I think you're doing one of the best things you can do by opening up to what you're truly feeling. If what you're feeling is depression, you can allow yourself to BE genuinely depressed for a while. At some point, there will be a message for you in what you're experiencing.
 

Cuthbert

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Thanks to all those who replied. Not that I'm glad you all went through this crap called internship, but it is reassuring that others felt the same way at this point too.

Hearing your thoughts on here is helpful. I feel like some of the non-medical people that surround us as residents sometimes act as though we must have this amazing life being doctors and all... that we are 'lucky'. I just think that those ideas sometimes cause residents to hide thier true feelings and thoughts about what they are experiencing and thus results in a type of emotional isolation because it makes us less likely to say "this sucks" out loud. I feel better that I said it here... and I thank those of you who took a minute to share your thoughts and feelings too! Sometimes you just need to vent, you know :oops:

Thanks! :love:

Hang in there, good luck with the remainder of the year and those to come. :)
 

doctawife

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Hearing your thoughts on here is helpful. I feel like some of the non-medical people that surround us as residents sometimes act as though we must have this amazing life being doctors and all... that we are 'lucky'. I just think that those ideas sometimes cause residents to hide thier true feelings and thoughts about what they are experiencing and thus results in a type of emotional isolation because it makes us less likely to say "this sucks" out loud. I feel better that I said it here... and I thank those of you who took a minute to share your thoughts and feelings too! Sometimes you just need to vent, you know :oops:

Thanks! :love:

You're welcome. The non-medical folks really don't understand, unless s/he is sharing a home with you. But you're right - non-medical folks really don't understand . I can watch their eyes glaze over whenever I'm venting about some job-related complaint. Everyone does believe that doctors have an ideal life. My favorite cocktail party snippet as a resident was to drag out the RRC's 80/30 rule and then remind people that the 40 hour work week became union dogma decades ago. The "wait, what?!? look on most people's faces is enough to make me laugh.

Now that I'm an attending, life is much better. Somehow, tho, busting out the edumication (80/30 rule vs. 40 for normal folks) at cocktail parties, dinners, etc always made me feel better. But I still try to educate at parties 'cause the residency system is just a little screwed. Whenever life and death is on the line, the person making front line decisions SHOULD NOT be on hour 30 of work.

My 2 cents. Just remember, time passes. Which means that internship will pass. And residency. Have faith, and if you practice in Texas - get your medical license NOW. (Free advice.)
 

gutonc

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You're welcome. The non-medical folks really don't understand, unless s/he is sharing a home with you. But you're right - non-medical folks really don't understand . I can watch their eyes glaze over whenever I'm venting about some job-related complaint. Everyone does believe that doctors have an ideal life. My favorite cocktail party snippet as a resident was to drag out the RRC's 80/30 rule and then remind people that the 40 hour work week became union dogma decades ago. The "wait, what?!? look on most people's faces is enough to make me laugh.

The thing about this that still boggles my mind is that the people we work w/ in the hospital, nurses, techs, clerks, etc, often have no idea how much we work and how little we get paid to do it. You tell people that you work 6 days a week, 30 hours at a pop and their eyes bug out of their heads.

There's actually a nurse who works in our MICU who started bringing coffee for the house staff when she found out that she made so much more money than we did.
 

Doowai

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Pass the bullets...I need to load my gun. I am waiting for the match, after 4 stressful years, without alot of hope for a match as I am not the strongest candidate in a year flooded with applicants - only to have the "best case scenario" be (over)working in a depressing work situation.

Nice

*Bang* aoifdasjgoipdsghjaofdsghoaghofdsbnbpijfopiapsoidfj (<--- typing gibberish because my head landed on the keyboard after applying bullet anesthesia to myself)
 

Winged Scapula

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The thing about this that still boggles my mind is that the people we work w/ in the hospital, nurses, techs, clerks, etc, often have no idea how much we work and how little we get paid to do it. You tell people that you work 6 days a week, 30 hours at a pop and their eyes bug out of their heads.

There's actually a nurse who works in our MICU who started bringing coffee for the house staff when she found out that she made so much more money than we did.


I was suprised too when I found out that they didn't know...I can recall being an intern and earning like $35,000 (and this, of course, being prior to the 80 hr/30 hr work week and in many cases, working 7 days a week)and the newly minted nurses and physical therapists recoiling in horror when they found out they made more than us.

When my parents thought I would be making a "real doctor's salary" (who knows what they thought that was) right out of medical school, I wasn't suprised but I guess I thought the allied health people would be more savvy.
 
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