Appropriate or inappropriate for a secondary?

[jsong812]

I was thinking about including this into the "additional info" section of the Columbia Secondary, but I'm afraid it may have too strong of a religious undertone. Please feel free to leave comments/criticisms of what you guys think. Thanks in advance.

"As much as researching and volunteering influenced my decisions in wanting to pursue a career in medicine, no experience has shaped me more than my involvement with my Christian fellowship and Church. Granted, there are certain experiences in a laboratory or hospital setting that one would, otherwise, never come across in a church, but my desire to serve, in its most rudimentary sense, has come from the many years of being a part of my church and fellowship. As alluded to earlier, many of these sponsored activities were to help the underserved. Therefore, I have had many opportunities to participate in these events giving me a real first hand experience of what it is like to be at the "front lines." Even more, we are planning to have a very prominent missionary from Ghana come on staff with our church, so I am very excited for the windows of opportunity that will open up in the near future.
I do realize that bringing religion into the realm of medical school applications may stir up some controversy, thereby forcing one into somewhat of a biased standpoint, albeit positive or negative. But I want to be transparent to give an honest vantage point of who I really am, so that is a risk I am willing to take. I would hate to side step the very experiences that have had the most impact in my life in fear of being labeled a bigot; especially because it was my faith that gave me the final push to go this route in my career. In no way, shape, or form do I plan to use this as a platform to proselytize, but I do know that my faith will play a very large role in the way I conduct myself in the hospital."

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[braluk]

haha, im stealing it and sending the secondary to columbia via express next day delivery mail so you cant use it.

haha just kidding. You sound very well spoken there, and you acknowledge the risks of talking about religion. because schools cannot discriminate by religion, sex, race, etc, I doubt that they would reject you because of what you say in your secondary. You do not sound preachy, or evangelical in that sense, so i wouldnt discredit it as a moot secondary

 

[jsong812]

haha, im stealing it and sending the secondary to columbia via express next day delivery mail so you cant use it.

haha just kidding. You sound very well spoken there, and you acknowledge the risks of talking about religion. because schools cannot discriminate by religion, sex, race, etc, I doubt that they would reject you because of what you say in your secondary. You do not sound preachy, or evangelical in that sense, so i wouldnt discredit it as a moot secondary

thanks.

 

[kidthor]

Personally, I think that you should just put it in there because it is who you are. However you need to reword this sentence due to way too many commas: "Granted, there are certain experiences in a laboratory or hospital setting that one would, otherwise, never come across in a church, but my desire to serve, in its most rudimentary sense, has come from the many years of being a part of my church and fellowship."