Appropriate to ask out an attending?

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HollATme

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I'm on an off-service rotation. I was curious if it was appropriate to ask out an attending who you're working with. I was considering asking her out at the tail end of my rotation. She plays no role in my evaluation. She seems nice and friendly, and while I know she could always say "no," it shouldn't affect me as I move on to something else, right?

Thanks.
 
If you've moved on to a different hospital, you mean?

If it is at the end of the rotation, and there is no eviction, I guess morally ok.

Still, it doesn't ring me as a good idea.
 
I'm on an off-service rotation. I was curious if it was appropriate to ask out an attending who you're working with. I was considering asking her out at the tail end of my rotation. She plays no role in my evaluation. She seems nice and friendly, and while I know she could always say "no," it shouldn't affect me as I move on to something else, right?

Thanks.

Go for it. If you're close in age and it won't be an issue in the future, why not?
 
DangerWillRobinson.jpg


I'd only do this if you are almost done with residency and have a fellowship already lined up.

An attending asking a resident out is sketchy, but happens. A resident asking out an attending is a dumb move.
 
Is OP a medical student or a resident?

This is being posted in the "General Residency Forum"

I am a categorical intern, about to move on to my specialty of choice. I won't ever be interacting with the off-service department I'm currently rotating through. However, I will be working in the same hospital. If I was moving to a different hospital, it'd be a no-brainer and wouldn't have asked here.

About a 5 year age difference.
 
This is being posted in the "General Residency Forum"

I am a categorical intern, about to move on to my specialty of choice. I won't ever be interacting with the off-service department I'm currently rotating through. However, I will be working in the same hospital. If I was moving to a different hospital, it'd be a no-brainer and wouldn't have asked here.

Intern asking out an attending... Um no.
 
Intern asking out an attending... Um no.
Bunch of Debbie Downers here.

There was a thread a while back with a link to a news article about a marriage announcement. Some third year med student had rotated through his outpatient peds rotation and took a fancy to his attending. So he waited until his grades were handed in, then he asked her out. And then they got married. He was a white non-traditional guy of similar age to her, a black woman, but I can't find the link to the story.
 
Unless she looks like this...

heather-graham-on-scrubs.jpg


Leave it alone.

Seriously, unless you think she'd be worth losing your job over, just don't.
 
Bunch of Debbie Downers here.

There was a thread a while back with a link to a news article about a marriage announcement. Some third year med student had rotated through his outpatient peds rotation and took a fancy to his attending. So he waited until his grades were handed in, then he asked her out. And then they got married. He was a white non-traditional guy of similar age to her, a black woman, but I can't find the link to the story.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/23/fashion/weddings/23ABEBE.html
 
I'm currently on an outpt medicine rotation, so similar scenario. Except, I work with multiple attendings, but not all of them evaluate me - I know she doesn't.

So, it's preferable to ask out by email?

I'd figure if you left something like that by email, it risks getting forwarded and it's indefensible if the person on the receiving end takes offense or feels it inappropriate?

Although, it would be discreet, I guess.

Trying to weigh if the pros outweigh the cons here.
 
No email, man. Just go up to her afterward and say you enjoyed your time together and see if she's interested in getting together for a coffee sometime. If she says no it's a little awkward for a few weeks and then it's over.
 
No email, man. Just go up to her afterward and say you enjoyed your time together and see if she's interested in getting together for a coffee sometime. If she says no it's a little awkward for a few weeks and then it's over.


Be a man. Do it face to face.
 
This is a bad idea. Why?

1. Hospital gossip. You will be that guy. Your colleagues in your field and your attendings may assume your relationship was inappropriate on your rotation (regardless of the truth) or that you get some professional benefit from this relationship. Your co-residents will likely not be happy and will suspect favoritism. And if you are just starting in your particular specialty this year, they don't know you yet, and this salacious piece of gossip may be a large part of the initial impression you make on your own department on both a co-resident and attending level (cuz your attendings WILL find out). If you think your dept won't hear about it....you clearly have no concept how juicy a intern/attending relationship is to the gossip mill. Or how much embellishment will be added to the story.
2. There may be rules against this in your by-laws, or the attending's by-laws. Thus, there could be professional consequences. Even if it's not in the attending's by-laws, professional consequences are possible if the wrong people frown on this relationship (i.e. dept chair or others could make her life very difficult).
3. If things don't work out, there will be more gossip and also any collateral damage. Who does this other attending know in your own dept? How damaging could a bad relationship/break up be to you?

It's not worth it.
 
This is a bad idea. Why?

1. Hospital gossip. You will be that guy. Your colleagues in your field and your attendings may assume your relationship was inappropriate on your rotation (regardless of the truth) or that you get some professional benefit from this relationship. Your co-residents will likely not be happy and will suspect favoritism. And if you are just starting in your particular specialty this year, they don't know you yet, and this salacious piece of gossip may be a large part of the initial impression you make on your own department on both a co-resident and attending level (cuz your attendings WILL find out). If you think your dept won't hear about it....you clearly have no concept how juicy a intern/attending relationship is to the gossip mill. Or how much embellishment will be added to the story.
2. There may be rules against this in your by-laws, or the attending's by-laws. Thus, there could be professional consequences. Even if it's not in the attending's by-laws, professional consequences are possible if the wrong people frown on this relationship (i.e. dept chair or others could make her life very difficult).
3. If things don't work out, there will be more gossip and also any collateral damage. Who does this other attending know in your own dept? How damaging could a bad relationship/break up be to you?

It's not worth it.

Fair points.

Although, I do question the whole "favoritism" part, given how I'm mainly off-service and I have no expectations outside of seeing patients and caring for them properly. I'm honestly not terribly concerned about my co-residents, as there's enough dirt on them out there anyways. If we're referring to an attending in the department I'll call home the next several years, then I can see "favoritism" being an issue. She's also pretty new to the hospital, but again, she could still know someone in my department. Your other points do carry significant weight though.

I guess I'll let this go.
 
lol... I agree with Smurfette. Don't be "that" guy. I'm sure there's plenty of pretty faces in the hospital. There's just too many things that could go wrong with this one.
 
lol... I agree with Smurfette. Don't be "that" guy. I'm sure there's plenty of pretty faces in the hospital. There's just too many things that could go wrong with this one.

The heart wants what the heart wants
 
As I think the advice here makes clear, there is no "correct" answer.

As mentioned, some workplaces will directly forbid employees dating each other, especially if one is a supervisor of the other. Any workplace that is big enough has ended up with a problem with two employees dating, then breaking up badly, and ending up with complaints about favoratism / punishment, or requests to "keep separated", or worst-case scenario a real retraining order (which would require, somehow, that an employer keep two employees physically separate). Such rules and complaints may or may not be legal in the end, but they cause amazing pain and suffering for everyone, so large employers can simply forbid it as a matter of policy.

You may ask "but I'm not working with this person ever again, so how could this be a problem?". Well, let's say you date her, and then break up badly. She is clearly angry. You then find out that you're not getting promoted to the next year. Maybe your performance was the problem. Maybe she was "connected" to someone in your department, who pushed for you to be let go. No way to tell, and could be ugly all around.

So, it depends whether such a rule exists -- and you should check at both the GME and the Professional Staff level. If not, then it depends on how much you want to "risk" the above. Note that the above outcome is rare -- most people have a relationship, break it off, and that's the end of that.

As noted, there's the rumor mill issues, etc. But that's all minor. Chances are, you'll be fine doing this. No matter what, I wouldn't ask until after the rotation is completely done.
 
General response to everyone (not just to the OP):

Don't do it. Come on. Be realistic. You're not looking to get married to this person, right? You know you're not going to end up starting a family with this person. So why in the world would you risk everything? There are hundreds of other people you could be dating.
 
General response to everyone (not just to the OP):

Don't do it. Come on. Be realistic. You're not looking to get married to this person, right? You know you're not going to end up starting a family with this person. So why in the world would you risk everything? There are hundreds of other people you could be dating.

How do you know without trying? If this guy is just looking for a hook-up, then yes, agree it's a bad idea. But it sounds like he felt some chemistry with her, and isn't just looking for a good time, to quote Lady A.
 
I'm not sure why people are making SUCH a big deal out of this.
I think it would probably be fine. I think that in more hierarchical specialties like surgery, people tend to make a bigger deal out of this. I think if she would be grading him on an ongoing basis, it would be a problem. But she's not even in his department.
I would think it would be fine. I'm thinking he's going into something like ophtho or derm...I doubt people would care. If he is looking for a hookup then I think it's a stupid move, but if he really thinks they could be friends and/or date on an honest basis, then I don't really see the problem. I don't think he should do it by email, though. Even if it doesn't turn into anything super romantic, she might like to have another friend if she's fairly new to town. Or it might even turn into something nice.
It might be a good idea to check and see if your hospital has an official policy on this, as you wouldn't want to run afoul of that, or her to run afoul of that.

Incidentally, at the hospital where I did residency they did have an official policy against dating. The problem with this is that some people will always break the policy/disregard it,and then the institution has to decide if they are going to selectively enforce it. People date/have dated at my current place where I do fellowship...occasionally it gets a little messy (like people get mad at each other after they break up, etc.). No major problems though...if you are in different departments you could generally avoid each other most of the time, and presumably you could act like adults even if you dated and broke up.

I saw go for it (;
 
I'm currently on an outpt medicine rotation, so similar scenario. Except, I work with multiple attendings, but not all of them evaluate me - I know she doesn't.

So, it's preferable to ask out by email?

I'd figure if you left something like that by email, it risks getting forwarded and it's indefensible if the person on the receiving end takes offense or feels it inappropriate?

Although, it would be discreet, I guess.

Trying to weigh if the pros outweigh the cons here.
No, I was pointing out that it's much worse to ask a girl out via e-mail. It just makes the previous story that much more incredible that she said yes.

If you're going to ask, just "stop by" her office and ask.
 
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