Asian premed trying to back out...

[ruieu]

I'm basically about to have a mental breakdown and I'm trying to get some more perspective on my current issue. Thanks in advance for any replies.

I just finished sophomore year in college and also declared my major in neuroscience. I have planned and is currently still planning to spend this summer studying for the MCAT (to take it this coming January), volunteering at a hospital, doing clinical research, and accumulate shadowing hours. I've also enrolled in an MCAT prep course for the next few months.

The thing is, I've basically just come to the conclusion that I can't do this anymore. I never fully had my heart in being premed, I just figured I would go along as premed to reassure my parents that I had a plan in college and drop premed to pursue my real passion when I found my real passion. The first two years went by really fast and I forgot all about looking for a way out. I'm miserable in all my science courses and scramble for a reason when people ask me why I want to become a doctor.

I've made a few appointments with my advisor to figure out other options from here, but something I'm really considering is enrolling in my school's Education program and becoming an elementary or secondary school teacher. All of my premed extracurriculars revolve around children and I know that I enjoy working with kids.

Since I mentioned that I'm Asian in the title, the problem with all of this is, of course, breaking it to my parents that I've decided to quit. Furthermore, breaking it to them that I want to leave the healthcare field entirely. My immigrant parents are definitely the type to put up a fight and become very angry with me. I know that they're not strict and overbearing enough to threaten to disown me or stop paying my education, but I still feel the burden of breaking it to them in a way in the best way possible. They're definitely also the type to tell me that it's not that hard and that if all their friends' children have gotten into med school that I can too, that if I work hard enough I'll think it's all worth it in the future, etc.

So my dilemma is this... Do I continue this pseudo-premed pathway that I've planned for myself and tell my parents that I quit once I take the MCAT and reap some not so satisfactory scores that can help in convincing my parents this path is not for me? Or break it to them basically this summer? Either way, I know I will not tell them until I figure out a concrete alternative plan for my future. The only reason I would take the MCAT before telling them is because I fear one of their reasons against me quitting would be that they think I'm scared it's too hard or that I'm giving up before even trying. It sounds convoluted, but my parents are Asian and logic does not exist in my household.

Any fellow premeds with similar experiences that can give me some advice? Thank you!

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[OrthoTraumaMD]

I come from a similar (though not Asian) culture. Please make it very clear that you are unhappy, that medicine is not for you, and that you have made a decision to pursue another career that makes you happy. Don’t pussyfoot around it...the longer you wait, the more excuses you will create to avoid the issue. You need to put your foot down as soon as you have a concrete plan. That may mollify your parents as they will feel that you still have a “path” and are not meandering around. Don’t waste your time taking an exam when your heart is not in it.


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[doc05]

Agree. Get out now. It's time you grow up and just be upfront with your parents.

 

[theKingLT]

I'm basically about to have a mental breakdown and I'm trying to get some more perspective on my current issue. Thanks in advance for any replies.

I just finished sophomore year in college and also declared my major in neuroscience. I have planned and is currently still planning to spend this summer studying for the MCAT (to take it this coming January), volunteering at a hospital, doing clinical research, and accumulate shadowing hours. I've also enrolled in an MCAT prep course for the next few months.

The thing is, I've basically just come to the conclusion that I can't do this anymore. I never fully had my heart in being premed, I just figured I would go along as premed to reassure my parents that I had a plan in college and drop premed to pursue my real passion when I found my real passion. The first two years went by really fast and I forgot all about looking for a way out. I'm miserable in all my science courses and scramble for a reason when people ask me why I want to become a doctor.

I've made a few appointments with my advisor to figure out other options from here, but something I'm really considering is enrolling in my school's Education program and becoming an elementary or secondary school teacher. All of my premed extracurriculars revolve around children and I know that I enjoy working with kids.

Since I mentioned that I'm Asian in the title, the problem with all of this is, of course, breaking it to my parents that I've decided to quit. Furthermore, breaking it to them that I want to leave the healthcare field entirely. My immigrant parents are definitely the type to put up a fight and become very angry with me. I know that they're not strict and overbearing enough to threaten to disown me or stop paying my education, but I still feel the burden of breaking it to them in a way in the best way possible. They're definitely also the type to tell me that it's not that hard and that if all their friends' children have gotten into med school that I can too, that if I work hard enough I'll think it's all worth it in the future, etc.

So my dilemma is this... Do I continue this pseudo-premed pathway that I've planned for myself and tell my parents that I quit once I take the MCAT and reap some not so satisfactory scores that can help in convincing my parents this path is not for me? Or break it to them basically this summer? Either way, I know I will not tell them until I figure out a concrete alternative plan for my future. The only reason I would take the MCAT before telling them is because I fear one of their reasons against me quitting would be that they think I'm scared it's too hard or that I'm giving up before even trying. It sounds convoluted, but my parents are Asian and logic does not exist in my household.

Any fellow premeds with similar experiences that can give me some advice? Thank you!

Not sure if this matters to you, but when you take the mcat you sign a document saying that you plan to apply to medical school. There obviously would be no legal ramifications for taking it and not applying, but it could be an issue depending on your own moral values.

 

[FroYoOreo]

There obviously would be no legal ramifications for taking it and not applying, but it could be an issue depending on your own moral values.

They put that in there so test prep companies like Kaplan does not send 100 people every year to take MCAT and steal their test material. It's not a problem for regular people like OP. AMCAS is not going to track him down and sue him.

 

[theKingLT]

They put that in there so test prep companies like Kaplan does not send 100 people every year to take MCAT and steal their test material. It's not a problem for regular people like OP. AMCAS is not going to track him down and sue him.

I agree with you 100%. Reason I said something was because I definitely know people would refuse to sign a document like that for strictly "moral" reasons even if nothing bad would come of it and it's not immoral by most standards. Just wanted OP to know what s/he would be getting into if s/he is one of those types

 

[500miles]

I agree with you 100%. Reason I said something was because I definitely know people would refuse to sign a document like that for strictly "moral" reasons even if nothing bad would come of it and it's not immoral by most standards. Just wanted OP to know what s/he would be getting into if s/he is one of those types

You're joking, right?

 

[theKingLT]

No I'm serious, I have 2 pre-dent friends who I'm 99% certain would not take the test for that very reason if in the same situation. n=2 though so likely not an issue for the op, just throwing it out there

Edit: @500miles

 

[500miles]

No I'm serious, I have 2 pre-dent friends who I'm 99% certain would not take the test for that very reason if in the same situation. n=2 though so likely not an issue for the op, just throwing it out there

I mean no one can be 100% sure they will apply to med school when they take the mcat. And if your taking it there must be atleast a 1% chance that you might apply, unless you hate your life enough to study for that god awful test just for kicks.

Anyway, it doesnt matter. not trying to derail the thread with this haha

 

[theKingLT]

I mean no one can be 100% sure they will apply to med school when they take the mcat. And if your taking it there must be atleast a 1% chance that you might apply, unless you hate your life enough to study for that god awful test just for kicks.

Anyway, it doesnt matter. not trying to derail the thread with this haha

Agreed. Back on topic, to OP: you seem convinced medical school is not right for you so I strongly suggest you get out of pre-med as soon as possible. You don't need to have another life plan in place before you stop the "pre-med" things. Use the extra time you get from dropping these things to explore what your interests are and what you want from a future. As someone who has considered elementary teaching myself, I recommend you go volunteer as much as you can in different teaching settings to find out if it's something you would like. Try to find roles where you're not just going in and being buddy-buddy with the cute 8 year olds, as that's the easy part. You want something where you're making lesson plans, disciplining students, and dealing with all the bull**** they come with on top of the cute so you know what you're getting into. As for your parents, I can't relate to parental pressures, so maybe not the best advisor but all I can say is it's your life, not theirs.

 

[mk536]

I come from a somewhat similar background and had to go through a version of this at one point with my parents. I would 1) sit down with your adviser and develop a clear plan of action as regards pursuing education as a field, since this sounds like what you're most passionate about at this point, 2) practice explaining and defending your decision with a few different friends and 3) go to your parents and be up front with them about your current unhappiness and lay out your planned alternative career. It helps to be calm and mature when you sit down to talk with them. If you get upset, they will be much less likely to take you seriously. Don't go back on your decision or try to compromise with them- they will likely take it better in the long run if you are firm up front and show that you have thought through your decision and will not go back on it. Really listen to and do your best to respond to any of their concerns that are reasonable. Acknowledge the emotions behind (but don't encourage) concerns that are not. Finally, my parents made a lot of economic gains after immigrating to the US, and I know that some of their concern about my career choices are due to wanting to make sure that I will not face the economic struggles that they faced. If this will be a concern for your parents, I would present them with a financial plan for your future and show that you have thought through how you will live or support a family on an educator's salary.

 

[PreMedStudent55555]

I have a family friend who is Asian and went to MIT for engineering. Ended up dropping out. Did horribly and was in a horrible mental state. He was really scared facing his parents but when he did. They were mad but they accepted it and supported him as he enrolled in a state university and pursued a political science degree.

Sometimes, as asians, we view our parents as one dimensional people who only want us to succeed. But remember where that stems from: They want you to succeed because they want you to be happy and have a secure future in the world. What I'm saying is: Your parents love you. That's why they care so much and will potentially bee angry at your decision. But they care about your health. Ask any asian parent and if they had to choose between a mentally healthy child or a broken miserable child who is trying to undergo a path they hate. They will choose the mentally healthy child. Emphasize your health and they will turn around. I guarantee it.

Also, you are probably not the first asian in the family to feel this. They'll understand.

As for whether to give up. It's up to you OP. This is such an important life decision so don't let random anonymous strangers on an online forum make this decision for you. Think: Is there any inspiration for me to go on? Do I really hate the idea of being a doctor or do I hate the work that comes with it? If you have a strong interest in something else, then go for it. I have a cousin who was forced into a bio degree by his parents to become a doctor and he always had an interest in business. He's now struggling to get into the business world with a bio degree. Take some time and think about this. It's also finals week and I think we all feel overwhelmed during this time of the semester.

Source: I'm asian.

 

[Goro]

Agree. Get out now. It's time you grow up and just be upfront with your parents.

Pay attention to this, OP. You're old enough to vote, drink, drive, work, pay taxes, run for office, and fight and die for your country. You're old enough to tell your parents that Medicine isn't for you.

 

[OddNath]

To the OP-- you have our support. Early childhood education is a career path which needs more smart, motivated people.

Just to make sure you've considered everything, including things that kind of intersect with your current path-- have you considered speech or occupational therapy, and working exclusively with young children? It's something you might actually enjoy, and is health-related. As an ST/OT, you could work in an elementary school setting.

If you look into it, and decide it's not for you, that is totally fine. Then you can say, both to yourself and your parents, that you truly researched every career choice in the pre-health path and decided that they were not a fit for you. I think you'll have much more confidence in breaking the news to your family if you show your research into every health-related avenue, and present a cogent plan for how you will move forward.

(Out of curiosity, I googled the topic for like 5 minutes, and found some info w/ salary ranges: Four Things You Need to Know About SLP Salary)

Best of luck.

 

[curbsideconsult]

Sorry to see that you're going through this. It's definitely a tough situation (well, at least to those of us who truly understand what you're going through). @mk536 gave some really great tips for how to break it to your parents. I would also add that it might help you to emphasize that you understand your parents came to this country so their children could live the American dream, have better educational opportunities, and have successful lives. You need to explain to your parents that part of the American dream, a huge part, is in personal satisfaction in pursuing your passions to fulfill whatever you think your purpose is. Hopefully that will help them understand why you're not choosing medicine.

Do you genuinely hate your science courses or do you hate them because they're required for med school and you're equating your dislike for medicine with the science courses? If you're doing well in your science courses, you should stick with them even if you plan on going into teaching because I'm pretty sure science teachers are scarce in nearly every part of the country. As for other careers working with children, maybe look into peds mental health. There are a variety of ways to get into this field (you don't have to be MD/DO) and if the mental health situation is the same for kids as it is for adults then you will be providing a much needed service.

Keep us posted with how things work out. Good luck to you.

 

[BelleIndifference]

Agree with what has been said in previous posts. You should have a talk with your parents as soon as you can concretely state your plans. Give them the reasons for why you feel this is best for YOU. At the end of the day, I think that is what Asian parents want too, for their child to be happy with his/her own successes. The culture just makes it difficult for them to see it sometime.

One of my college roommates went through something similar with her parents (who were also immigrants from Asia). She was studying engineering but by sophomore year, it was obvious she did not enjoy it and it was affecting her motivation, personality, etc.

Long story short, she stuck with it because of her parents and being unsure of what else to do/how to tell them it wasn’t for her, graduated, and never got a job in her field. She then spent a few years trying to figure out what to do with her life and finally found that she loved education. Her father was not happy and actually didn’t speak to her for awhile, but eventually came around when he saw how much happier, healthier, and successful she was in her new career.

In short, if you’re sure you don’t want to go down this path, save yourself the time, extra expense, and heartache of changing paths further down the road by doing that now, when you already know you don’t want this.

 

[raiderette]

If they need prestige, mention school administration, such as principal or superintendent. In truth, those are valid paths for smart people interested in education. Don't waste your summer studying for a test when you could be working with children in a structured way in order to see if that is a good path for you.

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