Awkward but unavoidable??

[LifeTake2]

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Ok, I'm looking for any thoughts on something that is not exactly non-trad related but close. I'm posting here because 1) duh I'm a non-trad and 2) I think the odds of a 20yr old having any concept of how delicate this is is slim (sorry kids).

I am currently finishing my pre-reqs; and will be applying this summer. I feel I have a solid application, except for a low cGPA (due to a BS years ago).

My issue is this, the father of one of my kids friends & I are somewhere between acquaintance and friend and have known each other casually for about a year now.

I knew he worked at the local medical school but not much else. However, I recently learned he doesn't just work there, he happens to be the Dean of Admissions (yeah, talk about a surprise).

Now he knows I'm pre-med, it is not a secret. I now know who he is. In a couple of months I'm going to be applying to 'HIS' school, and someone on 'HIS' staff will be looking at my file (or he will??).

So.....do I say something before I appy? Or do I keep pretending I don't see the elephant in the room? Or do I just wait and hope he brings it up? Or just talk casually about my MCAT prep in his earshot and see if he bites?????? 😕

I'm normally pretty comfortably socially, but this man has the ability to directly impact my future like nobody I've ever known. Yet we talk about sports & the weather!

HELP!!!

 

[HatWobble]

Yeah, good luck with that one. I don't think anyone else here would have dealt with a similar situation as to the one you find yourself in.

 

[mauberley]

I'd bring it up with him, if only as a matter of courtesy, letting him know you learned of his position and that you're applying there, so that he can take any steps he may need to avoid a conflict of interest, whether that conflict be real or perceived.

For your end of things, this feels like something you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable or awkward about (though I can understand where you're coming from). Remember that there's a whole committee of people reviewing your application and determining your worth, not just your acquaintance-friend. 🙂

 

[gman33]

Talk to him and ask questions about what you can do to improve your application. Take advantage of this resource.
Life is about networking; you should have figured this out by now.

There really should not be anything awkward about this.
Now if you start asking, "hey buddy, make sure you admit me to your school", i guess that's another story.

 

[BPlaysItCool]

I wouldn't say a thing. Keep playing it cool and close to the chest. You have rapport with a key player. With whom the inception of friendly relations was innocent.

Why F it up. You declare or acknowledge this aspect of the person's life you immedicately call on him to react in a way to recuse himself from conflict of interest.

Gman makes a good point. But what more needs to be accomplished. He likes you. Your kids play together. Be cool about it.

Weather and sports are perfect. How would yo like it if someone you truly liked tried to grease you for advantage. You seem much cooler by not saying anything.

But hey. I'm networking challenged. Sincerity is all i know.

 

[musicmajor]

Sounds like you are in a perfect situation to get some good advice on your application. He already knows you personally and so the conflict of interest is already there to some degree. While it would seem inappropriate to ask him about your application to the school at which he serves, he is probably a great resource for general questions about the application process, since as a dean of admissions he will have contact and with other people in his position at other universities, and a thorough understanding of the process in general. You have a real opportunity to get the inside story and maybe some invaluable suggestions.

 

[0919mmk]

Yes, definitely definitely talk to him! Anything you can do to get a leg up in this game is huge. You have an in, and not taking advantage of it would be crazy. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't feel like helping you, and you will be no worse off (he wont look poorly on your application just because you politely reached out to him).

The best case scenario is that he wants to help you out, gives you some tips, advice, and then when he sees your app, he already has a face to put to the name, which is huge. I really think this is a no-brainer, you have nothing to lose. It's not like you're slipping him a Jackson and asking him to pull some strings. Just reach out, let him know you are very interested in "his" program, and that you are applying soon. See where it takes you, and good luck!!

 

[CaptainObvious]

Yes, definitely definitely talk to him! Anything you can do to get a leg up in this game is huge. You have an in, and not taking advantage of it would be crazy. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't feel like helping you, and you will be no worse off (he wont look poorly on your application just because you politely reached out to him).

The best case scenario is that he wants to help you out, gives you some tips, advice, and then when he sees your app, he already has a face to put to the name, which is huge. I really think this is a no-brainer, you have nothing to lose. It's not like you're slipping him a Jackson and asking him to pull some strings. Just reach out, let him know you are very interested in "his" program, and that you are applying soon. See where it takes you, and good luck!!

+1

In my head, I was putting together the words to respond to your question, until I realized that I can't say it any better than this ↑.

 

[QofQuimica]

First, this kind of thing is very common, and *especially* for trads. (Sons and daughters of physicians/alums tend to apply to schools where they have a link in disproportionate numbers.) Second, if you're going to ask him for app advice, you should do it now, before you submit your app. He probably won't be able or willing to discuss your file with you while it's open. Third, he will probably recuse himself from voting on your app if he knows you well enough. Again, happens on a regular basis. I've had to do it myself when previous students of mine have applied here. So have several of the other adcoms, both students and faculty. In fact, the Dean of Admissions's son applied here, and obviously the Dean wasn't present for that vote!

 

[Lazarus]

He would clearly recuse himself of reviewing your application so worrying about conflict of interest is irrelevant.

See this as an advantage. I totally understand your point of view in regards to being a bit sheepish of talking to him about this subject, but do not let this opportunity pass you by.

You know this fellow right? You know his personality and can game the situation accordingly. If you feel he would be afforted by asking for a meeting, sit tight and recognize that he will only look favorably on you due to your connection. Otherwise I would ask to try and meet with him, maybe over lunch to ask his advice on applying to med schools in general.

Good luck. Tough, but good situation to be in!

 

[LifeTake2]

Thanks everyone, I heard what I was thinking but it helps to have someone else say it.

 

[shellabie]

Just adding a +3 (or whatever it's up to now)... talk to him.

I'm good friends with the Dean of Student Affairs at our local college and would absolutely discuss this sort of situation with him if it ever came about. The way that I see it, even if he doesn't make the final decision regarding your app, your friend is probably a terrific character reference for you. 👍

 

[MLT2MT2DO]

Gonna agree with the majority here. Use every advantage you have, I don't see anything skeezy about this. It isn't like you/your kid befriended his family so you could get a leg up.

Additionally, great screen name.