Awkward situation with classmate

[Med01]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

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[AmoryBlaine]

I don't have any words of encouragement, just wanted to point out that there is a 90% chance you will be paired with this person for a month of either Surgery or Internal Medicine.

Enjoy!

 

[The Buff]

I don't have any words of encouragement, just wanted to point out that there is a 90% chance you will be paired with this person for a month of either Surgery or Internal Medicine.

Enjoy!

More like 95%..and on one of those teams where the residents ignore you so you only have each other to talk to.

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

Work all the aggression and anxiety and awkwardness out in the bedroom, and then it'll be all smiles from there on out.

 

[Slide]

Ah yes med school....

 

[wtm1114]

First, I think you did nothing wrong for bringing yourself into this situation. In this free society everyone has the right to have a crush on anyone. And everyone can further pursue it within legal and moral limits.

I think you made the right choice for "cutting off the ties." It is going to happen sooner or later, and the sooner the less pain you both will feel.

As for the awkwardness, we, simply put, all have to stay with, live with, or even work with people we dislike. It's very common, if not epidemic, in schools and workplaces. It is a skill that belongs to mature adults. I cannot teach you this skill and I am not entitled to teach you skill. And I think if you have made your way into medical school (it's been a rough road, isn't it), I have confidence that you have already mastered this skill. It's time to put it to work.

Very few romantic relationship, either successful or unsuccessful, are "straight-shots." If you happen to have to be in a group with this person for the next few years, be it that way. Is this a satisfactory answer to your question? I don't think so. But the only better answer I can think of is "man, **** just happens."

May the power of medicine be with you.

 

[Cirrus83]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

I need some clarification here. Are you a guy or a girl, and is the other person a guy or a girl?
Generally speaking though, cutting ties completely in some kinda weird confrontation just makes you seem kinda like an a-hole (or if you're female...well, what people usually call female a-holes [no anatomy jokes here please]).

I dunno what exactly you meant by cutting ties completely, but like...I hardly see my friends even though I actually *WANT* to hang out with them, so I find it a little hard to believe that you can't avoid this person. Just go study by yourself or whatever. Someone waiting to talk to you after an exam cuz they think you're their friend isn't stalkerish behavior...there's usually a buncha other people outside the exam, no?
Anyways, I'd recommend being more subtle about stuff in the future, I mean, if this person feels awkward about it they might tell other people you're an anti-social a-hole, and having the rest of your class think that is never too great.

 

[Northerner]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

What is wrong with you.

 

[Wanna_B_Scutty]

If it's gotten to the point where it's awkward to even see this person, I'm sure they've gotten the message.

So, maybe it's time to be (politely) friendly to them again. Try saying "hi" with a friendly smile and ask how the person's week has been going. Then, after making chit chat for a minute or two, say that you have to get going now, but you've enjoyed seeing the person. Repeat this process once a week or so. Seeing as how you're going to be around this person for 4 years, you'll probably have less awkwardness in the long run if you re-establish a pleasant relationship with this person...

 

[xanthines]

Wow, are you like my twin or something?

I'll call my person Z to keep the convention going. OK, so X sounds a lot like Z. In my case, I chose to stick it out since I didn't think I could handle total awkwardness for the next 3 years. It's gotten better I'm happy to say. I totally gambled and won on that one!

As for your situation, I don't think you made a bad choice so to hell with the people that will criticise you. I don't know if it's my school or if I'm just a crank (I do like Statler and Waldorf, though...) but I've noticed an abundance of malgnant personalities in medicine. Maybe it's the hi IQ's, maybe it's the stress. Maybe it's a bunch of people that went to med school to try and self-diagnose their problems... I don't know, but you shouldn't feel too bad in my opinion.

As for social situations, everyone in med school is smart (pretty much by definition), so they probably already know what's going on. Maintain the status quo, I suppose?

-X

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

 

[deleted29780]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

you just passed it up....damn....from the above narration u are a guy...u passed up some free meat mang.

 

[Blade28]

Damn, what's with all the crazies in med school?!

 

[sprinkibrio]

X sounds very immature. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. It may seem weird not to talk or make eye contact now, but eventually you'll get used to it and X will too. If you're in a situation where it would feel weird not to talk, then talk. I wouldn't let it get to you. X might think what your doing is horrible and weird and even make the situation worse, but just do what you do. Not giving it much thought I think is the more mature thing to do... let X freak out alone.

If you do end up stuck with X down the road, hopefully they will have grown up enough that they put you in a bad position and not make things weird again. If they haven't grown up... well, then you haven't wasted time actually trying to make nice with this person.

 

[sprinkibrio]

I've noticed an abundance of malgnant personalities in medicine.

Holy **** yes. A-type masochists. They can get along their own merry way and I'm all good, but I don't like the know-it-all's. They tell me things like they know what's good for me better than myself or trivialize what I do because they've done it and better, too. I don't think they say these things on purpose, but subconsciously from the fact that they think they're better than everyone else. It seems like I'm doing the same thing now. Hm.

I'm working on having curt retorts that let them know not everyone appreciates or will let someone get away with a superior attitude. No wonder we all get pimped so hard, and thank goodness.

 

[CigarTragic]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

Is "X" a person in your class or a recreational drug?

 

[LadyWolverine]

I don't have any words of encouragement, just wanted to point out that there is a 90% chance you will be paired with this person for a month of either Surgery or Internal Medicine.

Enjoy!

I LMAO at this.

 

[maestro1625]

X sounds very immature. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. It may seem weird not to talk or make eye contact now, but eventually you'll get used to it and X will too. If you're in a situation where it would feel weird not to talk, then talk. I wouldn't let it get to you. X might think what your doing is horrible and weird and even make the situation worse, but just do what you do. Not giving it much thought I think is the more mature thing to do... let X freak out alone.

If you do end up stuck with X down the road, hopefully they will have grown up enough that they put you in a bad position and not make things weird again. If they haven't grown up... well, then you haven't wasted time actually trying to make nice with this person.

sorry, but if anyone is being immature, it's the OP. a "look, I'm just not interested in you in that way" talk would have done a lot more a lot more good than just "cutting ties completely"

 

[baylormed]

Damn, what's with all the crazies in med school?!

Medical school is a lot like high school, the only difference being that in medical school everyone can legally drink.

I hadn't realized this the first few weeks, but as time passes I see more and more of this. I understand you can't possibly like or get to know everyone in your class, but what pisses me off are those people that still act like 13-year-olds when it comes to friendships/relationships (I think this is more pronounced in females...ahem).

 

[Cirrus83]

sorry, but if anyone is being immature, it's the OP. a "look, I'm just not interested in you in that way" talk would have done a lot more a lot more good than just "cutting ties completely"

Word. I find it really bizarre that people are proclaiming anybody who actually would have kept talking to their classmate a malignant intellectual type.

Seriously people, if someone is acting a little too clingy or whatever, you can be subtle and nice about it. Heck, you gotta learn to get your seductive patients to lay off of you, lol.

 

[Hurricane95]

"Cutting off ties" (by this I'm assuming you mean just straight up stop talking to and ignore the person?) comes off in most cases as an immature act, especially if this person did or said nothing to offend you in some way. I mean, what do you do when X tried to talk to you initially, turn your face and walk away? That's actually rude.

Do this instead - it's what I always do, and has worked for me countless times. Next time you talk to the person who is really following you around with an interest greater than friendship (and you don't reciprocate), don't change your routine, even to avoid them. Talk like always and then during one of your conversations casually find a way to slip in a comment about someone you're seeing or dating. You don't have to make it super obvious - if they are really interested in you, they'll hear every word you say. It'll work. That or once you know them a little better make an obviously friendly comment about how good of a friend they are! "Awww...you grabbed an extra lecture handout for me? What a pal! Thanks!" This puts them off into friend territory and puts them off your scent most of the time. If they STILL persist, and it gets annoying, you have no choice but to talk to them briefly and tell them you are only interested in friendship and are either seeing someone or not interested in them in any way beyond that. That will fix it.

If this person is truly interested in being just friends but they are real sticky and it gets annoying, then be nice when you see them, but avoid them. And if you are studying and they try to talk to you, just tell them you appreciate the company, but you study best alone. You get distracted studying with others. Done.

 

[mindquick]

so was she cute?

 

[OncoCaP]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe you could have set / established boundaries with X in a way and "redirected" the behavior while maintaining the friendship, but this isn't always possible.

Find some non-clingy friends and enjoy life. You aren't going to be able to make everyone happy. Who knows, maybe with time this person will get over this issue, but I wouldn't count on that.

 

[Tired]

You are all stupid.

The correct answer was, "Hit it and quit it."

 

[Hurricane95]

If she's hot, the hit and quit philosophy is very appealing. However, it gets very awkward afterwards, trust me.

 

[Re3iRtH]

You are all stupid.

The correct answer was, "Hit it and quit it."

Spoken like a true military man haha

 

[sprinkibrio]

.

 

[crazy_cavalier]

Damn, what's with all the crazies in med school?!

QFT

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

Damn, what's with all the crazies in med school?!

It starts when they're pre-med. Being neurotic and creepily driven is encouraged.

 

[Northerner]

Am I the only one who's impressed by the OP?


I mean, there aren't that many 14 year girls that get into medical school....

 

[maestro1625]

.

damn, I was hoping to read a defense of the OP... oh well. entertainment value lost.

/Northerner FTW

 

[Tired]

If she's hot, the hit and quit philosophy is very appealing. However, it gets very awkward afterwards, trust me.

If it gets awkward, just show up one day with flowers and be all like, "Gosh, now that things are awkward, I realize what a terrible mistake I made. I think you're exactly the kind of woman I could see myself spending my life with."

Then hit it and quit it again.

Repeat as many times as feasible.

 

[Slide]

If it gets awkward, just show up one day with flowers and be all like, "Gosh, now that things are awkward, I realize what a terrible mistake I made. I think you're exactly the kind of woman I could see myself spending my life with."

Then hit it and quit it again.

Repeat as many times as feasible.

Med school isn't college, these sorts of opportunities are few and far in between for most of us. Besides, would you rather be tapping it or fapping it?

Sorry couldn't resist.

 

[Tired]

Med school isn't college, these sorts of opportunities are few and far in between for most of us. Besides, would you rather be tapping it or fapping it?

What's "fapping"?

 

[Slide]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fap

 

[arsenewenger]

Med school isn't college, these sorts of opportunities are few and far in between for most of us. Besides, would you rather be tapping it or fapping it?

Sorry couldn't resist.

options:
1) Tapping it
2) Fapping it
3) Both
4) Non of the above
5) the question is incomplete.

 

[baylormed]

options:
1) Tapping it
2) Fapping it
3) Both
4) Non of the above
5) the question is incomplete.

STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not here on SDN, too!!!!!

 

[Jwax]

options:
1) Tapping it
2) Fapping it
3) Both
4) Non of the above
5) the question is incomplete.

that's Hilarious.

I also support the hit it and quit it... I mean, she's hurt either way, right? At least she gets a piece while getting hurt.

I agree with the above comment that med school is high school except everyone can legally drink. And yes, us females are probably worse about it. Women like to gossip, and we are very emotional. Thus - high school situations.

 

[Med01]

"Cutting off ties" (by this I'm assuming you mean just straight up stop talking to and ignore the person?) comes off in most cases as an immature act, especially if this person did or said nothing to offend you in some way. I mean, what do you do when X tried to talk to you
I was friendly to X at the beginning, and then X began dumping all their issues on me. X had a lot of problems and troubles, and I listened and was supportive because I felt sorry for X.

Pretty soon, X clung to me. initially, turn your face and walk away? That's actually rude.

Do this instead - it's what I always do, and has worked for me countless times. Next time you talk to the person who is really following you around with an interest greater than friendship (and you don't reciprocate), don't change your routine, even to avoid them. Talk like always and then during one of your conversations casually find a way to slip in a comment about someone you're seeing or dating. You don't have to make it super obvious - if they are really interested in you, they'll hear every word you say. It'll work. That or once you know them a little better make an obviously friendly comment about how good of a friend they are! "Awww...you grabbed an extra lecture handout for me? What a pal! Thanks!" This puts them off into friend territory and puts them off your scent most of the time. If they STILL persist, and it gets annoying, you have no choice but to talk to them briefly and tell them you are only interested in friendship and are either seeing someone or not interested in them in any way beyond that. That will fix it.

If this person is truly interested in being just friends but they are real sticky and it gets annoying, then be nice when you see them, but avoid them. And if you are studying and they try to talk to you, just tell them you appreciate the company, but you study best alone. You get distracted studying with others. Done.

Please note that X had never dated anyone, and had little attention from people of the opposite gender. Also X alienated a lot of classmates who told me they found X too competitive, always talking about grades and work to compare how others were doing.

I already told Person X I was NOT interested in them. I spoke about other people that were attractive.

Nevertheless, another classmate told me that X would tell them how much they really really like me, and my classmate said it was kind of weird that although it was obvious I wasn't interested, X still was obsessed about pursuing.

X also said how about we have kids and get married as a sort of half joke and I said NO.

Person X became kind of possessive, and would drive away other classmates when I had conversations with those classmates. I did have a conversation with X and told them they were disrupting my interactions with other classmates.

Person X figured out when I usually came out of the exam hall and would be waiting to talk to me. I told X that I needed a little bit of time to decompress right after exams (i.e. be alone), and it was demanding for X to stand there demanding my attention.

X also called me multiple times during while I was away working during break. I talked to X once, but X kept on calling. I was very busy working, and just barely had time to even sleep. X became angry and demanded why didn't I respond to them.

So, despite having spoken to X politely about these problems, X made all these demands for attention. I told X that it wasn't a positive interaction as a friendship anymore. X tried to convince me it was a good interaction???!! WTF.

That is when I decided to cut off ties.

 

[Med01]

sorry, but if anyone is being immature, it's the OP. a "look, I'm just not interested in you in that way" talk would have done a lot more a lot more good than just "cutting ties completely"

I already had that talk with X that "I'm just not interested in you that way". X still hung around, and had someone they know ask me multiple times (yeah, that's juvenile, they should talk to me themself) if I might change my mind!! And this happened several times. And NO I did not change my mind.

 

[xanthines]

Yeah, it gets kinda creepy after awhile. One time I left my phone in my jacket when I took it off. When I remembered a couple of hours later, "Z" had called 7 times. It just weirds you out when you look at your phone and the missed calls list shows nothing but that persons name. Ya know?

-X

I already had that talk with X that "I'm just not interested in you that way". X still hung around, and had someone they know ask me multiple times (yeah, that's juvenile, they should talk to me themself) if I might change my mind!! And this happened several times. And NO I did not change my mind.

 

[mindquick]

omg... xanthine is X?

 

[Hurricane95]

Wow...this $*** is weird. Looks like you're dealing with the obsessive type. Thank God mine never went that far, otherwise I really wouldn't know how to deal with that one.

 

[Long Dong]

You are all stupid.

The correct answer was, "Hit it and quit it."

 

[sprinkibrio]

Like I said, this person is immature and requires no more of your time or energy. You have no further requirement to teach this person about life unless for some reason you want to.

 

[potato51]

i'm sensing some boiled bunnies in your future.

 

[da8s0859q]

I don't have any words of encouragement, just wanted to point out that there is a 90% chance you will be paired with this person for a month of either Surgery or Internal Medicine.

Enjoy!

You're an dingus. I LOVE it.

Some very good advice given. I'll defer to the existing crowd since they're largely med students, and I'm not. That, and having just gotten out of an ... uh, interesting relationship ... yeah.

Mooooo-vin' right along.

 

[PlAnEjaNe]

I saw a lot of posts about the trouble that dating a classmate can bring.

I wasn't dating a classmate but person X was "obsessed and totally into me" (according to another friend). X was in my social group, and before I knew it, X ended up clinging to me A LOT and dumping their problems on me. I didn't date X and wasn't interested in X, but we studied together and hung out socially.

Eventually, X became so clingy such that I couldn't have a conversation with other classmates without X "appearing" and planting themself there. And X started waiting for me outside the exam hall every time I finished an exam, it was kind of freaky because I felt like X was following my movements.

Finally, I couldn't take X anymore, and just had to cut ties completely.

It has become awkward, of course we pass each other in the hall and don't make eye contact. And we can't socialize all in a group.

We weren't even dating! I mean, at the beginning of the year, cliques form but then people shift a few months later to those with more similar interests....isn't that some kind of breakup/shift?

Has anyone had this kind of "not-really a breakup but cutting ties" with a classmate or even a friend of the same gender, and how to deal with it?

I had a classmate that was like this in ugrad. Let me tell you...you did the right thing! This person was EXACTLY the same as you described...only I was engaged to someone else and this person still did not get it. One time this person even went so far as to show up to my apartment!! I don't know how they got my address or phone number (maybe the directory??) but it was really freaky and I felt really uncomfortable/vulnerable with this person showing up at my apartment (I lived alone as my fiance lived in another area...we did the long distance thing for a while). Anyhow, after that I pretty much said we can't be friends because it was getting too weird and this person's actions were escalating, just like this person you describe. It's freaky and this person had an obsession with you and in their mind you guys had a relationship. Good thing you never went on a date with them...they would think you were practically married!


Don't feel awkward about it...you feel safer now don't you? That's what's important.


PlAnEjaNe