Balancing Family Life While Being a Physician.

[cobe3mat]

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Hi I was just wondering of the DOs you guys have shadowed how do they manage family life with their career. I've been premed for a long time, but lately I've been thinking about pharmacy just because I don't know if I can make that sacrifice between my family and career. Thanks.

 

[SLC]

You have to be home when your home. All too often people can't leave work behind when they're supposed to be paying attention to their families; this leads to a disconnect, and resentment.

In my experience, and from the advice I got from the physicians who seem to have happy home lives, you have to be home both physically and mentally when you are home.

It also helps to make every effort to strike a healthy balance between work and family time. Does that mean that you need to restrict yourself one way or the other? I don't think so. Just that you need to find that point that makes both sides of the picture as happy as possible and then maintain it.

Lastly, one of my mentors mentioned that he did everything he could to make his absence worthwhile for his family. Obviously he's financially able to provide his family with a very nice life so he makes a point to do it. His strategy even involves mixing business and family where appropriate. For example, his wife is very into ballet; well he's a Sports Medicine specialist so he became the physician for his city's ballet company. That way he can provide her with up close experiences with ballet performance while still working on his career.


Hope that helps.

 

[cliquesh]

There are plenty of jobs in medicine that are 9-5, which gives you plenty time with your family. Inpatient psychiatry, for instance, which is very easy to get into, is 9-5 and pays around 170k.

 

[CopToEM]

This has been alluded to above but the work this balance requires, I feel, is very specialty dependent. It would be silly to believe that a pulmonologist, seeing patients 9-4, would struggle as much as an emergency room physician who rotates all around the clock. Working 9-4 allows you to be home with the wife and kids in the evenings, make the little league games, etc. Being at the ER at 3AM on the other hand does not.

First, I believe that your partner has to be fully understanding and supportive of your career (see: mention of resentment above). That's the most important part in my eyes. You can make all the sacrifices in the world but if the other party isn't supportive of your career it will never work.

One of my mentors told me that he would never in a million years get married before at least a year or two of medical school. He said, "the woman who loves you in undergrad might not love you when you're at the hospital in the middle of the night." I think there's some truth to that statement - the lives we lead today are not like the lives we will lead through medical school, residency, and perhaps beyond.

Of those I know who do it successfully most of it comes down to the things already mentioned above. You have to be able to leave work at work but, in many regards, that's true of all jobs.

Now, take everything I said above and think about how any of that is different for an internal medicine, emergency room physician, or an overnight stocker at Wal-Mart.

We talk about these things in a medicine view frame because that's the type of person that makes up this forum. However, every working adult in America faces these same issues. I certainly faced them when I was a police officer and changed shifts every two weeks.

 

[ShyRem]

The hours you work when you are ultimately done vary widely by specialty. Rheumatology has easy hours, psych has easy hours. But this is when you are ultimately done with residency. Bear in mind that the hours necessary to get you through medical school and residency are much more than the end result may be. For rheum, you have to do IM residency first, which means anywhere from 50-80 hour work weeks. Psych has call as well during residency, and you'll be doing plenty of overnights.

Even so, you can definitely balance family and education. Plenty of folks (me included) have gone through med school and are going through residency with children and spouses, houses, pets, etc. It can be done. Not saying it's easy or you'll make every single game your kid plays, but it is possible. You may have to reschedule things like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas may not happen at 6am but perhaps 6pm, or on Christmas eve or the day after... but you can definitely balance both.

 

[CopToEM]

It can be done. Not saying it's easy or you'll make every single game your kid plays, but it is possible. You may have to reschedule things like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas may not happen at 6am but perhaps 6pm, or on Christmas eve or the day after... but you can definitely balance both.

My mom studied to challenge the bar exam (and passed!) when I was a child. I vividly remember her coming to little league games but sitting in the car by the outfield studying. I do not have any memory of her "not being there" at all (even though she wasn't at times) and even at a young age I understood she loved me but she was busy.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for those who pursue graduate studies while also maintaining a family. It must be incredibly difficult and I remind myself how lucky I am, in that regard, and how much easier it must be for me in comparison. Yet, despite that, you guys all perform just as well.

ShyRem, do you feel like having a family helps give you more motivation than you would have otherwise? I can imagine it would give you the conscience feeling that you're, "studying for something more," so to speak.

 

[ShyRem]

Having a family gives me balance. It means something to come home to that grounds me. It reminds me daily what the important things are in life. They make me want to try harder, be better, and yet wonder if I am trying too hard and at the same time not hard enough.

I have something to live for, to pick up after, to cook for, clean for, earn a living for, and something to hug me and say it will all be fine when I have a hard day.

They are my cheerleaders, my rock, the things that make me want to pull my hair out, they make me lose sleep, rearrange my schedule, and refresh my soul. I count myself very lucky to have them on this journey.

 

[SeminoleVesicle]

Having a family gives me balance. It means something to come home to that grounds me. It reminds me daily what the important things are in life. They make me want to try harder, be better, and yet wonder if I am trying too hard and at the same time not hard enough.

I have something to live for, to pick up after, to cook for, clean for, earn a living for, and something to hug me and say it will all be fine when I have a hard day.

They are my cheerleaders, my rock, the things that make me want to pull my hair out, they make me lose sleep, rearrange my schedule, and refresh my soul. I count myself very lucky to have them on this journey.

I like your perspective of life.

 

[FutureDrB]

The family practice D.O. I shadow works a standard 9-5, M-F schedule. He says he has a "normal" family life. He works with two other physicians in a private practice. However, he's not a "partner", which probably explains his lower-than-average salary of $180K gross. He said he paid just over $50K in taxes last year, which put him at roughly $125K take-home. Beats flippin' burgers I guess.

 

[randomusername]

I spent quite some time shadowing a pretty successful neurosurgeon in undergrad. He'd tweaked his clinical and surgical schedules (did clinic and surgery on separate days so that one didn't delay the other, had morning slots on his surgery days so that he was less-likely to be delayed and could get out of the OR asap, lots of times did working lunches, etc) in order to give him as much family time as possible. By working hard and smartly when he worked (and delegating duties to his NP when he could), he was able to make it to little league practices and games, take his kids to school on a regular basis, go on monthly vacations with his wife, take 2+ week vacations with his family during the summer, etc. A number of times his wife also dropped by on clinic days to visit/have lunch with him and there were a few occasions when she brought their children to the office after school and he'd goof around with them when he had a break in his schedule.

 

[Khirurg]

I will just say that I am involved in some of the most time consuming field in medicine and have been for that last eight years. I have a wife and two kids, and although i probably cannot devote as much time to family as your "average dad", i still make sure i have adequate time for fam and we do a lot of things together all the time. Having a supportive and understanding wife is the key, and I have been blessed with mine. As you go from residency, where very little is under your control to being an attending, you can start planning you schedule to accomodate certain things. I would say the key, is remembering that you have a family and they are sacrificing a lot for your career and you have to pay them back as much as you can. Having a family and career in medicine is not an exception.

 

[CopToEM]

I will just say that I am involved in some of the most time consuming field in medicine and have been for that last eight years. I have a wife and two kids, and although i probably cannot devote as much time to family as your "average dad", i still make sure i have adequate time for fam and we do a lot of things together all the time. Having a supportive and understanding wife is the key, and I have been blessed with mine. As you go from residency, where very little is under your control to being an attending, you can start planning you schedule to accomodate certain things. I would say the key, is remembering that you have a family and they are sacrificing a lot for your career and you have to pay them back as much as you can. Having a family and career in medicine is not an exception.

Thank you for your personal insight - it helps to hear it!

 

[Aiasjia]

I think that a lot of it has to do with (as noted above) you career choice, your individual family and the boundaries you choose to set in your job. I've met many DO's at my school and while shadowing who have healthy, happy family lives - conversely, I have also met a few who felt like they did not have adequate time for their personal lives. It's incredibly subjective, but in my opinion you can arrange to have the kind of life you want if you put your efforts into doing so. I would not have gone into medical school if I didn't firmly believe that.