Balancing Family & Med School?

[praying4MD]

Are there any women here that are in med school/residency & that have managed to successfully raise good kids without missing out on too much quality time? When is the best time to get married? When is the best time to have kids? Basically, my question is to women med students with families: How do you do it (without going insane)? I suppose I'm a traditional type of girl and would like to have ample time to spend with my kids/husband, so I'm wondering how to accomplish this while still going through med school/residency.

I know this was discussed in an earlier thread, however, most of the responses were from Spouses of medical students rather than medical students themselves. In any case, any advice/encouraging stories are welcome. Thanks!

PS: No, at this point in time I am neither married, nor do I have kids. I'm just wondering about the plan of action, so to speak.

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[Skye04]

I don't know if this will be of much help because it is not my personal experience, but a couple of weeks ago Barbara Lee-Ross (she is president/dean or whatever or some DO med school) came to talk at our school, I had lunch with her along with 3 other pre-med students. Apparently she started medical school as a recent divorcee with two kids under 8.(!) She has now raised 5 kids and at the same time has done very well in her field, especially for a black female. Actually, I think she is the first and only black female head of a US med school. Anyone, maybe this is inspiration at least!

 

[praying4MD]

That's a very inspirational story! Thanks a million for your help and good luck with all your future endeavors!

 

[Zuleika]

I don't have any answers, just have the same questions as Praying4MD. I am married and am hoping to start med school in 2003. I'd really like to start our family before 2012 when I'll be done residency.. It seems so far away! I know that there are moms (married and single) in med school and who have finished med school. I probably will wait until I'm done before having kids though because I *really* do want to be a doctor, and I *don't* want to end up dropping out halfway through because it's too much. It's one thing to keep a marriage going through med school, because a spouse understands that you're busy for a certain time frame but when a child needs something, they need it NOW!

 

[MBK2003]

I haven't finished medical school yet, but I am a MS3 with a 20 month old son. It is totally possible to have a marriage and have kids during medical school - but the key is a completely flexible and committed spouse. My husband and I are living 500 miles from our nearest relative so it's a little more difficult. I took a year off between 2nd and 3rd year to have my son and do a year of research to complete my PhD thesis. I have two friend who took off 8 weeks during their 3rd year to have babies. My husband has a pretty flexible schedule, is a totally committed Daddy, and does most of the housework when I am on the more challenging clerkships (Surgery, Medicine, OB/Gyn). Having a child gave me a lot of perspective about what I wanted out of my life and for my family with respect to my future plans in medicine. I have come to realize that there are lots of medical specialties I would be happy doing, but I am going to choose one that my family would also be happy with me doing (i.e. no Ob/Gyn or Surgery). If I had to do it over again, would I? The answer is Absolutely, in a heartbeat. We are even planning to have another baby during April or May of my 4th year.

Good luck!
Melissa

 

[jam128]

To Praying4MD

I have some of the same concerns as you do.

I'm about to start med school, and I have a fiancee. We're both in our early twenties. We're planning on getting married either in my third or fourth year. But i'm very concerned about the amount of time my career will take away from my husband. It was very refreshing and encouraging to hear Melissa's story!! I love medicine but my priority is my family. In fact, I'm considering just doing family medicine when I graduate, since it's less working hours.

Basically though, I'm pretty sure we can do it!

Thanks again, and I would ap[preciate any responses.

God Bless,

Jenny

 

[CoffeeCat]

I have not much to add, just that I'm in the same position of wanting a family before I'm 40! I'm engaged and I'd rather be a younger mother without sacrificing either family or career! Any more tips on how this is possible?

A question I had (to med school mothers) was how do your friends and family react to your position as mother and future doctor? It seems that women in general get a lot of crap for pursuing both a difficult career and motherhood.