balancing premed and seeking love

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KiGnome

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Hello all,

In two years of undergraduate, I have kept myself occupied with extracurriculars, research, and personal endeavors. I am focused on the premed program as a priority oriented to applying successfully to an MD/PhD program (MSTP). Obviously, this consumes a lot of my time.

My concern is that I am letting a lot of potential love partners leave me. In the current semester, I caught feelings toward someone but was unsure of how to address those feelings with this person. I also feared I could not devote the amount of time to loving them the way that I would want to without sacrificing time for my academics and personal projects. Overthinking such things did not go well: someone else took her heart.

This hurt a bit, especially seeing them together on campus all the time. The guy that she is with is not a premed student and is not a particularly academically-driven student in general, so he has all the time in the world to love her the way I wish I could.

All in all, I am curious if seeking a partner in premed is something I should attempt or not even concern myself with (there are not many fellow premed partners to choose from, though I am also open to seeking partners within other disciplines). Loneliness is difficult to navigate as a premed, but it's what we have to do. Ultimately, I just wish I could have someone on this journey with me.

Any and all thoughts are appreciated.
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I was lucky enough to find my wife while earning my Bachelors. She understood my commitment to my education, and was willing to work around the schedule I needed to keep. That'll be important at any phase of a relationship. Communication, Collaboration, and Compromise. The fact that she was willing to do that, and really, a fantastic and intelligent personality kept us together for 2 years. I knew I was going to go to medical school, and I knew I needed someone who could handle the life that requires. She's a strong independent and capable woman, and I'm lucky enough, that she loves me as much as I love her.
She knew before I did, so it drove her a bit nuts that I tool so long, but it is what it is.

My point is, if you have a couple hours to spare in a week, ask the next girl you like on a date. Be you, maybe you won't even click, but if you do, don't be afraid to give it a chance. When the time is right, have the conversation about the future and planning (probably not a first date kind of conversation, but it should naturally come up before things get too serious). You know what you will need, and SHE will be able to make the choice if she's willing to go through the intense process that is med-school with you.

Good luck buddy! Dating isn't easy, even if you aren't a pre-med, so be sure to have fun!
 
If it's important to you, it needs to be made a priority in your schedule. As busy as you might seem now, it's only going to get worse. I know people who found a spouse in undergrad, med school, and residency.
 
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It's definitely possible, but will require a partner who will understand the long hours involved, lots of library "dates", potential for long distance depending on where you end up for med school/residency, etc.

My husband and I met and started dating when he was in undergrad, and he's finishing his residency this year.
 
SocialStigma said:
It's definitely possible, but will require a partner who will understand the long hours involved, lots of library "dates", potential for long distance depending on where you end up for med school/residency, etc.

My husband and I met and started dating when he was in undergrad, and he's finishing his residency this year.
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Thanks for the feedback. It is very difficult to find a partner like that in the modern day, especially in my generation which grew up with the internet and cell phones. It would be difficult to find a loyal partner who would not abandon me at any point on this journey, which would be disastrous mentally and emotionally in med school and residency.

While I have recovered significantly from the "crush" situation (I've learned to accept it as "it is what it is"), I would like to refocus on what would make a great partner for a student pursuing the medical profession. What qualities in the partner should I look for? What qualities in the relationship should I look for? What qualities in myself should I improve? Is it best to find a partner in premed or in medical/professional school?

Sometimes I forget I'm still 20yrs; it seems as though I am running out of time as I've never been in a true relationship with anyone. Especially seeing all my friends and peers getting married and settling down and starting families while I've never had a true partner yet.

Thank you
 
It's understandable to feel conflicted about balancing personal relationships and academic pursuits, especially in a rigorous premed program. It's essential to prioritize your goals, but it's also essential to maintain your emotional well-being. Finding a partner within your discipline may provide some common ground and understanding, but limiting yourself to one group may not be necessary. You can meet people with shared interests in extracurricular activities, clubs, or even online communities. However, be sure not to compromise your goals for a relationship, and communicate your expectations and limitations clearly. Remember, the right person will support and understand your passions, even if they do not share them.
 
Laradd said:
It's understandable to feel conflicted about balancing personal relationships and academic pursuits, especially in a rigorous premed program. It's essential to prioritize your goals, but it's also essential to maintain your emotional well-being. Finding a partner within your discipline may provide some common ground and understanding, but limiting yourself to one group may not be necessary. You can meet people with shared interests in extracurricular activities, clubs, or even online communities. However, be sure not to compromise your goals for a relationship, and communicate your expectations and limitations clearly. Remember, the right person will support and understand your passions, even if they do not share them.
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Amen sister!!!!!!!
 
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