Being a loner in medical school?

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Foot Fetish said:
I'll be starting medical school this August, and I'm wondering how viable it is to intentionally spend most of time there in solitude. I'm not antisocial or anything. In fact, I had lots of friends in undergrad and was quite the "party animal" - so much so, in fact, that I've now grown pretty weary of social outings / partying. My plan going into my first year of med school is to be perfectly courteous and amicable in all my interactions with peers during academic time but to pass up on all school-organized social events / politely decline any personal invitations to parties/get-togethers. I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family, exercising, browsing my favorite online forums, and watching Netflix. Lame, I know...but that's just how I feel nowadays. Are there any medical students that choose to keep to themselves like this? It seems like a peaceful existence to me, but I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.

Thoughts?
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Well, with that kind of username, I wouldn't be surprised.
 
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You might want to just play it by ear rather then plan to turn down all social invites. If there is some kind of beginning of med school get together, might be worth going.

You should endeavor to meet some people - if for no other reason than studying with. Also, med school can be stressful and you are going to want to have people to talk to who are going through the same. People who are not in or have not been to med school typically do not really understand.

Making friends does not mean you have to go back to being a "party animal."
 
Foot Fetish said:
I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.
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Ace Khalifa said:
Well, with that kind of username, I wouldn't be surprised.
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Foot Fetish said:
OK, that one was obligatory...
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Welcome to SDN 😛

As a serious response: It's fine if you want to keep to yourself, no one will particularly care. You will however want at least a few people that you can lean on when you're having a rough time, and that you can celebrate with after exams.
 
Medicine is a team sport nowadays. Get used to working with people.

Just as an aside, I have noticed that our worser performing students tend to be loners.

Foot Fetish said:
I'll be starting medical school this August, and I'm wondering how viable it is to intentionally spend most of my time there in solitude. I'm not antisocial or anything. In fact, I had lots of friends in undergrad and was quite the "party animal" - so much so, in fact, that I've now grown pretty weary of social outings / partying. My plan going into my first year of med school is to be perfectly courteous and amicable in all my interactions with peers during academic time but to pass up on all school-organized social events / politely decline any personal invitations to parties/get-togethers. I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family, exercising, browsing my favorite online forums, and watching Netflix. Lame, I know...but that's just how I feel nowadays. Are there any other medical students that choose to keep to themselves like this? It seems like a peaceful existence to me, but I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.

Thoughts?
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FactorV said:
Welcome to SDN 😛

As a serious response: It's fine if you want to keep to yourself, no one will particularly care. You will however want at least a few people that you can lean on when you're having a rough time, and that you can celebrate with after exams.
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I agree with this.

Im a huge loner, but even I need to have a few friends. Its nice to be able to keep informed on things and learn about what to do for one rotation or another or to celebrate or whine. Find other loners who are looking for something similar in a friend group.
 
I was like this my first year because I was scared of failing. Second year I went out with my classmate and met people I eventually started studying with. My grades went up. You are going to need social interactions to unwind and stay sane.
 
You need a support system. No one knows what you're going through except the people who have been through it and the people with you right now. When your buddy says let's hang out and you tell them you need to study, they won't get it. Your classmates will.
 
Foot Fetish said:
I'll be starting medical school this August, and I'm wondering how viable it is to intentionally spend most of my time there in solitude. I'm not antisocial or anything. In fact, I had lots of friends in undergrad and was quite the "party animal" - so much so, in fact, that I've now grown pretty weary of social outings / partying. My plan going into my first year of med school is to be perfectly courteous and amicable in all my interactions with peers during academic time but to pass up on all school-organized social events / politely decline any personal invitations to parties/get-togethers. I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family, exercising, browsing my favorite online forums, and watching Netflix. Lame, I know...but that's just how I feel nowadays. Are there any other medical students that choose to keep to themselves like this? It seems like a peaceful existence to me, but I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.

Thoughts?
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A lot of medical school and pre-med students are introverts/loners. I mean a lot. I don't know what it is but this profession attracts a huge number of them. So in medical school, you will meet a bunch of people like you. I wouldn't worry some of the best friends you will ever make will be from medical school. Even better than college.
 
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I am a medical school attending, '98 grad from med school, 2002 from residency, and now med school faculty. I was a a party guy in undergrad and during my master's. I was a a very good student.I liked learning.

Med school kicked my ass. For the first time in my life I felt like I had a learning disability. I barely passed plenty of tests b/c I just didn't find the first two years interesting at all. It was like memorizing the phonebook. But if if couldn't spit the **** back out on test, I would be out tens of thousands of dollars and get no degree and no job.

You can be a loner, but NOT alone. You need some folks to study/ commiserate/ cry with. My best study buddy and I would spend 8+ hours/ day, not speaking. But we figured out that it kept us both going. To a

I am a clinical professor now, and I far prefer teaching medical students to residents, because medical school was far harder for me than residency (PMR).

OP, PM if you like.

Rest of this community, I will follow this thread.
 
I am so much like you considering our history as extroverts. I pretty much do exactly as you have described. And I think you get the gist by now, as people have said and like your OP suggests - you need to be social sometimes and of course make friends even if they are just strictly class buddies. I have this arrangement and it has worked just fine, but I truly am better off studying alone. I've tried the group studying thing and it's just not as productive as I am alone. Everyone moves at their own pace and when some others in your study group jump ahead or move in a direction you're not ready for yet it can be stressful and, for me at least, blocks learning. It's hard to explain and Idk if I gave it justice but you'll have time to figure this thing out. As for social events, school or non-school related, I don't attend much either. This is harder to explain because although I largely believe these things don't amount to much unless you're genuinely interested, I think it's important to include yourself in SOME things.

So I mainly just wanted to say that yes, people do this. At first everyone is franticly trying to find people to fit in with, and all the study rooms are packed full of people. But after the first 2 blocks, the dust settles and I swear the majority of people study alone lol.
 
Foot Fetish said:
I'll be starting medical school this August, and I'm wondering how viable it is to intentionally spend most of my time there in solitude. I'm not antisocial or anything. In fact, I had lots of friends in undergrad and was quite the "party animal" - so much so, in fact, that I've now grown pretty weary of social outings / partying. My plan going into my first year of med school is to be perfectly courteous and amicable in all my interactions with peers during academic time but to pass up on all school-organized social events / politely decline any personal invitations to parties/get-togethers. I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family, exercising, browsing my favorite online forums, and watching Netflix. Lame, I know...but that's just how I feel nowadays. Are there any other medical students that choose to keep to themselves like this? It seems like a peaceful existence to me, but I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

It's perfectly fine to not be social in medical school. I don't think people will think of you as creepy or weird. They might think of you as a loner, and that's fine. I'd consider myself a loner and I'm okay with that. I'll hang out with friends once in a while (typically to celebrate after exams) but I largely spend most of my time alone - I study a lot, I don't study in groups (I think it's horribly inefficient for me personally) and I'll spend my free time exercising, doing some reading, watching some tv or chilling with my roommate.

That being said, you shouldn't go into school planning on turning down any and all invites to do anything. Feel things out. See if you get along with some people. It doesn't hurt to have a few friends who can relate to what you'll be going through. You don't have to instantly become biffles with them and spend all your time together. Just be open to the idea of making friends.

Goro said:
Medicine is a team sport nowadays. Get used to working with people.

Just as an aside, I have noticed that our worser performing students tend to be loners.
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While this may be an actual trend at your school and many others, I think it's important for the OP to know that it's not a hard and fast rule. I haven't been very social in school and I consider myself a loner and I've done very well so far. I know, n=1. I just wanted OP to know that being a loner or being social won't automatically set them up for failure or success.
 
Foot Fetish said:
I'll be starting medical school this August, and I'm wondering how viable it is to intentionally spend most of my time there in solitude. I'm not antisocial or anything. In fact, I had lots of friends in undergrad and was quite the "party animal" - so much so, in fact, that I've now grown pretty weary of social outings / partying. My plan going into my first year of med school is to be perfectly courteous and amicable in all my interactions with peers during academic time but to pass up on all school-organized social events / politely decline any personal invitations to parties/get-togethers. I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family, exercising, browsing my favorite online forums, and watching Netflix. Lame, I know...but that's just how I feel nowadays. Are there any other medical students that choose to keep to themselves like this? It seems like a peaceful existence to me, but I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
This is from my understanding as a premed student... People who are more socially active tend to be happier individual therefore increasing mental health and overall increasing your success as a medical student. That's my opinion, I hope this helps.
 
You need a network of people in med school-- it's pretty isolating and at times you won't have time to meet up with family/friends outside of the school so having buddies in the trenches matters.

But let's be real. Med school is not like undergrad. There won't be social events every night once you get past orientation week. Med school parties are sporadic, not weekly. Everyone is less social at baseline.

And I think the whole introvert extrovert definition thing is horribly misused and overplayed on SDN. Like kids with a new word who want to use it too often. Nobody who gets into med school is truly one or the other -- everyone is somewhere in between. But the definitions on here are often silly, with people who party regularly claiming to be introverted and such. When you say you are introverted half of us picture someone who is too shy to leave their home, and when you say extroverted we picture the 'in your face' manic party animal who doesn't know how to tone it down. Better to not use these terms except in the context of Meyers Briggs and never ever diagnose yourself with such an affect.
 
Law2Doc said:
You need a network of people in med school-- it's pretty isolating and at times you won't have time to meet up with family/friends outside of the school so having buddies in the trenches matters.

But let's be real. Med school is not like undergrad. There won't be social events every night once you get past orientation week. Med school parties are sporadic, not weekly. Everyone is less social at baseline.

And I think the whole introvert extrovert definition thing is horribly misused and overplayed on SDN. Like kids with a new word who want to use it too often. Nobody who gets into med school is truly one or the other -- everyone is somewhere in between. But the definitions on here are often silly, with people who party regularly claiming to be introverted and such. When you say you are introverted half of us picture someone who is too shy to leave their home, and when you say extroverted we picture the 'in your face' manic party animal who doesn't know how to tone it down. Better to not use these terms except in the context of Meyers Briggs and never ever diagnose yourself with such an affect.
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Not to derail but you can't use extrovert as in "outgoing". I didn't know it was more complicated than that
 
Make a couple close friends at medical school. When you fall down, you need someone who is going through what you are going through to pick you up. You can still independently study with 1-3 other people and all work on your own laptops. The camaraderie and late nights are what you will remember most.
 
More friends =/= more social activity. You can have more meaningful relationships with fewer people and can be just as socially active as having less meaningful relationships with more people. I.E. If you have really strong bonds with your mom, dad, SO, neighbor or what have you, you don't need to have more with your peers/teachers/bar friends.

grapp said:
This is from my understanding as a premed student... People who are more socially active tend to be happier individual therefore increasing mental health and overall increasing your success as a medical student. That's my opinion, I hope this helps.
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DoctorLacrosse said:
I could only imagine what podiatry school must be like
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I think more people should like your post because mine wasn't that funny, although everyone apparently thinks so.
 
I think if you're worrying about things like this right now, you probably need to find a hobby.
 
If you decline invites to social events all the time people will just stop asking you all together. Then when you actually might want to attend its kind of weird since you don't really hang out with anyone. Its easy to say you're the lone wolf and you can do it on your own but you may be left out of the loop on a lot of things; more than just social gatherings. If nothing else, it will probably hurt you when you need to review or have someone speak for you on your behalf.
 
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You might be tired of social events now, but consider how you'll feel in three years, when you are deep in the trenches of clerkships, sleepless, tired and frustrated, and you have not one local soul to talk to. There's no need to be a party animal or work the social circuit, but at least consider being intentional about building an open, reliable and trusting support network Forget about trying not to be creepy - there are more important things. Your support circle will be surely prove to be essential at some point over the next four years.
 
Why don't you worry about actually being invited to events before deciding if you wanna reject invites?
 
As with other things, you should do what works for you.

When I started awhile back, I wasn't sure why everyone from the students to faculty were tight-lipped, cautious, anxious, etc. After being here as long as I've been, I totally get it.

Things I really hate about socializing in medical school:
  • No privacy; anything you say to anyone will spread like gossip wild fire.
  • The people are insecure and neurotic, things exacerbated by the intensity of the training.
  • This ultra-PC environment we're in means you'll inadvertently offend someone if you're not careful. Sorry, but I'd rather chill out in my off time.
  • There is a lot of conformity in medical school. If you don't conform, you'll stand out and that's usually a bad thing.
  • Micro-aggression is the common rule in medical school.
  • I could go on and on, but I won't.
A classmate of mine started medical school being an open book. Boy, did this person regret that decision. Another classmate of mine befriended people aggressively, and he ended up being one of the worst backstabbing gossip-****** in the class.
 
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I've been told I have really nice feet 😉

Med school is my last chance to get this whole social thing right, so when I get there I don't want to blow it
 
ProspectiveKidd said:
lol. I would anticipate that, just wondering how that could affect nontrads and how their overall experience may differ.
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It's not going to matter much. You're all going to be in the same boat and personalities are personalities. You'll naturally gravitate to those that are like you, regardless of age.
 
Don't make it a dichotomous thing. There's a huge range between being a party animal and never leaving your apartment. If you want to mostly stick to yourself that's fine, but if you preemptively decide to never do anything you'll miss out on opportunities (for study buddies, fun things and friendship).

ProspectiveKidd said:
How will it be for someone like me who is probably 6-8 years older than most other students?
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It probably won't matter. A lot of my med school friends are several years younger than me and it's rarely weird. I'm in my late twenties and several of my classmates are in their early 30s and I don't feel like any of us really stand out. The "with kids" crowd all kind of found each other, but they're not excluded from everyone else.
 
Foot Fetish said:
I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family, exercising, browsing my favorite online forums, and watching Netflix. Lame, I know...but that's just how I feel nowadays. Are there any other medical students that choose to keep to themselves like this? It seems like a peaceful existence to me, but I'm just worried that people will think I'm creepy or something.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

That's what I've done all throughout medical school and have been fine. You don't need many friends to get by. I never attended the school sponsored or even class council organized get togethers. It is okay to want your free time to yourself, and there is nothing shameful or creepy about that.
 
Foot Fetish said:
I'd rather spend my free time (which I assume will be extremely limited after studying) talking on the phone to my fiance/family
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I'm guessing you and your fiance are long distance? I'm sure no one here needs to tell you how difficult long distance relationships are, especially when one or both of you is taking on something as time-intensive and life-consuming as medical school. I agree with others--do what feels right to you in terms of your social life. But if you're moving to a place where you don't know anyone and your friends/fiance/family are far away, I would seriously consider putting the effort into making at least a few friends! Being long distance is stressful, med school is stressful, moving to a new place is stressful. You might find that having people around you helps you cope with that stress! It's perfectly fine to be a bit of a loner (some people might think you're weird but who cares?) but I agree with others here that isolation can sometimes exacerbate depression, which probably won't help your med school performance. Also, just my .02 but it's probably healthy for your romantic relationship, too, for you to have other people in your life to lean on.

Maybe try going to one or two social events when school starts so that if you need to reach out to people later on, you'll at least have gotten to know some of your classmates?
 
I definitely don't recommend trying to go through med school solo. I am an extreme introvert (in the Myers-Briggs sense... I'm perfectly friendly, but at the end of the day, I need me time to recharge quite often), but I made my best friends in med school. I'm very close to my family and had good friends from undergrad that I talked to on the phone all the time, but people outside of medicine often won't understand what you're going through. I can explain call and everything to my family 5000 times, and they still won't get it. If I'm stressed about a test, they'll assure me that I'm smart and will do well no matter how well I study. People in class will get it.

Yes, you will absolutely run into neurotic, anxious, gunner, etc classmates, but many of them are also amazing and interesting people who you'll find that you naturally click with. I study by myself better in general, but I found that I could only study so many hours a day in my room before motivation dwindled and Netflix came out. Especially during Step 1 studying, it was helpful to have friends to just go sit at the library with so you could lunch break at the same time or go sit in a coffee shop with head phones in and just not feel like you're the only one studying forever on end. In preclinical years, good friends are nice because you can bounce ideas off them, do cadaver review in anatomy, or have someone to explain topics you aren't grasping. In clinical years, it's nice working with people you work well with and who isn't going to throw you under a bus. I also found that the people in my med school who were truly closed off and didn't interact with classmates (much like the people who went to the other extreme and partied every day) struggled a lot more academically as well as emotionally with depression and anxiety... chicken or the egg question... but it did result in less positive evals.

Academic reasons aside, med school is a whirlwind of emotions. Yeah, it's great to have someone to celebrate exams with, but it's even better to have a shoulder to cry on when life hits. I had several family members die and diagnosed with cancer during med school, and my med school friends kept me sane (as they did for classmates with similar situations or breakups with significant others which happened a lot first year). They also get when you need to study and understand when you're overtired or being neurotic, and they can talk you off a ledge and make you feel a little less alone. They know what's a big deal and what's not and can give perspective. They also come in handy when you do things like residency applications (and even fellowship applications... I recently swapped fellowship personal statements to edit with med school friends) because you have frames of reference for due dates and such.

TL; DR: Hang out alone with Netflix all you want, but make friends in med school. You won't regret it.
 
You can fulfill your need of being a loner without alienating yourself entirely. Yeah it's great to stay cordial with your peers, but you do need med school friends to not only keep you sane (assuming you already avoided the high strung dramatics), but also to stay in the loop with studying. Once you've figured that out, re-charge with your allotted loner time!
 
I hope you're re-considering your self-assessment of antisocial when you follow it up with "anyway, so I've planned out the next year and it doesn't involve making any friends".

From the perspective of my classmates, I mostly kept to myself in med school, though that's because my roommates were college friends and I had even more college friends in the area, and was meeting a fair number of folks through them. Even with all the stuff I was doing with them, I at least went to go grab drinks and wings with my anatomy group now and then.
 
My philosophy in med school thus far:

Just focus on yourself FIRST as your number one priority, before anyone else. Make sure you are doing well in your classes, you're feeling healthy, rested, having enough time to do things you enjoy. THEN, you can focus on the occasional hangout or beer or whatever.

Some of my classmates definitely prioritize friendship and socializing a lot more than I do. By week 2 they're mobbing around in these big groups, always laughing and facebooking during class. To the casual observer they look sort of happy, but I get the feeling they are somewhat miserable on the inside and that's why they feel the need to surround themselves with people constantly and reaffirm themselves.

Anyways, be happy with yourself and what you're doing, and that's all that matters IMO.
 
Also, any chance we can get an update from OP? Curious to hear how they're doing since he/she has probably begun med school by now.
 
Foot Fetish said:
Hey friends. OP here. Basically things have turned out just the way I suspected they would, and I'm totally happy so far. Our class Facebook is always filled with invitations to parties, restaurants, hiking, and various other fun activities...and I have ignored all of it. While other people are socializing, I just stay in and read/make flash cards most of the day. I stopped going to class after Day 1. It has been more efficient reading the lecture notes at my own pace and then watching the recorded lectures at 2x speed to fill in any gaps. It's working really well so far I think. I'm a full week ahead of the class-goers in terms of covering lecture material...while they're gonna get exposed to material for the first time this week, I will have already made multiple passes through it and completely memorized it down to the finest minutia. At this rate, I expect to do very well on the first set of exams...

I should mention that I did luck out by getting an amazing roommate. He is very much like me. Killer work ethic, highly efficient, skips class, doesn't go to class social events. We share a lot of the same interests too...so, I guess, despite all of my plans of remaining friendless, I did end up making a single friend lol...I'm also friendly with my small group members when I'm in school too, but I just don't associate myself with them in a way. I don't feel like I'm a part of the horde if that makes sense...maybe it's because I don't go to lecture and just teach myself everything. But yeah, things are going well overall. I exercise 3 times per week, but other than that I don't really want to spend any time away from studying. My limited leisure time has been spent on SDN or talking to my fiancee, and I feel more than okay with that. Going out to parties and stuff would just make me feel uncomfortable, partly because I'm very introverted and partly due to the cognitive dissonance of knowing that my time would be more valuable if spent studying...that said, my roommate and I have been considering going fishing soon, so maybe I will step out of my comfort zone for once and take a break from studying.
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Glad to hear everything worked out. It's good to have at least one good friend you can relate to and rely on and it sounds like you found that. 🙂
 
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