Being a surgeon is a life-long dream, yet I want to spend time with family?

[reree17]

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Since I was very young I have wanted to do surgery. Every single day I would watch operations and from the age of 9 finding out about new surgical techniques etc. Obviously, in medical school when I do rotations I may change my mind but as of now surgery is something I really want to do. I don't really mind any surgical subspecialty (though I really like plastic surgery), don't care about the salary or the working hours (If I have to work 100 hours weekly for something I love to do then so be it!) or the immense amount of hard work it takes to get there, however there is one thing holding me back. Family.

I have always wanted kids and I want to be able to spend time with them and my husband, however surgery restricts you from spending sufficient time with your children. I don't want to miss school plays or award shows. Inevitably people will say, 'surgery is not for you then', however it is my strongest passion within medicine, I'm not too interested in family practice etc. My father is an obstetrician/gynecologist and knows that since I was little I've wanted to be a surgeon, however he strongly recommends I stay away from it being a female. He says if I want a family then it will be too hard. What can I do?

 

[AntiHouseMD]

Very tough situation. What do you want to do with surgery? Do you want to actually perform the surgeries, or just be a part of the surgical team? It may seem obvious one way or the other, but it makes a difference. If it's the latter, you could work as a physician assistant. They assist on the surgeries. They usually don't work as much or get paid as much, although it's on a case-by-case basis.

Unfortunately, surgery takes a lot of your time away from families. For that regard, medicine takes a lot of time. Having a career in medicine doesn't necessarily dictate that you don't have a family, though. Maybe try to ask a few surgeons about their lives or shadow some doctors.

The most important thing to remember: you're young (since you posted in hSDN, I imagine you're in high school). You don't have to make a decision right now. Don't be stressed out, as you have plenty of time to make a decision.

Good luck!

 

[reree17]

Very tough situation. What do you want to do with surgery? Do you want to actually perform the surgeries, or just be a part of the surgical team? It may seem obvious one way or the other, but it makes a difference. If it's the latter, you could work as a physician assistant. They assist on the surgeries. They usually don't work as much or get paid as much, although it's on a case-by-case basis.

Unfortunately, surgery takes a lot of your time away from families. For that regard, medicine takes a lot of time. Having a career in medicine doesn't necessarily dictate that you don't have a family, though. Maybe try to ask a few surgeons about their lives or shadow some doctors.

The most important thing to remember: you're young (since you posted in hSDN, I imagine you're in high school). You don't have to make a decision right now. Don't be stressed out, as you have plenty of time to make a decision.

Good luck!

I want to perform the surgeries. And I guess, I am young so I shouldn't be so stressed about this, but our school is making us think deeply about our career choices. Thanks for the advice 🙂

 

[AntiHouseMD]

I want to perform the surgeries. And I guess, I am young so I shouldn't be so stressed about this, but our school is making us think deeply about our career choices. Thanks for the advice 🙂

I wouldn't be worried about what your school says. What may be a better idea would be to decide on what field you want to enter, such as medicine in general. That can help you with college decisions and course selections. If you know that you want to go into medicine, you can take more science classes and look at schools with decent pre-med programs (although whether you like the school should be your primary concern).

 

[kcin]

Since I was very young I have wanted to do surgery. Every single day I would watch operations and from the age of 9 finding out about new surgical techniques etc. Obviously, in medical school when I do rotations I may change my mind but as of now surgery is something I really want to do. I don't really mind any surgical subspecialty (though I really like plastic surgery), don't care about the salary or the working hours (If I have to work 100 hours weekly for something I love to do then so be it!) or the immense amount of hard work it takes to get there, however there is one thing holding me back. Family.

I have always wanted kids and I want to be able to spend time with them and my husband, however surgery restricts you from spending sufficient time with your children. I don't want to miss school plays or award shows. Inevitably people will say, 'surgery is not for you then', however it is my strongest passion within medicine, I'm not too interested in family practice etc. My father is an obstetrician/gynecologist and knows that since I was little I've wanted to be a surgeon, however he strongly recommends I stay away from it being a female. He says if I want a family then it will be too hard. What can I do?

Pick which one you care about more. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have a finite amount of time, so if you want to pump out babies and spend a decent amount of time with them, you should probably do something other than surgery. You can blab on all you want about how much you have always wanted to do surgery, but that isn't going to make it mesh with your motherhood goals.

 

[Haislip]

If this is really what you want, You will find a way to make time for your children. Nothing is impossible. There are always examples of people who are surgeons and have an excellent relationship with their children. There are also examples of surgeons who have a nonexistent relationship with their kids. You decide what you want and try your best to make it work. If you put your best effort into it, You will be fine🙂

 

[45408]

Being a woman in surgery is very challenging if you plan to have children. Half of my surgery residency is female, and only one of them is married, and none of them have children. In contrast, the majority of the guys are married and do have children.

These aren't coincidences. Surgery residency is quite hard, and I can't even imagine being pregnant during this. Apparently, neither can any of my fellow female residents.

 

[voidlogin]

It was my impression that as an attending, you get to choose how much you want to work. ie. work less, get paid less. That's the best thing about medicine. You can actually choose to work less, whereas in other fields your schedule is kinda 9-4. A trauma orthopod I worked with worked part time. But most people end up working a lot, cause lets face it when you're making $120/hr or more, missing a soccer game isn't that big a deal. Residency, however is a whole other ballpark. One resident I talked to compared it to modern day indentured servitude.
_MS4

 

[typhoonegator]

If you were a partner in a surgical practice, would you rather hire someone who will work full time, maintain a high case-load, and has the goal of growing the practice, or someone who is hoping to pull back their scope of practice and work part time? Both of these potential hires cost you overhead, insurance, etc. Only one of them will make you and your practice money, and that is the one that gets hired.

Some people manage to work part time and still make a decent living for themselves and their group. Some people get to be so senior that they can make their own rules. Some people join large faculty groups where there there are enough people around that they are OK with you working less for less pay. These are exceptions rather than rules.

You can be a surgeon and have kids. You can even still be a good parent. But you need to be aware that being an adult means making compromises, regardless of your chosen profession. With an elective surgery-driven field, you can likely be home most nights for dinner. You can even be around for some weekends. But if you want to have 4 kids and be there for every PTA meeting, you are going to find that to be a challenge with ANY full-time job.

 

[demh23]

But if you want to have 4 kids and be there for every PTA meeting, you are going to find that to be a challenge with ANY full-time job.

Why would you want to go to a PTA meeting and feel inferior to the housewives who were smarter than you and just married rich

 

[Namie]

I never want children, and I'm a female. Oh no way in hell.

I want to become a plastic surgeon because of the glamourous lifestyle... It beats being a stripper when I'm too old, and it's like being a make-up artist. It's pure amazingness. I don't care about the money too much either, but just to transforms frogs into princessess and princes.

 

[bajastapler]

imo there's no right answer to your question, but I think after you go through college/med school your perspective on a lot of things will change.

Just focus on the small things now and worry bout the big picture stuff later. 🙂

 

[PharmaTope]

enough of this bull****!

my friend is a vascular surgeon

the guy gets time with his family. sure he dont work 40 hours a week. but guess what, he MAKES FAMILY A PRIORITY. he has a beautiful wife and two beautiful children.

ya he works a lot, but he also doesnt skip out on family time at all.

your work hours will VARY GREATLY depending on what practice you are in.

 

[kcin]

enough of this bull****!

my friend is a vascular surgeon

the guy gets time with his family. sure he dont work 40 hours a week. but guess what, he MAKES FAMILY A PRIORITY. he has a beautiful wife and two beautiful children.

ya he works a lot, but he also doesnt skip out on family time at all.

your work hours will VARY GREATLY depending on what practice you are in.

Is he a mother? Thanks bro, try to keep up next time.

edit: All this other crap aside, OP you can be a surgeon and a mother if you want. You just won't maximize your potential in either area. Find a supportive spouse that can pick up any parenting slack. It doesn't really need to be either or, and you'll be a little more realistic when you mature more.

 

[45408]

enough of this bull****!

my friend is a vascular surgeon

the guy gets time with his family. sure he dont work 40 hours a week. but guess what, he MAKES FAMILY A PRIORITY. he has a beautiful wife and two beautiful children.

ya he works a lot, but he also doesnt skip out on family time at all.

your work hours will VARY GREATLY depending on what practice you are in.

🙄

 

[dragonfly99]

Surgical residency is hard, but I do know surgeons (residents and attendings) who are female and have kids. I think the most important thing at your stage is to just have fun and do well in school, and to pick a good college that you are going to like and where you'll do well. If you are thinking medicine then check out their acceptance rate to med school and make sure it's good (like 80%-90% or more, at least). That eliminates a lot of colleges if you do that. Surgery is definitely a very demanding specialty but at your stage of life I wouldn't rule it in or out. How much you work once you are done w/residency and fellowship is going to vary by your specialty and also type of practice (like whether you work in private practice, VA, academic hospital, etc.) and even probably what region of the country you live in. There are definitely surgical fields where the hours are longer and more unpredictable (general surgery trauma, for example) versus being a breast surgeon or thyroid surgeon or urologist or eye doctor (ophthalmologists do surgery). Dermatologists aren't surgeons but some of them do skin surgeries (and extensive biopsies, etc.), so that field might be an option.

Your dad's opinion is doubtless shaped by all his experiences - OB is a tought field and then people have babies at unpredictable times, need a C section, etc.

The whole field of medicine is changing right now. For example, when your dad trained there were no limits at all on how many hours hospitals could make resident doctors work. Now there is a limit of 80 hrs/week, and they have to give them off 1 day in 7 on average. Not all programs follow the rules precisely, but it pretty much got rid of the surgical programs being able to make people work 120 or 130 hrs/week (in general). So there are some changes that have happened.

Also, sometimes people take a year off in the middle of med school if they have a baby, or have it during 4th year of med school (when there are a lot of elective months or months where you can do research papers, slack off a bit, etc.). It depends on your school and what field you plan to go in to, and I wouldn't recommend having a baby in med school unless you have a husband and in-laws or parents who can help, but I've known several people who have done it.

I think you are too young to be overly stressed about ruling surgey in or out. You shouldn't rule it out based on what some guy on this forum says, or what your dad says, though it never hurts to hear multiple opinions.

I'm a female cardiologist, by the way.

 

[danzman]

Reading these high school threads make me wonder what happened to high schools? All i did in high school was race cars, chase girls and get into trouble. You guys are talking about being surgeons....
Go get laid or something.

 

[voidlogin]

Go get laid or something.

hahha. Better than any advice so far.

 

[reree17]

Reading these high school threads make me wonder what happened to high schools? All i did in high school was race cars, chase girls and get into trouble. You guys are talking about being surgeons....
Go get laid or something.

I've only made 8 posts on this forum. 8. So it's not exactly like I don't have a life! Of course I go to parties, have fun and talk about boys like any other teenage girl, I'm just thinking about my future! Plus, I live in UK where I am doing my GCSE's which are EXTREMELY important to med schools here, in the U.S I'm guessing my year equivalent isn't as significant there.

 

[kcin]

Plus, I live in UK

Sorry to hear that. Most people here are in the US, so this probably isn't the best place to ask questions since the local healthcare systems are different.

 

[AntiHouseMD]

Why not try the European international thread? You may find answers which better reflect the situation in England. I have a feeling the lifestyle between the two countries varies.

 

[speedyk]

Reading these high school threads make me wonder what happened to high schools? All i did in high school was race cars, chase girls and get into trouble. You guys are talking about being surgeons....
Go get laid or something.

Seriously. The OP claims to watch surgeries "every single day." Wow.

 

[danzman]

OP in all seriousness, I will give some advice. I can only speak for the practice conditions in America, but I think they may be relevant elsewhere. Medicine is a job that will take as much from you as you are willing to give. In the US due to many reasons physisans are essentially forced into working long hours. There are obvious exceptions, but for the sake of brevity, lets just say that physicians work long and irregular hours. Surgeons tend to work among the longest hours and have the longest amount of training. As such, they tend to spend the majority of their younger years in the hospital. I have personally known six surgeons outside of my experiences in medical school. Suffice to say, none of them had what I would call a "decent" or even "acceptable" lifestyle until they were in their late 40s. And not a single one that I have met in medical school had it any better. I have only worked with one female attending and she was a disaster of a human, ridiculed by all around her, single, sad, morbidly obese, and bitter 'til the end. The only other female surgeon I know quit to become a dermatologist. There are a handful of female attendings on SDN, most notably WingedScapula, who on multiple occasions has commented on the working conditions of female surgeons. To paraphrase her, it certainly can and is done, but you must be willing to sacrifice a great deal of your life.

But you see, none of this should matter to you. Because you have absolutely NO IDEA what you want out of life or even who you really are. You see, I will assume that you are around the age of 18yrs old. That makes you a child. And as a child you have such a limited view of the rest of your life. The things that matter to you now will, I promise, change so much in the next ten years that you will hardly recognize yourself. This is the natural course of life.

In conclusion, I understand that in your system you will have to make the decision to go to medical school directly out of HS. This has positive and negative aspects to it, but its what you will have to deal with. But understand that your life will change. There is no reason on the planet for you to watch surgeries everyday. It will not help you in the future, and will only keep you from your daily studies. I would offer to you the same advice I would give to anyone entering college, find something that interests you and try to learn how to learn. If you do end up in medical school, move slowly and deliberately. But above all these things, try to find what is really important to you in your future. Be realistic about medicine, its not about helping or saving people, it is about managing disease. It is a great gig, but its only a gig. There is nothing magical about it. And if you think even for a second that becoming a doctor will impress the people around you, you are wrong and will waste some of the most valuable years of your life chasing something that does not exist.

danz

 

[reree17]

Why not try the European international thread? You may find answers which better reflect the situation in England. I have a feeling the lifestyle between the two countries varies.

I plan to move to the U.S to be a doctor though

 

[reree17]

Seriously. The OP claims to watch surgeries "every single day." Wow.

"...Every single day I would watch operations..."

Learn to read.

 

[kcin]

"...Every single day I would watch operations..."

Learn to read.

Are you sure you're not pregnant already? Feisty

 

[marciepan]

OP, I'm sort of on the same boat as you are! I'm not set on anything yet, but I'm considering surgery. However, I'd like to start a family too one day! 🙁 I'm not worrying about it too much now though, and you shouldn't either! 🙂 Hopefully it'll all work out in the end for the both of us!

 

[MSU2009]

Are you sure you're not pregnant already? Feisty

I hope all women from the UK aren't this uptight.

 

[ComradeDoktor]

I know many female surgeons, including one who does organ transplants and is married with kids. I'm sure it's doable. Outside of general surgery, I've heard that otolaryngologists and urologists are able to structure their practices in ways that allow them to have decent lifestyles. Residency is still going to be tough, but hey, it's only 5-6 years. Many eye surgeons have lifestyles as good as if not better than those of internal medicine docs. Good luck!

 

[cbrons]

A little early to worry about this...

 

[cbrons]

I would relax and focus on how to get in, complete college quickly and painlessly as possible and taking the MCAT.

 

[NeuroChris]

Reading these high school threads make me wonder what happened to high schools? All i did in high school was race cars, chase girls and get into trouble. You guys are talking about being surgeons....
Go get laid or something.

.

 

[tn4596]

hahahahha i love this, im a senior in high school and i cant wait to gtfo out. college then Med school, then the good stuff. Hopefully practicing Neurosurgery in about 15 years..phuck

from what i've heard medical residencies are not as fun and exciting as they seem to be.