I'm a freshman in undergrad and have realized that I literally have 0 close friends. I have "friends" at work and some in classes but I don't talk to them outside of that. I've realized that a lot of people my age have lots of friends and are somewhat immature. My family tells me that I need to make friends but I really don't want to. I am very good socially and can make friends quickly if I wanted to. I don't have many things to talk about with people my age because I really don't care about the things 18-22 year old talk about. All I care about is my future career and working hard to achieve it. I sort of have tunnel vision and don't care for many other things. I do watch movies, go out to eat, do fun things occasionally, but all myself and I like it that way. Are there any people here that are like me? I mean when I'm in med school and residency I hope to make lifelong friends, but I don't want to right now. This post is just to release what I'm feeling because just because I am always alone, I don't consider myself a lonely person that need friends. I also believe that if you honestly enjoy the person your alone with, it makes you a more reflective, mature, confident person. Anyways there is really no question in this post just trying to see if any people here live a similar lifestyle like me.
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Being alone doesn't mean I'm lonely
- Thread starter Maali
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"All i care about is my future career"
Thats a sad way to live life. /:
Thats a sad way to live life. /:
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Do you like people? As in, other human beings? If you don't...I can't see why you would want to be a physician.
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Life's short guy enjoy it while you can
Yes, I do like people and really care about people. When I have friends I invest time into it because friendship is a big deal to me. Friends become family and that is why I chose not to have any right now. Also, when you go to med school you usually have to sacrifice seeing your family, let alone your friends from undergrad.
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OP, I've handled my undergrad time similarly. There is no penalty for introversion, necessarily. Just don't become that guy who ONLY studies and works because, at least in my experience, relationships and friendships are essential elements of life. I think that you shouldn't delay making investments in other people until medical school, but that is only my opinion.
Best of luck to you.
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Taking the risk of investing in others pays big dividends on the path toward physicianhood. Even when the relationships don't work out.
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Op, you should keep in touch with a few people. Always good to "shoot the ****" with other bros about life. It isn't all about med school.
If you lived in my area, I'd be your bro. As it has been said, I like your way of thinking.
If you lived in my area, I'd be your bro. As it has been said, I like your way of thinking.
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I'm sort of similar. I'm really friendly and outgoing when I'm with people...but I have few close friends and do most fun stuff with my gf. I just don't have any time anymore to invest into new relationships. It's okay to be an introvert when you have the choice! Of course, it's good that you're still able to be friendly with new people.
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I understand what you mean about the immaturity of people in college. Maybe I just feel this way because I grew up around mostly adults (I'm an only child). It does help to have a support system of at least a few people you can talk to and let loose with, though.
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Don't confuse extreme concentration/focus and possibly introversion with not liking people. I don't hate/dislike people (I am actually choosing medicine not for the pay, but because I genuinely care and want to help others as cliche as that might sound); I am just extremely focused, and I am very much like the OP.
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I am just like you (except in some ways I actually took it a bit further). In short, I related more to the graduate students and professors at my schools than the students, but still kept everything on a very professional/academic basis. There is nothing wrong with being introverted and/or extremely focused. Just make sure that you don't lose your ability to interact with others and your other social skills. They are extremely important and valuable even if it may not seem that way to you now. And if that isn't enough for you, make sure that you don't prejudice your application to medical school.
Medical schools tend to disfavor loners for some reason (falsely equating this with being anti-social I suppose). Make sure that you are volunteering and interacting with patients, make sure that you can communicate ideas effectively to others, and make sure that you don't have too cold a demeanor that could harm you in an interview. This is also important with interacting with your future patients. One of the things that bothered more than anything in college was when a classmate of mine effectively told me that I was far too cold to be a physician and that I would have a poor bedside manner; she told me to focus on research instead. I actually learned from that immensely and realized that if I came off that way to my peers, any potential future patients might feel uncomfortable with me. Moreover, life experience and social interactions can be invaluable in understanding and empathizing with your patients' unique situation. There are some topics that I could envision a patient not wanting to discuss with me if I appeared cold (i.e. perhaps emotional, family issues, etc., all of which should be considered - stress and other issues can effect diagnoses and other existing conditions). As a result of this realization, I have loosened up considerably. You should consider this too. I found that some interaction with others can even help break up the monotony of work at times; in short, your grades won't necessarily falter and may remain the same or rise.
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That doesn't mean you can't keep in touch with them closely. Assuming you are going to school away from where your family is and/or where you went to school, there is the power of the internet. Skype conversation and group chats provide a great release. I know there are quite a few times where keeping in touch with family, cousins, and friends from back home made me so much happier and kept me sane. Especially in the bad times, friends and family are the people you know you can count on!
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I'm like you OP, I don't feel like I need lots of friends, although at work I socialize and am very friendly. In undergrad, I had about 3 close friends with whom I had classes with but we didn't go out on the weekends or anything like that. I enjoy staying at home, and I don't feel lonely either. I do have a boyfriend now so he's the one I'm always hanging out with. Otherwise, it's just my family when I'm home.
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Obligatory:
In all seriousness, OP, do whatever makes you happy. And as others have said, spend time doing things you enjoy outside of your career path.
In all seriousness, OP, do whatever makes you happy. And as others have said, spend time doing things you enjoy outside of your career path.
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this thread makes me sad
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OP i know you feel lonely but what ever you do, DO NOT be friend any pre-meds.
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OP's thinking seems relatively common in medicine. When you are a pre-med, you think " I just need to work hard now. Everything will change and get better when I get to med school." Then you get to med school and think "man, I just need to keep my head down and make it to residency." In residency, you tell yourself "life will get easier when I'm an attending. Then I can really start living." Then you get that first big job and think "it's okay that I don't make time for my friends/family now. I'll do that when I make partner."
Then you turn 50 and get hit by a bus. Okay, maybe not that last part.
Then you turn 50 and get hit by a bus. Okay, maybe not that last part.
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Damn, true story.
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Pre-meds have a reputation for constantly badgering people about there grades and humble bragging. I don't think the OP self esteem needs that right now.
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If you are on here I presume you will eventually get involved in ECs..... maybe even attain a leadership position. You will have to spend some time socialization at some point!
I am a volunteer and in clubs in school. As I said, I can socialize and put on a 'character' but I don't try to make friends. Also you might think that I'm being a in genuine person but I'm not. I just know what type of person I need to be in certain types of situations, which I think makes you a lot more intelligent. Some people need to learn how to act in certain situations such as an interview for medical school. I do consider myself an introvert but I will put on the character of an extrovert if that is what the interviewer is looking for. Catch my drift?
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Yes I can definitely agree. Like LizzyM has said in the past, you need to be able to vibe with your interviewer.
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I'm more or less the same way. It doesn't bother me.
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Please explain?
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As Tennyson wrote:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
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Some people are totally fine living fairly socially isolated lives. You're probably just pretty far on the introversion side of the scale, nothing wrong with that.
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Why? Pursuing one's future career could be fun to someone just like someone performing a job in which they consider it fun.
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deleted357625
We all live in an extroverted world - don't let anyone change you. I'd say I'm an extreme introvert in my private life - as for my academic and professional life I need social stimulation to keep me going.
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deleted357625
You don't need to be socially adept in your private life to score well in a interview. All one has to do is be yourself - be friendly as if you were explaining your true self to someone - let it all out - obviously casually and with passion.
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Glad to see I'm not the only one...I'm pretty much the exact same as the OP. I don't go out with my roommates when they go to parties or go out of my way to make friends. I'm much more comfortable playing guitar or video games by myself in my room. If I need to talk though, I will. However, I'd say that I'm socially "awkward" because more often than not, I can't keep a conversation going with someone my own age. With people older or younger than me, I feel the opposite though.
In any case, you definitely don't need to be social or outgoing to ace your interviews. Judging from my interviews, I did extremely well despite my introvert nature.
In any case, you definitely don't need to be social or outgoing to ace your interviews. Judging from my interviews, I did extremely well despite my introvert nature.
I thought I was a loner because in high school I had a hard time making friends. Then I went to an awesome college and realized that the problem wasn't me, it was that most of the people at my high school were boring. I made lifelong friends in college and have continued to meet new friends every year. As a freshman it is waaay to early for you to be writing people off or claiming to have a 'lifestyle' primarily involving not socializing with other people. Go find other people who you consider worth knowing. Learn how to build and maintain strong relationships. As @gyngyn said, it will matter later on in your career.
This doesn't mean you have to be social all the time. It doesn't mean your social life has to conform to some stereotype of college partying. I am fairly introverted. All my friends understand that sometimes I will decline to be social and instead stay home and read or sleep or watch tv and this is ok (they also understand if I need to work late or study instead of socializing). This is because they are good friends.
This doesn't mean you have to be social all the time. It doesn't mean your social life has to conform to some stereotype of college partying. I am fairly introverted. All my friends understand that sometimes I will decline to be social and instead stay home and read or sleep or watch tv and this is ok (they also understand if I need to work late or study instead of socializing). This is because they are good friends.
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It's okay to be introverted and want to focus more on your future. I can definitely relate.
BUT, putting some time for friends is essential. As one person, you cannot experience everything. When you make friends, you connect, share experiences, and grow as a person, no matter how irrelevant that friendship will become in the future. Learning things other than medicine is crucial as a person.
When you're talking with your patients, how do you expect to make them comfortable if you can't find things to talk to them about? Friends will give you that experience you need. When you are an established physician, how do you expect to make friends with others if you have a hard time finding ANYTHING in common because you focused your whole life on progressing your career? Making friends is a life-long learning process. Why do you think older people feel much more confident talking to others? They have so many more experiences to go off on.
BUT, putting some time for friends is essential. As one person, you cannot experience everything. When you make friends, you connect, share experiences, and grow as a person, no matter how irrelevant that friendship will become in the future. Learning things other than medicine is crucial as a person.
When you're talking with your patients, how do you expect to make them comfortable if you can't find things to talk to them about? Friends will give you that experience you need. When you are an established physician, how do you expect to make friends with others if you have a hard time finding ANYTHING in common because you focused your whole life on progressing your career? Making friends is a life-long learning process. Why do you think older people feel much more confident talking to others? They have so many more experiences to go off on.
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I get it OP. I am sometimes like this... but having a human connection with others is healthy for you. So I make it a point to try to reach out. Besides building social capital and networking with others is also another way to advance your careers. Again, I don't do this as much, but only with a few here and there, whom I like.
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Highly dependent on the types of premeds you encounter. The majority of the premeds I've become friends with so far are far from the grade badgering, competition-stirring groups that people stereo-typically talk about. As for humble bragging, I see more of that in engineers than I do in premeds. So many times I keep hearing "In my fluids class...." and "Lol I'm an engineer yet I do this...."
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Patrick Bateman, is that you? Seriously, that's sociopathic behavior.
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