Belligerent roommates in medical school?

[Doctor1982]

Hello,

I am a 2nd year medical student. I have 2 roommates and both of them are 1st year medical students. We share a 3-bedroom apartment on campus (they are called the "med school dorms")

They really hate my guts. The thing is I have harder classes than them, my USMLE is coming up, and this semester I maxed out my loans so I can't really hang out with them as much or do any of the activities they want to do. All 3 of us are very clean. They are always cleaning the place and scrubbing and mopping.

So one day a few weeks ago I woke up late...and they started screaming at me...saying that I never help clean and that I never help them out or offer to help, they are always mopping and buying cleaning supplies for the apartment and that I never do anything.

Well I do clean the apartment....but just when they are not around....they claim they never see me do it.

Also, I have no extra loans....so I have no money right now....until next semester, and my roommates are going around talking about me behind my back telling everyone at school that I am cheap, never offer to pay, etc.

I stay in my room all day long plus we have different schedules so I never see them.

Ok guys. How do I deal with this. Just grin and bear with it for a few more semesters?

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[njbmd]

I see a couple of issues here:

First, you seem to be fixated on what these two individuals "say" about you. What does it matter in the long run? Your whole reason for being in this living situation is to save money. You are not going to marry these people and you don't have to love them. You DO have to find some way of professionally dealing with them because it's in your best interest to do so (you are saving some money with this living arrangement).

Second, you whole "job" in medical school is to study period. Whether your classes are hard or easy has no bearing on this, you have to get them mastered. Why not study at the library, Starbucks, undergraduate library, an empty classroom at school, with some of your second-year classmates or anywhere else that is more conducive to you getting your work done?

Third, you clean up after yourself and anything else (general cleaning so the place isn't filthy) that gets in the way of your living. Other than that, you are under no obligation to "prove" to your roommates that you are cleaning. Either the place is clean or it isn't. If you are spending most of your time away from the dorm, then you won't be there for them to "hang out" with or disturb you.

Fourth, you can't afford to allow problems with your roommates to interfere with your studies. At the end of this year, you have boards and next year, you will be gone (overnight call etc) more than you will actually be in the dorm. Find a way to get some sanity and stop worrying about what these people are doing. In short, find your own group of friends that are not associated with them. Allow them to become "part of the furniture" for you and nothing more.

If they are not in your bed; preventing you from sleeping, eating and taking care of personal hygiene, you can study and spend most of your time in another place. What do you care about what they say? Doing well in your studies, doing well in your clinicals are what you need to care about. At the end of this year, they will be gone for the summer and most of next year you will be gone doing rotations.

If all else fails, look for another place and move for next year but don't take any valuable study time doing this right now. Hang with your buddies from second year and let them make their own way without messing with your head. Tension between roommates can be draining and time-consuming if you allow it. You don't have to do this and you can remove yourself from the situation as you are an adult. In the long-term scheme of things, are you going to allow a couple of immature roommates to tank your career?

 

[Doctor1982]

Thank you for the response. Well one of my roommates parents are coming to stay with us for the entire next week. How should I act around them?

 

[njbmd]

Thank you for the response. Well one of my roommates parents are coming to stay with us for the entire next week. How should I act around them?

Unless this parent is doing something for you specifically, spend your time elsewhere. Do you really have that much free time that you can spend it "hanging" with your roommate's parent. If this person asks you out to dinner or does something and you have the time to be sociable, then do so but otherwise, attend to your own needs and coursework.

You have one shot to do well in medical school. If your roommate's parent coming for a visit enhances your medical school performance then great, if not, then attend to your own business and be polite, cordial, respectful and absent.

 

[swpm]

1) If you're current on your rent, and you clean up after yourself, tell them to **** off.

2 a) Sublet your room ASAP (you don't need their permission to do so) and move.

or

2 b) Wait until your lease is up and move.


You owe them nothing. Bonus points if you pick option 2a and find a sloppy foul-smelling meth addict to take your place.

 

[Doctor1982]

LOL a meth addict. That's brilliant.

I'll find them someone who never showers either

 

[CigarTragic]

Belligerent roommates in med school? I feel bad for you. My housemates here at med school are probably some of the most easygoing people I've ever met regarding noise level, cleanliness, tolerance for others, etc...

 

[DrMidlife]

Also, learn everything you possibly can from this situation. What you're experiencing with these roommates could foreshadow your experience with a future spouse or partner. If there's ANYTHING you need to change in your behavior to live peacefully with others - anything that you need to accept as YOUR PROBLEM and not somebody else's - then change it. This doesn't mean you're "caving" or letting your roommates win: it has nothing to do with them, other than being a lesson given to you. Take what you can, leave the rest.

BTW, I'm not talking about cleaning. I'm talking about communication, expectations, money, and the typical marriage-ending cornucopia of interpersonal relations.

 

[EBI831]

if someone's parents are gonna come and live with you for a whole week, they seriously can't talk to you about inconveniencing them. that might be the biggest inconvenience i've ever heard. tell them, you clean up your stuff and if they wanna have people and make the house look nice for them...they should clean it up and shut the heck up.
-as someone else said, unless you are totally set on studying at home, i'd peace out and go study somewhere else. med school can be stressful enough...without living with petty people. what the heck are u cleaning your house with? my cleaning supplies last forever and i sure as hell never ever needed a hardcore mop for my apartment.

 

[GoBuckeyes913]

Thank you for the response. Well one of my roommates parents are coming to stay with us for the entire next week. How should I act around them?

When they arrive, make sure to tell them that they have to clean up after themselves and video tape it so you can have proof. Also, if they could save any sales receipts from cleaning supply purchases that it would be appreciated.

 

[Doctor1982]

You guys this isn't about cleaning. I have seen them giving me nasty smirks for the last few weeks. And after they screamed at me this morning, they looked at each other and smirked and laughed.

In fact, there is a HUGE group of girls in my living room right now (I have a micro/immuno test tomorrow and this is really rude especially because they KNOW I have an exam) and I hear my name being said LOUDLY and LOUD bursts of laughter. They are doing that on purpose. They WANT me to hear them talking about me. What jerks.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk to the school and ask them to find me a single. I'll pay whatever.

These girls are nasty and psychotic. I really don't need that when I have my USMLE in a few months.

 

[Doctor1982]

if someone's parents are gonna come and live with you for a whole week, they seriously can't talk to you about inconveniencing them. that might be the biggest inconvenience i've ever heard. tell them, you clean up your stuff and if they wanna have people and make the house look nice for them...they should clean it up and shut the heck up.
-as someone else said, unless you are totally set on studying at home, i'd peace out and go study somewhere else. med school can be stressful enough...without living with petty people. what the heck are u cleaning your house with? my cleaning supplies last forever and i sure as hell never ever needed a hardcore mop for my apartment.

Yes I know, these girls are INSANE. Every time I walk into the apartment, they give me a look like I'm a cockroach or something. They are really nasty. Everyone at school comes up and tells me they go around talking **** about me all the time. AHHHH.

Tomorrow I'm moving out before her parents get here, hopefully.

 

[KECKington]

You guys this isn't about cleaning. I have seen them giving me nasty smirks for the last few weeks. And after they screamed at me this morning, they looked at each other and smirked and laughed.

In fact, there is a HUGE group of girls in my living room right now (I have a micro/immuno test tomorrow and this is really rude especially because they KNOW I have an exam) and I hear my name being said LOUDLY and LOUD bursts of laughter. They are doing that on purpose. They WANT me to hear them talking about me. What jerks.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk to the school and ask them to find me a single. I'll pay whatever.

These girls are nasty and psychotic. I really don't need that when I have my USMLE in a few months.

Its is there living room and apt too. They have as much right maybe even more (2 of them) to do what they wish with theri apt. They dont have to care that you have an exam, they are not your slaves. So maybe you give off an attitude of them having to cater to you and they just got sick of it.

just my 2 pesos!

 

[Doctor1982]

Well...when you have an exam...do you want your roommates throwing a party in your living room and laughing about you?

 

[sprinkibrio]

They say you never pay for what? Cleaning supplies? Really, all this stuff should have been worked out during the first week of living together. If you really want to do the least amount of work possible to clean this whole thing up I would sit them down and tell them how much it hurts you that everyone's having problems living together. Tell them you want to work out a way to have everyone happy. It seems to me like you have a huge communication breakdown and it's not only on their side.

If your way of getting along is avoiding them, they really have no other way to push you into some sort of action than making you feel very uncomfortable. They'll stop when they see you actually are meeting them halfway.

To deal people who aren't very laid back like them you might want to get more organized--agree on a certain amount of money to the communal pot every month or schedule particular chores and rotate. Don't expect them to be quiet before your tests or even know your schedule... that's not likely to happen until you actually care for each other and respect each other. So not happening.

How rude they're being is uncalled for I totally give you that. I've lived with bitches, but make them feel really bad by pretending you really want to work things out and you've been hurt.

 

[prettymonkey]

if someone's parents are gonna come and live with you for a whole week, they seriously can't talk to you about inconveniencing them. that might be the biggest inconvenience i've ever heard. .

yeah that's really inconvenient. why are they staying with you for a whole week? that's crap. if your roommate is so uncheap and so against inconveniencing roommates tell her to get her parents a hotel room.

 

[vir0n]

I'm not down for petty stuff like this. I'd give them the straight dope:

"Look, I pay my rent and clean up after myself. If you need a couple of bucks for cleaning supplies, please hang tight as I'm am strapped for cash at the current moment. Quit talking s*** behind my back - if you have a problem with me, say it directly to my face so we can work it out. Otherwise, you and your mom can go **** yourselves."

 

[KECKington]

Well...when you have an exam...do you want your roommates throwing a party in your living room and laughing about you?

No you dont. But when you DONT have an exam (like them) do you want the house quiet and having no fun?

 

[thebeatblitz]

Might want to grow a pair (figuratively) and stand up for yourself. How can you tolerate getting stepped all over by two clowns?

And really, how much are they cleaning the apartment? I mean, I'm not a neat freak or anything, but what are you guys mopping (?) and buying cleaning supplies (?) every day? My "mopping" consists of one of those swiffer pads once a week and a vacuuming afterwards. This costs like $5 a month and takes 10 minutes. I think you need to sack up and clue your roommates in on how you feel.

 

[Abilene85]

I have had some very bad luck with roommates in the past, and one year was almost identical to what you are going through. I am so sorry to hear other people have to deal with such immature and cruel roommates.

I had some summer roommates who liked to have parties on Friday and Saturday nights (I was never invited). I wasn't trying to be friends with them, just coexist for the summer, so I let them do their thing. But sometimes the party continued into an inappropriate hour. The day I had to stand up for my right to get some rest was the night the party was still going strong at 4am (oh ya, and the scent of pot migrated into my bedroom). I got out of bed, put on my robe, and told them to move the party elsewhere or say goodnight to their friends. Even though these girls were only 1-2 years younger than me, all of a sudden they acted like children who got in trouble with mommy. They moved the party. I honestly think they were just testing my limits to see what they could get away with.

You just gotta grow a pair and stand up for your rights. Be firm, but willing to compromise. Obviously, you can't say they need to be silent while you study for the USMLE for the next few months, but you have every right to request a quiet night before an exam. I expect you would do this for them in return. Last night I would have suggested you tell them to be quiet or move to one of the other girls' places. You can always try to play games and be loud when they have a test, but the 1-2 times I tried this, it didn't make any point and I just felt guilty, so I wouldn't recommend it.

Before this summer roommate experience, I lived with a group of girls who ganged up on me and our 5th roommate, talking about us openly in the apartment, smirks, rumors throughout campus. I tried being open with them about it, tried reaching a compromise, tried bringing in moderators. Nothing helped. I spent the last few months in that living situation avoiding my home - I was gone from about 8am-10pm and came back to sleep. When we were all in the apartment together, you could cut the tension with a knife. I threw myself into my studies to get my mind off the people in my apartment. Now, I won't say that was the healthy choice, and if you want to know more, you can PM me, but it helped me at the time. I really cared about the fact that they were spreading rumors at first, but it was exhausting, so I stopped worrying about it and my life became much brighter.

After years of bad roommates, I actually made a list of what I learned about myself from each experience. It is definitely a character building situation, and I know that I am a much stronger person today for having survived a couple of those girls.

My quick pieces of advice for you in dealing with your roommates:
1) Stand up for yourself
2) Be willing to compromise
3) Stop caring what they say behind your back
4) Spend time away from your apartment
5) When it is realistic, get out of the current living situation and try not to let yourself fall into a similar one next year

 

[acej]

These people are lucky that I'd room with them... I don't accept disrespectful attitude from people.

 

[QuantumMechanic]

Its a 2-way street. I'm sure if they came on this forum (which they easily could if 'Chicago' is your actual location, I'm sure there aren't that many people in your living situation that are female medical students in that city, just letting you know) they would probably tell a different story about how you alienated them. Remember that living situation are more than sharing a space. It affects alot of aspects of your life and if compromises don't happen then resentment and hatred can build. I know its easy for me to say "well you should've been a better friend with them from the start" but something tells me that you probably didn't do your share of being a good roommate either.

It really seems like you feed their fervor as they smirk at each other after they scream at you. This only compounds the problem further and further, and unfortunately at this point, you have no hope of ever fixing this living situation. You somehow managed to turn a less than ideal situation into a living situation disaster.

 

[SalseraDoctora]

Does anybody else think that this poster sounds mysteriously very similar to the same poster who has already been banned 400 times for posting similar made up scenarios of woe? (Please see: Desi boys like me, etc.)

I guess if you are bored this is a harmless way to amuse yourself, but if I am right about my impression then I hope you grow up a little before you become an MD.

 

[lisichka]

Might want to grow a pair (figuratively) and stand up for yourself. How can you tolerate getting stepped all over by two clowns?

And really, how much are they cleaning the apartment? I mean, I'm not a neat freak or anything, but what are you guys mopping (?) and buying cleaning supplies (?) every day? My "mopping" consists of one of those swiffer pads once a week and a vacuuming afterwards. This costs like $5 a month and takes 10 minutes. I think you need to sack up and clue your roommates in on how you feel.

if i were that roommate, i'd fall in love with ya.
there is smth hot about your advice. i have no idea what it is in particular though