Big Mistake

[Big_Failure]

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Hello SDN community,

Hope you all are doing well.

I am currently in a very desperate situation with my academics and wanted to get it off my chest.
This summer I decided that my 4-year private school did not have a good reputation (also didn't provide research opportunities), so I transferred into my state's public research flagship institution.

Now two months into the semester, this has been the biggest mistake of my life. I am failing all my major classes (D+/C- in Physics, F (C after curve probably) in Organic Chemistry, and B- in differential equations). It has less to do with the difficulty of the tests as much as it has to do with the huge lecture halls. I transferred in with a 4.0 G.P.A, medical school was a sure thing and now I see all my dreams crashing. When I went into Chemistry lab last week, I couldn't stop myself from crying and my classmates laughed at me. Why are people so heartless?
Both my parents are unemployed, one is ill. I have to work to put myself through school.

I haven't been to lecture in two and a half weeks now and second midterms are coming up this week, I no longer have an idea as to what is going on in class. I am beyond miserable at this school and cry every single day for making this (irreversible) mistake.

I am looking at taking a medical withdrawal for this semester (meaning 6 W's on my transcript + 1 from previous years) instead of finishing up (?) with a 2.5 G.P.A at best. I am now a junior and I blew a 10 grand this semester, let alone wasted 4 months of my life. But, it seems like the only option right now. My parents told me that if I leave this school, they will see me nothing more than a complete failure. I already feel this way, I know that I will not survive at this school. I need a small intimate environment that will be hand holding me, especially due to my depression and situation at home. I thought about transferring back to my old school (Will they even want me back or return my scholarships??) or attend community college (but I am already a junior)?

Wanted to get this off my chest and hear some hopeful future plan. Is medical school really over for me? Where do I go from here?

 

[Kisangani]

Part of being a student (especially a medical student) is learning to adapt. You must find a way to learn the material even if circumstances are not optimal or to your liking. That being said, I would encourage you to persevere and continue with this semester. There is plenty of time for you to bring your grades up. Your course load also seems a bit heavy and that may also be what is potentially holding you back. I don't see a valid reason for you to take a medical withdrawal, but you are probably free to take another sort of leave of absence. However, this gap in your training will not look optimal when you apply to schools later on and is also not in your best interest being that you said you and your family are strained financially. To answer your last question, no you still have an excellent chance if you can make the changes necessary to get through this term and assimilate into your new environment. Best of luck to you.

 

[Big_Failure]

Part of being a student (especially a medical student) is learning to adapt. You must find a way to learn the material even if circumstances are not optimal or to your liking. That being said, I would encourage you to persevere and continue with this semester. There is plenty of time for you to bring your grades up. Your course load also seems a bit heavy and that may also be what is potentially holding you back. I don't see a valid reason for you to take a medical withdrawal, but you are probably free to take another sort of leave of absence. However, this gap in your training will not look optimal when you apply to schools later on and is also not in your best interest being that you said you and your family are strained financially. To answer your last question, no you still have an excellent chance if you can make the changes necessary to get through this term and assimilate into your new environment. Best of luck to you.

I appreciate your response and opinion. I have already decided not to attend next semester and found a subleaser for my apartment.
It is also too late to catch up on anything at this point. Medical withdrawal is granted for psychological circumstances as well and it doesn't differ from any other withdrawal. (It doesn't even say medical withdrawal anywhere on the transcript).

 

[PreMedMissteps]

I need a small intimate environment that will be hand holding me, especially due to my depression and situation at home.

I thought about transferring back to my old school (Will they even want me back or return my scholarships??)

or attend community college (but I am already a junior)?

If you need a lot of hand-holding then how would you handle med school?
Your old school will not likely offer you the same aid as before but go ahead and contact them and ask. Likely you were offered the best aid as an incoming freshman so that they could seat the best freshman class they could.
A cc might work for a semester at least to take Ochem, physics and perhaps DifEq if it's offered there. But I don't think you're ready for next semester. You may need medical and mental health help. See a professional. Spend the next semester studying up on your weak areas so that next fall, you're ready.

As for your parents: they need to be quiet. Their words are appalling. Shame on them.

 

[Blanky]

You need to get it together bud.

 

[Big_Failure]

If you need a lot of hand-holding then how would you handle med school?
Your old school will not likely offer you the same aid as before but go ahead and contact them an ask. Likely you were offered the best aid as an incoming freshman so that they could seat the best freshman class they could.
A cc might work for a semester at least to take Ochem, physics and perhaps DifEq if it's offered there. But I don't think you're ready for next semester. You may need medical and mental health help. See a professional. Spend the next semester studying up on your weak areas so that next fall, you're ready.

As for your parents: they need to be quiet. Their words are appalling. Shame on them.

Thanks. I did not go into my university as an incoming freshman, I actually started at a community college and then transferred.
As for the handling med school, there are smaller sized private medical schools. I also planned on attending a religious medical school as it helps with the depression. Not every doctor has to be a top Harvard gunner.

 

[Big_Failure]

I can't afford professional help and do not want to attend the school health center.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

OP. I am sympathetic to your situation. But you don't seem to understand that unless you get help with your mental health, you will not succeed in medical school regardless of whether you naively believe that attending a religious medical school will be less rigorous than a Harvard-type medical school. All medical schools are difficult period!

 

[altblue]

I can't afford professional help and do not want to attend the school health center.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation

I must say though, it's very difficult to get over these issues without professional help. I strongly recommend finding some form of assistance, either from the government (medicaid?) or family, so that you can get this help

 

[Kisangani]

You are all jumping to conclusions. OP likely is not clinically depressed nor does she have any psychological issues. Her current state is likely just a consequence of her current academic difficulties. Most individuals who go into this field feel this way at some point and doing so is completely normal.........However, I concur with the others when they say that attending a "religious" medical school or one with a small class will not make the material any less difficult. This is something that is standard no matter where you go to school.

 

[Big_Failure]

You are all jumping to conclusions. OP likely is not clinically depressed nor does she have any psychological issues. Her current state is likely just a consequence of her current academic difficulties. Most individuals who go into this field feel this way at some point and doing so is completely normal.........However, I concur with the others when they say that attending a "religious" medical school or one with a small class will not make the material any less difficult. This is something that is standard no matter where you go to school.

It has nothing to do with the material difficulty. It is about being surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

I would appreciate if people stopped commenting on my mental health and whether or not I need to seek professional help, this I will decide for myself.

will withdrawing from the semester and transferring out prevent me from getting accepted or not?

 

[altblue]

It has nothing to do with the material difficulty. It is about being surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

I would appreciate if people stopped commenting on my mental health and whether or not I need to seek professional help, this I will decide for myself.

will withdrawing from the semester and transferring out prevent me from getting accepted or not?

Dude, you had to withdraw for a semester, and you skipped class repeatedly because you were upset. We're commenting on your mental health because we care

You need to see a therapist and take care of yourself, you may have a friend or family member qualified to help but I highly doubt it - you're dealing with some difficult things that a lot of us would find challenging

It's me trying to say you can get better, be happier and be more successful, rather than a slight on you. One of the smartest and hardworking people I've ever known would get dehabilitating panic attacks he addressed, and when he still had those, I still had the utmost respect for him.

Take care of yourself dude, it's practically speaking the best for you in the long run. I'm very sorry to hear about your family situation and you don't deserve to hear those harsh words

 

[RaspberrySlushy]

I don't think OP was saying that the religious medical schools would be easier, I read it more as having the religious aspect present and having that religious community would be helpful for some of the anxiety or depression.

That out of the way, OP, several thoughts are occurring:

This does happen to a lot of people. I have been there and it's not a fun place to be and you can get through it and continue towards your med school dream, if you make choices at this critical point that will lead you back in that direction. It's really up to you.

I think you should seek help from the school counseling center. I know you don't want to and you don't like your school, but it sounds like seeking help otherwise is not a viable option financially. Just because you've had a crappy experience at the school doesn't mean there isn't a counselor there that you might really connect with who can really help, and usually this is covered by your student fees or student health insurance.

Also, it is not too late for this term, if you want to work for it. You can talk to all of your professors about your performance so far and ask for their tips. You can go to your school's tutoring center and get help (again, covered by student fees and such so "free" to you). Having some one-on-one help might really alleviate some of the struggles you're having with the bigger classes.

But that said, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you want to do well and part of the issue is you're not going to class, you kind of have to suck it up and go to class. It may not be a setup that's well-suited for your learning style but you're not doing yourself any favors by not going.

Could you make a 4.0 for the term? Probably not, but you can pass, esp as you did mention there's a curve in these classes. If you take proactive steps, you can still salvage your grade.

And going forward, you need to think about your options. I think it's worth seeing if you can go back to your other school. It can't hurt to ask. Also, you can consider going half-time if you're working to put yourself through school. I worked all through school for similar reasons, and it took me about twice as long to graduate as most people, which isn't ideal but it's better than working so much and taking so many credits that you're so overloaded and stressed that you either blow your classes or your job and end up failing or fired. Sometimes going through the four-year track in four years isn't really an option for certain economic circumstances, and if you're in that boat, it may really help to take fewer classes. It will also ease the financial burden some b/c you'll have less to pay for tuition/books/etc per term.

But please, if you live away from your parents, don't move back with them. If you're having mental health issues, they sound pretty toxic in that regard. I know that's very presumptuous based on what little you said, but who says that to their kid? I don't think being around that kind of sentiment is going to help you with the anxiety, or with making good choices for moving forward.

The whole point I came on here to make is that you do have options, even if you aren't crazy about them (going to the school's mental health center, taking fewer classes, getting some academic help, talking with professors) and there's a lot you can do to make the best of your situation. You just have to be willing to do it and accept that it won't be easy, and that this will be the first in many tough, not easy things on this road and that doing it anyway could lead to really great outcomes if you put in the legwork, make the choices even if they're not ideal, and stick with it. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Kisangani]

It has nothing to do with the material difficulty. It is about being surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

I would appreciate if people stopped commenting on my mental health and whether or not I need to seek professional help, this I will decide for myself.

will withdrawing from the semester and transferring out prevent me from getting accepted or not?

How do you expect to be treated by attendings during your first year of residency? Also most medical students tend to be hyper competitive "type A" personalities. Not sure if they would fit the definition of being "brutally selfish" but you will have professors who feel like they are on a power trip and enjoy condescending to their students. You need to decide if this is something that you can handle.

As for withdrawing and transferring out, having gaps in your education does not help your application, nor does having any withdrawals.

 

[bananadonut]

Hello SDN community,

I am looking at taking a medical withdrawal for this semester (meaning 6 W's on my transcript + 1 from previous years) instead of finishing up (?) with a 2.5 G.P.A at best. I am now a junior and I blew a 10 grand this semester, let alone wasted 4 months of my life. But, it seems like the only option right now. My parents told me that if I leave this school, they will see me nothing more than a complete failure. I already feel this way, I know that I will not survive at this school. I need a small intimate environment that will be hand holding me, especially due to my depression and situation at home.

Yeah a medical withdraw seems to be the best choice / absolutely necessary. You need some time off to re evaluate what you want to do in the future. 7 withdraws don't look great but Fs look far worse imo.

Your parents aren't being understanding at all and are most likely just overly emotional from you not doing well. Don't take what they say to heart, they just really don't understand the situation at all. You're a grown-up, you know what you need to do and don't need parents shaming or negatively influencing your life.

During your time off, rethink what you need to do to succeed. Med schools aren't going to hold your hand (for the most part) and usually require far more studying and effort than undergrad. If that's something you really do not want to do, there is absolutely nothing wrong to switching career paths (who gives a rat's *** what your parents or anyone thinks).

If you're sure you want to stay on the med school path, take time to relax, make a plan, stick to it, and try your hardest.

 

[pewpew95]

Why does it have to be an all-or-nothing decision? Can you not withdraw from just 1 or 2 classes (physics/ochem) so you can finish stronger in your others? That way you are not wasting an entire semester's worth of tuition.

Success has a lot to do with a positive outlook on life, in my experiences. See the positives. You transferred to this new institution for a reason, and you were probably excited about it too, so find that excitement again. Keep your end goal in mind so that it is driving you to keep working harder and harder. And most importantly, suck it up! There is no room for self pity.

Trust me, I was in your shoes just barely a month ago - was super blue about my new program and lots of other things hurting me, stopped leaving the house for about a week, but realized that my attitude and self-pity was going to get me nowhere. I'm still struggling to stay afloat, not going to lie, but I am better now than I was before.

 

[Big_Failure]

I don't think OP was saying that the religious medical schools would be easier, I read it more as having the religious aspect present and having that religious community would be helpful for some of the anxiety or depression.

That out of the way, OP, several thoughts are occurring:

This does happen to a lot of people. I have been there and it's not a fun place to be and you can get through it and continue towards your med school dream, if you make choices at this critical point that will lead you back in that direction. It's really up to you.

I think you should seek help from the school counseling center. I know you don't want to and you don't like your school, but it sounds like seeking help otherwise is not a viable option financially. Just because you've had a crappy experience at the school doesn't mean there isn't a counselor there that you might really connect with who can really help, and usually this is covered by your student fees or student health insurance.

Also, it is not too late for this term, if you want to work for it. You can talk to all of your professors about your performance so far and ask for their tips. You can go to your school's tutoring center and get help (again, covered by student fees and such so "free" to you). Having some one-on-one help might really alleviate some of the struggles you're having with the bigger classes.

But that said, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you want to do well and part of the issue is you're not going to class, you kind of have to suck it up and go to class. It may not be a setup that's well-suited for your learning style but you're not doing yourself any favors by not going.

Could you make a 4.0 for the term? Probably not, but you can pass, esp as you did mention there's a curve in these classes. If you take proactive steps, you can still salvage your grade.

And going forward, you need to think about your options. I think it's worth seeing if you can go back to your other school. It can't hurt to ask. Also, you can consider going half-time if you're working to put yourself through school. I worked all through school for similar reasons, and it took me about twice as long to graduate as most people, which isn't ideal but it's better than working so much and taking so many credits that you're so overloaded and stressed that you either blow your classes or your job and end up failing or fired. Sometimes going through the four-year track in four years isn't really an option for certain economic circumstances, and if you're in that boat, it may really help to take fewer classes. It will also ease the financial burden some b/c you'll have less to pay for tuition/books/etc per term.

But please, if you live away from your parents, don't move back with them. If you're having mental health issues, they sound pretty toxic in that regard. I know that's very presumptuous based on what little you said, but who says that to their kid? I don't think being around that kind of sentiment is going to help you with the anxiety, or with making good choices for moving forward.

The whole point I came on here to make is that you do have options, even if you aren't crazy about them (going to the school's mental health center, taking fewer classes, getting some academic help, talking with professors) and there's a lot you can do to make the best of your situation. You just have to be willing to do it and accept that it won't be easy, and that this will be the first in many tough, not easy things on this road and that doing it anyway could lead to really great outcomes if you put in the legwork, make the choices even if they're not ideal, and stick with it. I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you for taking the time and thought to write this. This was by far the best advice I received (Not just from this forum). You definitely explained the situation better than I did. I did go to some of the lectures, but could not hold my tears once I was surrounded by so many people and left after 5 minutes, crying in the bus all the way home (I can not control it). I would definitely say one of the reasons I succeeded so much in my previous school was having a close relationship with a professor, who happened to be a pastor. He was like the father I didn't have, and I feel beyond ashamed of myself for transferring to a more prestigious school because of my ego, I definitely deserve being mistreated, I feel like it is God teaching me a lesson to appreciate the things you have...

How do you expect to be treated by attendings during your first year of residency? Also most medical students tend to be hyper competitive "type A" personalities. Not sure if they would fit the definition of being "brutally selfish" but you will have professors who feel like they are on a power trip and enjoy condescending to their students. You need to decide if this is something that you can handle.

As for withdrawing and transferring out, having gaps in your education does not help your application, nor does having any withdrawals.

I believe that there are good people out there and that not all doctors believe they are entitled. I also believe that there are schools where students help each other making sure that everyone succeeds, rather than caring for their own good. Your comments are just making me sad.

 

[Big_Failure]

Why does it have to be an all-or-nothing decision? Can you not withdraw from just 1 or 2 classes (physics/ochem) so you can finish stronger in your others? That way you are not wasting an entire semester's worth of tuition.

Success has a lot to do with a positive outlook on life, in my experiences. See the positives. You transferred to this new institution for a reason, and you were probably excited about it too, so find that excitement again. Keep your end goal in mind so that it is driving you to keep working harder and harder. And most importantly, suck it up! There is no room for self pity.

Trust me, I was in your shoes just barely a month ago - was super blue about my new program and lots of other things hurting me, stopped leaving the house for about a week, but realized that my attitude and self-pity was going to get me nowhere. I'm still struggling to stay afloat, not going to lie, but I am better now than I was before.

My school only allows one class to be dropped and the deadline is this week, after that it is all or nothing.

 

[Goro]

My school only allows one class to be dropped and the deadline is this week, after that it is all or nothing.

Ws were designed exactly for your situation. They will not hurt. Lots of bad grades will hurt you.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

As for the handling med school, there are smaller sized private medical schools. I also planned on attending a religious medical school as it helps with the depression. Not every doctor has to be a top Harvard gunner.

No one is talking about being a Harvard gunner. As for religious med schools, aren't there only 4, soon to be 5, religion-associated MD schools and a maybe a couple of DO? Who knows if you'd be accepted to those and how would that help with depression. As med schools go, they're essentially similar to secular. And the ones I'm familiar with aren't small by med school standards so not sure what you mean. If there are ones that are smaller, that still doesn't mean that they're going to hold your hand.

Which religion-associated med schools are you thinking of?


Take the medical withdrawal.

Did your former private university provide you huge need based aid or merit aid? Did you commute or dorm??

I am failing all my major classes (D+/C- in Physics, F (C after curve probably) in Organic Chemistry, and B- in differential equations). It has less to do with the difficulty of the tests as much as it has to do with the huge lecture halls. I transferred in with a 4.0 G.P.A, medical school was a sure thing and now I see all my dreams crashing.

Take the medical withdrawal of all classes. You're failing all classes. You had a 4.0 before, and this will restore your 4.0. Yes, you'll lose 10k, but you'd spend more tha 10k again trying to fix a bad GPA.

And if you do withdraw all classes maybe your old school will take you back next fall. Apply and see what aid they'd give....and prestige isn't needed for med school apps.

Don't listen to your parents. And, hell, since they're not supportive and not paying for college, don't tell them negative things that they're just going to be mean.

 

[medguy24]

If I were in your shoes I would drop all the classes. Having Ws in your classes is MUCH better than getting C/D/F in them.
I would also consider leaving this school and going back to your old one.
On a positive note, you can use this during interviews as a time you made a mistake and what you did to solve it!


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Terror Billy]

I echo what others are saying, you should withdraw this semester, take the remaining time off and then return to your old university. Also, stop making excuses, no one is out to get you, take some personal responsibility and try to grow from this adversity.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Drop your classes to protect that GPA, then please, please, please get some help. The kind of responses you're describing are not healthy. You will not survive any medical school or medical career if that is how you respond to a college environment. This is not an insult or a judgement of your character, just the truth. You need to be mentally healthy, and it is really hard to do that without a professional to help you.

 

[863168]

@Big_Failure People are being curt with you because you are expressively representative of the first stage of grief which is denial over what is seemingly a salvageable situation. Evidence of shock and denial is represented by your shift of blame from an inability to personally perform due to the "huge lecture halls" and then to more emotive oriented issues like "... brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being."

These two categories are profoundly different and the fact that you conflate them so easily in the span of a 3 hour period means that you haven't approached this with an earnestly logical approach and instead seems you are coming from a hysterically illogical state of mind and will latch unto the first person who massages your bruised ego at having hit what may be the first major bump in your life. This is indicated by you adding additional factors such as your parents unemployment and your need to work in order to survive which again somehow are also subsidiary points that you felt were necessary to add in. I am not stating that such factors are non-factors, but rather am noting them because you are unhinged and throwing every single blockade into the kettle of sympathy soup. The fact that you are want to hear a future plan that is hopeful is an indicator that you are still pursuing dreams rather than a well rationalized schematic.

In which case, if you deem these as serious problems then I suggest reaching out to the priest or "Father" that you mentioned previously if your family is not providing you a supportive infrastructure. You will work through this after you accept that the 4.0 is quite meaningless in the grand scheme of things. In truth, compared to real problems aspiring to medical school is pretty trivial in comparison to your parental problems and financial destitution. However, these are problems that premedical students don't usually face, hence their attention being gravitated towards academic coursework rather than your economic livelihood.

 

[Jdp00921]

I'm having trouble following what specifically is driving your emotional reaction. I could understand frustration causing poor class outcomes but from what you are describing, the fact that you dislike the attitude(s) of your fellow peers is driving you to cry uncontrollably and not be able to attend class/focus. You said it isn't the difficulty of the material but your peers that are apparently causing you such sadness that you are failing. Forgive me if I seem unsympathetic to your situation, I'm just having trouble understanding why your peer's attitudes are causing you such emotional pain that you cannot move forward...

 

[Turkishking]

I went through an identical situation. Try to do your best and finish off the semester strong. If you cannot do, so, I recommend taking a medical withdrawal. If you can identify your issues, and get them taken care of now, you can bring your grades up.. hopefully at least.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I went through an identical situation. Try to do your best and finish off the semester strong. If you cannot do, so, I recommend taking a medical withdrawal. If you can identify your issues, and get them taken care of now, you can bring your grades up.. hopefully at least.

OP can't stay in a lecture more than 5 minutes without crying. Probably not finishing the semester strong.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I definitely deserve being mistreated,

This is why you need to drop now. This kind of attitude is super unhealthy. You need to find a way to value yourself more, because no one deserves to be mistreated.

I feel like it is God teaching me a lesson to appreciate the things you have...

God might want you to learn that lesson, but it sounds like He wants you to take a break and work on yourself for a while.

 

[Big_Failure]

This is why you need to drop now. This kind of attitude is super unhealthy. You need to find a way to value yourself more, because no one deserves to be mistreated.



God might want you to learn that lesson, but it sounds like He wants you to take a break and work on yourself for a while.

What kind of break can I possibly take? Have a full-time Walmart job? That is even more depressing.
I want to go to school, I love studying, but I can no longer stay in this school's unsupportive environment.
Education is the most important thing for me, I am a high school dropout, I do not want to become a college dropout. The only reason I survived two years of school was very supportive and very close teachers. I thought I could make it out on my own, go to a more independent place, where there is no community, I was so wrong. I feel ashamed of trying to return to my old school, especially because of the teachers and advisors who will ask me why I left and my parents who see this nothing more than a failure. I also feel like the 7 W's on my transcript and the transfer in and out is a death sentence to medical school, and that this dream is long gone.

 

[Big_Failure]

I just wish none of this would have happened.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

As for the handling med school, there are smaller sized private medical schools.

Doesn’t matter. Med school is an absolute furnace and can destroy even the most psychologically stable individuals. Nobody is going to hold your hand in med school, at any school.

I also planned on attending a religious medical school as it helps with the depression

Which ones? The only two that actually have a religious environment are Loma Linda and LUCOM. Even then don’t think they will be holding your hand the whole time.

professors that don't give a ****,

This occurs in med school too, some profs care, and others couldn’t care less.

and I feel beyond ashamed of myself for transferring to a more prestigious school because of my ego, I definitely deserve being mistreated, I feel like it is God teaching me a lesson to appreciate the things you have...

As a religious man myself you are being a little ridiculous. God doesn’t punish people for trying to seek out good opportunities. The bolded is extremely alarming and you need to seek help because this mindset is extremely unhealthy.

also believe that there are schools where students help each other making sure that everyone succeeds, rather than caring for their own good. Your comments are just making me sad.

Yes, but medical school is a massive furnace. It’s brutal and from what I have read here I have serious doubts you would last a month. You need to seek help.

I also feel like the 7 W's on my transcript and the transfer in and out is a death sentence to medical school, and that this dream is long gone.

Nope, a semester of Ws is not a killer. But your current emotional instability will be a death sentence for medical school unless you seek help and get it under control.

 

[Goro]

I also feel like the 7 W's on my transcript and the transfer in and out is a death sentence to medical school,

Pay very careful attention: the bolded is NOT true.
Working for a living is nothing to be ashamed of. Being in a service industry with customer contact will help you a lot for a career in Medicine, which is itself is a service profession.

There is no law that you have to go to med school at age 22, nor college at 18. Work a few years, save some money and then go for it.

I just wish none of this would have happened.
Well, it did happen. Now what are you going to do about it?

 

[PreMedMissteps]

inability to personally perform due to the "huge lecture halls" and then to more emotive oriented issues like "... brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being."

As for big lecture halls, mentally shrink them by sitting in one of the first couple of rows. If you sit in the front always, likely the prof is going to remember you.

I suspect that your complaints about TAs is the very common issue that TAs have strict lab rules and if you don't follow them, you lose points. Quite the difference from high school where hand-holding and loosey-goosey lab requirements are often norm.

I also believe that there are schools where students help each other making sure that everyone succeeds, rather than caring for their own good. Your comments are just making me sad.

The above just doesn't exist

Which religion-associated med schools are you thinking of?

I may have missed your answer to this question. There are so few religion-associated med schools. The ones I know about are not small as med schools go. Which ones will you be applying to? Keep in mind that you'll need to apply to about 15+ med schools and who knows where you'd get in.

 

[DokterMom]

What kind of break can I possibly take? Have a full-time Walmart job? That is even more depressing.
I want to go to school, I love studying, but I can no longer stay in this school's unsupportive environment.
Education is the most important thing for me, I am a high school dropout, I do not want to become a college dropout. The only reason I survived two years of school was very supportive and very close teachers. I thought I could make it out on my own, go to a more independent place, where there is no community, I was so wrong. I feel ashamed of trying to return to my old school, especially because of the teachers and advisors who will ask me why I left and my parents who see this nothing more than a failure. I also feel like the 7 W's on my transcript and the transfer in and out is a death sentence to medical school, and that this dream is long gone.

No one at your old school will be mad at you for leaving. Your reasons were logical and not personal -- seeking out more research opportunities and a better-known 'brand'. Simply tell them that while you always valued and appreciated the supportive community at SmallSchool, you didn't realize how critical they were to your success and how much the professors and supportive community helped you thrive. A flattering 'spin' -- but still absolutely the truth.

Ask to go back. All you need is 2 minutes of courage to make the necessary phone calls and get the re-admission balls rolling again. If you take the W's now, your academic record will still be strong and your 'detour' will just be a quick "Mistake I learned from and fixed" story.

But please don't discount the advice to seek counseling. Therapy isn't just for the sick, the weak or the neurotics! Good therapy can help everyone who's struggling and temporarily unable to see things clearly and react pro-actively, and that certainly describes your situation. You will need to learn some more effective coping techniques before you will be able to succeed in medical school.

 

[IlDestriero]

It has nothing to do with the material difficulty. It is about being surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

will withdrawing from the semester and transferring out prevent me from getting accepted or not?

Get used to it. Your classmates are going to be part of the special snowflake safe space generation that’s selfish, ignorant and delusional, and your medical faculty, colleagues and staff will be often egomaniacs, douchebags, and more self centered than you can imagine.
For the most part, nobody gives a damn about you until it affects them, and then they’ll only care because your failures are interfering with their work and golf plans.
Transfer or don’t transfer, get your act together and move on. If you’re a 4.0 student with a bad semester or year, kill the MCAT and nobody will give it much thought.
I can’t imagine how relentlessly annoying it would be to have to redo undergrad now with all of these wack jobs as classmates. Back in my day all we wanted was to beat the opposing team, get a PR on the bench press, drink until dawn and score with the sorority girls.
A safe space was where you took your pal to chill when he dropped some bad shrooms.


--
Il Destriero

 

[HomeSkool]

I just wish none of this would have happened.

Wishing won't change reality, so stop doing it. It's unproductive and a waste of energy. Focus instead on how to move forward.

I echo what others are saying about your mental health: you're clearly unwell right now and need help. That's not a dig, it's the truth, and no one here thinks any less of you for it. Depression can be temporary/situational or chronic, it's treatable in either case, and it doesn't have to derail your career. My own story is proof of that. I won't give details in a public forum, but the Reader's Digest version is that I was diagnosed with major depression as an attending, and once it was recognized and treated I became happier than I'd been in a decade. My only regret is that I suffered so long before asking for help. You're sinking in depressive quicksand right now, and you need a lifeline. Don't try to go it alone.

You need to figure out how to adapt, adjust, and overcome. What if you don't get into a smaller med school that does lots of hand holding? What if you do get into one but then match into a malignant residency program? What if you make it through everything and land your dream job but then find that some of your colleagues are nasty and virulent? Forget safe spaces and hand-holding; that's not how the real world works. Learn how to survive and thrive in diverse environments (this is how counseling can help you). If your situation and circumstances determine your happiness, you'll always be miserable.

Sent from my Pixel 2 using SDN mobile

 

[Big_Failure]

Wishing won't change reality, so stop doing it. It's unproductive and a waste of energy. Focus instead on how to move forward.

I echo what others are saying about your mental health: you're clearly unwell right now and need help. That's not a dig, it's the truth, and no one here thinks any less of you for it. Depression can be temporary/situational or chronic, it's treatable in either case, and it doesn't have to derail your career. My own story is proof of that. I won't give details in a public forum, but the Reader's Digest version is that I was diagnosed with major depression as an attending, and once it was recognized and treated I became happier than I'd been in a decade. My only regret is that I suffered so long before asking for help. You're sinking in depressive quicksand right now, and you need a lifeline. Don't try to go it alone.

You need to figure out how to adapt, adjust, and overcome. What if you don't get into a smaller med school that does lots of hand holding? What if you do get into one but then match into a malignant residency program? What if you make it through everything and land your dream job but then find that some of your colleagues are nasty and virulent? Forget safe spaces and hand-holding; that's not how the real world works. Learn how to survive and thrive in diverse environments (this is how counseling can help you). If your situation and circumstances determine your happiness, you'll always be miserable.

Alright, do you think I should get a 2.8 GPA for the semester (only one class transfers back to my school, so is there a point blowing my GPA) or withdraw entirely?
You guys were right, I do need help (and desperately want it) and should not be ashamed of that. I have no one to talk to and my family is emotionally abusive. I can't afford professional help, so I might talk to a pastor, it is better than being on my own again.
I also don't know how I will return a 10 grand back, it feels like the end of the world, it will take me 6+ months to save another 10 grand to attend school, I will have to live with my parents, which is going to be tough. I really don't want to take another break from school, it is the only thing that gives me hope at this point.

 

[Disciple of Sattar]

Withdraw entirely, get your crap under control, and go to a school where you can do well. Succeed at this, and according to what I have read from the more knowledgeable residents of this forum, you will be fine with some explanation. Explain it well, and it might even provide a platform to demonstrate maturity: how you were reflective of your situation and what you personally needed to do well, then acted accordingly to get yourself back on track.

If you don't drop, you will have to give the same explanation but instead of merely clarifying, you will have to dig yourself out of a hole.

Can you get federal loans for school?

 

[Kpw101]

Don't be afraid to take school at the pace that you can take it at. If you want to be a doctor this a process that you cannot rush. I'm truly sorry for the circumstances you are in but if the only way through school is taking some time off and saving up money then so be it.

 

[Big_Failure]

Withdraw entirely, get your crap under control, and go to a school where you can do well. Succeed at this, and according to what I have read from the more knowledgeable residents of this forum, you will be fine with some explanation. Explain it well, and it might even provide a platform to demonstrate maturity: how you were reflective of your situation and what you personally needed to do well, then acted accordingly to get yourself back on track.

If you don't drop, you will have to give the same explanation but instead of merely clarifying, you will have to dig yourself out of a hole.

Can you get federal loans for school?

I didn't get federal loans for school, only the Parent Plus thing which needs to be co-signed by a parent. My parents, of course, denied any assistance.
So no loans for school, only out of my pocket. I do not want to mess with private loans, I do not know how they work, I also don't have any credit history...

 

[Big_Failure]

Don't be afraid to take school at the pace that you can take it at. If you want to be a doctor this a process that you cannot rush. I'm truly sorry for the circumstances you are in but if the only way through school is taking some time off and saving up money then so be it.

It is more expensive to attend part time than full time at the private school, since part-time does not qualify for merit scholarships.

 

[fourandtwo]

It has nothing to do with the material difficulty. It is about being surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

I would appreciate if people stopped commenting on my mental health and whether or not I need to seek professional help, this I will decide for myself.

will withdrawing from the semester and transferring out prevent me from getting accepted or not?

How do you expect to be treated by attendings during your first year of residency? Also most medical students tend to be hyper competitive "type A" personalities. Not sure if they would fit the definition of being "brutally selfish" but you will have professors who feel like they are on a power trip and enjoy condescending to their students. You need to decide if this is something that you can handle.

As for withdrawing and transferring out, having gaps in your education does not help your application, nor does having any withdrawals.

I agree with @Kisangani here...but it’s not just for the medical profession. This kind of heirarchy and selfishness exists in any career you choose. Literally every.. single.. career.. what are you going to do about it? You can’t always control your environment, but you can control how you react to it. It’s the only thing you can control in life- how you react to things. Now, I don’t expect you to read this little piece of advice and change your perspective right away. But I do hope you keep it in your pocket for when you are ready.

Lastly, I think anyone, with or without mental health issues, can benefit from therapy. If you can’t afford professional therapy right now, you can do things like read self help books or chase experiences that push you out of your comfort zone. These kinds of things help bring in new perspectives and helps with being stuck. Good luck to you!

 

[ndafife]

It has nothing to do with the material difficulty. It is about being surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and TA's that think being a first year phd student gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

I would appreciate if people stopped commenting on my mental health and whether or not I need to seek professional help, this I will decide for myself.

will withdrawing from the semester and transferring out prevent me from getting accepted or not?

No matter where you go for medical school you're going to find yourself surrounded with brutally selfish people, professors that don't give a ****, and residents that think being a first year intern gives them the permission to treat others less than a human being.

 

[863168]

@Big_Failure Secondary round of input, I think it's expected that you feel the way you do. I think it's wrong that other people are suggesting that you speak to a trained therapist, therapy costs more money than you likely make if you are accounting for your finances properly (on that note a $10,000 term bill for a semester of classes from a state school makes no sense at all). I think that conventional therapy is more convenient than challenging, often times built around securing a foundation but then never tackling the challenging issues. It adopts a laissez-faire approach reflected in the patient-consumer's own laissez-faire attitude which seems to me to be a masturbatory practice once the patient themselves are self-aware to their own shortcomings and needs.

That aside, I think that you have already self-identified that you left your support structure: supportive teachers and a Jesuit community (?) for a secular experience at a state school that felt isolationist and daunting. When you leave your support structure, any native stress related factors that were masked by the support structure suddenly become valid game. That being said, it's possible that switching from an environment that supported any individual issues to a new environment that required adaptation and was impersonal to your issue added more stress on top of it.

On a final note, it is pointless to surmise on the nature of human nature. Discussion about it is viewed as detrimental because you are forming an assumed generalization on a collective without taking into account your own personal bias. This point is exacerbated when you are experiencing negative stimuli and see negative attributes in other people e.g. projection. This being said, I agree that human nature is disposed to a type of selfishness that is inescapable in nature due to our biological build, psychological framework, technological modernity, and educational socialization. I would not pretend to be a clinical therapist if it didn't give me a perverted sense of enjoyment at having authority I do not possess in my real life. And although the prior statement is false, it doesn't provide you any recourse from believing it to be true. Hence, why I urge people with systematically systemic problems to take control over their own life and to treat all advice with a grain of salt.