Boyfriend moved to residency and I moved with him, but we aren't engaged or married?

[neoexile]

That's a funny thing to bring up (cooking) because I actually started a Huel (complete meal replacement) subscription in order to free my wife from feeling any need to cook for me or do dishes. She was like "cool, I can play with the baby more".

Yup, it's definitely GG. 😀

And I'm happy for you and your wife. Seeing a successful marriage is rare nowadays. 🙂

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[Crayola227]

You basically just told me he doesn't want to be tied down, which essentially means he's not sure about a future with me. That's really all I need to know.

My friends were right. The clues were all there.

I'm just not getting how signs of him being "unsure," given that YOU haven't even taken any responsibility for communication in this relationship by initiating it, makes him the bad guy.

He makes sense to me, especially given that the more you say, the less mature, communicative, initiating, empathetic you come off, and all of which is really necessary for a good marriage. You also are coming off as very misandrist.

Would you want to be tied to you, at this point? I wouldn't.

 

[Melanie2423]

I'm just not getting how signs of him being "unsure," given that YOU haven't even taken any responsibility for communication in this relationship by initiating it, makes him the bad guy.

He makes sense to me, especially given that the more you say, the less mature, communicative, initiating, empathetic you come off, and all of which is really necessary for a good marriage. You also are coming off as very misandrist.

Would you want to be tied to you, at this point? I wouldn't.

You seem like the typical "pick-me" type men love, so not really interested. I personally know I'm a great catch and if he doesn't want to marry me that's fine. His ACTIONS show he has no interest in marrying me or at the very least doesn't trust me. So instead of wasting time with a man who doesn't see me in his future, I'm leaving.

I can raise this baby on my own just fine without any help from him. And before all the MGTOW's start complaining about child-support I won't ask him for a dime. I'll be just fine in Chicago raising my baby on my own.

 

[sumtimesuwonder]

FWIW I've been with my girl for 10 years and felt I was too young to get married until recently (I'm in my late 20's)

I moved to WV from PA for medical school last year (about a 7 hour drive from where I used to live) and felt it was a big enough change that it was too big of a change to not commit to her or at least have a discussion with her that I wanted her to come with me.

We're engaged now so it worked out. If I were in your shoes I would have at least had the dialogue before you moved if you were unsure about it.

 

[Crayola227]

Not sure how old you were,but if you were very young that factors in.

I was 16-23 is when we were together he was 20-27. Both from pretty conservative Christian backgrounds (didn't stop us from living in sin...digress). I was his first in every way. It was a bumpy road.

The next was 23-30, he was 26-33. He was actually a bit more sure about engagement earlier on than I was, and understandably so given his relationship history. I had just gotten out of the first engagement (this guy was NOT a rebound... he was really my dream guy in my eyes), was still young, and just starting my career in medicine. We did a lot of long distance. In my eyes, we had a lot to overcome before I was comfortable with an engagement. A promise to try to see things through was enough for me. We figured if we survived everything there was to survive, we could make it through anything. Turns out we were wrong, but whatever.

Career is making a lot of people gunshy and putting off marriage.

 

[neoexile]

You seem like the typical "pick-me" type men love, so not really interested. I personally know I'm a great catch and if he doesn't want to marry me that's fine. His ACTIONS show he has no interest in marrying me or at the very least doesn't trust me. So instead of wasting time with a man who doesn't see me in his future, I'm leaving.

I can raise this baby on my own just fine without any help from him. And before all the MGTOW's start complaining about child-support I won't ask him for a dime. I'll be just fine in Chicago raising my baby on my own.

So we went behind his back and talked about our issues on an online forum. And now, without talking to him about our issues, we leave. =/

Ya, not sure if he's the one with the problem.

 

[Crayola227]

You seem like the typical "pick-me" type men love, so not really interested. I personally know I'm a great catch and if he doesn't want to marry me that's fine. His ACTIONS show he has no interest in marrying me or at the very least doesn't trust me. So instead of wasting time with a man who doesn't see me in his future, I'm leaving.

I can raise this baby on my own just fine without any help from him. And before all the MGTOW's start complaining about child-support I won't ask him for a dime. I'll be just fine in Chicago raising my baby on my own.

Wait? You're pregnant? You have a baby?

 

[Melanie2423]

Wait? You're pregnant? You have a baby?

I'm 3 months pregnant.

 

[neoexile]

Wait? You're pregnant? You have a baby?

Feelsbadman. If it ends without you talking to him about your issues and explaining what you want...

Crayola is far more wiser than me.

 

[Crayola227]

You seem like the typical "pick-me" type men love, so not really interested. I personally know I'm a great catch and if he doesn't want to marry me that's fine. His ACTIONS show he has no interest in marrying me or at the very least doesn't trust me. So instead of wasting time with a man who doesn't see me in his future, I'm leaving.

I can raise this baby on my own just fine without any help from him. And before all the MGTOW's start complaining about child-support I won't ask him for a dime. I'll be just fine in Chicago raising my baby on my own.

Lol, hardly. I've always had a lot going for me. Maybe that's why I've never been that quick to want to get married, have always been pretty direct in my relationships about communication without worrying abut coming off as needy.

If anything, the men I have dated have always remarked on how independent I am. To the point where *they* feel insecure.

Given what you've said about his guy, why do YOU even want to marry him?

 

[Raryn]

I'm 3 months pregnant.

... Have you told him yet? What was his response?

 

[Crayola227]

I'm 3 months pregnant.

Why didn't you start the thread off with this info?

Changes things a lot.

 

[neoexile]

Why didn't you start the thread off with this info?

Changes things a lot.

It is sensitive information to share and pretty personal.

 

[cresume]

It is sensitive information to share and pretty personal.

I think they're already super-identifiable if anyone in houston knows a resident from chicago who bought a house and is living with his pregnant RN GF (whose name is probably melanie).

Also being pregnant really seems like another step in the relationship and marriage-worthy.

Unless this is some elaborate troll trying to rile up /r/incel.

 

[Melanie2423]

... Have you told him yet? What was his response?

He doesn't know. He's been working so often he's never here when I have morning sickness.
Regardless, I didn't tell him because I wanted to know he wanted to marry me for me. Not because I was pregnant and it seems based off of looking at these answer I got the answer I needed.

This man does not love me or trust me, or even see a future with me. He kept me here as his "sure thing" and I was stupid enough to follow him thinking he actually loved me and wanted to marry me, but subconsciously he is probably looking for someone better he would want to commit to. I'm stupid for not realizing it earlier.

I think I'll book the earliest greyhound bus to Chicago and pack a few things. I'm done with this and have wasted enough time with this man.

 

[darknecrosforte]

He doesn't know. He's been working so often he's never here when I have morning sickness.
Regardless, I didn't tell him because I wanted to know he wanted to marry me for me. Not because I was pregnant and it seems based off of looking at these answer I got the answer I needed.

This man does not love me or trust me, or even see a future with me. He kept me here as his "sure thing" and I was stupid enough to follow him thinking he actually loved me and wanted to marry me, but subconsciously he is probably looking for someone better he would want to commit to. I'm stupid for not realizing it earlier.

I think I'll book the earliest greyhound bus to Chicago and pack a few things. I'm done with this and have wasted enough time with this man.

A man who takes the baby away from the family without a word: Kidnapper
The woman who takes the baby away without a word: Independent, strong, hero

Thread was entertaining, even though it could also be a sweet troll.

 

[neoexile]

He doesn't know. He's been working so often he's never here when I have morning sickness.
Regardless, I didn't tell him because I wanted to know he wanted to marry me for me. Not because I was pregnant and it seems based off of looking at these answer I got the answer I needed.

This man does not love me or trust me, or even see a future with me. He kept me here as his "sure thing" and I was stupid enough to follow him thinking he actually loved me and wanted to marry me, but subconsciously he is probably looking for someone better he would want to commit to. I'm stupid for not realizing it earlier.

I think I'll book the earliest greyhound bus to Chicago and pack a few things. I'm done with this and have wasted enough time with this man.

=/. A fairly hasty response without any discussion with him about your needs and your desires. He cannot read your mind and understand what you want. And even if you aren't married, he has committed to you for a long time. He hasn't been seeing other girls behind your back.

Nor does he know that he has a child. Oddly enough, I wonder if he was looking for someone else, why would he ask you to come to Texas? There is much to read into here.

 

[Raryn]

He doesn't know. He's been working so often he's never here when I have morning sickness.
Regardless, I didn't tell him because I wanted to know he wanted to marry me for me. Not because I was pregnant and it seems based off of looking at these answer I got the answer I needed.

This man does not love me or trust me, or even see a future with me. He kept me here as his "sure thing" and I was stupid enough to follow him thinking he actually loved me and wanted to marry me, but subconsciously he is probably looking for someone better he would want to commit to. I'm stupid for not realizing it earlier.

I think I'll book the earliest greyhound bus to Chicago and pack a few things. I'm done with this and have wasted enough time with this man.

I thought this was a real post at first.

Then as it went on I got skeptical.

Now I think it's just a troll.

In the event that this is real, I recommend you simply talk to your SO. If this was a bad movie, you'd take the bus and it turns out he has an engagement ring stuck in a drawer somewhere and he would rush to give it to you. This is not a bad movie. This is real life.

 

[Melanie2423]

=/. A fairly hasty response without any discussion with him about your needs and your desires. He cannot read your mind and understand what you want. And even if you aren't married, he has committed to you for a long time. He hasn't been seeing other girls behind your back.

Nor does he know that he has a child. Oddly enough, I wonder if he was looking for someone else, why would he ask you to come to Texas? There is much to read into here.

He hasn't committed to me at all. Men do this all the time with girls. They lead them on and then drop them when they find someone better. I'm his back-up plan. Notice I'm the one who took all the risk just to move across the country to be with him. I moved from my family/friends. He's taken no risk at all. Even when I wanted to get the house in both of names and was willing to put money in he wanted it only in his name, showing me he doesn't trust me and doesn't see me in his future. It's why he never proposed.

 

[rokshana]

You seem like the typical "pick-me" type men love, so not really interested. I personally know I'm a great catch and if he doesn't want to marry me that's fine. His ACTIONS show he has no interest in marrying me or at the very least doesn't trust me. So instead of wasting time with a man who doesn't see me in his future, I'm leaving.

I can raise this baby on my own just fine without any help from him. And before all the MGTOW's start complaining about child-support I won't ask him for a dime. I'll be just fine in Chicago raising my baby on my own.

wait! what? did i miss a post? when did you mention being PREGNANT?

have to ask? does he know?

so when you discussed being pregnant, the discussion of getting married didn't come up?

way to bury the lead...

 

[Melanie2423]

I thought this was a real post at first.

Then as it went on I got skeptical.

Now I think it's just a troll.

In the event that this is real, I recommend you simply talk to your SO. If this was a bad movie, you'd take the bus and it turns out he has an engagement ring stuck in a drawer somewhere and he would rush to give it to you. This is not a bad movie. This is real life.

You can think whatever you want, it won't change anything for me. Honestly I'm so hormonal and tired right now that I just want to go to cry.

 

[neoexile]

He hasn't committed to me at all. Men do this all the time with girls. They lead them on and then drop them when they find someone better. I'm his back-up plan. Notice I'm the one who took all the risk just to move across the country to be with him. I moved from my family/friends. He's taken no risk at all. Even when I wanted to get the house in both of names and was willing to put money in he wanted it only in his name, showing me he doesn't trust me and doesn't see me in his future. It's why he never proposed.

Think about it. If he wanted to find someone else, it would have been far easier without you coming to Houston.

There needs to be a talk between you two before it ends

 

[Melanie2423]

wait! what? did i miss a post? when did you mention being PREGNANT?

have to ask? does he know?

so when you discussed being pregnant, the discussion of getting married didn't come up?

way to bury the lead...

Me being pregnant isn't important because he doesn't know. This question was about mine and his relationship.

 

[neoexile]

Me being pregnant isn't important because he doesn't know. This question was about mine and his relationship.

Perhaps a couples counselor might be appropriate? I feel like this is beyond the scope of a online forum. I wouldn't just end it here and now without talking with him.

 

[Melanie2423]

Think about it. If he wanted to find someone else, it would have been far easier without you coming to Houston.

There needs to be a talk between you two before it ends

Your not getting it. I'm his back-up plan. He didn't want to let me go without having someone else lined up when he finds them.
As soon as he meets a girl he likes better he's done with me.

 

[neoexile]

Your not getting it. I'm his back-up plan. He didn't want to let me go without having someone else lined up when he finds them.
As soon as he meets a girl he likes better he's done with me.

How do we know this? Do we have any proof?

 

[rokshana]

Your not getting it. I'm his back-up plan. He didn't want to let me go without having someone else lined up when he finds them.
As soon as he meets a girl he likes better he's done with me.

nope...unless you decide not to have that baby, you are now tied to him for the rest of your life, because now its not about you...it has to be about what is best for the baby, regardless of whether you continue your relationship with him.

 

[Melanie2423]

How do we know this? Do we have any proof?

That's what residents do. They string girls along and bring their back-up plan along with them just in case. Then they meet nurses who fawn over them and can have their pick of any women, or they meet other residents they may like better.
I follow him on social media and he's already liking one of the girl residents he works with profile pic. He barely ever likes pics on social media but he's liking hers.

 

[rokshana]

That's what residents do. They string girls along and bring their back-up plan along with them just in case. Then they meet nurses who fawn over them and can have their pick of any women, or they meet other residents they may like better.
I follow him on social media and he's already liking one of the girl residents he works with profile pic. He barely ever likes pics on social media but he's liking hers.

smh

sorry but then aren't you just one of those nurses then?

 

[neoexile]

That's what residents do. They string girls along and bring their back-up plan along with them just in case. Then they meet nurses who fawn over them and can have their pick of any women, or they meet other residents they may like better.
I follow him on social media and he's already liking one of the girl residents he works with profile pic. He barely ever likes pics on social media but he's liking hers.

I highly doubt residents go to work to find a girlfriend. I think there is a lot missing and this probably isn't the time for rash decision making. Talking with SO is the first step and then couples therapy is probably the next step. There are a lot of issues in the relationship especially if we are the first ones to find out you have a baby before the father does.

 

[Crayola227]

He doesn't know. He's been working so often he's never here when I have morning sickness.
Regardless, I didn't tell him because I wanted to know he wanted to marry me for me. Not because I was pregnant and it seems based off of looking at these answer I got the answer I needed.

This man does not love me or trust me, or even see a future with me. He kept me here as his "sure thing" and I was stupid enough to follow him thinking he actually loved me and wanted to marry me, but subconsciously he is probably looking for someone better he would want to commit to. I'm stupid for not realizing it earlier.

I think I'll book the earliest greyhound bus to Chicago and pack a few things. I'm done with this and have wasted enough time with this man.

Sounds pretty emotional to me.

I've never talked to a guy that didn't find asking a woman he loved and had been with for a while, to move cross country, as anything less than a big deal emotionally. Many worry about the relationship not working out and then feeling terribly guilty, not just because they're selfish jerks, but because they care. Because they feel selfish asking a woman they love but aren't ready to marry, to come be with them, when the truth is they really want to be with them.

Stop making assumptions. If you want to ask him if he's interested in marriage with you without bringing the baby into it at this time, OK.

Also, I think he has a right to know, though, before you make any more decisions including sitting on this or moving away. It takes two to make a baby, and you're not anymore entitled to the baby than he is. I support a woman's right to choose ultimately, but I don't think it's right to shut a man out of the conversation about it.

To say you love someone, and then get pregnant with their baby but not give them the chance to talk about it, or try to create the happy family scenario that you yourself seem to want as well, well, that doesn't sound like love to me.

 

[Melanie2423]

smh

sorry but then aren't you just one of those nurses then?

We met in Chicago through a mutual friend. He was the one who asked me out. I don't even work at the same hospital as him.

 

[neoexile]

We met in Chicago through a mutual friend. He was the one who asked me out. I don't even work at the same hospital as him.

So. Why would he go to work to find a girl? That makes little sense. He has you and he loves you enough that now you have his baby. Why can't we talk to this guy now?

 

[Melanie2423]

Sounds pretty emotional to me.

I've never talked to a guy that didn't find asking a woman he loved and had been with for a while, to move cross country, as anything less than a big deal emotionally. Many worry about the relationship not working out and then feeling terribly guilty, not just because they're selfish jerks, but because they care. Because they feel selfish asking a woman they love but aren't ready to marry, to come be with them, when the truth is they really want to be with them.

Stop making assumptions. If you want to ask him if he's interested in marriage with you without bringing the baby into it at this time, OK.

Also, I think he has a right to know, though, before you make any more decisions including sitting on this or moving away. It takes two to make a baby, and you're not anymore entitled to the baby than he is. I support a woman's right to choose ultimately, but I don't think it's right to shut a man out of the conversation about it.

To say you love someone, and then get pregnant with their baby but not give them the chance to talk about it, or try to create the happy family scenario that you yourself seem to want as well, well, that doesn't sound like love to me.

That's not how guys think. They think of themselves first. Always. If men love and want to be with a woman he would marry her, the fact that he didn't means he doesn't see me in his future or at the very least has doubts. On top of that bought a house and didn't even include me.

 

[Crayola227]

A man who takes the baby away from the family without a word: Kidnapper
The woman who takes the baby away without a word: Independent, strong, hero

Thread was entertaining, even though it could also be a sweet troll.

I think it's pretty horrific for a woman not to do everything in her power to keep the father of her baby in the loop. That doesn't always mean staying in a relationship with him. The only reason not to do this is because of danger or because you think he'll be such a poor father that creating any bond between him and the baby will ultimately be wrong for the child.

The baby didn't choose the daddy, you did when you had sex with him. That is this child's father, and your child has a right to know him and have a relationship with him, if its father will put that on the table.

You are in for some serious potentially lifelong resentment/hate from this child if they grow up and think the reason they didn't have this man in their life or that the two of you didn't at least have a conversation to be together, is you.

I get not wanting to be in a marriage or relationship "just for the baby." But you have to put that baby and its future first.

 

[Melanie2423]

So. Why would he go to work to find a girl? That makes little sense. He has you and he loves you enough that now you have his baby. Why can't we talk to this guy now?

Lots of doctors want to marry other doctors or hell even marry someone hotter. He probably figures since he's going to be making all this money soon that he can have his pick of whoever he wants and wants to keep his options open without making any real commitments to anyone.

 

[Crayola227]

Me being pregnant isn't important because he doesn't know. This question was about mine and his relationship.

It is because it's not just about you or him anymore.

 

[Melanie2423]

I think it's pretty horrific for a woman not to do everything in her power to keep the father of her baby in the loop. That doesn't always mean staying in a relationship with him. The only reason not to do this is because of danger or because you think he'll be such a poor father that creating any bond between him and the baby will ultimately be wrong for the child.

The baby didn't choose the daddy, you did when you had sex with him. That is this child's father, and your child has a right to know him and have a relationship with him, if its father will put that on the table.

You are in for some serious potentially lifelong resentment/hate from this child if they grow up and think the reason they didn't have this man in their life or that the two of you didn't at least have a conversation to be together, is you.

I get not wanting to be in a marriage or relationship "just for the baby." But you have to put that baby and its future first.

I don't care what you have to say about this anymore. I'm doing what's best for me and my child by leaving.

 

[neoexile]

That's not how guys think. They think of themselves first. Always. If men love and want to be with a woman he would marry her, the fact that he didn't means he doesn't see me in his future or at the very least has doubts. On top of that bought a house and didn't even include me.

But you are in his house now and he's not charging you rent? He sees you as more than just a friend. It tells me he's thinking of you as well as himself.

And if marriage isn't happening we need to find out why? It doesn't sound like he's waiting for better.

 

[Melanie2423]

But you are in his house now and he's not charging you rent? He sees you as more than just a friend. It tells me he's thinking of you as well as himself.

And if marriage isn't happening we need to find out why? It doesn't sound like he's waiting for better.

Oh trust me, if he's liking profile pics of his resident he works with he's most certainly shopping for better.

 

[neoexile]

I don't care what you have to say about this anymore. I'm doing what's best for me and my child by leaving.

I strongly disagree that leaving is best for you and your child.

 

[rokshana]

Lots of doctors want to marry other doctors or hell even marry someone hotter. He probably figures since he's going to be making all this money soon that he can have his pick of whoever he wants and wants to keep his options open without making any real commitments to anyone.

lots of doctors marry lots of doctors because that is our social circle...we spend the most time with other doctors ...from med school to residency and fellowship..and other doctors get the schedule and life that we have...and most people want to be with someone that is their intellectual equal...

 

[neoexile]

Oh trust me, if he's liking profile pics of his resident he works with he's most certainly shopping for better.

Liking = shopping? That's a jump. A huge jump. Why does you think him making money means he wants the hotter/better girl? Which is kinda a jump.

 

[Melanie2423]

lots of doctors marry lots of doctors because that is our social circle...we spend the most time with other doctors ...from med school to residency and fellowship..and other doctors get the schedule and life that we have...and most people want to be with someone that is their intellectual equal...

You just proved my point. He wants someone better. I'm just a lowly RN to him.

 

[FutureInternist]

You sound like a pre-teen rather than an adult.
Equating liking a profile pic of a coworker to him having feelings for someone.
Going from wanting to marry him to kidnapping his kid that you havent told him about.
You are giving women (and nurses) a bad name

 

[Melanie2423]

Liking = shopping? That's a jump. A huge jump. Why does you think him making money means he wants the hotter/better girl? Which is kinda a jump.

Men don't go on social media and add women and like their pictures unless they think they're hot. Especially him who rarely ever likes things. If he's liking her profile pic which wasn't anything special in my opinion it means he likes what he see's.

 

[neoexile]

You just proved my point. He wants someone better. I'm just a lowly RN to him.

He is just noticing a trend. Not what your boyfriend is actually doing.

 

[darknecrosforte]

That's what residents do. They string girls along and bring their back-up plan along with them just in case. Then they meet nurses who fawn over them and can have their pick of any women, or they meet other residents they may like better.
I follow him on social media and he's already liking one of the girl residents he works with profile pic. He barely ever likes pics on social media but he's liking hers.

90% sure that residents are more concerned with not killing patients than having lethargic sex during their 18 hour shift in a MRSA-contaminated janitor's closet with a fellow resident. Btw, men give zero f-cks how much money their woman makes once they can buy a house with cash. Maybe look into getting some fluoxetine.

Since this being a real situation is actually dangerous for a child, just consider that it is generally in the child's best interest to have access to their father, especially if he is a productive member of society. And you apparently have no clue about the prevalence of MDD in females that have unintended pregnancies. The irrationality shown in your latest posts kinda validate the argument that you can't do this alone. God forbid you inflict the misandry on a son.

But likely 8/8 troll. Show us da wae

 

[Melanie2423]

You sound like a pre-teen rather than an adult.
Equating liking a profile pic of a coworker to him having feelings for someone.
Going from wanting to marry him to kidnapping his kid that you havent told him about.
You are giving women (and nurses) a bad name

When did I say he had feelings for her?
Me leaving while being pregnant isn't kidnapping anyone. Technically and legally there is no child yet.
Your the one giving people a bad name, your 2nd grade teacher is fuming, your reading comprehension skills suck

 

[rokshana]

He is just noticing a trend. Not what your boyfriend is actually doing.

uh you left the "S" off of that if you were referring to me.