bringing a significant other to pre-interview dinner

[Law2Doc]

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I think its very specialty dependent. My FM and my wife's IM dinners all had spouses in attendance. I suspect peds would be similar.

Its no surprise the the surgical fields (and their representatives here) are more anti-spouse since we all know that the ideal surgeon has no family to distract him

Um no, it doesn't have to do with the family distraction issue. But it may have to do with the degree of competitiveness and whether they are selling to you rather than the converse (which is why FM, IM might be a different experience than some of the other fields represented on here). In the more competitive fields the pre-interview dinner is part of the interview, and you should treat it as such. Having been on the other side of this equation my experience is that for every person whose spouse helped them in this process, more were either hindered or outshined.

 

[Law2Doc]

My wife has been invited to the dinner before all of my interviews for jobs. She often declines because she finds them boring. If she does come, then some other spouses tend to come also. So, no, she would never come to the interview day itself, but coming to the dinner the night beforehand is fine if invited. Could a spouse make some sort of a big scene and cause you problems? Of course. Could they charm other people and make them like you more also? Of course.

The residency pre-interview dinner is different than a pre job interview dinner with one or two other couples, where they are trying to sell you and your spouse on a job. Most of the time the residents are coming directly from work, without their SOs. And at places where the resident vote matters, you are very much being actively interviewed at that pre-interview dinner, and your goal is to work the room, not have a pleasant couples dinner. Totally different animal. And in terms of your spouse charming people, I've seen that backfire frequently. Inevitably one applicant will get outshined by his spouse, and the residents will come away saying "wish we could hire the spouse instead of the applicant".

 

[Crayola227]

I think its very specialty dependent. My FM and my wife's IM dinners all had spouses in attendance. I suspect peds would be similar.

Its no surprise the the surgical fields (and their representatives here) are more anti-spouse since we all know that the ideal surgeon has no family to distract him

Exactly what I was gonna say. QFT.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Um no, it doesn't have to do with the family distraction issue. But it may have to do with the degree of competitiveness and whether they are selling to you rather than the converse (which is why FM, IM might be a different experience than some of the other fields represented on here). In the more competitive fields the pre-interview dinner is part of the interview, and you should treat it as such. Having been on the other side of this equation my experience is that for every person whose spouse helped them in this process, more were either hindered or outshined.

I was being sarcastic with that part, same reason I used the specific masculine pronoun since we all know women have no place in surgery.

That was sarcasm too, BTW

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

The residency pre-interview dinner is different than a pre job interview dinner with one or two other couples, where they are trying to sell you and your spouse on a job. Most of the time the residents are coming directly from work, without their SOs. And at places where the resident vote matters, you are very much being actively interviewed at that pre-interview dinner, and your goal is to work the room, not have a pleasant couples dinner. Totally different animal. And in terms of your spouse charming people, I've seen that backfire frequently. Inevitably one applicant will get outshined by his spouse, and the residents will come away saying "wish we could hire the spouse instead of the applicant".

Again, program dependent. In my residency there were frequent social gatherings that naturally included spouses so there actually was some interest in making sure we liked the spouses. Plus, you can tell a lot about a person by how they interact with their significant other.

Besides that, I always viewed the night before dinner as a chance to make sure that applicants were personable. The actual interview day can be about being a good resident and physician, but I wanted to make sure we didn't rank someone highly who was a good doctor but a terrible person.

 

[shoal]

EM here, our interview dinners were almost entirely social and more for the applicants then us interviewing the appliciants. Sure, if you or your SO were an ass or totally awesome, the PD would hear about it. Otherwise we didnt comment much, and the interview the following day would constitute almost all of the ranking input.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk

 

[blebb]

I think it's weird. We're interviewing you not your spouse, SO, dog, etc.

 

[RadOncDoc21]

I was being sarcastic with that part, same reason I used the specific masculine pronoun since we all know women have no place in surgery.

That was sarcasm too, BTW

In all of medicine, not just surgery! Not enough time to be barefoot and pregnant.

 

[Slack3r]

I was being sarcastic with that part, same reason I used the specific masculine pronoun since we all know women have no place in surgery.

That was sarcasm too, BTW

Law2Doc is impervious to sarcasm.

FWIW, most of the dinners I've been to (surgical subspecialty) don't have faculty present, and it's stressed that the dinner be a casual "get-to-know-us" affair with no bearing on ranking (barring any obvious red flags, I'm sure).

 

[MedAppRx]

Your significant other is a major part of your life, a major part of who you are, and someone who will be a fixture at many resident events. My personal feeling was that (outside of logistical limitations, which should be always respected) if sig others were invited, they were invited. I personally loved doing it, and I never thought once that people felt awkward. Now this may have been due to the nature of the event (most were buffet dinners with a limited open bar, so not a huge cost issue), or the nature of the program (ortho), but I have a problem seeing the downside. You're a family, a team. If a place isn't keen on that, they're not going to be keen on you. In contrast, I felt more comfortable with the family centric programs, where residents and their sig others got to talk to me and mine. Win-win.

Everyone's experience is different, and there may be regional factors here. But in my eyes as both an interviewee and an interviewer, I just don't see a drawback if the offer is extended.

 

[Law2Doc]

...and it's stressed that the dinner be a casual "get-to-know-us" affair with no bearing on ranking (barring any obvious red flags, I'm sure).

We used to say this too, but it wasn't really true. It was very much part of the interview, and the residents views from those dinners absolutely had impact on ranking.

 

[Raryn]

We used to say this too, but it wasn't really true. It was very much part of the interview, and the residents views from those dinners absolutely had impact on ranking.

n=1 Short of being rude enough that someone feels they have to speak out, our dinners (when we have them) have absolutely no bearing on ranking. I mean, if you were trying your damndest to use your pick-up artist skills on one of the third year residents (happened last year), yes, comments will be forwarded. Otherwise? It's a way to see our residents outside of work and get a feel for the culture of the program. Bring your SO if you'd like. I know I brought mine for the couple of dinners that I went to that were within driving range for her.

 

[RadOncDoc21]

... I mean, if you were trying your damndest to use your pick-up artist skills on one of the third year residents (happened last year), yes, comments will be forwarded.

Not a bad strategy when it works... I suggest they go after the PD next time. I had one who was a sucker for blondes.

 

[J ROD]

I had the opposite. Felt like residents were trying to pick me up. In 2 cases. One was really forward......like touching and wanted to know my "situation". I didn't know I was going to be in the situation room!

 

[ThoracicGuy]

I had the opposite. Felt like residents were trying to pick me up. In 2 cases. One was really forward......like touching and wanted to know my "situation". I didn't know I was going to be in the situation room!

Were they hot? How bad do you want it!

 

[J ROD]

She was hot. But I am engaged. Otherwise it would be on!

 

[RadOncDoc21]

She was hot. But I am engaged. Otherwise it would be on!

A wise person once told me... "Engaged does not equal marriage." Granted, he's divorced now but it made some sense.

 

[J ROD]

Can't be too wise to lose half his crap.....lol

 

[RadOncDoc21]

Lol...He actually had a prenup in place so def wiser than me.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I know you were being sarcastic, but other posters certainly weren't.

To be clear, the "no" side thus far has posters (and PDs, lol) from IM, psych, derm, and family, as well as some of us surgical folks. While there is certainly some field related spread of appropriateness, that's a pretty wide swath.

Also Rads.