Can anyone relate? Advice needed.

[tomos23]

I have been accepted to veterinary school and will begin this fall. I was very excited, but I am now concerned because of many factors. My life is kind of splitting at the seams. I am looking to discuss the matters with perhaps someone that has been in a similar situation.

Cancer has been in my family almost my entire life. Many family members have passed on due to it. My grandmother has been battling it for many years and my father has as well. My aunt also lost her vision due to metastatic melanoma and most recently my mother has been diagnosed. I have medical issues myself which require surprise visits to the hospital and routine check ups. I was originally worried that my own health issues would cause a problem with veterinary school. The veterinary school I am planning on attending does not know any of this because I am very personal and did not want judgment or unnecessary sympathy. Due to my mother's recent findings, I am now concerned for her time and I am wondering if perhaps I should decline my acceptance to be with her.

Has anyone been in difficult emotional situations before and able to spend enough time with their family? I do not want to regret my decision one way or the other. I want to be with my family during whatever time they have left, but I also do not want to pass up such a great opportunity. Has anyone else been in a situation where they have their own health issues / family health issues and had to attend veterinary school? Does anyone have advice for me?

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[Pandacinny]

I'm not in veterinary school, so I'm not sure if I'll be too helpful, but I understand you on the cancer thing. Since high school, I've lost my grandpa, a couple of aunts, and my grandma and a close friend had cancer but are in remission. It's really tough, and I'm more than a little paranoid about things like avoiding smoke or using sunblock.

Anyways, with some of these family members it really was hard to be able to spend enough time with them around school. I think that, even if I could have left school and spent 24/7 with some of them, it still wouldn't have felt like enough time.

Maybe you could defer enrollment so that you can spend as much time with her as possible? If that were possible, you wouldn't be giving up on the opportunity to enroll in veterinary school, just postponing it. I just did a quick online search and it looks like some schools allow deferred enrollment for a year due to special circumstances (I'm thinking this would probably apply.)

 

[lailanni]

Please do tell your school about your mom's health, they can let you defer for a year. I've heard quite a few times of schools deferring for a year when a close family member is sick. I understand where you're coming from, I lost my Dad to cancer - I would want the time off too. I would think that any school would let your defer for this.

 

[BrumleyVet]

My step-son battled cancer three years ago. Even though I was in undergrad, it still took a toll on my classes (ie. GPA). It is impossible to ignore their situation when you care about them. Even when you are not at their side, your thoughts are on them and not the classwork.

The one thing I have always heard from the Vet schools is that they realize that "life happens". They look at a students full picture, not just for the 4.0's from a few years ago. They want people who, when graduated, are not only good vets, but good "people". How many of us can say we know a grouchy old Vet that we can't stand to be around? They don't want that stigma. What I am trying to say is that they understand that things in life happen that we have no control over. If you are upfront with them about your mom's situation, it would look alot better than if you didn't say anything and then had to suddenly take a few weeks off if she needs you.

Is there any way of moving her closer to your school?

 

[winkle1983]

Def let your school know what is going on and they would prolly let you defer. I know someone who was in your situation last year except she actually got through the first few weeks of vet school before she decided enough was enough. She contacted the Dean and they let her defer for this past year to be with both of her very ill parents. She will be starting over again this fall...and she is very glad she took this year off to be with her parents. They understood that somethings need to come first...and it wasn't a pity thing. I would def suggest talking about this with the Dean and letting them know what is going on. Good luck,

 

[lailanni]

If you are upfront with them about your mom's situation, it would look alot better than if you didn't say anything and then had to suddenly take a few weeks off if she needs you.

That's a good point too. IMHO, better to just take the year off -- especially since it would be very difficult to take weeks off from vet school. I don't know how it'd work making up labs, exams, etc. Then you also run the risk of not being able to concentrate, doing poorly in a class, and having to re-take the year anyway. (Not that you would do poorly! I just know how draining it is to have a parent in the hospital/ill.)

 

[Goatsie]

Obviously, deferment is best, however, if I were you and the school didn't allow deferment, I would accept their offer. Like a previous post said, however much time you spend with your family, it will never seem like enough. Plus, I believe that any good parent would want to see their children succeed/reach their goals even if it means that can't always be there. It's hard, good luck with whatever you choose buddy.

 

[slainte]

First of all, I'd like to say how sorry I am to hear of your situation.
My situation is not quite the same but I feel where you are coming from. An immediate member of my family has recently been suffering from some mental health issues. Supporting them and caring for their condition has been hard on my family emotionally and financially. Now the thought of moving away and starting vet school feels daunting. My 13 year old brother is still stuck at home amongst all the stress and I feel bad leaving when he cannot. For me, there is no question that I'm still going to vet school this fall. I've wanted this for too long and I remain optimistic that these things will resolve themselves soon.
Of course my situation does not compare to what you're going through. As others have stated, a deferment might be a good idea, but only you can decide which solution you feel most comfortable with. Best of luck to you and your family either way.

 

[jkq202]

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[bern]

Be up front and honest with your school. There was one student in my class who dropped out in the first week because of health/personal problems and they saved a spot for her in the next year's class. Two students in my class had also deferred enrollment.

It is far, far better to bow out gracefully than flunk out. If you decide to start school and things take a turn for the worse, keep them informed so they can help you--vet schools are small and they will likely go a lot further to help you than in undergrad, say.