Okay, sorry, had to get that out of my system. Here's my serious advice:
1. If you simply want to go to med school and aren't particularly attached to one location or getting into a top 10 school, I'd apply now and apply broadly if your MCAT is good (35+) and you have decent clinical volunteering/extracurriculars and letters of recommendation from your last school. I would suggest the broad application because some schools might hold the failed schooling against you and others might not care.
2. I'd mention it in my application in as positive a way as possible: explain why you went to these two schools (I assume parental pressure) and then explain how you learned from the experience (maybe something like it really showed you that your strengths and passion was in science and you decided to become a doctor). I might even write my personal statement ("why do you want to become a doctor?") around it and show that you overcame a potentially negative experience to come out a better person. Otherwise you'll get missed in the initial screening by some schools.
3. It sounds like you're missing a lot of information about what applying to medical school entails (eg, the difference between sciGPA and others, what constitutes a good MCAT, etc.) It's a drawn-out, expensive, and difficult process, so I'd suggest reading about it on these boards extensively before deciding to apply. You also need to know what kind of things you'd need to be competitive, like good extracurricular activities and recommendations. You'd need to make a decision about whether or not to apply NOW, unless you have already taken the MCAT. Registration for the MCAT happens online and if you're in a state like CA, the test dates fill up almost 6 months ahead of the date (to take a Jan MCAT in CA, you'd probably have to register in September- check in with people who are applying this cycle for exact figures, I'm a few years out). A late MCAT date will delay your application and seriously harm your chances at admission. If you've taken the MCAT, then you'd need to decide ideally by April if you want to apply this year, to get your transcripts, letters of rec, essays, and fees in order.
GOOD LUCK! PM if you have more questions