believe me: I'm no bodybuilder, regardless of your definition of the word. And i definitely agree with you that people who compete are on a different level than casual lifters.
But the problem here seems not to be the actual definition of the word, but rather the differing connotation it has inside and outside of the bodybuilding community. I'm pretty certain that if i said i were a bodybuilder, everyone would laugh. but i definitely know some people whom i doubt would get a laugh from anyone (anyone who doesn't think bodybuilding is a ridiculous sport without any redeeming quality, that is. We're ignoring those people for now, since they're not really relevant to this conversation) if they called themselves bodybuilders, whether or not they compete. And i really think the only people who would nitpick on this point are other bodybuilders.
So to be honest, i think most people who consider themselves bodybuilders and don't compete are ok with all of you laughing at them. They don't take the sport as seriously as you do, or even seriously at all, according to you, and perhaps they deserve your ridicule. I guess i just don't like the idea of belittling someone for doing something recreationally with no thought of competition because that's essentially what this is.