- Joined
- Jul 13, 2003
- Messages
- 323
- Reaction score
- 1
Hi
Please can someone give me some feedback on my essay. I also need some help cutting down the essay. Thank you.
Benefit not from the illness of mankind.
Throughout my life I have been wrestling with this complex conflict, which was a personal cultural proverb of mine as I was growing up, surrounded by traditional medicinal healers. My resolution to this paradox was revealed, as I became the patient and not the observer, which is when the answer to my dilemma began to slowly unravel. Benefit not from the illness of man was a premise upon which my grandfather based his practice of traditional medicine. Never charging anyone a dime for his services, he believed that the herbs (roots, leaves, tree-barks and stems) are Gods free gift to humanity and the knowledge of his traditional medicine was a divine favor. A farmer by trade, medicine was his calling a sort of hobby. I became interested in medicine since childhood from a series of unfortunate events and it dawned upon me that in their profession, Western or traditional, physicians meet most people as patients. Patients, sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable people in need of help. It also concerned me that physicians in the western hemisphere are immeasurably rich compared to their traditional counterparts and hence a conflict with my grandfathers syllogism. Being born and raised in Houston, I have always asked how one practices medicine here, in the States, without benefiting from mans illness.
This was my predicament until about four and half years ago I fell sick with uterine bleeding. The pain, the intense, agonizing and excruciating pain radiating through my body from by abdomen was unbearable. I ended up in a local hospitals emergency room and in an instant; I became a patient a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable person in dire need of help. I was no longer an observer, an outsider-looking in. I was an insider and the reason for action. I was made comfortable, scoped and cured. My stay at the hospital and the wonderful care of the healthcare professionals enlightened me about the wonderful world of medicine especially the field of obstetrics and gynecology. When I was able to feel well again I immediately started to research about ovarian cyst, which was the cause of my condition and its various causes and symptoms. My research and personal experience motivated me to want to further pursue the field of womens healthcare. I was able to experience the same feeling people feel when they are at their weakest moment, that is why I would like to become a doctor so that their weakest moment will not be their last.
My initial mission was to mentor and guide lower classmen in their journey to an amazing and fulfilling college experience. I greatly loved my experience guiding impressionable freshman for example, by helping them select their school schedules and soften any rough spots encountered while attending the university that I later chose to mentor for Big Brother and Big Sister program. As I loved working with high school and college students, my time spent volunteering for my local hospital was also very gratifying. I volunteered in various places within the hospital every week, but later found my calling in the Labor/Delivery unit. I witnessed very strong women experience agonizing ailments at all hours of the day.
Observing the strength and vitality of these awe-inspiring women became a parallel depiction later in my life as I also became a mother. I distinctly remember being in my daughters pediatrician waiting room while I brought out my large Princeton Review science workbook to work out physics problems as I was preparing for the upcoming April 2005 MCAT without any hesitation toward what other parents might think. During this time I was studying for the April 2005 MCAT, taking full-time classes including Organic Chemistry II, attending Princeton Review classes four times a week, and caring for my child who was still under the age of one. The Spring 2005 semester was one of the most difficult and time consuming but I was determined, driven, and passionate to make a high GPA and do equally well on the MCAT. This instance is another example among many, indicating how I desperately tried to utilize my time efficiently even if I only had 15 minutes to spare to study. During the entire semester from the beginning to the end I kept thinking and fantasizing how I will get through this tough ordeal and my dream would be finally fulfilled. Due to my organized time planning and stamina I was able to manage my time well even with my new life and still achieve a high GPA and engage in extracurricular activities, which indicates that I can overcome obstacles and deal with stress which may present itself as I journey the bumpy, narrow road to become a medical doctor. I am not like other applicants therefore I feel that my life experiences has enabled me to become well rounded and realize that life is not simple and rosy posy which is a valuable trait to encapsulate as I enter a world where residents work 60 or more hours a week.
In my personal experience and several others I witnessed while volunteering at the hospital, I was profoundly touched and impressed by the passion of these decent sages by their intense commitment to saving lives irrespective of the situation. I was struck deeply by their dedication to such intricate detail as the restoration of fine motor movement through physical therapy and their near omniscient nature in the scientific art of medicine. That is noble, and that evoked my utmost veneration for the profession. My experience at the hospital led me to even further want to help women. I decided to volunteer for a center in my area, which catered to battered and sexually abused women. I met women and children who went through terrible ordeals and had no safe haven to go. These experiences really solidify my desire to want to work with women in need that I shortly began to shadow a local doctor in my area. I was humbled by the selfless and indiscriminate efforts of the physician to treat the homeless, poor immigrants and citizens without health insurance coverage. This physician risked his life to treat his patients (some with H.I.V and other communicable diseases) knowing that any mistake may cause him his life.
Through my various encounters, both as an insider and outsider, I was able to answer my original dilemma, which I was initially battling before actually becoming the patient a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable. I resolved my conflict by realizing that physicians, whether traditional or western, could never really benefit from the illness of mankind because one can never place a monetary value on mans life. Everyday as physicians attempt to treat patients, they indirectly place their life in danger by exposing themselves to various transmissible diseases, thus physicians are not able to benefit from the illness of mankind nor can legal tender replace the selfless acts exemplified by physicians.
Please can someone give me some feedback on my essay. I also need some help cutting down the essay. Thank you.
Benefit not from the illness of mankind.
Throughout my life I have been wrestling with this complex conflict, which was a personal cultural proverb of mine as I was growing up, surrounded by traditional medicinal healers. My resolution to this paradox was revealed, as I became the patient and not the observer, which is when the answer to my dilemma began to slowly unravel. Benefit not from the illness of man was a premise upon which my grandfather based his practice of traditional medicine. Never charging anyone a dime for his services, he believed that the herbs (roots, leaves, tree-barks and stems) are Gods free gift to humanity and the knowledge of his traditional medicine was a divine favor. A farmer by trade, medicine was his calling a sort of hobby. I became interested in medicine since childhood from a series of unfortunate events and it dawned upon me that in their profession, Western or traditional, physicians meet most people as patients. Patients, sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable people in need of help. It also concerned me that physicians in the western hemisphere are immeasurably rich compared to their traditional counterparts and hence a conflict with my grandfathers syllogism. Being born and raised in Houston, I have always asked how one practices medicine here, in the States, without benefiting from mans illness.
This was my predicament until about four and half years ago I fell sick with uterine bleeding. The pain, the intense, agonizing and excruciating pain radiating through my body from by abdomen was unbearable. I ended up in a local hospitals emergency room and in an instant; I became a patient a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable person in dire need of help. I was no longer an observer, an outsider-looking in. I was an insider and the reason for action. I was made comfortable, scoped and cured. My stay at the hospital and the wonderful care of the healthcare professionals enlightened me about the wonderful world of medicine especially the field of obstetrics and gynecology. When I was able to feel well again I immediately started to research about ovarian cyst, which was the cause of my condition and its various causes and symptoms. My research and personal experience motivated me to want to further pursue the field of womens healthcare. I was able to experience the same feeling people feel when they are at their weakest moment, that is why I would like to become a doctor so that their weakest moment will not be their last.
My initial mission was to mentor and guide lower classmen in their journey to an amazing and fulfilling college experience. I greatly loved my experience guiding impressionable freshman for example, by helping them select their school schedules and soften any rough spots encountered while attending the university that I later chose to mentor for Big Brother and Big Sister program. As I loved working with high school and college students, my time spent volunteering for my local hospital was also very gratifying. I volunteered in various places within the hospital every week, but later found my calling in the Labor/Delivery unit. I witnessed very strong women experience agonizing ailments at all hours of the day.
Observing the strength and vitality of these awe-inspiring women became a parallel depiction later in my life as I also became a mother. I distinctly remember being in my daughters pediatrician waiting room while I brought out my large Princeton Review science workbook to work out physics problems as I was preparing for the upcoming April 2005 MCAT without any hesitation toward what other parents might think. During this time I was studying for the April 2005 MCAT, taking full-time classes including Organic Chemistry II, attending Princeton Review classes four times a week, and caring for my child who was still under the age of one. The Spring 2005 semester was one of the most difficult and time consuming but I was determined, driven, and passionate to make a high GPA and do equally well on the MCAT. This instance is another example among many, indicating how I desperately tried to utilize my time efficiently even if I only had 15 minutes to spare to study. During the entire semester from the beginning to the end I kept thinking and fantasizing how I will get through this tough ordeal and my dream would be finally fulfilled. Due to my organized time planning and stamina I was able to manage my time well even with my new life and still achieve a high GPA and engage in extracurricular activities, which indicates that I can overcome obstacles and deal with stress which may present itself as I journey the bumpy, narrow road to become a medical doctor. I am not like other applicants therefore I feel that my life experiences has enabled me to become well rounded and realize that life is not simple and rosy posy which is a valuable trait to encapsulate as I enter a world where residents work 60 or more hours a week.
In my personal experience and several others I witnessed while volunteering at the hospital, I was profoundly touched and impressed by the passion of these decent sages by their intense commitment to saving lives irrespective of the situation. I was struck deeply by their dedication to such intricate detail as the restoration of fine motor movement through physical therapy and their near omniscient nature in the scientific art of medicine. That is noble, and that evoked my utmost veneration for the profession. My experience at the hospital led me to even further want to help women. I decided to volunteer for a center in my area, which catered to battered and sexually abused women. I met women and children who went through terrible ordeals and had no safe haven to go. These experiences really solidify my desire to want to work with women in need that I shortly began to shadow a local doctor in my area. I was humbled by the selfless and indiscriminate efforts of the physician to treat the homeless, poor immigrants and citizens without health insurance coverage. This physician risked his life to treat his patients (some with H.I.V and other communicable diseases) knowing that any mistake may cause him his life.
Through my various encounters, both as an insider and outsider, I was able to answer my original dilemma, which I was initially battling before actually becoming the patient a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable. I resolved my conflict by realizing that physicians, whether traditional or western, could never really benefit from the illness of mankind because one can never place a monetary value on mans life. Everyday as physicians attempt to treat patients, they indirectly place their life in danger by exposing themselves to various transmissible diseases, thus physicians are not able to benefit from the illness of mankind nor can legal tender replace the selfless acts exemplified by physicians.
how would you justify that?
