can someone reword this sentence for me?

[sdnstud]

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i'm writing a secondary essay about how my emt experience left me with a dissatisfying feeling of wanting to do more for the patients. that is why i want to take the next step to become a dr. But, I can't seem to word what i want to say very well....can someone reword teh following sentence for me?


"I want to take on more responsibilities in the care of the patients. I hope to pursue a career that allows me to take the leadership role in saving lives."

 

[sdnstud]

sorry..i might have taken my sentence out of context....here are my preceding sentences. Thanks for any help!!!

"Yet, I never felt I could devote my lifetime to working as an EMT. As an EMT, my ultimate goal was to transport the patient to the hospital in the least amount of time. I was never satisfied with this goal. I want to take on more responsibilities in the care of the patients. I hope to pursue a career that allows me to take the leadership role in saving lives. "

 

[Jack_Adam]

Don't you think it's wrong to ask someone else to reword a sentence for you? The work done for any application should be your own. If anything, editing should only apply to grammar and punctuation errors, and even in that case, it's proper to reference the editor (from a research ethics pt. of view). It's not easy to sit there and think about right away, but it can be done on your own. Tuck it away for a few hrs/days (depending on how much time you have) and then go back to it. Something will eventually come to mind. You've been writing for how long now? Best of luck!

 

[b-real]

Don't you think it's wrong to ask someone else to reword a sentence for you? The work done for any application should be your own. If anything, editing should only apply to grammar and punctuation errors, and even in that case, it's proper to reference the editor (from a research ethics pt. of view). It's not easy to sit there and think about right away, but it can be done on your own. Tuck it away for a few hrs/days (depending on how much time you have) and then go back to it. Something will eventually come to mind. You've been writing for how long now? Best of luck!

Wow, aren't we sanctimonious today? You do realize that many many people use editing services for just this purpose, don't you? There is nothing wrong with asking for a little help in clarifying a sentence.

 

[sinned]

Don't you think it's wrong to ask someone else to reword a sentence for you? The work done for any application should be your own. If anything, editing should only apply to grammar and punctuation errors, and even in that case, it's proper to reference the editor (from a research ethics pt. of view). It's not easy to sit there and think about right away, but it can be done on your own. Tuck it away for a few hrs/days (depending on how much time you have) and then go back to it. Something will eventually come to mind. You've been writing for how long now? Best of luck!

smoke a J and lay back...the encompassing idea is the same, he just wants a more presentable sentence...if you think this is wrong, then essayedge.com and basically all the students that get their essays corrected by professors is somehow committing crime?

 

[curiouslygeorge]

sorry..i might have taken my sentence out of context....here are my preceding sentences. Thanks for any help!!!

"Yet, I never felt I could devote my lifetime to working as an EMT. As an EMT, my ultimate goal was to transport the patient to the hospital in the least amount of time. I was never satisfied with this goal. I want to take on more responsibilities in the care of the patients. I hope to pursue a career that allows me to take the leadership role in saving lives. "

i don't think you should put down the position of EMT because in some ways that is just as vital as what a doctor does... you can't save a patient if you can't get him to the hospital in time. so instead. you might just reword your thoughts to make is sound like being a doctor is more geared to your personality and abilities. something like:

While I recognize the value of working as an EMT, I also acknowledge that their ultimate goal is to transport patients to the hospital in the least amount of time. I believe I have the desire and capacity to take on more responsibilities in the care of patients and am willing to dedicate myself to preparing for a career that will train me to take a leadership role in saving lives.

 

[Rubick]

I believe I have the desire and capacity to take on more responsibilities in the care of patients and am willing to dedicate myself to preparing for a career that will train me to take a leadership role in saving lives.

that's a hell of a sentence.

im a simple man.

 

[phleebie]

smoke a J and lay back

excellent idea... ... 😍 ... ... 😀 ... ... 😴

 

[Medikit]

i'm writing a secondary essay about how my emt experience left me with a dissatisfying feeling of wanting to do more for the patients. that is why i want to take the next step to become a dr. But, I can't seem to word what i want to say very well....can someone reword teh following sentence for me?


"I want to take on more responsibilities in the care of the patients. I hope to pursue a career that allows me to take the leadership role in saving lives."

I reworded it for you

"I want to take more lives in the care of the patients. I hope to pursue a leadership role that allows me to take on the responsibilities in career saving."

 

[U4iA]

i don't think you should put down the position of EMT because in some ways that is just as vital as what a doctor does... you can't save a patient if you can't get him to the hospital in time. so instead. you might just reword your thoughts to make is sound like being a doctor is more geared to your personality and abilities. something like:

While I recognize the value of working as an EMT, I also acknowledge that their ultimate goal is to transport patients to the hospital in the least amount of time. I believe I have the desire and capacity to take on more responsibilities in the care of patients and am willing to dedicate myself to preparing for a career that will train me to take a leadership role in saving lives.

i think the general idea of this is much better than the original. always emphasize the positive in everything.

Here's my attempt at rewording what has already been reworded:

While I have benefited greatly from my role as an EMT, I am ready to take on more responsibilities in caring for patients. I have the desire and capacity to dedicate my life to taking a leadership role in saving lives. <insert another stronger sentence here>

just use these for ideas.. i'm pretty sure we're contorting what you're trying to say by playing the "telephone game" with your personal statement..

 

[SleepPsych72]

I put basically the same thing for my AMCAS personal statement only thing is I said the I "needed more medical interventions at my disposal in order to truly be better able to treat my patients." I went on to say how Dr.'s can prescribe meds, surgery, medical devices, and other treatments

 

[TweetyPie]

.

 

[Jack_Adam]

smoke a J and lay back...the encompassing idea is the same, he just wants a more presentable sentence...if you think this is wrong, then essayedge.com and basically all the students that get their essays corrected by professors is somehow committing crime?

Actually, I wouldn't condone such services. Even nowadays, universities are asking students to reveal any form of aid they received in writing their essays, including Mom or Dad. The point is, it's one thing to ask if a sentence sounds okay or makes sense, and another to ask someone to reword it for you. You clearly stated "he just wants a more presentable sentence." No, I don't think it's wrong...but he should do it himself. My advice to him would have been to reword it, and that he could use other words to make a stronger statement. But....I'm not going to tell him how. Besides, a few extra sentences to place the one sentence in context is hardly enough. To get a feel for who is he and what he's really trying to say, one would need to read his whole essay. Just my opinion. You don't have to agree with me. Good luck.