- Joined
- Nov 11, 2012
- Messages
- 75
- Reaction score
- 6
Hi guys,
I'm supposed to be done with my step one very soon, but instead I'm here drowning in tears worried sick about my current situation. I have been doing decent on my assessments, around 240 average, and I usually never get test anxiety (no problem with SAT and MCATs). I don't know what happened last night, perhaps it was the "brain" food that my mom made me eat, or the extreme excitement that my long month of studying is finally going to pay off, I suffered from extreme pretest insomnia. I went to bed pretty early, around 10 (my usual bed time is 12), and I just, well, laid there with my heart pounding through my chest. I could not get my heart rate to calm down and my brain to shut down no matter how hard i tried. I even took a beta blocker at around 4am because I felt that my heart was going to burst. It wasn't that I wasn't sleepy, but it was more like my brain and my heart just refused to shut down. Along comes 7am, and I have laid in my bed for well over 9 hours, and not a wink of sleep later, I was groggy, slow and had a pounding headache. I called my school's counselor and told them I felt very ill for this 8 hour marathon, and managed to cancel my test. I cannot schedule for another one until tomorrow, but the thing is, our school has a deadline that we need to complete our step one by next Tuesday no matter what. From what I know, there is nothing available in the whole state until few weeks later, I will probably have to go take it in a neighboring state before next week (IF it turns out that they are still available tomorrow). I feel like it was the right decision to cancel because I was totally unfit mentally, but at the same time, I can't help but kick myself at my impulsivity because now I'm dealing with the consequences of having to find another test date, find a hotel, drive, and perhaps risking another few long nights of poor sleep. I can't even focus on reviewing anymore and I feel like all this mental torment is making me forget everything I have learned up to now. I really need help, does anyone know how to make myself feel at more ease with my decision? How do I cope with this guilt, this internal torment so I can focus on my future test (if i get scheduled one)?
Thanks for reading this long post. Your feedback/response is much appreciated 🙂
I'm supposed to be done with my step one very soon, but instead I'm here drowning in tears worried sick about my current situation. I have been doing decent on my assessments, around 240 average, and I usually never get test anxiety (no problem with SAT and MCATs). I don't know what happened last night, perhaps it was the "brain" food that my mom made me eat, or the extreme excitement that my long month of studying is finally going to pay off, I suffered from extreme pretest insomnia. I went to bed pretty early, around 10 (my usual bed time is 12), and I just, well, laid there with my heart pounding through my chest. I could not get my heart rate to calm down and my brain to shut down no matter how hard i tried. I even took a beta blocker at around 4am because I felt that my heart was going to burst. It wasn't that I wasn't sleepy, but it was more like my brain and my heart just refused to shut down. Along comes 7am, and I have laid in my bed for well over 9 hours, and not a wink of sleep later, I was groggy, slow and had a pounding headache. I called my school's counselor and told them I felt very ill for this 8 hour marathon, and managed to cancel my test. I cannot schedule for another one until tomorrow, but the thing is, our school has a deadline that we need to complete our step one by next Tuesday no matter what. From what I know, there is nothing available in the whole state until few weeks later, I will probably have to go take it in a neighboring state before next week (IF it turns out that they are still available tomorrow). I feel like it was the right decision to cancel because I was totally unfit mentally, but at the same time, I can't help but kick myself at my impulsivity because now I'm dealing with the consequences of having to find another test date, find a hotel, drive, and perhaps risking another few long nights of poor sleep. I can't even focus on reviewing anymore and I feel like all this mental torment is making me forget everything I have learned up to now. I really need help, does anyone know how to make myself feel at more ease with my decision? How do I cope with this guilt, this internal torment so I can focus on my future test (if i get scheduled one)?
Thanks for reading this long post. Your feedback/response is much appreciated 🙂