Career change with a significant other

[ATP253]

Hello everyone,

I know variations of this question have been asked in the past, but I was wondering if I could borrow some experience from anyone who has completed the entire med school process from start to finish with a significant other. I am 26 and considering a career change. For me the process would include a post bacc program, so ostensibly the entire process would take about 9 years, during which my SO and I would ideally like to be starting our life together (Buying a house, starting a family etc). She will be starting a very good job close to home in the fall, but we would have to go the next 9 or so years until I can start working again. Has anyone been through a similar situation?

Furthermore, one of my biggest concerns is getting into a "local" school i.e., moving is not really an option for me. Has anyone here been successful while limiting their applications to where they live for similar reasons? I am a NJ resident and from what I can gather most schools in NJ are partial to residents so I have that going for me.

Thank you in advance for your responses!

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[Hopefuldoc100]

Easy. Get a new significant other.

 

[Smurfette]

Moving to the NonTrad forum.

And yes, many people make it thru with a S.O./spouse, and many people do try to stay in one geographic location. A better question is, do you want to do this enough to move if you have to?

 

[chazell]

I'm in the exact same situation with you, with the exact same concerns, so I'm interested to see if anyone can shed some wisdom.

 

[Hopefuldoc100]

gen chem lol

 

[MDforME!]

I'm not really in your situation, but I will say that I have been with my fiancée since I graduated HS. Currently an MS1, the real life struggle hits once medical school starts. Your fun days of doing whatever you want are gone because you are constantly struggling to finish your lectures and notes for each day. In no way could I imagine myself, a 23 year old, starting a family at this point in my schooling, but I know several classmates have children and make it work perfectly. It really depends on how YOU handle stress. If you do well under stress, you're going to have no problem.. And go into Surg. If you don't, you'll be in my situation and find it difficult to constantly tell your S.O. "No" when they ask to go to the movie or to go to a local park.

So while this isn't exactly what you were looking for. There is my take. Good luck!

 

[H2Oman]

Hello everyone,

I know variations of this question have been asked in the past, but I was wondering if I could borrow some experience from anyone who has completed the entire med school process from start to finish with a significant other. I am 26 and considering a career change. For me the process would include a post bacc program, so ostensibly the entire process would take about 9 years, during which my SO and I would ideally like to be starting our life together (Buying a house, starting a family etc). She will be starting a very good job close to home in the fall, but we would have to go the next 9 or so years until I can start working again. Has anyone been through a similar situation?

What does this mean? Do you have an arranged relationship so you haven't met her yet?
Your life started many years ago. It's happening right now. As it sounds like you're already dating, your life together is has been going on for a while. You either want to go to medical school and she supports you or she doesn't. If she doesn't support you in this endeavor, at least emotionally, you need to decide which is more important to you: your SO or becoming a physician.

FWIW my "local school" is Stanford so while I'm aiming to have the credentials to get accepted there, I've spoken at length with my wife about moving to somewhere else. She isn't stoked about me going to medical school and she isn't stoked about moving. Fortunately, Bay Area cost of living is something neither of us love so she is willing to move for my education. As a PharmD I think she has some semblance of understanding of the rigors of medical school (far better than I do at this point) and that is why she isn't too excited about it. But she does support me fully in this pursuit.

Consider that if moving is not an option you limit yourself and reduce your likelihood of acceptance. I suspect the "not an option" is something you have self imposed or is based on your SOs job. My wife holds Pharm certs is 2 states and when we talk about moving she kind of shrugs and says, "I'd have to take another board exam but that's no big deal."

I'll be 30 in a couple months, have roughly 4 years of undergrad left, work full time, and our first child is 7 months old. We're talking about trying for a second in a year or so.

Make sure your SO is completely on board with your pursuit. If not, you really need to weigh who/what is more important.

 

[Seattle Mariners Fan]

What does this mean? Do you have an arranged relationship so you haven't met her yet?
Your life started many years ago. It's happening right now. As it sounds like you're already dating, your life together is has been going on for a while. You either want to go to medical school and she supports you or she doesn't. If she doesn't support you in this endeavor, at least emotionally, you need to decide which is more important to you: your SO or becoming a physician.

FWIW my "local school" is Stanford so while I'm aiming to have the credentials to get accepted there, I've spoken at length with my wife about moving to somewhere else. She isn't stoked about me going to medical school and she isn't stoked about moving. Fortunately, Bay Area cost of living is something neither of us love so she is willing to move for my education. As a PharmD I think she has some semblance of understanding of the rigors of medical school (far better than I do at this point) and that is why she isn't too excited about it. But she does support me fully in this pursuit.

Consider that if moving is not an option you limit yourself and reduce your likelihood of acceptance. I suspect the "not an option" is something you have self imposed or is based on your SOs job. My wife holds Pharm certs is 2 states and when we talk about moving she kind of shrugs and says, "I'd have to take another board exam but that's no big deal."

I'll be 30 in a couple months, have roughly 4 years of undergrad left, work full time, and our first child is 7 months old. We're talking about trying for a second in a year or so.

Make sure your SO is completely on board with your pursuit. If not, you really need to weigh who/what is more important.

Slightly off topic, but UCBx's people do fine in placements. I wouldn't stretch for Stanford...I don't know that they have a postbac, and if they did its going to be $$$ and prone to grade deflation.

 

[H2Oman]

Slightly off topic, but UCBx's people do fine in placements. I wouldn't stretch for Stanford...I don't know that they have a postbac, and if they did its going to be $$$ and prone to grade deflation.

UCBx? Berkeley extension? Not my school. Also not doing a post bac. Nontrad without a baccalaureate education working on it after dropping out of college at 20. My stretch will be for their medschool, not postbacc. Is it a stretch? Yea. Impossible? Nah, I'm early in scholastic career but have a drive and focus I never knew before and am confident I can ace all my courses. Couple that with an interesting narrative and I think I'm a solid candidate. But who knows. I think there are English speaking med schools in Eastern Europe.

Think you're making a lot of unnecessary assumptions from my post.

 

[kbeitz]

I am partway through the path you're describing if that's in any way helpful.

House, baby, post bac done. Wife in her comfortable career.

One thing I would recommend if you don't want to move is to open up applying to DO. It worked well for my situation. Three years til graduation then I have to reopen the discussion about moving. For now though, it's working out great.

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[esob]

Yeah, if moving is "not an option" then you better either A) make sure your GPA is a 4.0 and you are 99+ percentile on the MCAT, plus have cured cancer (or at least a Nobel prize in something) or B) brace for the impact that you just wasted however many years of your life prepping for med school. Even if you accomplish A above, the chance of you not having to move for residency AND medical school is probably about the same as drowning while being struck by lighting and simultaneously self-combusting. The first two things I learned at SDN:

1. If you want to be a doctor, you better be balls out about and and not have a backup plan
2. You better have your bags already packed because if you get into medical school you will be moving at some point in the next 4+ years.

 

[Meridian32]

This is possible, but difficult. I was geographically restricted to a specific city for both med school and residency and was lucky enough to get into med school/match into residency where I wanted and in the specialty I wanted. Several of my med school classmates were also able to pull this off (including classmates who only applied to one med school and got in). In the process, I got married during the first year and we had a baby during the fourth year of med school. However, I was very lucky - lucky to do well during third year (when med school grades matter most, but grading is also the most subjective) so I could match well; lucky to have amazing family support, in both money and time, with our baby, so it that it has not been completely insane to be a parent during residency; and lucky to have an understanding partner who has been bearing much of the childcare burden and whose own demanding career has taken a hit because it's hard to be an equal parent and spouse when working 80 hour weeks as a resident.

So know that what you hope for is not impossible, but is difficult, will require lots of hard work and some luck, and will depend on many variables - your specific geographic restriction (NJ is good because there are many med schools in the NE corridor, vs. say the Bay Area where your options are Stanford and UCSF); how well you do in postbac and med school; your specialty (less competitive specialties = more options for matching); and of course your partner and your relationship.