Challenging Supervisory Relationship

[psychologynbooks]

I am having a tough time with my supervisor. At my other 4 practicum placements, I loved my supervisors or felt neutral towards them. This year is different. I already matched to an APA internship, and I would never ask this person for an LOR. Still, I am afraid of retaliation at the site itself.

Our dynamic has affected my mental health, and while I only have 3.5 more months of externship to push through, the situation has escalated. My supervisor spends 25 minutes of our meetings criticizing/yelling (everything from the speed to which I talk, being angry I got COVID and had to miss work, to disliking how close I was standing to a table during a group). He could go from being angry one minute to calm the next. I appreciate feedback, but none of his criticism is fair or constructive. There’s more, but I don’t want to write a novel.

I told him it would help my confidence if when providing feedback, he could tell me what I have done right in addition to what I have done wrong. He just criticized me for not independently feeling confident. My DCT told me that if I resign, she would support me. I have never quit, though and leaving feels wrong because I made a commitment.

Any advice on surviving the end of the year without losing my mind (or just emotional support) is appreciated haha.

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[bcliff]

If you've already matched and have the support of your DCT and there aren't other factors involved (e.g., dissertation research being conducted at this site, etc.), then discussing early resignation probably wouldn't be the worst idea. I would offer to either wrap up already scheduled obligations or handle terminations/transfers with existing patients, etc.

Alternatively, viewing this as an opportunity to hone your ability to manage a difficult supervisory/interpersonal relationship could be a useful reframe. It seems like this is a low-ish risk situation... Is there a lot that this supervisor could get in the way of for you? It doesn't seem like it, IMO. You're bound to have at least some questions in the future about difficult supervisory relationships, so this might be a good way to get that "experience."

 

[AcronymAllergy]

If you've already matched and have the support of your DCT and there aren't other factors involved (e.g., dissertation research being conducted at this site, etc.), then discussing early resignation probably wouldn't be the worst idea. I would offer to either wrap up already scheduled obligations or handle terminations/transfers with existing patients, etc.

Alternatively, viewing this as an opportunity to hone your ability to manage a difficult supervisory/interpersonal relationship could be a useful reframe. It seems like this is a low-ish risk situation... Is there a lot that this supervisor could get in the way of for you? It doesn't seem like IMO. You're bound to have at least some questions in the future about difficult supervisory relationships, so this might be a good way to get that "experience."

Agreed. It sounds like a pretty crappy situation as described, and one that seems to be venturing beyond the realm of just being difficult. Maybe try to stick it out for a bit longer and see if there's anything else you can do in managing things (or basically any skills you want to try to build in this regard), but if not, resign via the method suggested by mxbz.

I agree that learning to work through difficult managerial situations is an important skill. Although at the same time, a trainee can often be in a pretty powerless role, particularly at the externship level. And sometimes, even when you're a licensed psychologist, the best option is just to leave.

And it sounds like your DCT is aware of the situation if they're going to support you in leaving, which is good. It's important for the DCT to know that this experience occurred.

 

[psychologynbooks]

Thank you @mxbz and @AcronymAllergy! I’ll try to stick it out 1-2 more months and talk to my supervisor’s boss if it continues (the boss offered to speak to my supervisor for me if a conversation didn’t go well).

It’s so hard being powerless, and my supervisor escalated everything above by accusing me of doing things that are untrue or telling me I’ve caused “liability issues” that are fake. When I talk to other psychologists, they have no idea where he gets his protocols from and say I handled all situations ethically. Even though no explicit threats have been made, I feel threatened. :/ My co-externs feel I’m being bullied as well.

Thank you both for your support! The internship I matched to has supportive/kind supervisors according to current interns, so I can’t wait to enter a safe work environment

 

[theSteppenwolf]

Thank you @mxbz and @AcronymAllergy! I’ll try to stick it out 1-2 more months and talk to my supervisor’s boss if it continues (the boss offered to speak to my supervisor for me if a conversation didn’t go well).

It’s so hard being powerless, and my supervisor escalated everything above by accusing me of doing things that are untrue or telling me I’ve caused “liability issues” that are fake. When I talk to other psychologists, they have no idea where he gets his protocols from and say I handled all situations ethically. Even though no explicit threats have been made, I feel threatened. :/ My co-externs feel I’m being bullied as well.

Thank you both for your support! The internship I matched to has supportive/kind supervisors according to current interns, so I can’t wait to enter a safe work environment

I don't have anything to offer in the way of advice, but I wanted to say how badly I feel that you're having this experience. No one deserves to be subjected to the situation you've described. Whatever you decide I hope it turns out well.

 

[Ollie123]

Oh yeah, screw that. "Angry I got COVID" and actual yelling is just inappropriate. We definitely have some posts from people overly sensitive to feedback and I think its important to be able to push through as you really can't expect coddling at this level. This doesn't give me that impression though.

You clearly don't need the hours anymore. I'd walk away and repurpose that time for other goals (dissertation, etc.) if you can. I left a practicum my final year for weaker reasons then you have. You could see if they can reassign you to a different supervisor if need be or if you really want to study for other reasons.

I might take retract this if you really want to stay in the area and/or see yourself really wanting to target this particular location for jobs down the line. That "might" make this too important of a bridge to burn. Generally best to avoid burning them anyways, but sometimes it can't be avoided...

 

[psychologynbooks]

I appreciate the support very much @theSteppenwolf and @Ollie123 💜

Part of me has questioned my own sanity/sensitivity because I look for the best in people. I tried to tell myself he just had social skill deficits/mental health struggles/is just a blunt person, but everyone I talk to is upset on my behalf. A different supervisor who I love and is typically passive/non-reactive referred to my problematic supervisor as a monster after I confided in him lol.

It’s affirming to hear you left a site before too! Luckily, I’ll never need this man for networking purposes. I’m leaning more and more towards eventually leaving. I just have to overcome the message I internalized that quitting is always wrong haha.

 

[silverway]

If you stick it out, document everything (not just clinical stuff but correspondence, his comments and behaviors, etc.) so that any accusations made by your supervisor can be easily refuted with evidence. Just in case the accusations persist or worsen.

I'm just an intern this year so I don't have a great vantage point on potential consequences, but I think quitting something that sucks is really good for the soul. I think everyone should quit a bad job at least once. It's fabulously liberating.

 

[Spydra]

Sure you made a commitment to being a capable trainee. No part of that was you committing to being abused by a supervisor. You have the support of your DCT and the security of an internship match. If you stay you increase the likelihood of showing up to internship a burned out exhausted shell of yourself. If you quit then you give yourself time to rest and recuperate and show up to internship ready to be the capable trainee they're expecting.

 

[psychologynbooks]

@Spydra @silverway thank you both! The documentation point is a great one, and I’m so glad that I’ve kept notes and gave my DCT a heads up about the extreme “protocols” made up to be punitive.

That’s also very validating. I committed to working hard to help my patients but not to be terrified of verbal attacks each week. I just emailed my DCT to ask if we could meet to discuss an early resignation