chemistry diene joke-- trying to remember

[SharpieMarker]

In orgo lab, a grad student told me a joke that i desperately want to remember but can't. it involved a play on the word diene and dying and something about a student studying hard and dying, and went with little chemical reaction pictures. does anyone know a joke like this? i have no idea if the above description was even helpful.


and if you don't, know any good chemistry jokes?

i just found this one on another thread:
Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He'd spent months studying the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. The population, despite all efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.

Finally, Finn went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help. Tom Trom looked into the problem, and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp's water, and simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce. Tom brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a zoss of that, and most critically, one part sodium.

"You mean?.... " Jim said when told.
"Yes," said Tom, "They needed mono-sodium glue to mate."

---

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[zpiff]

Haha. I'm not sure which joke you mean but for the longest time was going to ask out a girl in my Orgo class with "I've been diene to meet you". I'm sure that would have gone over well! hehe

 

[dienekes88]

So one hydrogen turns to another and says, "dude, I think I lost an electron."

The other hydrogen says, "Really? Are you sure?"

First one replies, "I'm positive."

 

[TheRealMD]

Probably this one:

 

[dd128]

Why did the bear dissolve when put in an aqueous solution???....

.....

Because he was a polar bear 😉

 

[Pedsonchopeful]

-log(diddy) = pdiddy

Yet another nerd joke...

 

[Cegar]

What do you call a benzene molecule where iron atoms have replaced those of carbon?






A ferrous wheel.

 

[RPedigo]

A neutron had a bad day, so he went down to the local pub to blow off some steam. He sits down, and opens a tab.

Neutron: I'm having a bad day, give me a Long Island.

So the neutron drinks that, and a few more, and then decides it's time to hit the road.

Neutron: How much do I owe you?

Bartender: Neutron. No charge.

 

[RPedigo]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?


A one molar solution.

 

[Quix]

This thread is horrific. It's terrible, but I can't look away...

 

[HumidBeing]

[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica]Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

.[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica] A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

.[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica]According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people..
[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica].

 

[Quix]

[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica]Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

.[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica] A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

.[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica]According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people..

The only thing that prevents me from banning you for those last two is that I still laugh at the first one.

 

[seraph524]

This thread is...just.... 😵

 

[Quix]

This thread is...just.... 😵

Get in the Sweet Sixteen thread and clarify for whom you are voting.

 

[HumidBeing]

Okay, Quix, I'll push my luck.

Why do chemists call barium, helium, and curium the medical elements?












Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium. (Ouch! That kick hurt!)

 

[HumidBeing]

What would you call this molecule bunny-O-bunny ?















The ether bunny

 

[HumidBeing]

How can you tell my jokes are based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?

Because they are CoRnY.

 

[1956Goldtop]

1,4 - didocsbenzene = paradox

 

[HumidBeing]

One last contribution from me

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

 

[Inuranic]

All I have is this classic Bio one:

How do you make a hormone?

You don't pay her.

And my favorite pick-up line ever:

I wish I was DNA-helicase so I could unzip your genes.

 

[HumidBeing]

A

And my favorite pick-up line ever:

I wish I was DNA-helicase so I could unzip your genes.

I think that's everyone's favorite. I know it's mine.

 

[Isoprop]

[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica]Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

.[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica] A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

.[FONT=Arial, Arial, Helvetica]According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people..

your first joke reminded me of a post on the allo board from a year ago that still gets bumped today.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=417221

i love this thread. 👍

 

[seraph524]

😆😆😆😆

 

[HumidBeing]

Isoprop, I don't even have to click on the link; I know exactly which post you're speaking about. I saw it when it was first posted, before anything besides the first reply had been added. It cracked me up. Some might say that I'm still cracked.

 

[seraph524]

Isoprop, I don't even have to click on the link; I know exactly which post you're speaking about. I saw it when it was first posted, before anything besides the first reply had been added. It cracked me up. Some might say that I'm still cracked.

haha, nice chem jokes, always nice to see a fan of chemistry ^_^

 

[HumidBeing]

Why does the proper combination of Tellurium, Carbon, Holmium, Lanthanum, and Cobalt bring so much happiness?


Because it's CHoCoLaTe.

 

[seraph524]

Why does the proper combination of Tellurium, Carbon, Holmium, Lanthanum, and Cobalt bring so much happiness?


Because it's CHoCoLaTe.

Oh man, I bought a T-shirt that said the exact same thing at the Chicago Science Museum O_O

 

[Drogba]

your first joke reminded me of a post on the allo board from a year ago that still gets bumped today.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=417221

i love this thread. 👍

Yeah, classic thread, that one. I thought of it to upon reading humid's joke.

 

[FearAndInsomnia]

couple funny organic molecules

 

[QofQuimica]

This is a great thread. 👍

I don't know what it is about chemists and bad jokes, but they seem to always go together. My high school chemistry teacher actually wrote in my yearbook: You lithium carefully and you do good work, otherwise you must sulfur through the course. 🙄

I like this definition of organic chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.

 

[al112987]

Biologist, chemist and physcist are standing on a beach.

Physcist goes into the water to study the mechanics of the waves made by the ocean, a giant wave comes and crushes him. The biologist goes into the water to observe marine life and is eaten by a shark.

The chemist stands at the shore, scratches his head and writes down in his notebook, "biologists and physicists are soluble in water".

for some reason, I found that hilarious back in HS.

 

[SB100]

A short history of medicine --

I have an ear ache:

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

 

[alphagojo]

, keep them coming.

 

[Drogba]

A short history of medicine --

I have an ear ache:

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

thats good

 

[Phillykid162]

Is it bad that I laughed at some of these?

 

[HumidBeing]

Need to add one more poster to Fear&insomnia's entry:

 

[1956Goldtop]

I want to punch myself in the face. I thought the sodium boride cartoon was hilarious.

 

[Dr WuStl]

 

[iA-MD2013]

I like this definition of organic chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.

that's cute!

 

[GoldShadow]

This is my new favorite thread.

 

[aemed724]

What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?



Let's make like an amoeba and split.

 

[MooseKing]

All I have is this classic Bio one:

And my favorite pick-up line ever:

I wish I was DNA-helicase so I could unzip your genes.

I actually wish i were DNA polymerase so that I could add nucleotides to your 3’ end.

 

[HumidBeing]

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on Susie. Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Johnny. Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

I'm sure he'll be gunning for plastics.

 

[iA-MD2013]

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on Susie. Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Johnny. Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

I bet he eventually aims for plastics.

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

HAHAHA this one wins! best joke ever!

 

[Aynsl156]

If you were x^2, I'd want to be (x^3)/3 to be the area under your curves.

 

[BlackSails]

Two electrons are hanging out, just chilling in their mutual ground state. They decide to head to the local bar. They walk in, and the bartender asks what they want. The first electron says "Ill have a Bud light," to which the second one says "Damnit, thats what I was going to have!"

 

[Inuranic]

If you were x^2, I'd want to be (x^3)/3 to be the area under your curves.

Wow...just...wow.

 

[KrnFord920]

In orgo lab, a grad student told me a joke that i desperately want to remember but can't. it involved a play on the word diene and dying and something about a student studying hard and dying, and went with little chemical reaction pictures. does anyone know a joke like this? i have no idea if the above description was even helpful.


and if you don't, know any good chemistry jokes?

i just found this one on another thread:
Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He'd spent months studying the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. The population, despite all efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.

Finally, Finn went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help. Tom Trom looked into the problem, and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp's water, and simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce. Tom brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a zoss of that, and most critically, one part sodium.

"You mean?.... " Jim said when told.
"Yes," said Tom, "They needed mono-sodium glue to mate."

the only one i know of related to diene is this:

"what did the benzene ring say when he lost one of his double bonds?"



"I'M DIENE!!"

 

[Jacka1776]

Its not really your typical chemistry jokes, but its based on actual event

[FONT=tahoma,sans-serif]The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for
how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is
more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2 . If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

 

[MooseKing]

[FONT=tahoma,sans-serif]
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night

.

hahaha!!!!!!!!