classmates talking **** behind your back

[medInUSA]

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SO in my medical school the students for some reason love to talk **** behind each others back, I did not expect ppl to behave like this in Med school, sometimes I feel like I'm back in High School.

So in my med school, we have lectures and also small conferences where we are supposed to discuss certain questions. IN the conferences if I know the answer to a question I dont hesitate to answer it. But apparently some of my classmates are talking **** behind my back that I am a jerk because I am talking too much and not giving other people a chance in the conferences, even though I leave a significant pause after every question for others to jump in before going ahead with answering the question.

I think their animosity is really driven by jealousy, low self confidence, and poor work ethic or study habits on their part.

Normally I wouldn't give a damn what these low lifes think because my only concern is learning the most that I can, to be a good doctor for my future patients, but I might be stuck with them during 3rd and 4th year in rotations where much of the grade depends on how well u work in a team with your classmates. And these ppl are going around behind my back setting other ppl's attitudes against me.

Anybody faced a similar situation? should I just totally shut up in hte conferences or continue to participate and risk further antagonizing my classmates.

 

[Rafa]

How often do you answer questions? If you're answering more than all the other students put together, maybe you should give other people a chance to speak up. You said you leave "significant pauses", but if you're answering as frequently as your post suggests you might be, then your classmates might have picked up on your pauses, and become content with sitting tight and waiting for you to answer the question...because you always do. But I'm just going from your post - it might not be like that at all. But if you really *are* answering more questions per class than the rest of the class put together, then I'd defiinitely lower the frequency for a while. Just because you know the answer doesn't mean you have to give it. And with regards to your comment about the others being jealous, lazy, etc...well, that might be true - but it might not. I'm sure there are students in your classes who know the answers, but don't answer as frequently as you do. Perhaps you could try being like them for a few sessions.

And yeah, being teased, etc does suck. But you don't have to turn into a churchmouse to get them off your back. Maybe just ease up on the trigger a little. And don't take their criticism to heart. But if they're pointing out (in what might not be the best of ways) your propensity to be "Mr. Knowitall", there might be room for behavior modification on your part. As you've noted, you will need to work with these "lowlifes" and fellow classmates when rotations come around. If I were you, I'd stop answering so many questions and try not to become "that guy". If you know the answers, good for you - ace your tests, and ace your boards when the times come - but don't turn everyone against you on your way to year 3. It doesn't do you much good if the teacher for *one* class thinks you're the bees-knees, while you make thirty-odd foes in the process. Good luck.

 

[8744]

...In the conferences if I know the answer to a question I dont hesitate to answer it. But apparently some of my classmates are talking **** behind my back that I am a jerk because I am talking too much and not giving other people a chance in the conferences, even though I leave a significant pause after every question for others to jump in before going ahead with answering the question.

I think their animosity is really driven by jealousy, low self confidence, and poor work ethic or study habits on their part....

Let me guess. You got beaten up a lot as a kid?

Thanks for posting this. Now, not only do your classmates talk **** about you but we can too.

 

[8744]

Normally I wouldn't give a damn what these low lifes think because my only concern is learning the most that I can, to be a good doctor for my future patients, but I might be stuck with them during 3rd and 4th year in rotations where much of the grade depends on how well u work in a team with your classmates...

Gosh. Too bad your classmates are such jerks or you might get along with them.

 

[dara678]

Just because you know the answer doesn't mean you have to give it. .

Right on.

Look, you're in med school, you're going to be a professional. So act professional. Don't talk about ppl behind their backs (even though they do it to you) and don't be an ass in class. Everyone hates a know-it-all, even more so because we all were know-it-alls as kids. If you answer all the time people get frustrated and resentful because they don't have the time to think about the question before you give it away. It's great that you're smart, and you study, and you know the answer, but there's no reason to show it off. Attendings can tell a kiss-up from a mile away, and you don't want to be one of those people. So hold back sometimes and give other people a chance.

You're going to have to work with these people for three more years, so I suggest you treat them as colleagues and respect them as such (instead of calling them low-lifes or assume that they are jealous of you, because you don't really know that) and try to act cordial and work efficiently.

 

[medInUSA]

thanks Rafah, point well taken,

I will decrease my participation in the conferences and see if that solves the problem.

Let me clarify something though. I get along fine with the majority of the class, but it is just these certain particular individuals who are in my conference who are giving me trouble. My friend who is also in the conference was the one who informed me of overhearing this conversation and let me be aware of it.

After I first learned about this I was so pissed off I could not even study for the test that is two days away. Now that I've calmed down what can I say, nobody ever kicks a dead dog right.

 

[8744]

...After I first learned about this I was so pissed off I could not even study for the test that is two days away. Now that I've calmed down what can I say, nobody ever kicks a dead dog right...

Jesus.

 

[synapse lapse]

Let me guess. You got beaten up a lot as a kid?

Thanks for posting this. Now, not only do your classmates talk **** about you but we can too.

No no you're doing it all wrong you can't post it here...you gotta PM us talking shi! behind his back

 

[synapse lapse]

After I first learned about this I was so pissed off I could not even study for the test that is two days away. Now that I've calmed down what can I say, nobody ever kicks a dead dog right.

Are kidding me

 

[YouDontKnowJack]

and you care about what other people think of you? that is so girly. You're not even gonna see these people in 2-3 years.

Be like House MD. He doesn't give a **** what you think. and he carries a big stick. 😉

 

[OctoDoc]

You should give credit to your fellow classmates. I think many, if not most, of them will judge you on your own merits, even in the face of criticism by others. Those that prejudge you based on the opinions of others probably won't be in any position to adversely affect you.

Keep in mind also that those classmates with which you will share rotations will have to reformulate any preconceived negative image of you, if your personality and actions do not confirm that image.

 

[njbmd]

SO in my medical school the students for some reason love to talk **** behind each others back, I did not expect ppl to behave like this in Med school, sometimes I feel like I'm back in High School.


I think their animosity is really driven by jealousy, low self confidence, and poor work ethic or study habits on their part.

Normally I wouldn't give a damn what these low lifes think because my only concern is learning the most that I can, to be a good doctor for my future patients, but I might be stuck with them during 3rd and 4th year in rotations where much of the grade depends on how well u work in a team with your classmates. And these ppl are going around behind my back setting other ppl's attitudes against me.

Anybody faced a similar situation? should I just totally shut up in hte conferences or continue to participate and risk further antagonizing my classmates.

Hi there,
You will be "stuck" with your colleagues for the rest of your life. At this point, you have to take the high road. It makes no difference to you or them what you or they "think" about each other. You are professionals and in your professional life, there will be some people that you get along better with than others. Guess what, you will be referring your patients to these people in the future.

Chill out, shut up and give others a chance to be heard in small groups. It is a huge pain when one person is always taking. You will be surprised at how much those "low lifes" know about medicine and other topics if you give them a chance. Also, you may need the help of one or more of those "low lifes" during third or fourth year when you are in a jam. Be professional and show respect. It will come back in spades.

njbmd 🙂

 

[medInUSA]

Thank you SDN posters,

you have made me come to my senses, and I am no loger mad about this;

now I can concentrate no my Neuro Test!!

🙂

 

[gregMD]

Thank you SDN posters,

you have made me come to my senses, and I am no loger mad about this;

now I can concentrate no my Neuro Test!!

🙂

ur gonna fail... i can feel it.

 

[happydays]

In elementary school, I was the topic of everyone's conversation (in a negative way). The more I tried to change that, the more they had to say about me. Eventually I learned to embrace it and that's when the conversations about me ended. Go with the flow. Love the hate.

 

[Shangal]

yeah, I remember elementry school. Kids then were much worse then now. At least now they can't push or hit you anymore. Thank god I had 6 cousins in my school who gave me protection. It was kind of like being part of the mafia
Good times

 

[SoCuteMD]

My advice: Don't talk so darn much. I was at dinner with a bunch of law students and they were talking about how often they speak in class. One guy was a self-proclaimed gunner - he said he speaks maybe once or twice a week in class. This is obviously in big 200 person classes, but he said that one super-gunner he knows speaks every single class. Once per small group session is really plenty of speaking, I think.

 

[fun8stuff]

SO in my medical school the students for some reason love to talk **** behind each others back, I did not expect ppl to behave like this in Med school, sometimes I feel like I'm back in High School.

So in my med school, we have lectures and also small conferences where we are supposed to discuss certain questions. IN the conferences if I know the answer to a question I dont hesitate to answer it. But apparently some of my classmates are talking **** behind my back that I am a jerk because I am talking too much and not giving other people a chance in the conferences, even though I leave a significant pause after every question for others to jump in before going ahead with answering the question.

I think their animosity is really driven by jealousy, low self confidence, and poor work ethic or study habits on their part.

Normally I wouldn't give a damn what these low lifes think because my only concern is learning the most that I can, to be a good doctor for my future patients, but I might be stuck with them during 3rd and 4th year in rotations where much of the grade depends on how well u work in a team with your classmates. And these ppl are going around behind my back setting other ppl's attitudes against me.

Anybody faced a similar situation? should I just totally shut up in hte conferences or continue to participate and risk further antagonizing my classmates.

Are you the youngest or only child? Only male/female child in the family?

Anyways, the point of the review sessions is not to show everyone how smart you are. You are obviously lacking some social skills which prevented you from knowing these unwritten social rules. A friend of mine at my school does the same sort of things as you. I don't think he realizes that he isn't on jeopardy... you aren't playing a game to see who can answer the most questions.

 

[Aseptic Pimp]

I have the same problem at my med school, I feel like I'm in junior high all over again where people care about their popularity and stuff like that. Its annoying as hell, that is why i don't associate with most of my med class, just keep them as acquaintances.

 

[PomPom]

it's going to be a long 4 years.

 

[hunter1077]

Have you thought of listening to the answeres your classmates are giving? If you truly know it all then instead of being taught (answering) try teaching (helping rephrase the question or just helping them learn the material as well as you). I have found that when I teach someone a skill I actually learn it better myself. Use this opportunity to develop syour interpersonal skills, to teach classmates like patients by explaining the material, and maybe to build a team of colleagues. But more than anything BE professional.

Good luck on your neuro exam

 

[Wee Free Woman]

I can't believe that people are telling the poster to answer less questions and give in to social pressure. Jealousy might be an issue - its natural to be envious of someone who's getting the material before you. I don't know why people are denying this.

But at the same time, irregardless of what others are saying, it is better to listen more during a review session than speak out. I think you get more out of it. And if you ever want to roll over your thoughts with others or the professor on the topic you were discussing, you can always do that after the class/session is over. Gives you more 1-on-1 time with the professor.

Unless if the professor calls on you, obviously.

Oh, and its always safer to keep the talking to a minimum with other med school students. Never talk about scores. Never talk about grades. Never talk about how hard you're studying, and keep attention off you. No need to get tempers directed at you.

Ah, politics. It never ends. Its all about a clash of egos. You just gotta learn by experience how not to step on people's egos, but then, people also need to learn to keep their ego in check.

 

[OSUdoc08]

SO in my medical school the students for some reason love to talk **** behind each others back, I did not expect ppl to behave like this in Med school, sometimes I feel like I'm back in High School.

So in my med school, we have lectures and also small conferences where we are supposed to discuss certain questions. IN the conferences if I know the answer to a question I dont hesitate to answer it. But apparently some of my classmates are talking **** behind my back that I am a jerk because I am talking too much and not giving other people a chance in the conferences, even though I leave a significant pause after every question for others to jump in before going ahead with answering the question.

I think their animosity is really driven by jealousy, low self confidence, and poor work ethic or study habits on their part.

Normally I wouldn't give a damn what these low lifes think because my only concern is learning the most that I can, to be a good doctor for my future patients, but I might be stuck with them during 3rd and 4th year in rotations where much of the grade depends on how well u work in a team with your classmates. And these ppl are going around behind my back setting other ppl's attitudes against me.

Anybody faced a similar situation? should I just totally shut up in hte conferences or continue to participate and risk further antagonizing my classmates.

👍 Do this. Who cares what they think?

I know exactly where you're coming from, by the way. Don't let the immature losers in your class affect you in any way.

 

[SkylineMD]

I don't know why people are ragging on the OP for talking more than others during group sessions. At the end of the day, if they are grading you on your participation in the group, its about the grade. Others have the same opportunity to offer their opinions and if they don't, that's their fault. I think that classes that have subjective grading are fair game to all those who can push in their opinions and stand out in order to get those grades. If there are no grades in these sessions, then there should be no reason to sit there and complain

 

[Callogician]

To me, all social interaction is fake. If I were to act naturally, perhaps I would grab a cute chick in the hallway and start dry-humping her...or perhaps I would put my arm around a professor's shoulder as the young woman walked by and say, "check out that ass."

I don't do these these things...not because I think that are fundamentally inappropriate but because they are inappropriate in the context of this particular society with its particular arbitrary social norms.

Humans are little pawns on my chessboard. They are sheep. They are conformists. They believe in fairy tales. I give them little to no credit as analytical thinkers. Hence, I tell them what they need to hear. I mean seriously...why be perfectly honest and upfront with humans? Would you be honest and upfront with a child? If your cousin's two year old asks you, "why are you sad" in her cute little voice, would you respond, "because my boss is a prick and my wife is f-ing the mailman"? Of course not! You go with the lie! To do anything else is completely socially inappropriate.

*Note: Tactful admission is as deceptive as a blatant lie

I don't lie to humans out of cruelty or to gain a social advantage. I'm a nice guy, and I genuinely want to make a positive contribution to the world. I lie to humans for their own good. Humans can't handle the truth. They don't want to be told that everything they've ever believed is total and utter BS. They want the world to fit into their little childish paradigm.

And do you know what...I am no different. I am a pawn on someone else's chessboard. If I weren't, I would have cured cancer by now (or at least banged the Olsen twins).

medUSA: Just sandbag a little bit. Continue to study hard, but don't show it so much. Make other students feel good about themselves...but do it adroitly. Don't let on that you're faking, or you'll just be seen as a fake, and that would undermine your benevolent intentions.

 

[PoorMD]

Continue to study hard, but don't show it so much. Make other students feel good about themselves...but do it adroitly. .

good call. I think making the others feel good, building them up, is real important. ya can' be too shallow or we see right through it. to build others up, just keep it sincere. this can be especially hard when its crunch time, exams coming people can become real abrasive and hard to console..

 

[OrnotMajestic]

I heard this once before about law school, and feel it applies now: There is at least one a**hole in every class section/group. If by the end of the first month of school you don't know who it is, then it's you.

 

[Blackstars]

I heard this once before about law school, and feel it applies now: There is at least one a**hole in every class section/group. If by the end of the first month of school you don't know who it is, then it's you.

Classic, can I have your permission to retell the above story to my classmates

 

[OrnotMajestic]

Classic, can I have your permission to retell the above story to my classmates

Ha! No permission needed as I was told this by a law student. Now that I'm in med school, I know it applies here as well. 🙂

 

[LabMonster]

Let me guess. You got beaten up a lot as a kid?

Thanks for posting this. Now, not only do your classmates talk **** about you but we can too.

You got it right in your blog Panda: don't be a tool.

 

[ocean11]

yeah its VERY true, one does feel like they are back in 'junior high' BUT make note that this is always the case, regadless where you are: residency, work, med school, social clubs etc etc.... People are just not designed to get along with 'everyone' and diff people have diff personalities that either gel or don't gel.

THE TRICK IS (as one of my best friends told me)

IS NOT TO CARE!

they might hate you because you're 'blond', or because you're a 'redhead' OR because you have a nice ass, or a great rack, OR maybe just maybe because you're passing, or getting straight A's or the fact that you have a computer or a car or... I can go on and on...... there is NO point in analyzing others...... most of them anyhow, are confused and are trying to analyze you... just get on with it and be happy with yourself!!!

goodluck with Neuro!

 

[Wee Free Woman]

Callo:

 

[streetdoc]

I don't know why people are ragging on the OP for talking more than others during group sessions. At the end of the day, if they are grading you on your participation in the group, its about the grade. Others have the same opportunity to offer their opinions and if they don't, that's their fault. I think that classes that have subjective grading are fair game to all those who can push in their opinions and stand out in order to get those grades. If there are no grades in these sessions, then there should be no reason to sit there and complain

Don't forget about "works well with others" on the evaluations. Team work is a huge part of 3rd year and your chosen profession...try to compliment your classmates and encourage everyone.
just my .02
streetdoc

 

[Doc Oc]

Unfortunately, correctly answering too many questions in a small group is a social no-no, especially if you don't give others a chance to speak.

For some reason, in med-student-land, this rule also applies when time is given for others to answer...and when nobody else is going to answer because nobody knows the answer... and even when one is asked directly and AN answer MUST be given, that person is still considered a jerk if they keep answering correctly.

Nobody seems to care if your answers are usually wrong.

I understand giving others a chance to speak, and would even go so far as to say that if you feel you have to "give others a chance to speak" in a group situation, then you are obviously talking too much, because as a student you should never really own the floor and have to decide to give it up.

However, I am of the anti-silence camp. If a question is asked, the asker wants an answer. To me, it is rude for a whole group of people to sit there and not respond in a small group. If nobody else will answer, there shouldn't be anything wrong with speaking up.

My overall impression of this is that people say they care about you monopolizing the floor, but in reality they're just sick of feeling intimidated by you and want you to just shut up.

So, I firmly believe in your right to speak, and I think it is stupid that I am about to agree with those who advise decreasing your time at the mic. You don't need to talk all the time to get a good participation grade, especially if nobody else is participating. I'd say it would be important to reign in the bursting fund of knowledge in the following situations:

1) Do not answer obvious questions that anyone in the room who went to medical school knows the answer to.

2) Do not give long monologues in those "ethics" and "humanities" type small groups.

3) Do not answer a question correctly that has been answered incorrectly by both your senior resident and your intern. If you do so once, you've already impressed your attending, no need to do it again.

4) If the asker catches on that you seem to know all the answers, and starts directing questions to you when nobody answers, get one wrong or say you don't remember once in awhile.

5) Unless it may affect patient care, don't offer superfluous information or ask esoteric questions on other people's time. Wait until after class or rounds.

I know where you're coming from, and had to change my tune as well. You'll pick up on when speaking will impress others vs. when speaking will only impress yourself. Hang in there, and don't feel bad about yourself, you are not a tool.

Probably not.

Unless you're one of those people who constantly tell family anecdotes followed by an esoteric, ethics-related question during class...

 

[BlondeCookie]

You go to school every day and see the same people every day in med school. People talk about other people. In some ways, it's like high school. And you begin to realize how many underserving a-holes there are in your medschool that you just want to go up and punch in the mouth.

 

[Paws]

I have the same problem at my med school, I feel like I'm in junior high all over again where people care about their popularity and stuff like that. Its annoying as hell, that is why i don't associate with most of my med class, just keep them as acquaintances.

I don't know why people are giving the OP so much hassle, I thought what s/he said was reasonable. Medschool is filled with overachieving, competitive people. Not always the same sort of people you want to make best buds with, unfortunately. It seems to me, that the skills that often seem to get people into med school, are not the same skills you want in your close friends.

For the most part, I think I get along ok with my class. But there are some people who don't like me, never liked me, and don't seem like they ever will. What can I do. Life is short, I gave them some friendly comments that went nowhere and so now I just ignore them.

For the most part, I try to be professional with everyone. I have a few solid buds that I totally trust. Some people I completely ignore, and the vast majority I am neutral with. It is a professional environment and we need to get along well enough, but as for solid trustworthy friendships I look elsewhere. We are just too competitive, it seems to me. Everyone has to work these issues out for themselves, but I can identify with the OP.

As for the talking too much in small groups, well it's a learning process. You seem to have figured out that you might be doing that, and so now you know what you need to do about it. Yesterday in small groups we had a girl who would not stop interupting every answer to answer it herself. And I mean, every answer, and she would go and on with ridiculous details. It was like some, weird, fascinating compulsion on her part and I felt hypnotized by her lack of social awareness. It was excruciating. But we didn't say anything and she will eventually figure it out. We are all human, doing the best we can.