MD Relating to my classmates as a low-SES student

[deleted1106225]

I've always been (unfortunately) always been the weird fish in the small pond whether in special ed / ESL in elementary school, in the youth shelter or on the ambulance, and I'm sure my being neurodivergent is not helping. I am enthusiastic about many topics (even anatomy, which I managed to survive) and now we've moved on to my favorite pet topics ... medical biochemistry, and I'm finding the level of learning is broader, but at a more superficial level compared to the PhD Biochemistry coursework (which had heavily clinical correlations) when I was an MS student holding toe to toe with PhD students and passing their exams.

I'm trying my best to make friends instead of unintentionally making adversaries but I'm finding I'm really clashing with my classmates over differences in background.

The biggest difference is in socioeconomic background and transportation (I take public transit, my classmates have cars. I am saving up for a car despite driving ambulances as a job for years. Probably won't be able to afford a car until second year, but definitely by rotations. Difference in SES background is playing a bigger factor in school than I anticipated. Most of my classmates simply can't relate to poverty, and I'm guessing my classmates who are also poor do a better job of hiding their SES compared to me. I live in the big city but my school is in the suburbs, and I take the train from the city. I'm frustrated that my classmates and student organizations that plan events do not accommodate the logistical needs of impoverished students. Even as we are trained on how to care for poor patients in theory, it is painfully obvious that most of my classmates do not know the daily struggles and lifelong impact of poverty. When I mention personal struggles and experiences being on Medicaid (for discussing a patient scenario that literally involves socioeconomic determinants of health), the whole discussion group goes crickets. It's really frustrating.

There are some other exacerbating factors. I've been usually good at hiding my autism spectrum disorder (as a woman), so I thought, but I guess now that we are in biochemistry land it is difficult to suppress not wanting to go into detail about topics we covered in my past research-focused MS program. I know most of my classmates are only interested in research for the purposes of applying to competitive residencies. They only want to focus on topics covered on the next exam, whereas I am not worried about the next exam because anatomy is over (finally) the biochemistry we are covering right now is rather superficial compared to the PhD-qualifying exams in biochemistry I passed (I hedged my bets and would likely have become a PhD student in biochemistry had I not gotten into medical school - I had several offers from different PIs.) I did not apply MD/PhD but I am trying to get into my school's MD/PhD program at the end of second year. This has made it seem to my classmates that I am not easy to work with or do not deserve help, when in fact, I am just extra enthusiastic about a subset of advanced topics I've studied and researched for years while I am still struggling with so many other aspects of being a student, including navigating specialties and mentors, juggling living expenses and supporting my partner at home.

The students who are parents and who would relate to struggling with living expenses think it's weird I do not have children at my age. (I am a nontrad student so I'm about 5-8 years older than most). My partner and I are both queer and we want to start a family, but naturally Medicaid does not cover fertility support for queer couples. I do not know anyone in my school who knows the struggles of poverty, and no one in my support system (majority low SES) can relate to the struggle of studying medicine.

I feel so incredibly isolated and alone. I have broad interdisciplinary interests, want to advance the state of the art of medicine through research, and I also want to care for patients. I may be undecided on my specialty, but I honestly wouldn't know what to do were I not in medicine. I'm not fitting in school and I don't think I fit anywhere else.

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[Rachapkis]

I am sorry that you feel isolated and alone. That's never easy. Hopefully, you can lean on your partner and friend group for support until things get easier. You may find counseling helpful too. While one would hope that your classmates would be mindful of your economic circumstances and needs, I find that busy, striving people are often caught up in their own worlds and thus can be oblivious to what others are going through. In terms of making friends with your classmates, I would try to focus on your commonalities, rather than your differences, and see if that helps to bridge the gap that currently exists.

 

[LunaOri]

It sounds as though you are being just as judgmental of your classmates as you feel they are to you. They are struggling with basic concepts that they need to learn to pass the course, while you are complaining that the course material is below the level of grad courses you have already taken. Arrogance will not endear you to your peers. It might help to think of med school as a team sport, and try to focus on what is best for the team. How about offering to tutor someone who is having difficulty?

 

[Hollow Knight]

I feel you. My family was eligible for welfare growing up. My dad got a raise pretty quickly, so I didn't grow up on food stamps, but it's definitely weird seeing med school classmates whose parents are paying cash for their med school. Or even just people who are willing to go to a restaurant where it's more than like $20 for a meal (there's nothing wrong with this, my wife and I just can't stomach it even though we technically have the money now).

If mental health is an issue- I've found counseling to be wonderful. Double for couple's counseling if you and your partner are stressed.

Also, while medicine attracts some toxic types, most people who get in are decent folks. If you just listen and get to know your classmates, they might not be as bad as it originally seems (this was my experience). Be careful generalizing.

I don't understand my classmates from upper class backgrounds, but I also don't hide the fact that I grew up kore working-class. Do your classmates mistreat you because you don't want to burn money?

 

[mrbreakfast]

Same advice as in your previous thread on the topic, which is strongly recommending therapy. You may be the "weird fish," but right now you're in the shallow end of the very lengthy and deep pool of medicine; as you swim deeper you're going to (rather quickly) reach a point where people stop caring about how smart you are and care much more about traits like working well with others, amiability, etc. You've identified what you are doing isn't working; the next step is to change what you are doing, if even slightly.

I know that may be somewhat frustrating advice, but we all need to grow through life, and this growth may help you accomplish your dreams. I'll just note that I have a female colleague with ASD who is brilliant but struggles with getting along with others; she periodically asks coworkers for feedback on how she can better work with them. Sometimes you need someone else's perspective on what's working and what isn't, which is true for us all. Perhaps connecting with others through your interdisciplinary interests may help.

Finally, one note: if it makes you feel bad hearing a classmate talk about how wealthy they are, that's the feeling you are giving your classmates when you talk about how easy/simple certain academic topics are for you. Just keep it to yourself.

 

[DarkBluMage]

I've always been (unfortunately) always been the weird fish in the small pond whether in special ed / ESL in elementary school, in the youth shelter or on the ambulance, and I'm sure my being neurodivergent is not helping. I am enthusiastic about many topics (even anatomy, which I managed to survive) and now we've moved on to my favorite pet topics ... medical biochemistry, and I'm finding the level of learning is broader, but at a more superficial level compared to the PhD Biochemistry coursework (which had heavily clinical correlations) when I was an MS student holding toe to toe with PhD students and passing their exams.

I'm trying my best to make friends instead of unintentionally making adversaries but I'm finding I'm really clashing with my classmates over differences in background.

The biggest difference is in socioeconomic background and transportation (I take public transit, my classmates have cars. I am saving up for a car despite driving ambulances as a job for years. Probably won't be able to afford a car until second year, but definitely by rotations. Difference in SES background is playing a bigger factor in school than I anticipated. Most of my classmates simply can't relate to poverty, and I'm guessing my classmates who are also poor do a better job of hiding their SES compared to me. I live in the big city but my school is in the suburbs, and I take the train from the city. I'm frustrated that my classmates and student organizations that plan events do not accommodate the logistical needs of impoverished students. Even as we are trained on how to care for poor patients in theory, it is painfully obvious that most of my classmates do not know the daily struggles and lifelong impact of poverty. When I mention personal struggles and experiences being on Medicaid (for discussing a patient scenario that literally involves socioeconomic determinants of health), the whole discussion group goes crickets. It's really frustrating.

There are some other exacerbating factors. I've been usually good at hiding my autism spectrum disorder (as a woman), so I thought, but I guess now that we are in biochemistry land it is difficult to suppress not wanting to go into detail about topics we covered in my past research-focused MS program. I know most of my classmates are only interested in research for the purposes of applying to competitive residencies. They only want to focus on topics covered on the next exam, whereas I am not worried about the next exam because anatomy is over (finally) the biochemistry we are covering right now is rather superficial compared to the PhD-qualifying exams in biochemistry I passed (I hedged my bets and would likely have become a PhD student in biochemistry had I not gotten into medical school - I had several offers from different PIs.) I did not apply MD/PhD but I am trying to get into my school's MD/PhD program at the end of second year. This has made it seem to my classmates that I am not easy to work with or do not deserve help, when in fact, I am just extra enthusiastic about a subset of advanced topics I've studied and researched for years while I am still struggling with so many other aspects of being a student, including navigating specialties and mentors, juggling living expenses and supporting my partner at home.

The students who are parents and who would relate to struggling with living expenses think it's weird I do not have children at my age. (I am a nontrad student so I'm about 5-8 years older than most). My partner and I are both queer and we want to start a family, but naturally Medicaid does not cover fertility support for queer couples. I do not know anyone in my school who knows the struggles of poverty, and no one in my support system (majority low SES) can relate to the struggle of studying medicine.

I feel so incredibly isolated and alone. I have broad interdisciplinary interests, want to advance the state of the art of medicine through research, and I also want to care for patients. I may be undecided on my specialty, but I honestly wouldn't know what to do were I not in medicine. I'm not fitting in school and I don't think I fit anywhere else.

I’ll be honest. If someone wants to focus on non-relevant exam material during a study session I’ll be the first to say I don’t care to focus on that or talk about it. It’s important to recognize that as a medical student time is precious and it’s equally important to be efficient with pertinent information as possible especially when other people’s time are involved such as during a study session. Derailing study sessions is a quick way to lose study partners and end up isolated. There’s nothing wrong with talking about things you’re passionate about in a non-study environment.

 

[DarkHorizon]

I came from really lowSES. Most of my classmates were affluent but they included me into their social events. One thing was common though, even most of my friends from affluent families were taking out loans, so we were all kind of in the same boat. I think you’re assuming a lot here. Your personal struggles are separate, and unless you bond and are close friends with someone, most people wouldn’t care other than having superficial empathy. Also, you shouldn’t be on Medicaid anymore, your loans should cover your school provided health insurance.

 

[anxious_premed44]

Honestly, I’d pity your well off peers. They’re the sort that will wilt in residency having never worked a job before and you’ll be thinking it’s not that bad relative to where you’ve been and what you’ve had to overcome.

 

[Stuaccount]

I've always been (unfortunately) always been the weird fish in the small pond whether in special ed / ESL in elementary school, in the youth shelter or on the ambulance, and I'm sure my being neurodivergent is not helping. I am enthusiastic about many topics (even anatomy, which I managed to survive) and now we've moved on to my favorite pet topics ... medical biochemistry, and I'm finding the level of learning is broader, but at a more superficial level compared to the PhD Biochemistry coursework (which had heavily clinical correlations) when I was an MS student holding toe to toe with PhD students and passing their exams.

I'm trying my best to make friends instead of unintentionally making adversaries but I'm finding I'm really clashing with my classmates over differences in background.

The biggest difference is in socioeconomic background and transportation (I take public transit, my classmates have cars. I am saving up for a car despite driving ambulances as a job for years. Probably won't be able to afford a car until second year, but definitely by rotations. Difference in SES background is playing a bigger factor in school than I anticipated. Most of my classmates simply can't relate to poverty, and I'm guessing my classmates who are also poor do a better job of hiding their SES compared to me. I live in the big city but my school is in the suburbs, and I take the train from the city. I'm frustrated that my classmates and student organizations that plan events do not accommodate the logistical needs of impoverished students. Even as we are trained on how to care for poor patients in theory, it is painfully obvious that most of my classmates do not know the daily struggles and lifelong impact of poverty. When I mention personal struggles and experiences being on Medicaid (for discussing a patient scenario that literally involves socioeconomic determinants of health), the whole discussion group goes crickets. It's really frustrating.

There are some other exacerbating factors. I've been usually good at hiding my autism spectrum disorder (as a woman), so I thought, but I guess now that we are in biochemistry land it is difficult to suppress not wanting to go into detail about topics we covered in my past research-focused MS program. I know most of my classmates are only interested in research for the purposes of applying to competitive residencies. They only want to focus on topics covered on the next exam, whereas I am not worried about the next exam because anatomy is over (finally) the biochemistry we are covering right now is rather superficial compared to the PhD-qualifying exams in biochemistry I passed (I hedged my bets and would likely have become a PhD student in biochemistry had I not gotten into medical school - I had several offers from different PIs.) I did not apply MD/PhD but I am trying to get into my school's MD/PhD program at the end of second year. This has made it seem to my classmates that I am not easy to work with or do not deserve help, when in fact, I am just extra enthusiastic about a subset of advanced topics I've studied and researched for years while I am still struggling with so many other aspects of being a student, including navigating specialties and mentors, juggling living expenses and supporting my partner at home.

The students who are parents and who would relate to struggling with living expenses think it's weird I do not have children at my age. (I am a nontrad student so I'm about 5-8 years older than most). My partner and I are both queer and we want to start a family, but naturally Medicaid does not cover fertility support for queer couples. I do not know anyone in my school who knows the struggles of poverty, and no one in my support system (majority low SES) can relate to the struggle of studying medicine.

I feel so incredibly isolated and alone. I have broad interdisciplinary interests, want to advance the state of the art of medicine through research, and I also want to care for patients. I may be undecided on my specialty, but I honestly wouldn't know what to do were I not in medicine. I'm not fitting in school and I don't think I fit anywhere else.

About the car, can you get a loan from your bank? If you are a member of a small bank or credit union, consider inquiring about getting a loan for a cheap car. Even if you are not a member, consider looking into it anyway. The opportunity cost of what the lack of a car is causing you may not be worth avoiding a loan in the long run.

 

[DarkBluMage]

Honestly, I’d pity your well off peers. They’re the sort that will wilt in residency having never worked a job before and you’ll be thinking it’s not that bad relative to where you’ve been and what you’ve had to overcome.

That’s a disingenuous take. I wasn’t well off when I was younger and even I know that just because someone is well off doesn’t mean they automatically haven’t encountered any form of adversity in their lives. Someone doesn’t need to work a bs job previously just to survive residency. Get a grip

 

[Danny Wang]

Guess what? You’ll probably be the pediatric neurosurgeon in the group when others might or might not match into FM. Keep your head up.

 

[Nontrad_FL_LGBT]

Guess what? You’ll probably be the pediatric neurosurgeon in the group when others might or might not match into FM. Keep your head up.

You've got issues, dude. I'm sorry you couldn't get into med school and have to be happy with being an APRN.