Comparing myself to classmates, have epilepsy

[mddoc64]

---

Members don't see this ad.

I had to take a 2nd medical leave after the symptoms of my epilepsy exacerbated and interfered with memory in med school. I'm usually comfortable with the decision I made, but at random times, I compare myself to the close friends I've made and I get really depressed. (A majority of them are now at 2nd or 3rd year of DO, MD, or PhD programs.) My interests in the healthcare/biotech sector have changed slightly during this leave and I'm considering switching to private sector/govt agencies, which are really cool in their own way, and seem like a good fit. However, I still admire the direct patient contact and knowledge of anatomy, pathology, and treatment options that med students, eventually doctors, gain. How do I get over this negative self-perception, will it ever go away?

 

[Goro]

I had to take a 2nd medical leave after the symptoms of my epilepsy exacerbated and interfered with memory in med school. I'm usually comfortable with the decision I made, but at random times, I compare myself to the close friends I've made and I get really depressed. (A majority of them are now at DO, MD, or PhD programs.) My interests in the healthcare/biotech sector have changed slightly during this leave and I'm considering switching to private sector/govt agencies, which are really cool in their own way, and seem like a good fit. However, I still admire the direct patient contact and knowledge of anatomy, pathology, and treatment options that med students, eventually doctors, gain. How do I get over this negative self-perception, will it ever go away?

Therapy is always a good thing. Or talk to your doctor.

 

[TragicalDrFaust]

I also have a chronic health condition, you can PM me for more specifics if you want. It thankfully hasn't affected my school timeframe so I recognize we're not in the exact same spot but wanted to reach out anyway. Personally I've struggled with it. It's hard to resist comparing myself to my classmates, wondering if my life would be better if I were more like some of them. I think this is normal for a lot of people especially folks with chronic health issues or disabilities, and especially when surrounded by smart, rich, attractive and healthy medical students.

Right now I'm trying my best to keep my eyes on the prize as well as pursue interests outside of the medical milieu that make me feel good. It is definitely possible to feel better if you take care of yourself the right way and maybe seek outside help from mentors, support groups, counselors etc. But it's ok not to feel ok sometimes too.

Last, for some perspective in the comparison game, do you remember what you thought of medical students and doctors before you were accepted? I remember thinking med students had Made It and must be bright, charismatic and generally ok folks to have come out on top of the heap of very talented students who apply. I'm guessing that's what a lot of people think when they see you, even if your path to graduation has been a little bumpier than average.

 

[deleted1100659]

I had to take a 2nd medical leave after the symptoms of my epilepsy exacerbated and interfered with memory in med school. I'm usually comfortable with the decision I made, but at random times, I compare myself to the close friends I've made and I get really depressed. (A majority of them are now at 2nd or 3rd year of DO, MD, or PhD programs.) My interests in the healthcare/biotech sector have changed slightly during this leave and I'm considering switching to private sector/govt agencies, which are really cool in their own way, and seem like a good fit. However, I still admire the direct patient contact and knowledge of anatomy, pathology, and treatment options that med students, eventually doctors, gain. How do I get over this negative self-perception, will it ever go away?

People with epilepsy have a higher rate of depression; I agree with looking into therapy or seeing a psychiatrist.

Second thing is, figure out your passion. What do you really want out of life? Don't let your friends or anyone else dictate that. You can do what you choose to do. When I was a resident, the chief resident two classes above me also had epilepsy. He is a practicing attending now.

In med school, its almost purposely designed (perhaps on purpose) for med students to compare themselves with others to spark a competitiveness. Don't fall into that trap. Compete with yourself, set goals, and work towards them. What anyone else is doing is irrelevant.

Set backs are common. Don't let them dictate your life; they will occur regardless of the career you choose. Adversity, creates resilience.

 

[mddoc64]

I have been seeing a therapist and it does help to talk to someone, but I feel hindered from telling them some of my stronger depressive thoughts b/c I don't want them to think I've been pursuing medicine without consideration for my wellbeing. @DrAmazingishere and @TragicalDrFaust at these times I feel like I might not have the impact on industry I want if I don't go through with my initial plans. And the patient interaction and finally performing techniques myself was really satisfying.
On my medical leave when I started for learning and discussing with others new avenues in pharmaceutical sciences used to generate therapeutics, I felt a real passion for it because I became involved in the R&D process and applied experience I have in research. At those depressive times, I'm very individually torn between what's come out of my health problems and pursuing what I want to right now.