Competitive Friend

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Honestly it sounds like you already know exactly what to say. Your "friend" is not really a friend and sounds extremely immature. If after you tell him all this he doesn't lash out and actually contemplates on the things you've said then fine still be friends as long as they change, if he lashes out and talks **** then stop being friends with them.
 
idiotchemist said:
They are supposed to be my friend.
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Key word there. However, they are immature and acting out against you because they don't know how to handle rejection. Instead of focusing on what they did not do correctly, they try to downgrade your accomplishments even though you did everything correct to get an acceptance.

They are the problem and if you believe the relationship is worth it, then sit down and talk to them, telling them how you feel and offering your help. If they don't take it well or won't talk with you, then you know it was not really a friendship to begin with. Cut your loss and run far far away.
 
I feel ya. Avoid the topic. It's best for both of your friendships but honestly, if they can't be happy for you, then they were probably not a very good friend to begin with. Like you said, lots of things go into the decision making process on who gets in and who doesn't. I also consider many of my friends who haven't gotten in yet as very intelligent people (even more so than I), however, like you said, they were very academically driven but held little experiences outside of that. Just goes to show how important it is to be a well rounded applicant.

But also, I'm a nontraditional and have also seen many friends get in before me so I understand the other side of the spectrum as well. I was happy for them but also extremely jealous, asking what I was lacking. It's not always easy to see how much work someone else has put in at first.
 
This friend is absolutely acting out of jealousy.
I had something similar happen to me while applying. I got into MD, and she got into DO. (Her GPA was much higher, MCAT only one point higher), and i STILL hear about it. Her grades in med school are better than mine so she deserves my MD seat more... stuff like that

Cut your losses. These people bring you down. Surround yourself with people who are happy for what you’ve accomplished.
 
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idiotchemist said:
Warning: This may come off as a rant (it is), but advice and perspective appreciated.

I was accepted into medical school this year. One of my friends is also applying this cycle, but they have been rejected (pre-interview) from the school I was accepted to, and they are on hold at their last school (rejected from others). The odds are bleak. I want my friend to get in. I do. But since my acceptance, they have become insufferable. Rude. Condescending without reason. All of this behavior so out of character and seemingly out of the blue.

Some background: My friend has always been the 4.0, highest grades in the class, always mastering each subject. Very smart. We studied together in several classes, and I can hold my own, but they always seemed to master the material just a bit better. It was a rare occurrence for me to come out with a higher exam grade (still is). I'm more of a jack-of-all trades, master of none. Good grades, smart enough, but also involved in several departments all over the school and excelling in very different areas of study.

My friend has the gall to say things implying that it was some mishap that I was accepted and they didn't get an interview, or that since I got in (since I'm apparently SUCH an idiot) they must get in too. They also condescendingly explain concepts to me in class without my asking. Sometimes things I already have experience doing in research. It's really grating on me. I have tried to be sympathetic, because I know it is difficult and disappointing. But sometimes, I really just want to point out what is apparently such a mystery to him. The reason I was accepted and they weren't.

It happened because I have 2 majors and a minor. They have one.
I have held leadership positions in several clubs long term. They have held one for a short period of time.
I have TA experience. They have none.
I have published research with 2 years experience. They aren't even in a lab.
I have competed nationally in competition for my school outside of the science department. They have no passions outside of science.
I've had a paying job (clinical now) since age 16. They just got their first at 22.
I submitted my AMCAS on time. They submitted in September.
I may not have a perfect GPA like they do, but their MCAT only exceeded mine by one point. That can't reflect well.
My transcript and experiences show academic rigor as well as passion. Theirs shows anal retentive need for perfection with no ventures outside of one subject.
Every time I asked them to tag along to one of my extracurriculars, they refused, saying they didn't want the stress they saw me endure. What do they expect medical school to be like?

I know this is long and may seem harsh, but this has been grating on me for the better part of a month. They are supposed to be my friend. Not be passive aggressive or treating me like an idiot who had some unbelievable stroke of luck. It's all just been so insulting and hurtful. Any advice on how to handle aside from pretending it's not happening appreciated.
Click to expand...

Just wanna say Con-****ing-grats! Get excited for medical school, and don't think too much about someone who is "supposed" to be your friend. Go enjoy your life 🙂
 
^ with the above post! Congrats on getting accepted! You're friend is just upset... they're acting a bit childish but they're just upset. I'm sure deep down he/she is just sad you guys are going to have to part ways. I'm sure they'll come around and congratulate you shortly! If not... don't bother with these people.. they're more trouble than they're worth.
 
idiotchemist said:
Warning: This may come off as a rant (it is), but advice and perspective appreciated.

I was accepted into medical school this year. One of my friends is also applying this cycle, but they have been rejected (pre-interview) from the school I was accepted to, and they are on hold at their last school (rejected from others). The odds are bleak. I want my friend to get in. I do. But since my acceptance, they have become insufferable. Rude. Condescending without reason. All of this behavior so out of character and seemingly out of the blue.

Some background: My friend has always been the 4.0, highest grades in the class, always mastering each subject. Very smart. We studied together in several classes, and I can hold my own, but they always seemed to master the material just a bit better. It was a rare occurrence for me to come out with a higher exam grade (still is). I'm more of a jack-of-all trades, master of none. Good grades, smart enough, but also involved in several departments all over the school and excelling in very different areas of study.

My friend has the gall to say things implying that it was some mishap that I was accepted and they didn't get an interview, or that since I got in (since I'm apparently SUCH an idiot) they must get in too. They also condescendingly explain concepts to me in class without my asking. Sometimes things I already have experience doing in research. It's really grating on me. I have tried to be sympathetic, because I know it is difficult and disappointing. But sometimes, I really just want to point out what is apparently such a mystery to him. The reason I was accepted and they weren't.

It happened because I have 2 majors and a minor. They have one.
I have held leadership positions in several clubs long term. They have held one for a short period of time.
I have TA experience. They have none.
I have published research with 2 years experience. They aren't even in a lab.
I have competed nationally in competition for my school outside of the science department. They have no passions outside of science.
I've had a paying job (clinical now) since age 16. They just got their first at 22.
I submitted my AMCAS on time. They submitted in September.
I may not have a perfect GPA like they do, but their MCAT only exceeded mine by one point. That can't reflect well.
My transcript and experiences show academic rigor as well as passion. Theirs shows anal retentive need for perfection with no ventures outside of one subject.
Every time I asked them to tag along to one of my extracurriculars, they refused, saying they didn't want the stress they saw me endure. What do they expect medical school to be like?

I know this is long and may seem harsh, but this has been grating on me for the better part of a month. They are supposed to be my friend. Not be passive aggressive or treating me like an idiot who had some unbelievable stroke of luck. It's all just been so insulting and hurtful. Any advice on how to handle aside from pretending it's not happening appreciated.
Click to expand...
It's not worth hanging around such destructive people who lash at at you for their failures. But IF you feel the need to, point out that getting into med school is not a reward for being a good student or getting good grades.

Focus on the future, dump this person, and congrats on the accept!!!
😍😍😍👍👍👍:highfive::highfive::highfive::luck::luck::luck::clap::clap::clap::soexcited::soexcited::soexcited::claps::claps::claps::biglove::biglove::biglove::banana::banana::banana::hello::hello::hello::clap::clap::clap::woot::woot::woot:
 
Congratulations on getting in! That’s an amazing accomplishment, and it’s sad that these interactions with your friends are tarnishing it.

I think it would be completely justifiable to distance yourself from this friend, and/or have a talk with them directly. I’ve had friends react like that out of jealousy, and it can feel really hurtful. At the same time, I’ve also inadvertently been that friend. I think many people have (whether they realized it or not). The main time I was, my friend called me out on it, and I’m so glad she did. I had been feeling hurt and hadn’t realized what a jerk I was being. Sometimes people just need a wake up call.

If the friendship is important to you, try talking it out. If you could take or leave this friend, then move on.
 
During medical school you guys won't even talk anymore, and you'll drift away and maybe see each other once every ten years at some reunion or something. As you probably know, he is bitter and mind blown that his "inferior" friend got into medical school, and he (the genius one who scored a massive 1 point higher on the MCAT) couldn't get in.

Just move on.
 
It may seem really hard during undergrad where you probably still see them everyday, but once you graduate and move away, you're likely going to realize that you're a lot happier without the negative influence of this person in your life. Celebrate your accomplishments; it's well deserved! I'm confident that you'll be able to find other motivated people who build you up once you begin med school.
 
@idiotchemist Creating a 10-point comparison list between you and your competitive friend seems pretty competitive. I mean, to just nail out those points like that means that you must be hiding a ruler somewhere. Also knowing each other's grades? This sounds like a rather competitive relationship.

idiotchemist said:
But since my acceptance, they have become insufferable. Rude. Condescending without reason. All of this behavior so out of character and seemingly out of the blue.
Click to expand...

It seems like your expose description of your friend was them at a 4.0 level. However, it seems like a very result driven characterization. If this has merit, then results driven people are defined by their results and their results affect their character. There is nothing wrong with this personality sub-type unless they are not aware of their own underlying process. With my friends, I have never taken any of their outside accomplishments at face value choosing to rather emphasize what is going on internally. Success is important, but seeing as how I can't ensure results I can at least make sure their engine is ready to start in spite of failure.
 
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If this person was a friend to you in the past, it's worth one conversation now that may or may not help.

"I know you're disappointed and I can understand that. We both know there were some areas where your application was stronger than mine, but there were also a few areas where my application was somewhat stronger than yours. I guess those areas were more important that we thought..."
 
Select All That Apply said:
@idiotchemist Creating a 10-point comparison list between you and your competitive friend seems pretty competitive. I mean, to just nail out those points like that means that you must be hiding a ruler somewhere. Also knowing each other's grades? This sounds like a rather competitive relationship.



It seems like your expose description of your friend was them at a 4.0 level. However, it seems like a very result driven characterization. If this has merit, then results driven people are defined by their results and their results affect their character. There is nothing wrong with this personality sub-type unless they are not aware of their own underlying process. With my friends, I have never taken any of their outside accomplishments at face value choosing to rather emphasize what is going on internally. Success is important, but seeing as how I can't ensure results I can at least make sure their engine is ready to start in spite of failure.
Click to expand...

I go to a small school, and my friend and I sit next to each other in every class. It is not uncommon for most students to know each other's grades.

The difference is I have never treated my friend the way they are treating me when they consistently had somewhat superior academic performance.

This is far from an exposé considering it is an anonymous thread on a website shared with other anonymous users going through the same experiences. This was not made to make my friend feel badly or inferior as their comments are intended to make me feel.
 
OrthoTraumaMD said:
Have a real chat with your friend. Can be as simple as “hey, you’re being a jerk to me since I got accepted, what’s the issue?”
And if they don’t apologize and stop, dump them like a bad habit.
[QUOTE/]

I've considered this often, but my greatest fear is that they will act as though there is no issue and become offended for even implying there was one, ruining the friendship.
Click to expand...
 
Sounds like a bitter MOFO. My friend absolutely destroyed the MCAT (with a 526) and has multiple pubs, while my MCAT and research are good but not exceptional, and I'm nothing but happy for him. TA for one of my labs I talked to a fair amount has LizzyM of 80+ and I'm happy for him too.

I have to say though, even if he apologizes, you gotta have better friends out there to spend your time with.
 

Dude, the friendship is already ruined. You’ve told us so. Unless this is the type of friendship you want to have, where you feel attacked and unhappy. And of course this person will be offended by your statement. It’s guaranteed that they will try to excuse or defend themselves; it’s human nature. Then, one of two things will happen. If they are halfway decent, they will sit back and think about what you said, and then change their behavior. Or they can remain a jerk and continue to deny things, or even worsen their behavior. Then you will know which way the friendship goes: the road or the dumpster.


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I disagree with those who say "this isn't your friend". Your friend invested a lot of who s/he is into this application process and just found out that it wasn't good enough. That hurts, and s/he is lashing out because you're getting exactly what s/he is watching slip away. This change in behavior affects you, but it isn't about you. It's about your friend trying to blame something external to avoid accepting this as a personal failure. Don't take it personally, but don't accept it unquestioningly, either. Call your friend out, but do so in a kind, compassionate way. There are polite ways to tell them their behavior has changed in a way that's hurtful to you (for example, "Your behavior has changed in a way that's hurtful to me"). Keep the conversation on their behavior and its impact, not on the reasons you got accepted and they didn't. If you go into the list from your original post without your friend specifically asking you to do so, I promise you the conversation will go poorly.

Also, drop the double major + minor from your list. That made little difference, if any. I agree with the rest of your list, though.
 
HomeSkool said:
I disagree with those who say "this isn't your friend". Your friend invested a lot of who s/he is into this application process and just found out that it wasn't good enough. That hurts, and s/he is lashing out because you're getting exactly what s/he is watching slip away. This change in behavior affects you, but it isn't about you. It's about your friend trying to blame something external to avoid accepting this as a personal failure. Don't take it personally, but don't accept it unquestioningly, either. Call your friend out, but do so in a kind, compassionate way. There are polite ways to tell them their behavior has changed in a way that's hurtful to you (for example, "Your behavior has changed in a way that's hurtful to me"). Keep the conversation on their behavior and its impact, not on the reasons you got accepted and they didn't. If you go into the list from your original post without your friend specifically asking you to do so, I promise you the conversation will go poorly.

Also, drop the double major + minor from your list. That made little difference, if any. I agree with the rest of your list, though.
Click to expand...
You’re a good friend.
 
idiotchemist said:
Warning: This may come off as a rant (it is), but advice and perspective appreciated.

I was accepted into medical school this year. One of my friends is also applying this cycle, but they have been rejected (pre-interview) from the school I was accepted to, and they are on hold at their last school (rejected from others). The odds are bleak. I want my friend to get in. I do. But since my acceptance, they have become insufferable. Rude. Condescending without reason. All of this behavior so out of character and seemingly out of the blue.

Some background: My friend has always been the 4.0, highest grades in the class, always mastering each subject. Very smart. We studied together in several classes, and I can hold my own, but they always seemed to master the material just a bit better. It was a rare occurrence for me to come out with a higher exam grade (still is). I'm more of a jack-of-all trades, master of none. Good grades, smart enough, but also involved in several departments all over the school and excelling in very different areas of study.

My friend has the gall to say things implying that it was some mishap that I was accepted and they didn't get an interview, or that since I got in (since I'm apparently SUCH an idiot) they must get in too. They also condescendingly explain concepts to me in class without my asking. Sometimes things I already have experience doing in research. It's really grating on me. I have tried to be sympathetic, because I know it is difficult and disappointing. But sometimes, I really just want to point out what is apparently such a mystery to him. The reason I was accepted and they weren't.

It happened because I have 2 majors and a minor. They have one.
I have held leadership positions in several clubs long term. They have held one for a short period of time.
I have TA experience. They have none.
I have published research with 2 years experience. They aren't even in a lab.
I have competed nationally in competition for my school outside of the science department. They have no passions outside of science.
I've had a paying job (clinical now) since age 16. They just got their first at 22.
I submitted my AMCAS on time. They submitted in September.
I may not have a perfect GPA like they do, but their MCAT only exceeded mine by one point. That can't reflect well.
My transcript and experiences show academic rigor as well as passion. Theirs shows anal retentive need for perfection with no ventures outside of one subject.
Every time I asked them to tag along to one of my extracurriculars, they refused, saying they didn't want the stress they saw me endure. What do they expect medical school to be like?

I know this is long and may seem harsh, but this has been grating on me for the better part of a month. They are supposed to be my friend. Not be passive aggressive or treating me like an idiot who had some unbelievable stroke of luck. It's all just been so insulting and hurtful. Any advice on how to handle aside from pretending it's not happening appreciated.
Click to expand...
Tell him the truth, problem solved
 
You need to end this friendship faster than Kim Kardashian ended her second marriage
 
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