Coping with patient morbidity and mortality.

[deleted862527]

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I started volunteering at a Hospital, and it's extremely rough. I see cancer almost everywhere, and today I just saw a pediatric patient sedated with the mother crying 🙁. Going to these hospitals I have noticed that I am extremely lucky to have the healthy life I have, but I will admit: ending the day is tough and I wish I could see more happy reports than bad ones. I know this is part of the job, but any advice? It almost sounds terrible to say, but I hope I get numb to these types of things where they don't make me sad anymore. Not numb to the point where I don't feel compassions or empathy, but not allow it to overwhelm me. Anyone else feel the same way?

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I started volunteering at a Hospital, and it's extremely rough. I see cancer almost everywhere, and today I just saw a pediatric patient sedated with the mother crying 🙁. Going to these hospitals I have noticed that I am extremely lucky to have the healthy life I have, but I will admit: ending the day is tough and I wish I could see more happy reports than bad ones. I know this is part of the job, but any advice? It almost sounds terrible to say, but I hope I get numb to these types of things where they don't make me sad anymore. Not numb to the point where I don't feel compassions or empathy, but not allow it to overwhelm me. Anyone else feel the same way?

You learn coping mechanisms or you burn out. Seeing crappy things all the time sucks, but there are ways to process and deal with your emotions that are healthy and don’t involve just pushing them all away or becoming numb. People do this in different ways. Some people journal so they can get their feelings down and out of their heads which helps them process and move on. Some people have hobbies they do to help themselves relax and be more centered. There are many ways to do it.

 

[Lardy Boy]

As a crisis volunteer, we get debriefed by other volunteers. So I believe one way is talking with others (ofc within hipaa regulations).

 

[puahate]

Is it abnormal that i dont feel sad in these situations? Like during trama surgeries i found them facinating.

 

[907914]

Is it abnormal that i dont feel sad in these situations? Like during trama surgeries i found them facinating.

Not at all. I feel that way during autopsies, during chemo, during hospice shadowing...

 

[RTC19]

This is normal, @Matrix207!

Your sadness honors these people but you infinitely matter too. I think the healthiest thing both for you and for patients is not to become numb but to develop your own means of coping. Some people find it helpful to process their feelings with coworkers/friends/family, journal or to process by themselves while partaking in a hobby or exercise. You are always welcome to come here and talk to us about your experiences (in a HIPAA compliant manner, of course). My thing is organized religion; I hold a very firm belief in God and process my emotions through prayer and reading my Bible.

You'll get there. There are no easy answers and it takes everybody some time to find what works for them.

Personally, I think it's good that you saw these horrible things and were able to walk away feeling more grateful to be healthy. I think that will help you to live a more fulfilled life because you aren't taking it for granted.

Hang in there. You are strong and you can do this. I believe in you.

*hug*

 

[Princeton Medical Student]

I am an EMT so my perspective is from a pre-hospital settings but really you kinda tend to get numb to these things. End of the day, it's not your kid that's getting chemo. It's not you whose arm is broken and is in pain. As much as you wish, there is no way to transfer the pain of the patient and relatives onto yourself, and your own suffering will not do much to help the patient. Honestly, new experiences still bother me, but you get numb to it. I've lost countless cardiac arrest patients, and at this point I don't remember my last code, but vividly remember my first. Same for suicides, which was my first encounter with death in EMS and took me a while to process seeing another human in such a state, but after that, it's been not memorable. Recently I've had to emotionally support a widow who found her husband dead. This was challenging to deal with, but I know that in the future it will be easier, and I will be more numb to it. I know already that I would not process a pediatric cardiac arrest well, but I'll deal with it when or if it comes.

Most important thing is, talk to someone, share these feelings. If something is seriously bothering you, seek trauma counseling that I am sure the hospital offers. Your approach on dealing with this will be unique to you, but that doesn't mean you still get help or support.

Is it abnormal that i dont feel sad in these situations? Like during trama surgeries i found them facinating.

No, it isn't abnormal. There is no normal or abnormal way to react to such things, and people deal with it differently.

 

[deleted862527]

This is normal, @Matrix207!

Your sadness honors these people but you infinitely matter too. I think the healthiest thing both for you and for patients is not to become numb but to develop your own means of coping. Some people find it helpful to process their feelings with coworkers/friends/family, journal or to process by themselves while partaking in a hobby or exercise. You are always welcome to come here and talk to us about your experiences (in a HIPAA compliant manner, of course). My thing is organized religion; I hold a very firm belief in God and process my emotions through prayer and reading my Bible.

You'll get there. There are no easy answers and it takes everybody some time to find what works for them.

Personally, I think it's good that you saw these horrible things and were able to walk away feeling more grateful to be healthy. I think that will help you to live a more fulfilled life because you aren't taking it for granted.

Hang in there. You are strong and you can do this. I believe in you.

*hug*

Aw, thank you so much! This brightened my day!!!

 

[labscience]

OP, I am worried about the same thing (especially because most of my clinical work thus far has involved kids). The first time we lost a patient (baby) I went into the bathroom and cried because no one else was upset... I hope it gets easier over time but ironically loving kids has made me want to go into peds less 🙁

Personally I'm hoping that actually playing a role in the patient's care will make it hurt less since then I know I did everything I can (rather than just being a low-level employee), but if you find any strategies that help I would love to hear them too

 

[deleted967981]

I felt this way too when I started shadowing and started volunteering at hospice. I saw very sick people that were my age, the age of my husband, my parents, and my grandparents, who are all in good health. It does make you grateful for what you have, and I think that's healthy. It also made me want to be able to do something more helpful than bring someone a cup of water in the future.

 

[Ad2b]

Front stage self vs. back stage

Parent of deceased child. My experience with a physician who showed no empathy, no compassion - as if it was "just another dead child" - made me think less of those physicians who are similar.

To me, the day it doesn't affect you, is the day you should leave direct patient contact. The patients deserve more than that.

That doesn't mean you turn into a ball of weeping, slobbering mess in front of them; it means that when away from them, you find a quiet place to let the hurt out... but when with them, at least, show some sort of compassion

cold is still heartless

 

[Dr. Let 'er Buck]

As others have said, it gets easier. However, I would be lying if I said that I never shed a tear for patients and their families. Even after nearly two decades on ambulances and in ERs, some situations are just heart-rending. It is only human to feel empathy for those hurting and sympathy for those left behind. There is a reason we mourn loss and complete suppression of that is bad; believe me, I've tried.

But empathy is for after the situation is resolved. When it's time to work for your patient and their family is when you must become somewhat robotic. Do your job efficiently and without letting emotion cloud your judgement (as best you can), then take your few minutes to decompress. Also, have a long-term decompression strategy at home. Mine is ham radio and competition shooting. You can piss away hours a day with them while processing what you've seen.

Good luck

 

[DoctorSwagger]

Volunteer at an ER here, I’ve asked the same question to the ER doc and he said it doesn’t bother him, “no different than trying to fix a broken car. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out”.
I’ve come to accept death as something we will all experience and working in the health profession means we simply get to Witness when it’s time for others. For some individuals death means they are free from their illness and pain and it’s something we have to accept. My heart still goes out to the families, taking with family and friends can help ease the burden

 

[dr_kateb]

Is it abnormal that i dont feel sad in these situations? Like during trama surgeries i found them facinating.

Nah I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t either.