Could someone read my 3 half-done personal statements

[kgamon8]

---

Members don't see this ad.

I am nowhere near being done. and I'm pretty much stuck. I have an intro I like and need help going from there. If anyone who has a little experience would help, I would really appreciate it!

 

[Itsnotsobad]

I can read it.

 

[FroYoOreo]

I volunteer as a tribute