Dating in 3rd Year? Can anyone give their feedback?

[387914]

Hey,

My gf is a med student. We've been dating almost six months now and she's near the end of her 3rd year and about to go into internal medicine rotation. Recently she told me that she is in love with me but the summer is going to be very busy and she's been stressed out and anxious and it's put her in kind of a bad mood occasionally. I've tried to be as understanding as possible and make things as easy as I can for her, but work really stresses her out. She said she thinks we should stop dating and that it's the last thing she wants because it hurts her to think about, but that she doesn't know when school will let up or when she'll stop getting so stressed out and she doesn't feel like it's fair to me or us.

I'd absolutely wait for her but she says she's torn because she doesn't want to be focused on something she wants but can't have right now.

I know this is a non-medical question but jesus, it's hard. I love this girl and I want to be with her but I'm not sure what this means or when things will get better for her or if there's anything I can do. Any third year students able to weigh in on this? I know her self-esteem seems to be getting lower and lower. She seems to think she's not even intelligent anymore. I just wish I could do more to help.

Thanks for reading.

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[Gpan]

Hey,

My gf is a med student. We've been dating almost six months now and she's near the end of her 3rd year and about to go into internal medicine rotation. Recently she told me that she is in love with me but the summer is going to be very busy and she's been stressed out and anxious and it's put her in kind of a bad mood occasionally. I've tried to be as understanding as possible and make things as easy as I can for her, but work really stresses her out. She said she thinks we should stop dating and that it's the last thing she wants because it hurts her to think about, but that she doesn't know when school will let up or when she'll stop getting so stressed out and she doesn't feel like it's fair to me or us.

I'd absolutely wait for her but she says she's torn because she doesn't want to be focused on something she wants but can't have right now.

I know this is a non-medical question but jesus, it's hard. I love this girl and I want to be with her but I'm not sure what this means or when things will get better for her or if there's anything I can do. Any third year students able to weigh in on this? I know her self-esteem seems to be getting lower and lower. She seems to think she's not even intelligent anymore. I just wish I could do more to help.

Thanks for reading.

Hey man, I feel for ya. Im a 3rd year right now and I totally understand what ur gf is going through. HOWEVER, 3rd year is not THAT stressful like she made it out to be. I am able to date around and do well on my clinical rotations, albeit a little tricky to manage my schedule. If your're a determined person you can do it with no problem.

So it seems to me that there is something going on with your gf. I don't wanna jump to conclusion or give u any idea, but from my point of view she's either a weak-minded person or uncommitted one. Just my humble opinion. Good luck man.

 

[smq123]

Recently she told me that she is in love with me but the summer is going to be very busy and she's been stressed out and anxious and it's put her in kind of a bad mood occasionally. I've tried to be as understanding as possible and make things as easy as I can for her, but work really stresses her out. She said she thinks we should stop dating and that it's the last thing she wants because it hurts her to think about, but that she doesn't know when school will let up or when she'll stop getting so stressed out and she doesn't feel like it's fair to me or us.

If she really does love you, and values your relationship, she shouldn't throw it away. Med school, residency, and being a physician is stressful, and you should take happiness where you find it. It sounds like she has found someone who makes her happy (you)....I hope she's not silly enough to throw it away.

Plus, the stress will only get worse. It gets worse with the more responsibility that you have. MS4 is much more stressful because you spend the first half interviewing and participating in the Match. And intern year is MUCH more stressful than med school was.

Is she worried that your relationship with her will tie her down to the area, or limit her options for residency?

I know her self-esteem seems to be getting lower and lower. She seems to think she's not even intelligent anymore.

She might just be depressed, in general. I had moments where I felt like a dunce as a med student, but I never felt like I wasn't intelligent anymore. My self esteem didn't fall THAT low.

 

[387914]

well she's just had a short fuse lately, snapping at me and things like that, for no reason and when i try to calm things down, she just gets more upset.

then i'll ask her why she was being like that and she'll say she doesn't know. she's been mentioning wanting to look into relaxation techniques and things like that because she feels like her stress levels are making her difficult to be around.

i think she's pretty much tied to the area anyway so that doesn't seem like that's it.

and i thought fourth year was supposed to be easier?

 

[387914]

plus, i should also mention we've almost broken up several times because she's been so in her own world that (and i hate to say it) she acted like no one else mattered. it happened very rarely and i know it wasn't intentional, but i think she has too much on her plate. and is stressed so she's worried she can't be a good girlfriend any time sooon. i know she's trying but it's tough. i also know this is the first relationships she's had while in med school.

 

[smq123]

well she's just had a short fuse lately, snapping at me and things like that, for no reason and when i try to calm things down, she just gets more upset.

then i'll ask her why she was being like that and she'll say she doesn't know. she's been mentioning wanting to look into relaxation techniques and things like that because she feels like her stress levels are making her difficult to be around.

Relaxation techniques, or meeting with the school psychologist/psychiatrist, is probably a good idea. Like I said, the stress levels don't go down or get better....and you really don't want to be known as "that resident" - the one that everyone is afraid to approach because she rips your head off at the slightest provocation. Or the one that gets constantly written up because she's always screaming at the nurses.

and i thought fourth year was supposed to be easier?

It does, as soon as you finish making your rank list in late February (and that's provided that you've already taken and passed both parts of Step 2). Until you make your rank list, you're constantly running from interview to interview, worrying that you don't have enough interviews, etc. Interview season is extremely stressful (and extremely expensive!)

plus, i should also mention we've almost broken up several times because she's been so in her own world that (and i hate to say it) she acted like no one else mattered. it happened very rarely and i know it wasn't intentional, but i think she has too much on her plate.

Again, she should talk to someone. She needs to learn how to balance med school with "real life," at some point. It doesn't get easier as life goes on.

 

[387914]

yeah i don't think she'd be the type to blow up at them. i think the trouble is she holds in a lot of her emotions and doesn't talk about them and that's when they can blow up (only lately).

so you think relationships can still be maintained even in 3rd/4th year insanity (if she maybe sees someone about relaxing)? i know she said internal med (starting soon) is supposed to be intense as well. there's a lot i don't know about this. i trust that she loves me because she says that the idea of not being together it awful but she doesn't know how she'll handle a relationship on top of school.

thanks again, by the way. i really appreciate it. i don't want to lose her.

 

[smq123]

yeah i don't think she'd be the type to blow up at them. i think the trouble is she holds in a lot of her emotions and doesn't talk about them and that's when they can blow up (only lately).

When she spends more time at the hospital as a resident, she might BECOME one of those people. Eventually those emotions spill out at work, too....

so you think relationships can still be maintained even in 3rd/4th year insanity (if she maybe sees someone about relaxing)?

Absolutely. A lot of people start (and maintain) relationships in 3rd or 4th year.

i know she said internal med (starting soon) is supposed to be intense as well.

It's intense, but not as intense as OB/gyn or surgery, at least hours wise.

Does she know what field she wants to go into? Why so much pressure? Internal Medicine (IM) was tough, and I worked hard, but I didn't fear it or dread it. Is she trying to do something super competitive?

i trust that she loves me because she says that the idea of not being together it awful but she doesn't know how she'll handle a relationship on top of school.

If she can't handle a relationship on top of school, how is she going to handle relationship on top of being A PHYSICIAN? It's not like the stress lessens or that things get SO MUCH easier as a doctor. Or is she planning on being single for the rest of her life? 😕

 

[El Dooderino]

She met someone else. I'm sorry man

 

[cbrons]

yeah i don't think she'd be the type to blow up at them. i think the trouble is she holds in a lot of her emotions and doesn't talk about them and that's when they can blow up (only lately).

so you think relationships can still be maintained even in 3rd/4th year insanity (if she maybe sees someone about relaxing)? i know she said internal med (starting soon) is supposed to be intense as well. there's a lot i don't know about this. i trust that she loves me because she says that the idea of not being together it awful but she doesn't know how she'll handle a relationship on top of school.

thanks again, by the way. i really appreciate it. i don't want to lose her.

If she is blowing up at you and you didn't do anything wrong, be a man and put her in her place. It is not your fault her schoolwork is stressful and she shouldn't be taking it out on you. The more you let her walk all over you, the more she will lose respect for you. Also, I would withdraw from her and allow her some room since she is obviously not seeing your relationship as beneficial to her. If you back way off and leave her alone for awhile perhaps she will see that she needs you more than you think.

I don't buy the "I'm stressed out and never around so we shouldn't date." She is going to be very busy and stressed over the next year so that means all those years you invested into the relationship should be tossed? Is she doing it because she feels like its not fair to you and you should find a girl who can be around more? Doubt it because people usually think of themselves first and second, you've already articulated that you'd rather stay together and tough it out. I mean, she is not going to have time to date anyone else during 3rd year by her story so why should she throw away all those years with you unless she has come to the realization that its no longer worth it?

I don't know man, I feel bad for you. Don't take my advice as solid since I don't really know what's going on. But I hope you work it out.

 

[farrago]

You're acting like a beta and she wants to break up.

Don't crawl around begging for her love - tell her to cut the BS or just break up if she's acting like a douche.

 

[Podophile]

I say ride it out just a couple more years, and then you'll be on the gravy train. Can you say "Trophy Husband"!

Definitely don't tolerate any mistreatment as stated above. If she can't treat you like a normal person, then that is a problem with her, not you, and you need to treat her like a child and adjust her bad behavior.

Med students sometimes are mistaken and think that the whole world revolves around them. In fact it actually does not, and an occasional reality check is in order.

You can't ever demand that you take priority over her work. But if she really cares, you should at least be a significant part of her life. How you define "significant part" is a personal matter between you and her.

 

[Residual]

Don't ask for relationship advice on SDN.

Seriously.

 

[zenlike]

Sounds like she's trying to bail and wants to make it easy on you. Sorry dude.

 

[DarknightX]

plus, i should also mention we've almost broken up several times because she's been so in her own world that (and i hate to say it) she acted like no one else mattered. it happened very rarely and i know it wasn't intentional, but i think she has too much on her plate. and is stressed so she's worried she can't be a good girlfriend any time sooon. i know she's trying but it's tough. i also know this is the first relationships she's had while in med school.

You've broken up several times and you've only been dating for 6 months???

Hey bro, let me give you some advice from my own experience. I used to be a fool like you running around after girls who were marginally interested in me. One day a wise sage sat me down and taught me about the Brad Pitt method...changed my life. It's actually very simple...everytime a girl is acting shady, I ask myself, if I was Brad Pitt (or some other good looking celeb), would this girl be treating me like this?

I'm pretty darn sure if Brad Pitt called up your girl and asked her out, she would find a way to make time, and all her stress would magically be gone.

Now I'm not saying girls are supposed to fall all over you as if you were Brad Pitt, but don't put up with those lame excuses.

Look at all the excuses you're making for her:

"she's been so in her own world that (and i hate to say it) she acted like no one else mattered"

Sorry bud, but you got it twisted....you just don't matter in her world.

"it happened very rarely and i know it wasn't intentional, but i think she has too much on her plate"

It doesn't matter how rare it is....you're only 6 months into this relationship and she's arleady ignoring you? Come on, man...

"she's worried she can't be a good girlfriend any time sooon"

This one made me laugh...so the reason she can't be a good girlfriend...is because she's worried about being a good girlfriend???

Sorry to rip you apart like this man, but trust me, this girl is not worth it. This relationship is already over, whether you accept it or not. Hopefully you listen to what multiple people have said here, break up with her, and escape with your dignity intact.

Give her what she wants. Break up with her and let her focus on her IM rotation. Give her time to miss you and appreciate you.

You're acting like a beta and she wants to break up.

Don't crawl around begging for her love - tell her to cut the BS or just break up if she's acting like a douche.

👍👍👍

 

[PharmaTope]

You've broken up several times and you've only been dating for 6 months???

Hey bro, let me give you some advice from my own experience. I used to be a fool like you running around after girls who were marginally interested in me. One day a wise sage sat me down and taught me about the Brad Pitt method...changed my life. It's actually very simple...everytime a girl is acting shady, I ask myself, if I was Brad Pitt (or some other good looking celeb), would this girl be treating me like this?

I'm pretty darn sure if Brad Pitt called up your girl and asked her out, she would find a way to make time, and all her stress would magically be gone.

Now I'm not saying girls are supposed to fall all over you as if you were Brad Pitt, but don't put up with those lame excuses.

Look at all the excuses you're making for her:

"she's been so in her own world that (and i hate to say it) she acted like no one else mattered"

Sorry bud, but you got it twisted....you just don't matter in her world.

"it happened very rarely and i know it wasn't intentional, but i think she has too much on her plate"

It doesn't matter how rare it is....you're only 6 months into this relationship and she's arleady ignoring you? Come on, man...

"she's worried she can't be a good girlfriend any time sooon"

This one made me laugh...so the reason she can't be a good girlfriend...is because she's worried about being a good girlfriend???

Sorry to rip you apart like this man, but trust me, this girl is not worth it. This relationship is already over, whether you accept it or not. Hopefully you listen to what multiple people have said here, break up with her, and escape with your dignity intact.

Give her what she wants. Break up with her and let her focus on her IM rotation. Give her time to miss you and appreciate you.




👍👍👍

good advice here. however, we don't know your relationship or the dynamics. nobody can give you concrete advice here. fact is, a lot of people handle stress really badly. your relationship is only 6 months in as well. i dont know what to tell you. nobody on this forum knows you or your gf and the dynamic you have.

 

[swamprat]

Yeah, I'm a fan of the brad-pit rule but I'll tell ya I'd at least give it 2 good attempts to hang out with a girl before you can pass it by.. she might be honestly busy or have a lot on her plate the first time. Also if she suggests another time.. also a good sign. As far as relationships go, there is no right answer. It sounds like shes not interested, but 6 months I believe is long enough time for the OP to get emotionally attached and be blinded by emotion despite logically knowing it aint happening. It happens to the best of us my friend, you gotta figure your own way out of it because no ones advice is going to be any different than what you already know - you just gotta get over that emotional barrier and move on...trying to date other girls while still with her may actually help, this way you can transition from her to rebound more smoothly than abruptly ending things and having no one. At the same time, easier said than done. Good luck 👍

 

[Slack3r]

 

[Sloo0]

"Shes just not that in to you" man. Go watch that movie.

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

Brad Pitt rule... interesting.

So, you're gonna go around breaking up or blowing off every chick that blows you off? Yeah, that'll work out well... (maybe I didn't catch the full essence of said 'rule').

 

[DarknightX]

Brad Pitt rule... interesting.

So, you're gonna go around breaking up or blowing off every chick that blows you off? Yeah, that'll work out well... (maybe I didn't catch the full essence of said 'rule').

Yup that's exactly right.

It works amazingly well.

Betas always have a hard time understanding this concept.

 

[JoeDw]

Hey,

My gf is a med student. We've been dating almost six months now and she's near the end of her 3rd year and about to go into internal medicine rotation. Recently she told me that she is in love with me but the summer is going to be very busy and she's been stressed out and anxious and it's put her in kind of a bad mood occasionally. I've tried to be as understanding as possible and make things as easy as I can for her, but work really stresses her out. She said she thinks we should stop dating and that it's the last thing she wants because it hurts her to think about, but that she doesn't know when school will let up or when she'll stop getting so stressed out and she doesn't feel like it's fair to me or us.

I'd absolutely wait for her but she says she's torn because she doesn't want to be focused on something she wants but can't have right now.

I know this is a non-medical question but jesus, it's hard. I love this girl and I want to be with her but I'm not sure what this means or when things will get better for her or if there's anything I can do. Any third year students able to weigh in on this? I know her self-esteem seems to be getting lower and lower. She seems to think she's not even intelligent anymore. I just wish I could do more to help.

Thanks for reading.

Hey man. I am in third year medicine. But this is not in what year i am or what i do. Anyone has that problem. I meet my gf on saturdays. I study sunday to friday and take saturday off to meet my gf friends to do things i like bla bla. Don't worry, just meet her on saturdays. sorted.
If she comes up with some other excuse after you tell her about saturdays, i assure you she is just looking for excuse to get rid of you. Not too worry. Try the game by neill strause.

 

[whoknows2012]

I'm fully in agreement with the give here space advice. The reason being that this way you can fully understand what the true source of her hesitance to continue the relationship at the moment. If it really is how you say it is and shes stressed, can't devote enough time for you etc, then giving her space and letting her realize how important to her you really are then she will find a way to make time for you. If you don't give her space you risk getting hurt. It's not that you couldn't get hurt by giving her space (ie by giving her space and she still doesn't realize you're important enough to be part of her life at the moment) but at least you made the move and not her. This will give you the ability to prepare for a less than ideal situation but it will also allow you to not feel like you're holding her back, even if it means that this isn't meant to be. Regardless of the outcome this is 100% the move to make, at least based on the information you have given us.

 

[deleted357625]

Sounds like she's trying to bail and wants to make it easy on you. Sorry dude.

exactly what im thinkin