Dating Relationships + Med School Prep = Impossible?

[usermike8500]

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Good Evening premed students.

With all that is required to get into med school these days: high gpa, high MCAT score, countless hours of voluteer work, research experience, leadership, et cetera, do any of you find time to be in serious relationships?


Whenever I hear stories of Pre-med Ted with his 3.98 gpa, 38 MCAT, research and volunteer work since infancy, and LOR's from Einstein, Da Vinci, Beethoven, and Plato... it makes me want to just withdraw from all forms of social life and focus 100% on academics / work experience. Furthermore, I feel a bit apprehensive about dating or forming serious relationships because I know it will be really difficult to balance social life with med school prep... especially in the final year before applications are due.

What do you guys/gals think?

 

[jochi1543]

I don't think it impacts it that much. If you are one of those people who has to pay for school entirely out of his/her own pocket, and have to work almost full-time on top of all the regular premed stuff, then it can be an issue. But for most of us who are entirely or in part supported by parents and student loans, it's pretty hard to get to the point where we're so busy that we can't even date someone.

My main issue with my ex (who was a total slacker) was that he didn't realize that while I always made time for him, it required way more effort on my part than his. For example, in order for us to go on a 2-day camping trip, I had to study 12-14 hours a day for 3 days straight. Then he'd show up late and leave me with most of the prep for the trip (food, etc) on the day we were to head out - or say he wants to reschedule the trip to the next weekend, so I'd be exhausted for nothing. But that, of course, was more of an issue of him being a ***** than me being premed.

 

[Zendoc]

DO NOT withdraw from social relationships to try and get into medical school. Over the years I have heard many people tell me to "enjoy the process" and now I am going to say it to you: "Enjoy the process dammit." 😀 Life does not begin when you get into medical school even though at times it may feel that way. You are living life right now and should try and make the best of this time in your life. Perhaps you might find someone going through this as well, it really helps. My fiance and I met when I was finishing my undergrad and he was doing his post-bac pre-med classes. We met, fell in love, took the MCAT together and have been falling even more in love through all of this misery of applying to medical school. It hurts me to think about all of the amazing things I would have missed out on if I just shut myself in, studying like a robot. Keep yourself grounded in reality, reality being that yes, you do need good grades, but you also need a personality, life experience and you deserve happiness as well. I hope this helps and that my cliche, Oprah-like statements did not make you want to vomit. Sorry if they did... 😀

 

[jace's mom]

Well, I'm happily married, I have four children, I have a full-time job, I went through all the pre-med hoops, and I was accepted to med school two days ago. So, apparently it can be done! I think you have to be very organized, and it really helps if your significant other is career-minded and/or appreciates hard work and dedication. Don't stress too much...good luck to you!

 

[jochi1543]

it really helps if your significant other is career-minded and/or appreciates hard work and dedication.

Definitely. I briefly dated this bozo who took an issue with my wanting to go to med..."Why do you have to study on the weekend!? Why do you have to be a doctor!? Why can't you just become a nursing assistant or something!?" Needless to say, we didn't last a month, since he was an obstacle to my success, nothing less.

 

[Dancer1986]

I think it is 100% possible. I am 21 have been dating my boyfriend for almost four years (in Feb.) now. I have pretty good stats (33 mcat and 3.98 gpa) and a great relationship too. I also still usually see my boyfriend 3 or 4 times a week. Granted Im sure it will be less next year when I start medical school however.

Priorities are important. If your academics and your relationship are high priorities for you I think it is pretty easy to make time for and be successful in both areas. You just might have to give up going out and partying three times a week. College is supposed to be fun, so do what makes you happy but don't neglect school either. 🙂

 

[onslaught61]

I think it all comes down to how you function as a student. There are students who can party it up/date and ace their courses and tests cause they study with focus and efficiency. Then there are those who need to study for extended periods of time to be able to do well, and thus sacrificing part of their social life. Then there are those who can't focus on studying if they try to have fun at the same time.

The type of applicant you describe is very rare (if you assume all med applicants do every type of ec possible with stellar stats in everything), and probably does sacrifice much of the social life. However, you don't need to be the perfect candidate to get into med school (as rejections and acceptions have shown). Med schools do want well rounded people, people who know how to manage their time between hard work and lifestyle.

Of course, it's easier said than done for most of us, but regarding relationships, it's definitely possible like others have said. I personally wouldn't because I am not the kind of guy who can focus on two important things like dating and studying at the same time. For me, I do need to exclude myself from friends, girls, etc to an extent to be able to focus. You just need to find out for yourself your abilities to manage between different important things in your life.

 

[nlax30]

It's really just up to you. There's plenty on here that are in a serious relationship, married, or even raising families and balancing loads of other responsibilities. Like anything else it depends on your maturity level and ability to prioritize and manage your time.

I got married after I graduated from undergrad (I was slightly older than traditional) and then spent another year doing some post-bacc work in prep for med school. And this was right before my wife's last year of law school so we definitely had a lot on our plates.

The thing is you have to be willing to sacrifice and communicate well so that you both are on the same "page" so to speak. We both knew each other's goals and both understood the amount of time/effort that we'd have to devote to schooling so we could be understanding when we had to spend a lot of time studying. People can get into trouble when one person doesn't understand this and all of sudden your SO is getting bitter and upset that you're so busy with school.

 

[beepbloop]

I recently got married (after having been with my wife for seven years), and feel like she's been the best source of support I EVER could have asked for. She's been understanding when I needed to skip having fun to study, she took over household responsibilities when I came down with MCAT fever, and now she's gearing up to move "wherever I want" for medical school. She's an amazing lady 😍. Granted, having a relationship through this whole process has not been a cakewalk--it most certainly takes work. Ultimately it comes down to priorities, for me it was making sure that maintaining our relationship always came first (even when there were 10,000 other things vying for the #1 spot in my life).

 

[NoUse4aName1286]

Been dating my g/f since November of Freshman year, am not a biology (or science of any kind) major, did all the premed stuff AND more (w/regards to science courses), have been accepted to Upstate Medical. Clearly, it can been done (and I have to study like crazy, all the time, and I put myself through college (this is NOT meant to be bragging of any sorts, just answering the OP's question).

THAT SAID!!!! I also hang out w/other people very VERY rarely, and see my g/f, aside from meals, almost only on evenings during the weekend (in part, its b/c we live on campus, have one desk in my little box of a room (as does she), and i need my computer all the time, so we can't study together). The free time I do have is spent almost exclusively with her, so there are certainly some sacrifices on my social life b/c of it. Though she supports me entirely, there have been fights (I will say b/c of her) about me not having enough time to spend w/her. They are limited, and have decreased to practical zero w/time, but it does happen.
I guess my point is, its not easy by any means, but certainly not impossible.

 

[patrickd223]

Being in a relationship makes being a premed alot easier for me...

 

[eellen3]

I think that my fiance has actually been a big part of why I have a good resume now. He motivates me and supports me, and I do the same for him. He has like-minded goals---he's pre dent.

 

[kami333]

Dating another premed is also an option. Makes studying easier (and more motivation to prove who the smarter one is😀).

 

[searun]

I don't think it impacts it that much. If you are one of those people who has to pay for school entirely out of his/her own pocket, and have to work almost full-time on top of all the regular premed stuff, then it can be an issue. But for most of us who are entirely or in part supported by parents and student loans, it's pretty hard to get to the point where we're so busy that we can't even date someone.

My main issue with my ex (who was a total slacker) was that he didn't realize that while I always made time for him, it required way more effort on my part than his. For example, in order for us to go on a 2-day camping trip, I had to study 12-14 hours a day for 3 days straight. Then he'd show up late and leave me with most of the prep for the trip (food, etc) on the day we were to head out - or say he wants to reschedule the trip to the next weekend, so I'd be exhausted for nothing. But that, of course, was more of an issue of him being a ***** than me being premed.

Good job on getting smart and dumping the loser. I have seen so many attractive and very smart women who date these guys that would embarrass frat boys at a pledge party. Women are too needy and need more self confidence and should quit spending time with these guys. Two testicles do not a man make.

 

[jochi1543]

Dating another premed is also an option. Makes studying easier (and more motivation to prove who the smarter one is😀).

Inbreeding among premeds must be outlawed.😱

 

[VoiceofReason]

Why does being single have to cause everyone so much anxiety? It's a blessing in disguise for a pre-med.

Basically, if you can't do both (which seems unlikely), then you have to choose. Its that simple. Choose your career though, it's not really a choice.

 

[Vato Loco]

Oye holmes, its hard out here for a pimp

 

[littlealex]

I can only hope you're joking. Dating, and having a social life in general, does not take that much time. Think about it this way, IT ONLY GETS HARDER FROM HERE ON.

If you can't learn to have a life and be successful, your life is going to suck as a med student. THIS moment right now, that is life. There's nothing more. Today you're busy about one thing, tomorrow another. Never WAIT to live because you're afraid you can't handle it all. If you cannot, switch careers.

I've never had a problem dating, no matter how busy I was. All through college I would study with my girlfriend. We sit 3 feet apart and don't talk for hours, but the moral support is there and we spend time together during coffee breaks. On the weekends we go out with our friends for a few hours because not doing work for 1 night a week won't make or break your application.

It isn't hard to balance a personal life with an academic life. Find a girlfriend that understands your goals. Or just date girls for the short term, go out on coffee dates once in awihle, stay overnight once in awhile, but nothing committed if you can't handle the time committment.

 

[0Complications]

I think the OP has a valid point. Every time I end up in a serious relationship during school the girl wants more time than I can offer or am willing to give. Maybe some of you care about being in relationships, but I don't. So, I definitely don't gauge my "Life" as a pre-med based on a relationship or a lack there of.

I think relationships are a royal pain that can easily be avoided. Although, it gets rough when everyone and their mother wants to set you up with so and so, but I just think of all the money I'll save and I'm good to go. Plus, I know if I do go for so and so and then get bored of them in a month or two the original referrer will get rather frustrated with me. So bottom line; only partake of a relationship if you want one and can forever state without humility the infamous words, "You're right honey, I'm sorry..."

 

[ZagDoc]

Just think of it as good prep experience because Dating Relationships + Med School DOES = Impossible.