All of this reminds me of ninth grade when I tried out for the baseball team and cuts were being posted at seven in the morning. I was there, but I didn't want anyone to see how desperate i was to know so I hid and watched and waited until the coach posted then casually strolled up there after he left. This feels almost exactly the same except for the fact that i dont care if anyone knows haw desperate i am (that desperate thing actually has two meanings).