desensitization

[buggati]

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Life has become so much better, i got into med school...not my first choice yet, so many of my friends are getting married, graduation, everything is going just fine...THEN i hear that my aunt who had lymphoma is in her advanced stages, it doesnt bother me...i am desensitized. I am used to death, my other aunts passed away young due to cancer (i was barely 10 at that time) and my 20 yr old cousin recently passed away. I was sad then but now with the lymphoma case i dont feel anything. I think this is wierd i am desensitized to this stuff cause i have been exposed to so much more...but tonight when i hear about my 40 yr old aunt's detailed diagnosis (it has spread to her organs) I break down. why? i thought i was desensitized...can we ever become desensitized? how about when i lose my patients with whom i have built a good relationship...what then? how am i supposed to become a mature physician and still be able to deal with sadness and death. i know its normal to feel emotions but i want to know even after all the positives in my life, i break down with one negative...what will i do in the future? i thought i was strong but these are the times that test you. I know i will get through it but does anyone else understand me?

 

[moe_4eva]

I think you're not human if you don't break down occassionally. Even the most seasoned doctors have their bad days. I've only ever seen this one trauma surgeon cry once, and it was because she had two traumas come in at the same time and lost them both.

It's also different when it's your own family. I know I have a much easier time dealing with other people's deaths than when it occurs close to home.

 

[mdgator]

Desensitization happens to everyone in this profession to a certain degree. It's a defense mechanism. But desensitization shouldn't = not caring. You'll be a much better doctor if you still care enough to break down every now and then.
And it is definitely different when it is family. Sorry to hear what your family is going through. I wish you the best.

 

[Drogba]

Life has become so much better, i got into med school...not my first choice yet, so many of my friends are getting married, graduation, everything is going just fine...THEN i hear that my aunt who had lymphoma is in her advanced stages, it doesnt bother me...i am desensitized. I am used to death, my other aunts passed away young due to cancer (i was barely 10 at that time) and my 20 yr old cousin recently passed away. I was sad then but now with the lymphoma case i dont feel anything. I think this is wierd i am desensitized to this stuff cause i have been exposed to so much more...but tonight when i hear about my 40 yr old aunt's detailed diagnosis (it has spread to her organs) I break down. why? i thought i was desensitized...can we ever become desensitized? how about when i lose my patients with whom i have built a good relationship...what then? how am i supposed to become a mature physician and still be able to deal with sadness and death. i know its normal to feel emotions but i want to know even after all the positives in my life, i break down with one negative...what will i do in the future? i thought i was strong but these are the times that test you. I know i will get through it but does anyone else understand me?

By entering this field you are almost by definition exposing yourself to human misery (arguably you can avoid this more or less in the long term depending on what specialty you choose and how you structure your practice). It's not supposed to be easy. There are things even this early in my path of study that have left an indelible mark on me. Eventually the strength of your emotional response lessens I imagine. Human emotion is not predictable though and you never know how a patient (a photograph, a painting, a random person on the street) is going to affect you. Just know you are opening yourself up to seeing people at their worst.