did i make the right decision?

[twitchyak]

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I am a sub-par student who has no friends, zero social life, no mcat score, barely any ECs,my only activity is being a research assisstant, and a writer for 2 university newspapers.


I am obessed with the idea of building a computer, I keep thinking about it, what parts to get and what not and I am hoping it will cure me of my "disease", I wake up and open my laptop lie in bed, and spend the entire day in bed, I even eat in bed. Only time I get out of bed is to take a **** or go to the basement to play x-box, which i am already bored off. I used to be a video game addict but I cant play any video games now since my old laptop was broken, and this replacement one is too old. I am spending so much time in my bed, just lying there that its frightening. Hence the reason why I kept thinking about building a computer (for self confidence that I can accomplish something and the ability to make a decision and stick with it, I am very indecisive fyi) so hopefully that even if i have to spend time on the computer I can atleast get off the fking bed, and sit my ass down and do work. I am hoping this will cure me of my laziness and the severe addictions that have resulted due to the laptop in bed problem which are excessive porn addiction, movie and tv show addiction, boredom with the outside world. I find my laptop to be my only "friend", this is pathetic to say the least.

I am not a delusional ***** who thinks that getting the desktop is going to fix me of my problem, I am afraid Ill starting gaming on it, i am actually hoping for this, so I can atleast not watch pron anymore. Gaming I can control, gaming doesnt take over my life as much as lying in bed all day does.

Also I know I will get nowhere in life, let alone medschool with this mentality, I am just so fking scrubbed and weak minded that my daily routine never changes. I bought a DSLR recently and have finally started to move out of the house and take pictures, sometimes I am out of the house for hours on end but when I come back its the same "laptop-->bed-->pron/movies".

Did i make the right decision in building a computer? will it change anything? am i handling the problem wrongly, I am so confused and lonely and awkard that I cant even speak to people anymore, I used to be a varsity athelete in Highschool who teachers had to move around the class because I used to talk so much to people around me (i know bad trait but considering the context). 3 years of University and isolation has fked me up, I CANT EVEN SPEAK ANYMORE WITHOUT STUTTERING. my only friend is my brother for gods sake......

P.S: I am planning on giving up the lappy to my dad after he comes back next week from a wedding.

 

[Nascent]

building a laptop...you're about 30 years late

but you're not too late to get your mind straight and work hard

first decide what your strengths and weaknesses are and what you can see yourself doing/want to do.

then make a plan of how to get there

and finally... follow through

 

[Morzh]

Building a PC is a very rewarding process. Sounds like it would actually be therapeutic for you. I suspect most posters in this thread will tell you to "get off your *** and go socialize" or something, but I think the planning/executing/troubleshooting/problem solving involved in building a high quality PC (for a fraction of the cost retail charges) may actually be a good first step. It builds self-esteem and is a productive endeavor.

Sounds like you're a smart, capable person who is just in a rut. Fill your life with meaningful things. Gaming/internet/movies is fun, but too much leaves you feeling empty. Build something. Find some kind of exercise that you enjoy. Volunteer for a cause that's meaningful to you. As far as socializing goes... I know this sounds cheesy but learning to "forget yourself" and think of ways to brighten OTHERS' lives can really make a profound difference. Stop worrying what people think of you and just be nice and friendly. Kindergarten advice.

 

[fides]

building a laptop...you're about 30 years late

but you're not too late to get your mind straight and work hard

first decide what your strengths and weaknesses are and what you can see yourself doing/want to do.

then make a plan of how to get there

and finally... follow through

I think the meant buying the parts online and than building the computer not laptop on his own, I didnt really get the 30 years late thing though?..

I do agree with following through will a goal.

@OP: Honestly it would depend, I have been in a similar situation where I had to justify time being spent making a decision versus regret/worry/more regret. In the end it is up to you to recall what your pattern in life has been. If you think you are going to keep thinking about it, than go ahead and buy the damn computer and deal with it. It is much easier to stop physically "using" the computer than it is to mentally stop thinking about it. I personally know, I have spent countless hours researching and researching for parts to buy, when my grades started getting affected. I simply said fk it, selected my parts, bought the damn thing.

ENJOYED EVERY MOMENT OF BUILDING IT, LOOKED AT THE BEAST iN ALL ITS AWE, Downloaded my favourite game, played for 4 hours. Went to take a piss, looked myself in the mirror, "OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE", turned off the comp. went to the gym, came back and started reading the textbook.

Do I regret buying it, yes and no since I bought it for gaming, dont even play....waste of money.

Dont regret buying it because i stopped thinking "should i or should i not build one" once it was in my room it was "fk shouldnt have done it" but thats it, there is no "OMG I SHOULD BUY IT and than 30 min later, BUT DO I REALLY NEED TO?".

As to everything else you mentioned, I am sorry to hear that, not going to be nice about this but that is a fked up way to live, and i think you know it. Now the question is what are you gonna do about it? Asking on SDN isnt going to change anything, nobody is going to give you the magic advice that you need to succeed in life, nobody has the answer for YOU, only YOU can answer your own question, make a bloody decision and live with it.

I am going to end with this, you are a human being, you are no different from the rest, you have the potiential to do anything you want to if you put the work in and never give up, you want to make excuses go make them but remember nothing will change by words alone, only actions define you, it is your moment of weakness, your moment of failure that is your biggest test, if you can stand up and continue than one day you will get to the pinnacle you seek, if you strag behind like the rest and decide "this is too hard, I quit" than you will be average for the rest of your life, and I cant put it any easier than that.

Make a decision and live with it, whether it turns out to be good or bad you leave to fate, in the condition you are right now STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE, WORK ON THE PRESENT. In the end buying a computer no buying a computer isnt going to do anything for you drastic, yes you might have a peace of mind or a new addiction to deal with. Going to be up to you to decide which route you want to take.

Because you are on SDN, Ill end with this, sub-par? pathetic? cant make med-school? Please I have a 2.4GPA and a 39 MCAT, what excuse do you have for not proving your worth? I have to put in an extra 3-5 years because I screwed up? DAMN RIGHT I DO, Do i sit here and cry about it, sometimes 😀, but I buckle down, slap myself in the face and say "YOU WILL BECOME A MOTHER FKING DOCTOR EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU, YOU MADE A MISTAKE, TIME TO PAY UP" Head out every day with a mean mug, ready to take on the world.

It starts with the mentality, and eventually ambition will take over. Please do remember that, carry forward and if you put in enough time and work you'll make it.

 

[fides]

Building a PC is a very rewarding process. Sounds like it would actually be therapeutic for you. I suspect most posters in this thread will tell you to "get off your *** and go socialize" or something, but I think the planning/executing/troubleshooting/problem solving involved in building a high quality PC (for a fraction of the cost retail charges) may actually be a good first step. It builds self-esteem and is a productive endeavor.

Sounds like you're a smart, capable person who is just in a rut. Fill your life with meaningful things. Gaming/internet/movies is fun, but too much leaves you feeling empty. Build something. Find some kind of exercise that you enjoy. Volunteer for a cause that's meaningful to you. As far as socializing goes... I know this sounds cheesy but learning to "forget yourself" and think of ways to brighten OTHERS' lives can really make a profound difference. Stop worrying what people think of you and just be nice and friendly. Kindergarten advice.

+1. If more adults start acting like they did in Kindergarden, I think this world would be that much more gentle and peaceful. Dont worry OP, everyone has problems, learning to deal with them is part of the process.

 

[CodeBlu]

Troll score, 0/10

 

[GoSpursGo]

I don't think this thread has anything to do with medical school, and therefore it is being closed. OP, if you are depressed or having other symptoms of anxiety or thoughts of harming yourself, I strongly suggest that you seek medical attention.