did you ever think of quitting?

[galactica2001]

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DId you ever think of quitting it all and work outside clinical setting?
I'm considering it now...I don't think I could work with that all my life what I have to work with now - I'm in ER internal medicine (a sort of ICU), it's awful - most of the patients are drug/alcohol overdoses, geriatric patients (mostly running around, screaming and being very difficult in the middle of the night)...sometimes I don't think I can deal with it, esp. in around 3-4 am...having a long hours behind me and yet must survive till morning...🙁
Did you ever think of quitting it all or changing your med path (eg. instead CCM ophtalm or physical therapy med)?

 

[doc20]

I have heard that combined residencies are more difficult then doing just a single residency!
so maybe you can stick it out and transfer into a single residency program and that would make your life a little easier?
also quitting for some of us might not be feasible depending on the loan burden and/or family obligations.
before making any fast career changing decisions sleep on it , talk to seniors and colleagues that are on the same level

 

[KidDr]

DId you ever think of quitting it all and work outside clinical setting?
I'm considering it now...I don't think I could work with that all my life what I have to work with now - I'm in ER internal medicine (a sort of ICU), it's awful - most of the patients are drug/alcohol overdoses, geriatric patients (mostly running around, screaming and being very difficult in the middle of the night)...sometimes I don't think I can deal with it, esp. in around 3-4 am...having a long hours behind me and yet must survive till morning...🙁
Did you ever think of quitting it all or changing your med path (eg. instead CCM ophtalm or physical therapy med)?

yes. I thought about quitting close to daily during my intern year, and still probably at least weekly during the rest of residency. some days I'm still amazed that I somehow managed to finish residency. many of my co-residents felt the same way (though many of them also seemed to do pretty well). there's a wide range of experiences among residents, but you are definitely not alone in feeling how you do. the best thing I did was to find a couple "safe"/supportive people within the leadership of my residency program (people I could tell anything to, and not be reprimanded/judged/etc). it didn't really change anything in terms of how frustrating residency was, but it did help to be able to talk through some of it. changing residencies is definitely an option, if there's another area you're finding you like better. I've known several people who've changed residency fields. better to do it earlier than later, if you can.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Thought about quitting during residency?

At least every other day, sometimes every day.

 

[dragonfly99]

OK.
Just take a deep breath.
It's winter and it's intern year. It's cold, it's dark, it's 3 a.m. and it's depressing when you've been up 23 hours and are dealing with your 5th demented/personality disordered/unstable/insert other annoying thing to deal with @4a.m. problem.
REPEAT AFTER ME. DO NOT MAKE CAREER IMPORTANT DECISIONS RIGHT NOW. DO NOT MAKE IMPORTANT CAREER DECISIONS RIGHT NOW.

Good job. You did it!

I'm actually not making fun of you...or at least not in a serious way.

The answer is yes, I did at times think of quitting when I was an intern. I think a lot of people do. It doesn't mean you'll be a crappy doctor or hate being a doctor.

It might help us if you tell us your specialty (? is it combined ER/IM). I'm a little confused.

 

[Doctor Grim]

DId you ever think of quitting it all and work outside clinical setting?
I'm considering it now...I don't think I could work with that all my life what I have to work with now - I'm in ER internal medicine (a sort of ICU), it's awful - most of the patients are drug/alcohol overdoses, geriatric patients (mostly running around, screaming and being very difficult in the middle of the night)...sometimes I don't think I can deal with it, esp. in around 3-4 am...having a long hours behind me and yet must survive till morning...🙁
Did you ever think of quitting it all or changing your med path (eg. instead CCM ophtalm or physical therapy med)?

Yeah, I thought about quitting during my residency, maybe every other day-more so during my internship year though.

But life will get better. Just look around you. Bunch of us have survived.

 

[Llenroc]

I haven't.

Residency so far has been way easier than medical school. 👍

 

[Drawing Dead]

I haven't.

Residency so far has been way easier than medical school. 👍

I agree. And I'm in a combined program as well. It sucks because on certain days that I have "off" when I'm on an EM month, I have clinic or didactics for FM, so yes it is harder than one or the other. I don't know where your patients are "running around". If that becomes a problem, restraints can always be the answer.

But seriously, I get to the hospital LATER than I did as a student, I don't get scutted out to do pointless things, if I have down time, I don't have to hide or make it look like I'm busy so my Intern/Resident gives me more of their work to do. On top of that, way less exams, and I'm actually making money to do it (I'm still living paycheck to paycheck, but at least its not borrowed money that will cost me $3 for every $1 of it I spend.)

 

[Blade28]

All of us have had those thoughts in the past...during those exhausting, brutal, malignant months.

If you've never had the thought of quitting cross your mind yet, you just haven't been in residency long enough. 🙂

 

[DreamLover]

Thought about quitting during residency?

At least every other day, sometimes every day.

My sentiments exactly...but I keep showing up everyday...eventually it's got to get better

 

[2006MD]

I wanted to be a surgeon after my second day of medical school (b/c of anatomy). I did everything to get my foot in (joined clubs, scored well on tests, etc.); I was so excited to start my surgery rotation, 1/2 well-known private hospital and 1/2 rotation at county for full exposure. Let me tell you that I hated it. The attendings that were truly happy were the ones that devoted their life to surgery; the others that tried to balance life with work were miserable.

I love medicine for what I can do with it and I LOVE being a doctor, but I didn't want my life consumed by it. You need to ask yourself what you want; lifestyle, live in the hospital, outpatient setting, etc. Then look at those IM/ER attendings that are happy and find out why.

Now in residency I have thought about quitting to do something else b/c of what I've heard about reimbursements. In what other profession do you have to submit inflated bills b/c the payer (insurance) only pays a percentage of any submitted amount? Average reimbursement time for medicare is 6-9 months! Also, sometimes you have to re submit b/c they deny the first bill.

I digress, what's important as an intern is finding something (or someone) that helps you get through the tough days and latch on to the fact that it's almost over (3 mo to go)...it'll be easier next year when you have your own intern. If not, you can always switch residencies but that may be difficult if you quit.

 

[galactica2001]

I just figured why I thought of quitting...it's the human management,the relationships with supervisors who are supposed to be mentors, but are not...
It's the cynism, sarcasm, verbal violence and abuse, the worst coming from colleagues.
There's nothing really wrong with medicine. Yes, it's difficult and tiresome, stressful and at times sad, you get psychologicaly exhausted at times, but that's medicine (and I'm ok with that).
The problems start when you get to work and get called names just for asking for advice (a friend told me, she was called all sorts of 4letter words just for calling a neurologist for advice on a stroke patient), get bullied by older residents or specialists...
There's a world of a difference between a team with well connected members with a good honest respectful communication and those whose communication is based on fear and hate speech...it shows in critical moment like reanimation.

 

[Impromptu]

During med school orientation we were shown a happiness chart. It graphed the average course of our happiness from med school through retirement. The important point she wished to emphasize was that we were at the highest point we would ever attain. Through all of those rises and falls, we would never rise above where we currently were.

I strenuously disagree with her chart, or maybe I'm just an outlier. While every year has been harder than the last one (for various reasons), every year has also been better than the last, and I expect every year to continue to get better. For all the garbage that I may have to endure, I expect my intern year to be better than medical school.

To clarify, I'm speaking of the year in general, not the day to day gyrations (to quote Obama). I'm sure there will be miserable moments/days/months, but the long-term is upward.

 

[dragonfly99]

Agree with above comment. Med school might be fun if you like to kiss up and don't mind people telling you what to do 24/7, but if you don't mind a little responsibility, residency is >> in terms of happiness and lifestyle. At least you are getting paid to be abused...LOL!

most unhappy I have been in my life = 3rd year of med school

happiest = would be a tossup between my freshman year of college and now, except for the nagging stress due to my student loan debt.
So yes, it does get better.

 

[DreamLover]

Through all of those rises and falls, we would never rise above where we currently were.

I guess when I think about it that way....not much could top how I felt when finding out that I was accepted into medical school....probably even better than graduation....thus...I guess it sort of has been a bit downhill since then. That doesn't mean I'm not happy....I'm just a lot less innocent a bit more jaded and a TON more tired...

 

[Impromptu]

Now 3 months into my intern year I must say that I am not so optimistic as I was a when I wrote my last post. Intern year can really make one melancholy. What's odd is that the melancholy didn't typically occur while working at the hospital, but rather at home, thinking about the hospital. I think it had to do with having time to think about the constantly shifting sleep structure, lack of time for much else, being lowest on the totem pole, never able to please certain attendings, even more loss of my social and church life, knowing that I was bound to do this until I earned enough to pay off my loans, and all sorts of other thoughts that invaded my mind at home.

I've actually been feeling a bit better recently, having restarted daily exercise. It's amazing what that does to one's spirits. I used to exercise much more, which may have explained my unusually high spirits during most of medical school (except in the time consuming rotations that didn't allow exercise).

Further motivation is that others have passed through this and survived, and they say it does get better. I enjoy the paycheck, the increased responsibility, and fact that I'm actually practicing medicine. So, this year is still better than 4th year, it just requires more work to keep my spirits up.

 

[Top Gun]

During internship, I thought of quitting at least every other day. But now that I'm a second-year, life is indeed better, and I'm rediscovering how much I enjoy medicine. Especially since I'm not running around nearly as much as I did during intern year, and have more electives. The only thing that really sucks now is having to cover the ICU every weekend (either Saturday or Sunday). Would be nice to get a full weekend off instead of just one day. But whatever. Its gotten better since intern year. And it will be really good once I get to third year (I hope!)

 

[blanche]

most days.

 

[TexanMD2B]

I always think about it but would NEVER do it.

 

[error404]

Any time I'm in the hospital after 8pm. Which luckily isn't that frequently... but yes.
And I'm happy in my program.

If you're going for a career in medicine, you've got to MEAN it... because otherwise, it'll suck your soul.

 

[Impromptu]

I cannot fully describe the positive difference in my attitude since I've started exercising again, just a couple times a week. My professors weren't lying when they said that three 'cures' to depression were psychotherapy, medications, or exercise. Since then, I have only rarely thought about quitting or retirement.

 

[N-Surge]

Just ran across this thread... And perhaps some of us 2009/2010 interns are going through the same thing a year later. I know I have had my moments of having to stop myself and take a deep breath...

May have been said already, but try to remember that others have (and are) going through the same struggles... I have needed to remind myself of this when I get 5 pages in 30 seconds while writing orders and trying to get some RBCs going in another patient. Prelim year, whether you are straight up IM or going on next year to your specialty of choice (Match), is certainly an initiation indeed!

 

[marr]

I remember that when I started in July being the intern carrying the admit pager was 100% trial and error. It was no fun when the whole team is in clinic and having 2-3 pts in the ED waiting for dispo when you get out from clinic hungry. Adding to the fun was answering pages from the nurse about d/c their pt when you are still in clinic. But that wasn't the worst moment of intern year so far. On nightfloat, answering ton of pages, having 3-4 ED consult and a phone call from some attending sending their AAA with imminent ruptured as a direct admit at 2-3 AM. Those are some fun time looking back. I was cursing up a storm and was contemplating about becoming a janitor so that I wouldn't have to answer pages about ordering some dilaudid for 10/10 pain. Hang in there intern year is about to be over.

 

[SomethingFishy]

Ahh yes, I only think about quitting pretty much every single day. Especially when I don't know what to do, I'm very self conscious about it. I have a lot of trouble with admissions, I feel like I think of things to do, but then I'm never sure if someone will fault me for ordering that test or choosing that medication, so then I never end up doing anything (which is also apparently wrong 🙁 ) Sometimes I just don't know what to do, this is especially true when picking abx, I feel like if I pick the wrong one I will be ridiculed. Also sometimes I feel like I can't anticipate what the next move should be, like for instance, an attending will ask me a question re: treatment and I'll think to myself, **** I wasn't even thinking about that yet. I just feel about 5 steps behind where I should be. Anyone else? Any ideas on how to be better?

 

[Acherona]

Ahh yes, I only think about quitting pretty much every single day. Especially when I don't know what to do, I'm very self conscious about it. I have a lot of trouble with admissions, I feel like I think of things to do, but then I'm never sure if someone will fault me for ordering that test or choosing that medication, so then I never end up doing anything (which is also apparently wrong 🙁 ) Sometimes I just don't know what to do, this is especially true when picking abx, I feel like if I pick the wrong one I will be ridiculed. Also sometimes I feel like I can't anticipate what the next move should be, like for instance, an attending will ask me a question re: treatment and I'll think to myself, **** I wasn't even thinking about that yet. I just feel about 5 steps behind where I should be. Anyone else? Any ideas on how to be better?

I can sympathize. It doesn't seem to matter which abx I choose to put a patient on overnight, inevitably it's the wrong combo and changed in the morning, even if I base it on uptodate or sanford. It's frustrating because I obviously don't have much practical experience yet so all I have to go on is these guidelines. I feel I can never get it right when the attending will or will not override the evidence in favor of "clinical judgment". I guess it will take time to build these skills and as long as you have some reasoning for what you're doing and at least one other person agrees with you, they can't really fault you. I don't know about you but when I'm not sure about the treatment or what to do next, usually it's because I'm not sure about the diagnosis. So I guess in this case it helps to just take a step back and review all the data to come up with 1 or 2 most likely things and do your workup from there. Once you have something specific in mind you can use resources to help you figure out what to do if you don't remember. Just skimming through uptodate for literally 2 mins when you're admitting a patient can help a lot. I think it's better to take a stand than to seem wishy washy even if you end up being wrong.

 

[mjl1717]

Thought about quitting during residency?

At least every other day, sometimes every day.

This is funny.. And I laugh to keep from crying..

 

[N-Surge]

Winged Scapula's avatar is most fitting. 🙂

 

[4everstudentmd]

I think about quitting a lot, although the only thing else I'm qualified to do that is legit is be a chemistry teacher ( my undergrad degree).

So I'd be trading getting yelled at by attendings to getting yelled at by snotty-nosed spoiled children.