Discussing abuse in adversity prompt?

[njtrimed]

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I was under the impression that this was a bad idea, between what I've read on SDN and heard on premed podcasts. But during my committee interview yesterday, the director of the committee recommended that I tell my story in the adversity prompt.

I am a nontrad student in my thirties. I grew up with a father who was alcoholic, extremely abusive, and when my mother finally got the strength to leave him, he left our family deeply in debt and my mother to raise three of us on ~$25-30K/year with no child support. As the oldest, I helped take care of my younger siblings and deal with the aftermath of life with my father.

As a result of this, I couldn't get financial aid, and kind of slipped through the cracks. I dropped out of undergrad at 19 after screwing up and amassing a mix of grades ranging from A to a whole semester of Fs when I thought I withdrew but didn't do so properly. The effects on my family reverberated for a while; my younger brother was even hospitalized for mental health and behavior problems in high school. It was a long, difficult path for us all to get through our past, but we did.
I moved to the city on my own and started working as a surgical technologist and decided I wanted to pursue medicine after volunteering on medical missions to South America. I didn't go back to finish undergrad until I was in my mid-twenties and on my own, and I started from scratch and earned a 3.7+ for all four years (plus research with presentations/publications, volunteering, etc.)

Anyway, based on my understanding of how much is considered "oversharing," I had originally planned to just say I made a lot of mistakes as a kid nearly half my lifetime ago, and focus on what I'm doing now. But my alma mater is a big feeder school for medical schools, and the Pre Health director has been doing this a long time and definitely knows what he's doing, and he thought I should mention it. It took him a few minutes of digging to get my story, since I don't normally share this information with anyone; he asked several questions and I finally explained everything.

I am looking for advice on how to present this in my adversity prompts. I didn't want to come across as either looking for sympathy or "damaged" in some way; I am a happy, "normal" professional adult with a happy family today. But my childhood and adolescence was rather harrowing, and I have overcome quite a bit of adversity to get to where I am today. I would especially appreciate it if any of the ADCOM members would be willing to share their thoughts. Thank you! (@Goro, @gyngyn, @LizzyM, and anyone else with experience with this).

 

[LizzyM]

I have seen this work out for at least one applicant who was 30+ and whose mom was not a candidate for Mother of the Year. Unless you choose not to list your parent by name on the application (which might be a good move in this case), you want to avoid saying things that might damage your parent's reputation in the community. (If he hasn't done so already by his actions.). The classic example I can think of was an applicant whose father was a notable professional and faculty member in a big city. According to the applicant, his dad was also guilty of domestic violence but never prosecuted. I didn't know the dad but I could imagine that some adcom members might have known him professionally and I thought it was poor form to bad mouth him in that way.

@njtrimed, you do need to at least explain why you left school at 19 with an academic record in shambles and "why medicine" which you seem to have a good explanation for that is unrelated to your home life in childhood.

You can also assume that your pre-med advisor may write all the details in your committee letter. Some committees love to include this sort of thing. I can think of one school near NJ that is pretty famous for its biographical details in the pre-med/post-bac advisor's letter.

 

[DokterMom]

There's a big difference between the 'youthful mistakes' of a pampered upper middle class child of privilege and the 'mess' made by a teenager trying to help hold his dysfunctional family together after abandonment by a parent. And among medical school applicants, there are probably many more of the former than the latter.

If you're so vague in your details that an AdCom could reasonably assume the former, then you're doing yourself a real disservice.

 

[njtrimed]

I have seen this work out for at least one applicant who was 30+ and whose mom was not a candidate for Mother of the Year. Unless you choose not to list your parent by name on the application (which might be a good move in this case), you want to avoid saying things that might damage your parent's reputation in the community. (If he hasn't done so already by his actions.). The classic example I can think of was an applicant whose father was a notable professional and faculty member in a big city. According to the applicant, his dad was also guilty of domestic violence but never prosecuted. I didn't know the dad but I could imagine that some adcom members might have known him professionally and I thought it was poor form to bad mouth him in that way.

That sounds extremely unprofessional, and probably even borders on slander. In my case, however, my father has no reputation to protect. Sadly, I'm not even certain if he's still alive. I reconnected with him nearly a decade ago, and thought (naively) that maybe I could even help from a distance. Our last few interactions consisted of visiting him in the hospital after he fell down a flight of stairs drunk and was going through DTs, and later one of his drug addicted neighbors calling me repeatedly asking for help because he had been drinking for three straight weeks and couldn't get off the couch. That was when I decided I couldn't remain in contact with him. His own sister doesn't even know where he is anymore. He went from being a brilliant journalist who traveled the globe to a drunk on disability living in section 8 housing to (we think) homeless, or possibly dead. The whole situation has actually made me much more sympathetic towards patients with substance abuse issues, and simultaneously intolerant of it in my social circles.

@njtrimed, you do need to at least explain why you left school at 19 with an academic record in shambles and "why medicine" which you seem to have a good explanation for that is unrelated to your home life in childhood.

You can also assume that your pre-med advisor may write all the details in your committee letter. Some committees love to include this sort of thing. I can think of one school near NJ that is pretty famous for its biographical details in the pre-med/post-bac advisor's letter.

I kind of got the sense that he was going to include my story in his letter. He asked several questions starting with my father's whereabouts and his profession, and then what happened to me right after high school, and the whole story came out.

There's a big difference between the 'youthful mistakes' of a pampered upper middle class child of privilege and the 'mess' made by a teenager trying to help hold his dysfunctional family together after abandonment by a parent. And among medical school applicants, there are probably many more of the former than the latter.

If you're so vague in your details that an AdCom could reasonably assume the former, then you're doing yourself a real disservice.

I'm not embarrassed by it, and I have no regrets about anything that I've been through; every experience has made me a stronger and more empathetic person, and I believe will make me a better doctor too. And it absolutely makes sense that I would be doing myself a disservice if I allowed ADCOMs to think I was just another privileged kid who screwed around. Based on what you are both saying, I will tell my story. How much should I tell? Should I just give the summary I did in my initial post here?

Thank you both so much for your input!

 

[heebeejeebies]

I have a similar story. Tell it. But be tactful and focus on the positives and refrain from using specific incidents. I think it's important that we do tell stories like these, because it'd be a damn near shame if we ignored the resilience in favour of avoiding stigma.

 

[DokterMom]

You wouldn't want to include a long litany of incidents, but sometimes nothing illustrates like a story. From what you've written so far, I'm certain you will find the right balance for your own story.

For what its worth, this phrase really stuck out in a positive way --

"The whole situation has actually made me much more sympathetic towards patients with substance abuse issues, and simultaneously intolerant of it in my social circles."

 

[njtrimed]

You wouldn't want to include a long litany of incidents, but sometimes nothing illustrates like a story. From what you've written so far, I'm certain you will find the right balance for your own story.

For what its worth, this phrase really stuck out in a positive way --

"The whole situation has actually made me much more sympathetic towards patients with substance abuse issues, and simultaneously intolerant of it in my social circles."

Thank you. I really value your input, and I plan to take this into account when constructing my secondary essay.

 

[GrapesofRath]

You wouldn't want to include a long litany of incidents, but sometimes nothing illustrates like a story. From what you've written so far, I'm certain you will find the right balance for your own story.

For what its worth, this phrase really stuck out in a positive way --

"The whole situation has actually made me much more sympathetic towards patients with substance abuse issues, and simultaneously intolerant of it in my social circles."

This and your post above is fantastic advice and a really good perspective on this issue.

I usually hate saying uberly generic and cliche things like this but this is a situation where you yourself will be the best judge of whether or not to use this in an essay. LizzyM has already told you this has been done well by previous applicants and in itself is not a red flag without giving it proper evaluation and context. The question is just an issue of how has this influenced you, your life and development and changed your perspective. If you find that change to be particularly significant and a central part of your life, it's the type of thing that will come through in your essays.