Divorce advice

[ValeRx]

It was really nice. We still had to appear before the magistrate, we just filled out our paperwork at ~9 ish in the morning and our “court date” was the same day at 2pm. We went out to lunch while we were waiting. It was great - he looked everywhere but at me, and I cried into my empanadas. We should have just gone home. 0/10 don’t recommend.

So we get a few hours to think about it, not 60 days. I was really happy about that (sort of) since the person he was cheating on me with was over 1,000 miles away and he was going up there to be with her. I doubt I would have been able to get a divorce at all if we’d had to wait.

Yikes. I wouldn't have wanted to go out to lunch. In fact I didn't really want to see her ever again. We met the magistrate, went over the agreement, he signed and gave it back. We dropped it off at the clerk of courts office to have it journalized. We walked out to the parking lot, hugged quickly, then went our separate ways. Haven't heard from her since 2012.

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[Tyrese]

So sorry to read that OP. Med school is already a huge contributor to stress, but a divorce in the midst of it is awful 🙁 Like others have mentioned, seek legitimate legal advice from a professional. Hoping for the best, hang in there OP!

 

[michaelrack]

These are the community guidelines established by senior staff. It is a free country though, so feel free to post elsewhere if you disagree with those standards.

You're too young to remember when this was still a free country

 

[esob]

You're too young to remember when this was still a free country

Thanks, you make me feel young again. Please, tell me more about this "freedom" you speak of. You'll have to speak up though, I have a hard time hearing people over my military-grade tinnitus from those damn army helos :troll:

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Thanks, you make me feel young again. Please, tell me more about this "freedom" you speak of. You'll have to speak up though, I have a hard time hearing people over my military-grade tinnitus from those damn army helos :troll:

 

[michaelrack]

Thanks, you make me feel young again. Please, tell me more about this "freedom" you speak of. You'll have to speak up though, I have a hard time hearing people over my military-grade tinnitus from those damn army helos :troll:

No black helicopters, you're silently being monitored by your cell phone, satellites etc. The freedom I speak of was of the 1980's, before those Bush Presidents led us into perpetual warfare, and before the technological innovations occurred that drastically increased the capabilities of the national security apparatus. I speak of the time before the militarization of the police- which I note that both right-wingers and left-wingers are complaining of these days. I speak of a time in which I could drive late at night without having to show my "papers" (although I guess everyone on this forum remembers the time before the Coronavirus restrictions 🙂 🙂). Seriously, a lot has changed in this country since September 11th, 2001 and the passing of the Patriot Act. For me, that's the real dividing line.

 

[sloop]

Without knowing even a shred of deeper information, let me offer an alternative: try to work it out with her if you still love her.

If my wife left me during medical school I would drop out without hesitation if that is what it took to get her back. The fact that there are kids involved would make me double down on that approach.

Either way, 100% agree you need to speak to a lawyer. Just don't forget about that other human that you once loved so intensely that you promised you'd spend the rest of your life with her, through thick and thin.

Whether this is reasonable advice is entirely dependent on likely undisclosed facts.

If OP loves his wife but actually did something to prompt her leaving, then what you say may indeed be reasonable.

If, on the other hand, OP’s wife has a drug habit, has stolen from people in the past, has some sort of track record of dishonesty or Machiavellian scheming and just left without a discernible reason but is trying to delay divorce proceedings, your suggestion would be a terrible one and would likely only end in financial disaster for OP.

To be absolutely clear: I am not asserting that either of these scenarios actually reflect what happened. They are posed merely as hypotheticals to prove a point.

 

[Redpancreas]

Hi everyone,

I apologize in advance if this post is in the wrong section. I'm currently finishing up my M2 year, and my wife left me a few months ago. She tells me she does not want a divorce, but also insists that she does not want to get back together (at least right now?). As much as this devastates me, I feel it is best for me to move on. But I have a problem: I'm a little bit paranoid after seeing my parents go through their divorce. My dad is a doctor and ended up paying my mom through the nose after they split. I don't want that to happen to me. So is anyone able to shed some light on how alimony works? Obviously as a student I don't have much money to give, but one day I will make a good salary, and I don't intend on giving away a big chunk of it to her if I don't have to. If I divorce her now, would I be able to save myself from paying her more money later? I'm not sure how this works and any advice would be appreciated.

Who cares what's in her head. This is simple. She does not want a divorce, but she doesn't want to get back together:

Facts:
1. Doesn't love you.
2. She's declared herself as unsupportive.

The divorce is a matter of when, not if. Pay the consultant fees and hire the lawyer who's the best fit. Don't short change it. You've already got a kid. You're going to need a lawyer who you can develop an open door policy with. I agree with the general principle that the longer you wait, the more $ may be owed (hence why it's in your best interest to do this now). No one here's going to give you more clarity/depth without delving into what your relationship/financial state was and it's not in your best interest to have that posted on SDN. You're just going to have to pay the $ to the professional and have them walk you through it.

Nothing else to say here until you do that. To everyone bringing up points about collectivism and how the wife truly deserves XYZ, leave that to her lawyers. To those saying maybe something will get worked out, that ship has sailed when the wife has decided she does not want to live with OP during a difficult time in his life and now that OP starting to see this as reminiscent of his father's case.

 

[Lawpy]

This thread is depressing 🙁

 

[Lost in Translation]

I have a similar situation. Any pieces of advice.

Ask if he/she wants to meet up to discuss getting back together before the end of the week. If the answer is no, lawyer up.

 

[Proudfather94]

I have a similar situation. Any pieces of advice.

I guess it depends on what happened and how important money is to you. If it's something that's not a total deal breaker and the risk of losing money to alimony isn't the most important thing to you you can try to work it out. If it's something that just isn't doable or money is a concern get divorced asap. I'd get a lawyer either way