DO in-state near partner vs deferred OOS MD

[do_ormdlater]

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Hi everyone, I posted this on Reddit but wanted to get some input here as well. I have to make a decision about medical school and really struggling with this.

I’ve been accepted to an in-state DO school on the west coast, and recently got a deferred acceptance to a T50 MD school on the east coast to start next year.

My SO of 3 years will be attending grad school on the west coast for 2 years, and we both eventually want to be on the west coast. The DO school matches pretty well in IM/anesthesia, which are the main specialties I’m considering (mayybe Rads).

I’m not in med school yet obviously but I’m leaning IM, and would like to match in an academic center ideally so I have the option of subspecializing (thinking rheum, pulm/CC or infectious disease).

The DO school would be about ~1hr flight away while the MD school is a 5-6 hour flight. If I choose the DO school we could easily see each other once a month, with the MD school it’s a lot trickier.

She is completely supportive either way and willing to do long distance, but I’m honestly worried I won’t be happy at the MD school being so far away. It’s also difficult coming to terms with delaying my career and ability to settle down for an extra year.

Seeking advice from anyone who has some insight on this! ESP if you have experience with long distance in medical school or had to make a similar choice.

Edit: the MD school seems to match to a similar tier of IM programs in CA as the DO school, based on the people that do go to CA which is a minority. 1-2 of them every year match into the tier of programs that only take MDs.

 

[user997151086]

MD

 

[Hollow Knight]

This kinda sounds bad, but: how serious is this relationship? I did long distance with my ex wife for a while, marriage was a disaster, divorced now and doing great. If I could go back I’d put less effort into the marriage and more into career TBH but that’s a whole separate conversation that’s only tangentially related.

Also, how much money does each cost? Or are they comparable?

The main issue with DO is that they tend to be more pricey. You can match internal medicine and a subspecialty just fine at a DO school, just make sure you kill your step 1 and 2 exams. It will be a hassle taking those on top of Comlex but if you’re serious with your partner I would prioritize the relationship and just study hard for boards.

If you guys aren’t super serious, make the best decision for you and don’t even consider your partner (I know that sounds awful but I know many more M1 breakups than M1 relationship success stories, you probably need to be focused on your future right now)

 

[GoSpursGo]

Agree that it’s a hard discussion, but for you the right answer is definitely MD. Whether or not this is a question for you (personally) or you (as a couple) to decide really depends on how committed this relationship is. Half of marriages don’t work out, so even fewer dating relationships. If you can’t see the two of you getting engaged in the next 6 months, I would probably make this decision for yourself.

 

[do_ormdlater]

This kinda sounds bad, but: how serious is this relationship? I did long distance with my ex wife for a while, marriage was a disaster, divorced now and doing great. If I could go back I’d put less effort into the marriage and more into career TBH but that’s a whole separate conversation that’s only tangentially related.

Also, how much money does each cost? Or are they comparable?

The main issue with DO is that they tend to be more pricey. You can match internal medicine and a subspecialty just fine at a DO school, just make sure you kill your step 1 and 2 exams. It will be a hassle taking those on top of Comlex but if you’re serious with your partner I would prioritize the relationship and just study hard for boards.

If you guys aren’t super serious, make the best decision for you and don’t even consider your partner (I know that sounds awful but I know many more M1 breakups than M1 relationship success stories, you probably need to be focused on your future right now)

Your first point is fair. We are pretty serious at this point. Med school has always been a looming thing in my future, so it’s a complicated choice since it was always a possibility I’d have to move for school.

I think I’d definitely be more happy at the DO school in terms of being closer to home and friends, vs a state I generally dislike and don’t know anyone. But people also put weight on the stress of DO shenanigans.

Regarding cost, the MD school is about $10k cheaper, but not sure how it would compare considering the private loans I’d have to take with the BBB now in effect.

 

[Hollow Knight]

Your first point is fair. We are pretty serious at this point. Med school has always been a looming thing in my future, so it’s a complicated choice since it was always a possibility I’d have to move for school.

I think I’d definitely be more happy at the DO school in terms of being closer to home and friends, vs a state I generally dislike and don’t know anyone. But people also put weight on the stress of DO shenanigans.

Regarding cost, the MD school is about $10k cheaper, but not sure how it would compare considering the private loans I’d have to take with the BBB now in effect.

Like @Go_Spurs_Go said this is more of a relationship question than a medicine question. I’m one of those old fashioned people who believes in traditional marriage, with an (allegedly) lifetime commitment. I wouldn’t choose a med school based off a girlfriend, but it’s your call. I’m absurdly old fashioned and recognize that

 

[Goro]

With an MD degree, more doors are open to you, or rather fewer doors are shut.

The real question is, what's more important to you? The relationship, or getting into a certain specialty?

With a DO degree you certainly can get into Internal Medicine. My students do it all the time.

And your salary as an attending will be identical to your md colleagues in your specialty.

 

[do_ormdlater]

With an MD degree, more doors are open to you, or rather fewer doors are shut.

The real question is, what's more important to you? The relationship, or getting into a certain specialty?

With a DO degree you certainly can get into Internal Medicine. My students do it all the time.

And your salary as an attending will be identical to your md colleagues in your specialty.

I won’t pretend I have my life all figured out but as of now I’m not super interested in a comp specialty. I’m three years out of school and based on my clinical experiences I’m mostly interested in general practice and some IM specialties but can’t deny the flexibility of an MD is superior

 

[Mr.Smile12]

Welcome to the forums.

We live in a Facetime world. I agree you need to figure out the relationship thing.

By the way, how secure is the SO's grad school situation, given the appetite the feds have for defunding graduate education/grants/taxing endowments?

Are you certain you won't get a surprise call from the director of admissions at the MD program, "hey, we just got a spot in the MD class available. You want it? You have 48 hours to get to campus"?

 

[PickaGodnPray]

If the relationship is serious and if they're your person, it'll work out. Yeah it might not be fun for a year (from my understanding they will start the first year while you are deferred to next year?), but plenty of people can make a year work. Plus, you'll be so busy your first year that it'll fly by.
Take the MD, enjoy this year with your partner, and relax before starting M1.

 

[LunaOri]

If the relationship is serious and if they're your person, it'll work out. Yeah it might not be fun for a year (from my understanding they will start the first year while you are deferred to next year?), but plenty of people can make a year work. Plus, you'll be so busy your first year that it'll fly by.
Take the MD, enjoy this year with your partner, and relax before starting M1.

Excellent points! And after another year, the OP’s relationship will either be stronger and able to withstand a year apart, or it will be evident that it should end, and OP can leave without worrying about maintaining the relationship.

 

[eigen]

FWIW, I'm going to give a personal example that somewhat runs counter to those in this thread. For grad school, I ended up choosing a lower ranked PhD program that was a better match for both me and my SO (a significantly lower rank, like 140+ vs top 20). It's made subsequent parts of my career significantly more challenging, but I don't regret it at all, and the relationship has stayed strong.

I think the advice that you have to figure out your priorities is correct. I just wanted to provide a personal anecdote of someone who did prioritize relationship over schooling / career and is happy with that choice. I think there are often more stories that lean the other way, which is something to keep in mind.

Whatever way you decide, you and your SO need to understand all the pros and cons.

 

[WildWing]

The DO school would be about ~1hr flight away while the MD school is a 5-6 hour flight. If I choose the DO school we could easily see each other once a month, with the MD school it’s a lot trickier.

In either case, you are looking at a long distance relationship. Even if it's a 1-hour flight versus a 5-hour flight, getting to see your SO will take multiple hours (travel time to airport, security/waiting, flight time, travel to their location). If you were in the same location/able to live together, that would be different, but I think the MD deferred acceptance is probably your better option.