Doctor Jokes...

[chup12682]

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I heard this joke from a PA, non-the-less, while I was volunteering in the E.R.:

An anesthesiologist is running down the hallway to catch an elevator that's about to close its doors. To prevent the door from shutting on him before he could get in, he reaches out and sticks his hand in between the doors to trigger the automatic door to open for him. As he's getting in, he sees a surgeon running down the hallway to catch the same elevator. As he is about to miss the doors to the elevator, the surgeon sticks his head between the doors...

Let that simmer for a bit...

 

[skier06]

Here's one of my surgeon bf's favorite doctor jokes:

What are the best two years of an orthopod's life?
.
.
.
.
Fourth grade

 

[mcp5016]

Sorry if someone already posted this one. If you did let me know and I will delete it...

A man rushes his mother to the hospital. The hospital immediately sends her to the OR. Three hours later, the surgeon emerges and walks up to the man. The surgeon says, "I've got good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first?"

The man replies, "Give me the bad news."

The doctor says, "We were able to save her but your mother is paralyzed and can no longer shower by herself, so you will need to give her daily sponge baths."

The man says, "Ok that's fine."

The doctor replies, "She will no longer be able to eat, so you will need to chew her food up and regurgitate it into her mouth. She can't sit on the toilet so you will need to change her diapers many times a day."

The man says, "Oh God! That is terrible. What could possible be the good news?"

The doctor replies, "I was just joking, she's dead."

 

[SJonathan]

A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.

He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.

Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.

 

[facetguy]

(An 80 year old patient of mine told me this one)

A woman walks into an eye doctor's office and says "Hey Doc, I've been having some trouble seeing clearly. Can you help me?"
DOCTOR: "Sure. Step over to this eye chart and read this line here."
PATIENT: "I can't see that at all."
DOCTOR: "OK. Just step a little closer to the chart and try again."
PATIENT: "Still can't see it."
DOCTOR: "Alright. Move just a little closer now and try again."
PATIENT: "Sorry. Can't see it."

So the doctor, a little concerned, has an idea. He unzips his fly, pulls out his penis and asks "Ma'am, can you see this OK?"
PATIENT: "Oh, yes, Doctor, I can see that perfectly well."
DOCTOR: "Ah-ha! I know what your problem is: You're 'cock-eyed'!"