Doctors making Uncomfortable comments

[IlDestriero]

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For what it's worth, a comment like the OP described would most likely run afoul of my company's policy on sexual harassment. (If you want to know what company that is, rest assured you've heard of it.)

The fact that the OP is actually a high school student named Jack makes it all the more inappropriate and odd.🙄

 

[toooldforthis]

Give it a chance. You should know day one if hes a creeper.

Some of the brightest surgeons (OMFS) had no verbal filter whatsoever...i think its part of the breed.

 

[alwaysaangel]

Yeah, I don't really understand the "get use to it" comments.

Because medicine is not a company, its not an office where you are going to complain to HR about your residents.

Medicine is a very culturally exclusive beast that has had its ways set for a long time. Many med students are worked over 80 hrs/week, but good luck complaining. Many med students are scutted (get my coffee, my paper, etc) even though they shouldn't be. And on surgery rotations, any woman who is thin and remotely attractive will be harassed. Good luck complaining to your attending about it (he's probably doing it too.)

The first thing I was told when I met my all male surgical team was that the only rule they had was you weren't allowed to report them for inappropriate behavior (3 times - the intern told me, then the senior then the attending)...they weren't kidding. Inappropriate jokes, comments and questions x 8 weeks.

Yes, when someone makes you truly uncomfortable or takes it too far you politely shut them down and make efforts to not seem like you're flirting with them (which others have already wisely brought up).

But sorry, you're going into medicine where you will not report your residents/attendings to HR or your dean and you will not be outright rude to your residents no matter how inappropriate they are. You will find a graceful way to get out of it with your grade intact and the surgeons still liking you or you will be very unhappy for the rest of your time at that hospital.

 

[mauberley]

Medicine is a very culturally exclusive beast that has had its ways set for a long time.

In your argument, I see a lot of similarities to the way things used to be in the workforce not so long ago, both in describing the current atmosphere in medicine as well as the reasons for maintaining the status quo. Obviously, things have changed in the general workforce, and things will continue to change in other areas as well, especially given that the ratio of men to women entering med school is a lot more balanced than they used to be. I don't see an argument of "that's the way things are" as a reason for someone to just suck it up if they truly feel uncomfortable and think things should be changed.

 

[alwaysaangel]

In your argument, I see a lot of similarities to the way things used to be in the workforce not so long ago, both in describing the current atmosphere in medicine as well as the reasons for maintaining the status quo. Obviously, things have changed in the general workforce, and things will continue to change in other areas as well, especially given that the ratio of men to women entering med school is a lot more balanced than they used to be. I don't see an argument of "that's the way things are" as a reason for someone to just suck it up if they truly feel uncomfortable and think things should be changed.

You're probably right in theory. But let me know how that works out for you in practice...

I'm not saying a woman shouldn't stand up for herself, but no med student in their right mind would report something like that the HR or the dean. Surgery is an old boys club, some hospitals still take interviewees to strip clubs for the night before dinner. Will it change eventually? Sure. But it sure as heck won't be the med students and premeds changing it. It will be the woman who actually choose to enter the field and push through.

Until then, med students are going to politely shut down the harassment and move on. Because this isn't a job where you can complain and then find a new position elsewhere, this is your grade, your evaluation, and your reputation at an entire hospital where your grades/evaluations/letters of recommendation come from and that is what determines your entire future. At the moment, its too small of a world, and too tight of a culture for med students to realistically expect to elicit change.

Its probably pretty hard to understand the dynamics until you're actually there, but everyone of my female classmates was harassed and every one of them just politely shut it down/avoided it - even the super feminist ones. Medicine just isn't ready for that change, right or wrong.

 

[PrinceVersed]

I am not sure how much exposure most of you guys and gals have to the hospital environment. Truth be told the humor is almost always off color and/or offensive. We laugh and joke about the person we are coding, the drunk in the ER, the smell coming off that guy w the lung abscess etc. And the majority of us (men and women, doctors and nurses) are very flirty and perverted. Sometimes it is serious, most of the time it is just how we assume ourselves.

 

[mauberley]

Will it change eventually? Sure. But it sure as heck won't be the med students and premeds changing it. It will be the woman who actually choose to enter the field and push through.

I can agree with that. My only concern was that the advice I've seen in this thread to accept it would be taken to imply that that's the way it will always be. It's always wise to pick your battles, and this isn't a battle that needs to be fought. To continue the analogy (since I started using it, not necessarily because I like it), the war would be won most likely simply through attrition, as newer generations enter medicine where such a mentality is (hopefully) absent.

 

[alwaysaangel]

I can agree with that. My only concern was that the advice I've seen in this thread to accept it would be taken to imply that that's the way it will always be. It's always wise to pick your battles, and this isn't a battle that needs to be fought. To continue the analogy (since I started using it, not necessarily because I like it), the war would be won most likely simply through attrition, as newer generations enter medicine where such a mentality is (hopefully) absent.

I don't think it will always be but its a long way off. At the moment the culture is just as pervasive in the new residents/attendings as it was in the older. So we've got at least 40-50 years. So yes, we shouldn't just accept it forever, but for most of the people on the board - if they make it to med school they're going to deal with it.

 

[bongobingo]

Use him for shadowing experience, then report it to HR when your done. 😉

Seriously, physicians tend to be weirdos. Most were shut-ins for most of their 20s, so they are socially awkward. How old is he?

🙁

 

[mauberley]

So yes, we shouldn't just accept it forever, but for most of the people on the board - if they make it to med school they're going to deal with it.

The key lies in not propagating the same behavior, which I fear might follow from an attitude of simply dealing with it.

 

[bravofleet4]

i wouldn't take it seriously. if i was the guy i could easily imagine making the same joke to a male volunteer. however, i might've held back if it was a female volunteer. but its the same idea really. theres no change in the atmosphere just that you'd be worried about offending someone. when i do my preceptorship its the same thing. people will joke around and flirt with each other. last time in a family practice all the female doctors started joking around they were lesbians at one point and then pointed at a male doctor and said "oh but I guess you would know all the right places."

 

[Mr Interesting]

um... you guys is the op really a guy pretending to be a girl or what? 😕

 

[Hoody]

dude. I totally did not read the thread.


epic fail, as in whoooosh.

 

[Holderlin]

I hate you.

I tried as hard as I could and I got nothing, even in my tight cut-off jeans, bending over at any reason I could find...

 

[mindsg]

Were you shadowing this guy?

Give the todd a high five 😀

 

[Champaigne]

So today I met with an attending Trauma Surgeon, and to make the story shorter, He made a comment saying "oh yeah I'd love to have a hot girl shadow me 😉 "

That made me very uncomfortable. :/

You're joking right...this is possibly the most innocuous comment I've ever heard someone get offended by. Plus, if you look anything like the avatar in your picture you should grow a thicker skin because these comments are not going to go away anytime soon. Chilax 😎

 

[shinee]

1) I am a girl, Jack, is short for Jacklena (mom is white, dad Filipino...jacklena!)

2) My avatar is ME. not yui(?) I don't even know who that is....

3) I AM NOT FINISHING FOR COMMENTS if I was to fish for comments don't you think I would post things like "oh im so ugly" "do you guys think im pretty" etc

all I wanted was advice on how I should go about it because of the distant I have to travel just to shadow a trauma surgeon. should I put up with that little comment and forget about it or should I take this as a sign of warning and stay away.

its a little innocent post people, YOU need to relax!

no way am I offended over alittle comment like that, but it was uncalled for.

 

[CADupin]

this really isnt a decision to leave up to an internet forum. it purely depends on your tolerance for those kinds of comments. odds are that if you keep shadowing this sleazeball, you will hear something along those lines again. whether you go back really just depends on if you think it is worth it.

who are we to gauge whether the detriment of the longer commute outweighs the benefit of not having to stress over potentially hearing another inappropriate comment?

 

[LRAccord624]

1) I am a girl, Jack, is short for Jacklena (mom is white, dad Filipino...jacklena!)

2) My avatar is ME. not yui(?) I don't even know who that is....

3) I AM NOT FINISHING FOR COMMENTS if I was to fish for comments don't you think I would post things like "oh im so ugly" "do you guys think im pretty" etc

all I wanted was advice on how I should go about it because of the distant I have to travel just to shadow a trauma surgeon. should I put up with that little comment and forget about it or should I take this as a sign of warning and stay away.

its a little innocent post people, YOU need to relax!

no way am I offended over alittle comment like that, but it was uncalled for.

I haven't read the entire thread but I read most of it.

1. Just let it go. Lighten up and joke around a little bit. It wasn't appropriate but it was probably just his way of trying to joke around and make you feel comfortable. But since he accidentally said something awkward, it had the opposite effect. If he continues to say things like that, then either say something to him, stop shadowing him, or report him if you think it's that serious.
2. If you hadn't likened wavy hair to Victoria's Secret models, I think it would have been received better. Long, polished, and curled/wavy hair is fine- just do something with the front to ensure that you aren't messing with it and it's not in your face.

People need to lighten up jeez.

 

[shinee]

this really isnt a decision to leave up to an internet forum. it purely depends on your tolerance for those kinds of comments. odds are that if you keep shadowing this sleazeball, you will hear something along those lines again. whether you go back really just depends on if you think it is worth it.

who are we to gauge whether the detriment of the longer commute outweighs the benefit of not having to stress over potentially hearing another inappropriate comment?

Thanks.

I just thought id throw it out there and see what others would do in my situation. Many offered me great advice, while others slam me shut for stupid ****.

but its all good!

 

[MediCynical]

1)
2) My avatar is ME.

3) I AM NOT FINISHING FOR COMMENTS

lol ok 🙄

 

[shinee]

I haven't read the entire thread but I read most of it.

1. Just let it go. Lighten up and joke around a little bit. It wasn't appropriate but it was probably just his way of trying to joke around and make you feel comfortable. But since he accidentally said something awkward, it had the opposite effect. If he continues to say things like that, then either say something to him, stop shadowing him, or report him if you think it's that serious.
2. If you hadn't likened wavy hair to Victoria's Secret models, I think it would have been received better. Long, polished, and curled/wavy hair is fine- just do something with the front to ensure that you aren't messing with it and it's not in your face.

People need to lighten up jeez.

lmao I had my hair in a bun that time xD

but yeah, I know what you mean thank you.

 

[LRAccord624]

lmao I had my hair in a bun that time xD

but yeah, I know what you mean thank you.

No I was talking about your comment in the interview hair advice thread, which someone linked to in this thread, to somehow show that it's you and your Victoria's Secret model hair and flirty demeanor at fault for the behavior of the trauma surgeon.

 

[mauberley]

1) I am a girl, Jack, is short for Jacklena (mom is white, dad Filipino...jacklena!)

As a Filipino myself, I can only surmise your dad's name is Jack and your mom's name is Lena.

 

[patel2]

i once had a comment like this directed at me.

I am a male. The female gynecologist i was shadowing was very nice to me. after a typical day of seeing patients with her, she was like man itd be so nice to see a penish rather than all the vaginas. i got . i replied, 'i see one everyday particularly when i just wake up and go to the bathroom' shes was like . then i realized what i said and got . for a good two minutes we were like . i havent spoken to her to this day.

the moral of the story is dont let things get awkward. if youre hot you should be in movies and magazines not in medicine. i hope you do become a model

 

[circulus vitios]

1) I am a girl, Jack, is short for Jacklena (mom is white, dad Filipino...jacklena!)

2) My avatar is ME. not yui(?) I don't even know who that is....

3) I AM NOT FINISHING FOR COMMENTS if I was to fish for comments don't you think I would post things like "oh im so ugly" "do you guys think im pretty" etc

all I wanted was advice on how I should go about it because of the distant I have to travel just to shadow a trauma surgeon. should I put up with that little comment and forget about it or should I take this as a sign of warning and stay away.

its a little innocent post people, YOU need to relax!

no way am I offended over alittle comment like that, but it was uncalled for.

Really?

 

[shinee]

lol ok 🙄

idk

 

[patel2]

Look, this guy sounds like a socially inept creep and I want you to know that his behavior is not your fault.

However, your response to him is important, because you might be unwittingly encouraging him to continue treating you inappropriately. I recommend that you put your hair up and cultivate a less flirty demeanor. A nervous giggle or awkward sideways glance sends the message that this person can continue harassing you and you'll just demurely flutter your lashes in disbelief or discomfort. The way you're describing the interaction on this thread suggests to me that you responded this way.

The correct response to that kind of inappropriate comment is to either blithely ignore it (I mean, really truly act as if you didn't even hear it) or challenge them politely. Looking someone straight in the eyes and saying "Excuse me? What was that you just said?" in a calm and confident voice can be remarkably effective. 👍

Just don't react with this expression...

 

[getright]

I think if you really weren't offended, then you probably wouldn't have made this thread in the first place. With that assumption, I'm also going to say that you're a hypocrite for complaining about the surgeon's comment and actually using a picture of yourself as your avatar...

 

[circulus vitios]

I think if you really weren't offended, then you probably wouldn't have made this thread in the first place. With that assumption, I'm also going to say that you're a hypocrite for complaining about the surgeon's comment and actually using a picture of yourself as your avatar...

That's not "her." The original poster is probably a fat basement dwelling nerd.

 

[Mbeas]

at OP.

classic.

she is cute though; i see why you made her your avatar.

 

[getright]

That's not "her." The original poster is probably a fat basement dwelling nerd.

Probably lol

 

[patel2]

That's not "her." The original poster is probably a fat basement dwelling nerd.

spoon pics nao or OP is fraudin

 

[MediCynical]

Really?

spoon pics nao or OP is fraudin

this.

 

[CADupin]

I love when these threads stretch beyond med-school topics. Some really pitiful stuff here. Keep it coming; great entertainment.

 

[MediCynical]

I love when these threads stretch beyond med-school topics. Some really pitiful stuff here. Keep it coming; great entertainment.

Posts: 30

Good luck with your posting goals in 2011.

in b4 you're completely unaware what I'm talking about

 

[Frazier]

Really?

High five!

OP, time to make a new account.

 

[nicolemeooow]

Really?

where did u fine this??

 

[MediCynical]

where did u fine this??

ever heard of tineye?

 

[circulus vitios]

where did u fine this??

Tineye then Google image search.

 

[patel2]

I love when these threads stretch beyond med-school topics. Some really pitiful stuff here. Keep it coming; great entertainment.

brah I feel you just take a multi and keep postin heavy

 

[DocJL]

Really?

Freakin' AWESOME!!!

I knew OP was full of it with the phony self-righteousness.

fraudulent posters beware! when u pull a photo off the internet and claim it is you or yours, others may also run across the same photo!

and BTW, the girl in the photo (NOT THE OP!!!) you were pretending to be really IS smoking hot - and if SHE wants to shadow a successful cosmetic and implant dentist SHE can give me a call......😉

 

[n3xa]

The first thing I was told when I met my all male surgical team was that the only rule they had was you weren't allowed to report them for inappropriate behavior (3 times - the intern told me, then the senior then the attending)...they weren't kidding. Inappropriate jokes, comments and questions x 8 weeks.

Well at least hell will be enjoyable. I love me some offensive humor.

 

[startswithb]

And we actually gave advice to this person! I've been had!

 

[nicolemeooow]

ever heard of tineye?

Tineye then Google image search.

Awesome! 👍👍

 

[Narmerguy]

At first this thread was 😕 and then it was and then it was 😴 and then it was 😱 and then .

Classic trolling. Gotta love it.

 

[CoolWhipp]

Damn, I'm kinda scared of the guy who found the original.

 

[VikingLegacy]

.

 

[StudyShy]

Tin Eye is awesome! He/she got everyone good.

 

[VikingLegacy]

.