Does it hurt your pride to approach people?

[Fakesmile]

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I am reluctant to ask questions to profs or approach or befriend new people because of pride (and a little bit of shyness, too.. horrible combination). I never start a conversation with anybody unless someone else initiates it. This gets in my way of expanding my social network or solving my questions in courses (I usually wait for other people to come up with similar questions for me. If not, I just email my questions to the prof, and rarely ask them face to face). If you had a similar problem, how did you overcome it?

 

[Mike7704]

I overcome shyness with beer.

 

[binko]

I am reluctant to ask questions to profs or approach or befriend new people because of pride (and a little bit of shyness, too.. horrible combination). I never start a conversation with anybody unless someone else initiates it. This gets in my way of expanding my social network or solving my questions in courses (I usually wait for other people to come up with similar questions for me. If not, I just email my questions to the prof, and rarely ask them face to face). If you had a similar problem, how did you overcome it?

I had this problem for a while, but it was really because the professors had a "can't be bothered" air about them.

If I'm feeling shy or confused but don't know what to ask, sometimes I'll go up after class and just listen to the questions other people have for the prof. That usually helps me come up with my own questions, at which point I just jump in and join the discussion.

You can also go to their office hours with a list of questions you've written out in advance. I get flustered sometimes if I don't have my questions right in front of me. Most profs understand that and don't think it's weird.

But there's nothing wrong with e-mailing the prof as well. I do that quite a lot.

 

[dw2158]

I am reluctant to ask questions to profs or approach or befriend new people because of pride (and a little bit of shyness, too.. horrible combination). I never start a conversation with anybody unless someone else initiates it. This gets in my way of expanding my social network or solving my questions in courses (I usually wait for other people to come up with similar questions for me. If not, I just email my questions to the prof, and rarely ask them face to face). If you had a similar problem, how did you overcome it?

i don't understand how pride would make you unwilling to start a conversation.

and as for pride making you not want to ask questions of a professor, that's just sad. no one is too smart for questions! if anything, the professor will think more highly of you if you ask because he/she will know you're engaged with the material. they won't think you're dumb.

 

[slight365]

Pride is the ever-present problem in medicine.

That, and the number of people who think they are something special.

 

[Fakesmile]

Pride is the ever-present problem in medicine.

Not just in medicine, but in virtually everything else in the world. I think I read from somewhere (probably the bible) that pride is the root of most, if not all, evil. (just like money)

 

[majahops]

Pride doesn't really direct anything I do. Fear of rejection, however, seems to have a hand on my steering wheel at all times.

 

[witness23]

so are you proud of your fake smile or do you smile facetiously out of shyness?

 

[majahops]

I, for one, don't smile unless I really mean it. I get a lot of crap for this. What about you?

so are you proud of your fake smile or do you smile facetiously out of shyness?

 

[witness23]

lol, i directed that to the OP, whose sn is fakesmile. but nah my smile is mostly genuine. i like smiling. i practice in front of the mirror sometimes.

but yea i do smile sometimes if i have no intentions of talking i feel like it leaves people satisfied

 

[majahops]

oh, well yeah, satisfying people is definitely a worthwhile reason to smile. 🙂 who would withhold a tool of endless supply if it meant it would make someone's day that much better?

I just mean I don't smile to seem more well-rounded or socially appropriate. Geez it bothers me when people do that.

Okay, I'll stop intercepting questions meant for someone else now. 😛

lol, i directed that to the OP, whose sn is fakesmile. but nah my smile is mostly genuine. i like smiling. i practice in front of the mirror sometimes.

but yea i do smile sometimes if i have no intentions of talking i feel like it leaves people satisfied

 

[Snarkalark]

I care more about my grades than I do about asking stupid questions.

 

[BJPENNSTATE]

the OP is just anti-social...sums up 91.9% of most premeds

 

[loveoforganic]

Made/making A+'s in both organics, and I probably spend as much or more time asking the professor questions as anyone else. The professors can clear up questions immediately and soundly.

 

[Carlin]

I used to be really nervous about approaching professors, but I knew that I was eventually going to have to start asking for letters of rec, so sophomore year I made a conscious effort to start going to office hours just to get comfortable talking to my profs. The first few times my face would turn bright red and I'd get very flustered, but it quickly got better. I really think that practice is the best way of overcoming shyness. At least in my experience, professors were very welcoming of questions and never made me feel like I was bothering them.

 

[MilkmanAl]

If it really is pride that stopping you from talking to people, OP, you have some serious introspection to do and a pedestal to hop down from. I'm going to assume you just mean shyness or general fear of conversation with strangers, as others have assumed.

The best way to conquer some social awkwardness is to force yourself to talk to people. Nobody's out to get you or will think you're weird for talking to them. Just get out there and do it.

 

[vickpick]

i am the same was as the OP... although, to make up for his pride, I have extreme shyness...

how did I overcome it? I haven't yet.

Would I ever overcome it? Yes, my brother used to be the same way... now that he is a resident, he is expectionally well at starting covno's and impressing people..lol (I am not saying that his residency made him so.. I am saying he got older and he chnaged.)

 

[Algophiliac]

Although I'm only in high school, I understand where the OP is coming from. Pride gets in my way in several instances, for example when asking questions, as this points to obvious lack of knowledge, and while on an objective level I can see how foolish this is, the pride remains. I also find that being a loner (which is caused by being shy) often sets me on a pseudo-pedestal where I have the firm conviction that everyone else is behaving childishly. The problem is that things always seem that way from the outside looking in (I can think of a good censored example...), so get involved and you might change your mind about these people.

 

[Crazyday]

It'll get better with experience. Right now you don't have much experience with approaching people for the first time, so you're going to feel awkward and not have much confidence. Confidence comes from experience. Dive in, who gives a ****. You don't have anything to lose.

That or you're really stuckup and need to step down and realize other people are human too. Hopefully this isn't the case, but if it is, there you go.

 

[MrAgreeable]

Not just in medicine, but in virtually everything else in the world. I think I read from somewhere (probably the bible) that pride is the root of most, if not all, evil. (just like money)

"Avarice (Pride) comes before the fall" is in the bible somewhere or maybe saint Augustin said it. I don't know, I'm Catholic, I don't read the bible.


Also there is something about money and camels jumping through needles

Also, I just try to find common ground. I'm painfully shy for no reason, I start relationships with people by being extremely self-depricating and showing interest in what they have to say instead of trying to come up with something to talk about (Including professors, to my p-chem professor "Yeah, calculus is my achilles heel"--> you get the point). Also, I have no pride at all. Also, beer and shameless dancefloor tactics are foolproof.

Fin.

 

[CCLCMer]

I am reluctant to ask questions to profs or approach or befriend new people because of pride (and a little bit of shyness, too.. horrible combination). I never start a conversation with anybody unless someone else initiates it. This gets in my way of expanding my social network or solving my questions in courses (I usually wait for other people to come up with similar questions for me. If not, I just email my questions to the prof, and rarely ask them face to face). If you had a similar problem, how did you overcome it?

It sounds like you might be shy. If you want to be more outgoing, you have to accept that you will make a lot of mistakes and get things wrong sometimes. No one else cares about your mistakes as much as you do, and everyone else makes mistakes too. It doesn't mean that you're stupid whenever you don't know something, it's because you're learning a new subject and you don't have enough experience yet. It's the same way in medical school, probably even worse because you're covering so much more material and the students are smarter on average than your college classmates. Maybe you should try joining Toastmasters to practice talking in front of people.

 

[Forthegood]

When I first started teaching I found it hard to get up in front of 30 people. The way I got past it was to think about how I felt as a student. As a student, you're not constantly judging the guy in the front of the room, you're just sitting there waiting to get out and thinking about the day. Perhaps a parallel can be drawn for your situation.

The professor isn't judging you... you are just another face in the thousands that will talk to them that year. There is no pressure... just the appearance of it from your side. Try to see it from the other persons perspective. At least, it worked for me.

 

[ParthVader]

When I first started teaching I found it hard to get up in front of 30 people. The way I got past it was to think about how I felt as a student. As a student, you're not constantly judging the guy in the front of the room, you're just sitting there waiting to get out and thinking about the day. Perhaps a parallel can be drawn for your situation.

The professor isn't judging you... you are just another face in the thousands that will talk to them that year. There is no pressure... just the appearance of it from your side. Try to see it from the other persons perspective. At least, it worked for me.

Well said.

Also, as for the inability to approach other people... Just think how you feel when somebody else starts a conversation with you... I'm sure they think the same way.. and if they don't, there's tons more people out there to make friends with.🙂