Ruby, it does get better, and worse. I liked the clinical years better than basic science years. Still, I cried at least once during every single rotation. I cried almost every day during internal medicine! I wasn't upset about the level of difficulty, but over the adjustments. It can be very odd being a student in front of a patient that thinks you are a doctor (no matter how many times you have told them that you are a student and how bumbling you have been around them!).
For example, I scared my mother the other day. Her best friend of many years is recovering from having a valve replaced, and the friend is having a difficult time. My mom related a complaint she had heard at work about handicapped people needing more exercise so the handicapped spots shouldn't be the closest ones. I told her about a patient of mine that had congestive heart failure, and how near the end, he had to rest half a day just after a trip to the bathroom. I told her that earlier in the course of his disease he may have like to have gotten out in the world, but probably didn't want to expend the litte energy he had in the parking lot. My mom is fairly sharp, and became concerned that her friend was likely to suffer the same fate. What I thought was an innocent conversation became very scary for someone I really care about.
About a year ago, I met a woman with breast cancer. We were talking about why we were in the particular city, and she said she was there to see a "natural healing" guru for her breast cancer. Several years previously, her surgeon told her that the mass needed to be removed, most likely along with her breast. The woman was so scared that she never went back to get any treatment. She decided that she was going to go to natural healers, and it was working because she could see the cancer coming out of her skin. (yes!). While I know that there will be people who will have difficulty coming to terms with disease, I'm scared that I'm going to scare someone away.
Anyway, enough rambling. Hang in there, Ruby.
