Does marriage affect performance? (regarding grades, scores, etc.)

[OnlyLiveOnce]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Hey guys,

I know that marriage is a very common discussion regarding med school, and I know that there are many people who are married while in med school who manage to get through it all.

What I want to know is: Okay, you might be able to "manage", but does marriage negatively impact your performance in med school? Do you lose time for studying or research, etc.?

For current and past med students that are married (or were married during med school), do you feel that your stats or credentials could've been better and that you could've been more competitive for your "dream residency" had you not been married during med school?

 

[THP]

I was married before I started medical school. In no way did it detract from my studying. (I've also had 2 kids while in school). I am AOA and I rocked both steps. It can be done but you just have to be organized and prioritize. Most of the AOA people at my school are married - then again about half of my class is probably married.

 

[SomeDoc]

Married and honored half my classes so far- its possible- just be sure to manage your time well- you want to spend quality time with your spouse- just as important as med school, if not more important, IMO.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

I was married before I started medical school. In no way did it detract from my studying. (I've also had 2 kids while in school). I am AOA and I rocked both steps. It can be done but you just have to be organized and prioritize. Most of the AOA people at my school are married - then again about half of my class is probably married.

Wow, married and yet you got AOA and rocked both steps? That's quite counterintuitive. Do you think marriage in any way actually helped your performance? Or that you just succeeded in spite of being married?

My parents are giving me the "no marriage until you get your MD" line, because they think that getting married during med school would be "suicide" for my performance and that I won't be competitive for any specialty that I have my sights set on.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

Married and honored half my classes so far- its possible- just be sure to manage your time well- you want to spend quality time with your spouse- just as important as med school, if not more important, IMO.

Indeed, I agree that the spouse is more important than the career (after all, you "OnlyLiveOnce"!), and that the career is just a means by which to enjoy life with the spouse and family.

Predicament is, my parents are saying that marrying the woman I want to marry while I'm in med school will derail everything and make me end up resenting that very spouse in the long run. Because I have no experience or insight of my own regarding the med school workload, I have no objective way to counter that claim.

 

[Dazeo]

I got married in the summer after my first year. If anything I think it helped me perform better, because my wife is awesomely understanding and encouraging, and luckily is content to stay at home doesn't have to constantly go out. For me, being single meant I spent a lot of time going out and staying out late, which tends to ruin the next day's studying. Bottom line for me is that marriage gave me stability and I think it didn't hurt and probably helped my academic performance. Now I'm AOA graduating at the top of my class with great usmle scores.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

I got married in the summer after my first year. If anything I think it helped me perform better, because my wife is awesomely understanding and encouraging, and luckily is content to stay at home doesn't have to constantly go out. For me, being single meant I spent a lot of time going out and staying out late, which tends to ruin the next day's studying. Bottom line for me is that marriage gave me stability and I think it didn't hurt and probably helped my academic performance. Now I'm AOA graduating at the top of my class with great usmle scores.

Interesting... that's a VERY encouraging story. 🙂

When you say marriage gave you stability and that it helped your academic performance, could you give us some examples of that? I mean you already have given a couple, such as keeping you from going out all the time.

I am amazed (and very encouraged) to see that people are getting AOA and awesome board scores while being married. This is great!

 

[rachmoninov3]

I'm a married student and personally, I think being married makes medical school so much easier. Since medical school is socially equivalent to high school, I find it much easier to focus than my friends who are struggling to find someone to date.

However, judging from what the OP writes posts, I'd say don't worry about what your parents think, and if you really want to play it safe, use the scientific method: move in together! (I'm sure your parents will love that).

By moving in together, your significant other can see what it'd be like to live with a medical student, and you'd see what its like to have a spouse. If it works, great. If your grades start to tank, then you'll know that you should probably wait.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

I'm a married student and personally, I think being married makes medical school so much easier. Since medical school is socially equivalent to high school, I find it much easier to focus than my friends who are struggling to find someone to date.

However, judging from what the OP writes posts, I'd say don't worry about what your parents think, and if you really want to play it safe, use the scientific method: move in together! (I'm sure your parents will love that).

By moving in together, your significant other can see what it'd be like to live with a medical student, and you'd see what its like to have a spouse. If it works, great. If your grades start to tank, then you'll know that you should probably wait.

Haha, I like that, the "scientific method". Yeah, that approach sounds foolproof since you'd get an idea of exactly what you're headed for. Only problem is, there's no chance in hell her parents would let that happen. Or mine, for that matter. But especially not hers.

I could relay all y'all's stories to my parents as a way to give my view some weight, but they'd probably waive them off as exceptions to the rule.

 

[Dazeo]

Interesting... that's a VERY encouraging story. 🙂

When you say marriage gave you stability and that it helped your academic performance, could you give us some examples of that? I mean you already have given a couple, such as keeping you from going out all the time.

I am amazed (and very encouraged) to see that people are getting AOA and awesome board scores while being married. This is great!

Before I was married I lived with a roommate who I really didn't like and he was home all the time. So I really couldn't study at home. I spent a lot of time in the library as a result and I guess that helped too, although my school is very social, and sometimes you can get distracted if you study there. When my wife and I got our own apartment, I had a dedicated office where I did all my studying 2nd and 3rd year. I felt like I had stability because I could always stay at home without distractions. My wife was in graduate school for my 2nd and 3rd year so she studied a lot too, and we spent qt together at home everyday when we took study breaks.

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

I think there are so many different types of marriages that it's hard to quantify (just like there are so many different students). I know married students who've had to repeat years and others who are bound for top choice residencies (and everywhere in between).

 

[lilnoelle]

I'm married and have kids and haven't found either to be detrimental to my performance. I'm not going to be AOA - and I suppose I might have done BETTER if I didn't have the responsibility of two children, but I don't think being married has affected my grades. Even having children doesn't preclude someone from doing great.... if I were more efficient with my time, I might've been able to ace my classes instead of getting B's.

I'd advise not getting married right before school starts or during school if your concerned about performance. Any major life change will probably affect your stress level and thus affect your school performance.

 

[Nodelphi]

Another married person with kids that's routinely honoring classes chiming in. It's certainly doable as long as you're marrying the right person. My wife kicks serious butt and there's no way I'd be doing as well as I am without her support.

 

[lilnoelle]

I think there are so many different types of marriages that it's hard to quantify (just like there are so many different students). I know married students who've had to repeat years and others who are bound for top choice residencies (and everywhere in between).

If someone's marriage was struggling or any factor that could increase stress could definitely have a negative effect on performance.

Also, one's spouse would have to be supportive about medical school to get through successfully.

 

[Steiner]

Another success story here. Married for almost 5 years, 2 kids w/ a third on the way, and in the top 10% so far.

 

[Hurricane95]

Your spouse or significant other and family should be more important than school to a certain extent, in my opinion. Obviously, you have to make time for school and studying etc. to do well, but that attitude that life has to be put on hold until you achieve X, will eventually yield to a second thought that you should hold off until Y is done, etc. Before you know it, you'll be 30-something and joining match.com in desperation scrolling through profiles of two-time divorcees with 3 kids and more mileage than an '86 accord in hopes of finding ANYONE who will take you at that point. If you are with someone you want to commit with, do it. That's part of life and making it work is part of the fun. Don't be so hung up on how your life partner "gets in the way of studying". I'd rather be married to the woman of my dreams and forever happy, yet in my second choice specialty than do medicine & cardiology at harvard and come home to a huge house alone, or possibly worse yet, to a money-seeking woman who is cheating on me while I work 70 hour weeks and could care less if I died in a car wreck the next day. No even better...she gets the life-insurance payback 😀

My point is...enjoy life. Success will come, and hey, work isn't everything. In the end, we're ALL going to be doctors. We should be thankful that we're not the guy/girl scrubbing the toilets in Wendy's after closing time.

 

[45408]

I can't imagine that I'd really be studying any more if I weren't married, so no, I don't think it's hurt my performance at all. It's certainly a morale booster for me to have my wife around when I come home. She's much more important to me than my career, so I think time with her is time well spent.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

Thanks for all the feedback so far, guys. This is some really good insight. It seems like the deciding factor for whether or not to get married during med school is the nature of your relationship with your spouse. Personally, I think it'd be a lot easier to just live with a spouse than stick with the way things are for me right now: always having to take time out of my day, ever day, for really long phone calls (we live in different states).

My theory is, if we were in the same house, I wouldn't have to go out of my way just to give her the time of day. She's even said that if we were just studying together or something, that that would be good cuz at least we'd be doing it together (or something like that). It certainly beats just having her on the phone waiting for me to say something while I'm busy studying.

My parents counter that things will only escalate and get worse if I get engaged or married, whereas I'm thinking it'll make things a lot more stable, healthy, and happy.

 

[lilnoelle]

Thanks for all the feedback so far, guys. This is some really good insight. It seems like the deciding factor for whether or not to get married during med school is the nature of your relationship with your spouse. Personally, I think it'd be a lot easier to just live with a spouse than stick with the way things are for me right now: always having to take time out of my day, ever day, for really long phone calls (we live in different states).

My theory is, if we were in the same house, I wouldn't have to go out of my way just to give her the time of day. She's even said that if we were just studying together or something, that that would be good cuz at least we'd be doing it together (or something like that). It certainly beats just having her on the phone waiting for me to say something while I'm busy studying.

My parents counter that things will only escalate and get worse if I get engaged or married, whereas I'm thinking it'll make things a lot more stable, healthy, and happy.

WOA, escalate and get worse? Meaning things aren't great now when your dating? If things are rough while your dating, you can probably depend on them to be worse when you get married.

Marriage is rough and getting married will not make things better than they are now. Getting married and then going to med school is going to be a stressful thing - no doubt.

I think most of us are comparing our relatively healthy happy marriages to what things would be like if we were not married. I don't feel like I'd perform better if I weren't married, but I was married 4 years before I started med school, so any potential problems were already smoothed out.

I can't tell you if you should get married or not.... but your parents probably know your situation better than we do. Maybe they don't know what they're talking about.... but maybe they are right.

 

[badasshairday]

It is great hearing from you married med students. I just had one question, how old are all you guys? Are you mostly traditional or non-traditional students?

 

[Nodelphi]

Thanks for all the feedback so far, guys. This is some really good insight. It seems like the deciding factor for whether or not to get married during med school is the nature of your relationship with your spouse. Personally, I think it'd be a lot easier to just live with a spouse than stick with the way things are for me right now: always having to take time out of my day, ever day, for really long phone calls (we live in different states).

My theory is, if we were in the same house, I wouldn't have to go out of my way just to give her the time of day. She's even said that if we were just studying together or something, that that would be good cuz at least we'd be doing it together (or something like that). It certainly beats just having her on the phone waiting for me to say something while I'm busy studying.

My parents counter that things will only escalate and get worse if I get engaged or married, whereas I'm thinking it'll make things a lot more stable, healthy, and happy.

Look I don't know the type of relationship you have but getting married won't spare you the effort of communicating with your significant other. A good rule of thumb is never expect marriage to make things easier or make your relationship issues go away. Short term it'll seem like it's done just those things then the shine will wear off and you'll be in for a world of hurt. It's best to only get married after your relationship issues have been largely worked out and you just "get" each other so much that you want to be together.

 

[45408]

It is great hearing from you married med students. I just had one question, how old are all you guys? Are you mostly traditional or non-traditional students?

traditional here. I'm almost 24 (M2). One of my friends just got married halfway through M2, and he just turned 23. He lived with his wife as soon as they moved out here, so it was like being married. Lots of the Mormon guys I'm friends with are married, and several have children, and it's not limiting their academic performance, for sure.

 

[THP]

It is great hearing from you married med students. I just had one question, how old are all you guys? Are you mostly traditional or non-traditional students?

I had been married for 3 years before starting med school. I got married right after college and worked for a few years.

I think the reason many people struggle during med school is because it becomes your life. Try to remember that you could easily be hit by a bus on the way to school and die. Its important to have goals but you can't suspend your life in the mean time. People always ask when is the best time to have kids - of course the answer is there is no best time - you will never have enough money or time. You can't live being afraid all the time.

I agree with the OP. I couldn't imagine having to spend hours on the phone every night. I can't talk for more than a 10 minutes without running out of things to say. At the same time, I would give up medical school in a second if my wife was unhappy. Nothing is more important to me than my marriage and our children. Everyone who said that the spouse makes all the difference is right and my wife is awesome.

 

[lilnoelle]

It is great hearing from you married med students. I just had one question, how old are all you guys? Are you mostly traditional or non-traditional students?

I'm 27. I've been married for 5 1/2 years, have a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old.

 

[Mr. Freeze]

Definitely not AOA, and have no doubt I'd be doing better if not spreading my time out.

But I would beyond a shadow of a doubt be in prison right now had I not taken the path that led me to marriage, so I'll take what I can get.

 

[rachmoninov3]

My question for the OP is how old are YOU?
What your parents say shouldn't carry so much weight that they stop you from being happy.
Life happens in medical school. Marriage should be about you and her. You should have a need to be with her. So if these long phone calls at night are a bother, then don't get married. If you have to talk everynight or you feel like you'd die, then propose.

One final thought from the great Pink Floyd:
"...to martyr yourself to causion is not going to help at all...because there'll be no safety in residency [numbers] when the right one walks out of the door..."

As for me, I'm 27, been married 4.5 years. I'm a nontrad, was a nurse prior to medical school. I was disowned by my family for a time for marrying a 'brown boy', but I'm so happy to be married to him I couldn't imagine life without him.

 

[nogolfinsnow]

I'll agree w/ just about everyone here; the spouse makes the difference. Mine is very understanding and accommodating. She wants me to do well and be competitive so we can head back across the country once I'm done here. At the same time, you as the student have to really allocate your time well so you can spend quality time with your spouse. During this first year I've developed a pretty good routine that assures I get a lot of studying done and spend a good chunk of time w/ my wife every night. So far I'm in the top 10% and don't feel that I'm spending too much time studying. Not sure how this will turn once 3rd year hits and the schedule gets busier...
Marriage and med school is definitely a team game and both players need to give all they have in all aspects. Don't make your spouse feel as if they're second to medical school.
You won't do poorly in medical school just b/c you're married. It's helped to focus me on my overall goals for our future.

 

[geogil]

To the OP, being a physician isn't the be all end all of human existence. Marry the person you love. Wouldn't it be better to have a few more years together when you're both young and healthy? Having a spouse in medical school is great. My wife doesn't in any way 'detract' from my study time. We have to budget our time and make time for each other, which can mean putting the books away some evenings, but it's worth it. If you're over 18, and I assume you are since you're applying to medchool, get married if you think it's the right thing. I'm doing fine accademically, and if i'm not honoring everything, that's not because of my marital status, but rather that I can't do rote memorizing very well.

 

[mahasanti]

However, judging from what the OP writes posts, I'd say don't worry about what your parents think, and if you really want to play it safe, use the scientific method: move in together! (I'm sure your parents will love that).

By moving in together, your significant other can see what it'd be like to live with a medical student, and you'd see what its like to have a spouse. If it works, great. If your grades start to tank, then you'll know that you should probably wait.

Only live together if you want to increase your chances of divorce. A recent rutgers publication had this to say:

"Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing. The reasons for this are not well understood. In part, the type of people who are willing to cohabit may also be those who are more willing to divorce. There is some evidence that the act of cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for example the attitude that relationships are temporary and easily can be ended."

 

[Tristy]

If someone's marriage was struggling or any factor that could increase stress could definitely have a negative effect on performance.

Also, one's spouse would have to be supportive about medical school to get through successfully.

Completely agree with this 🙄 If you have no support from your spouse, or if the support goes to hell in the first few months, you'll have a problem. I won't go into details but it can definitely affect performance (well duh, if you're having 'marital problems' then you'll be stressed out-->can't study-->get crappy grades and probably a divorce).

Can you really predict how your relationship is going to be in medical school? IMHO, I don't think you can. You do the best you can, it can work out, but it can also go to hell.

I truly believe today that my performance could have been better if I didn't have the extra un-needed stress. I can't talk about residency but I'm sure as hell (wow, there's too many hells in this post! ) not going to let this affect my chances. That's why somebody will be moving out early, before Step 1 studying begins 🙄 GL though!

 

[Sartre79]

I think it all depends on the person. I've been married for 4 years, and am an M1 now. It doesn't make me a better student b/c I am married, and I am not at the top of my class b/c of it, etc. But, since we have a good relationship I have a support system that others don't have, and my laundry usually gets done a lot faster b/c my wife is really understanding and has taken a lot of the brunt of chores b/c of my time committments. Basically, if a person is smart/hard-working they will do fine (those at the top of the class are usually just gifted). HOWEVER, if you have a rocky relationship, med school isn't going to help things.

 

[Doctor J]

What I want to know is: Okay, you might be able to "manage", but does marriage negatively impact your performance in med school? Do you lose time for studying or research, etc.?

Well, the verdict is in, looks like everyone agrees that marriage in and of itself doesn't necessarily hurt your performance, you just have to have the right kind of marriage to make it work in your favor. I'd agree with this as a happily married med student. To take it one step further and at the risk of derailing the thread, kids will definitely hurt your performance. Playing with them. Diaper changes. An immense amount of laundry. Late nights spent cleaning up vomit on the bed.

But, kids are great for other reasons.👍

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

To the OP, being a physician isn't the be all end all of human existence. Marry the person you love. Wouldn't it be better to have a few more years together when you're both young and healthy?

Ah, and now we have arrived at the crux of the matter. I met her when we were both in high school (when you don't really care about long-term logistics), so it didn't matter at the time that she was 4 months older than me (I just thought, "yeah, I scored me an older girl!").

Now the problem is, while I'm at the young age of 22, and wouldn't mind starting a marriage at 26 (4 years from now after med school's over), from her point of view, she's thinking "oh no, if I start a marriage when I'm 26, almost 27, I have very little time to enjoy being a newlywed before we have to start thinking about having children, because pretty soon I'll be at the age where childbearing becomes a lot riskier." If a couple plans on ultimately having 2 - 3 kids, it's a bit risky to start on the FIRST kid when the wife is nearly 30 (because then she'd be near 35 when having the last kid). Therefore, the only other option would be to eliminate the "honeymoon phase" and "get straight to business", if you know what I mean.

So when my parents say "not now, you have your whole life ahead of you to be married, right now you should focus on medicine", what they don't really grasp is that I'm not fixing to marry some 6-year-younger gold-digger girl who I don't even know, who'd probably be marrying me just for my status, as Hurricane95 pointed out.

As y'all have pointed out about the importance of the wife being supportive, I think she'd be nothing but supportive, as long as I don't get to the point of "just using her", as she said. She herself has ambitions of becoming a lawyer so she too should be busy these next few years trying to get into and through law school. She herself realizes that the time we get together those first few years may not be much (especially during my clinical rotations), but its much better than "Hello my newly-wed wife, I am 26, you are nearly 27, and it is almost that age where childbearing for you becomes risky, so in order to have those 2 - 3 kids we wanted, let's bypass the "honeymoon" phase of marriage and get straight to childbearing and rearing... unless you want to adopt."

Or am I overly-exaggerating the increase in risk of childbearing at age 30? I know for a fact that it's a big concern by 35.

 

[TXSurgResident]

But, kids are great for other reasons.👍

Agreed!
Malrotations, TE-fistulas, Pyloric Stenosis... even hernias!😎

To address the marriage theme, logic simply cannot be applied to any great extent. How many of us know people with "perfect" marriages that end up in divorce despite family support, "timed" children, etc., and others you swore weren't going anywhere that are still chugging along? None of that has anything to do with being a physician (same for any high-stress career).

What is difficult for many spouses to accept is the unpredictability of the hours. If your SO gets jealous when you are at work late, or upset when you get called in from time off, that is a very poor prognostic indicator. To address the OP, if you think marriage distracting you from med school would be a problem (although I think the reverse is the real question), wait for residency- it's not the all-consuming beat down people think it is, but it will make med school look a lot rosier.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

My question for the OP is how old are YOU?
What your parents say shouldn't carry so much weight that they stop you from being happy.
Life happens in medical school. Marriage should be about you and her. You should have a need to be with her. So if these long phone calls at night are a bother, then don't get married. If you have to talk everynight or you feel like you'd die, then propose.

One final thought from the great Pink Floyd:
"...to martyr yourself to causion is not going to help at all...because there'll be no safety in residency [numbers] when the right one walks out of the door..."

As for me, I'm 27, been married 4.5 years. I'm a nontrad, was a nurse prior to medical school. I was disowned by my family for a time for marrying a 'brown boy', but I'm so happy to be married to him I couldn't imagine life without him.

The only problem we really have is that we have to go so much out of our way just to make time for the other person since we're so far apart. If we were living together, a lot of that tension would be removed. She has explicitly said that time we would just spend in each other's presence daily would make her happy. So if we're living together, eating together, and at the end of the day, doing a bit of laughing and joking together, etc., that oughta cover it. It's just that right now, she feels like she has no place in my daily schedule because I've always been either cramming for an exam or studying for the MCAT or filling out applications. In reality, I haven't had much of a social life at all, so it's not like I'm specifically ignoring her. But whereas I bump into other people from time to time around campus, I have to make a concerted effort to make any time for her (because, again, she's far away). And if I do give her the time she needs, I begin looking unnatural to people around me; there are some days when my friends around me are like, "Man, you're on the phone a lot" or "Man, you text a lot on your phone". I just want to end all this covert keeping-in-touch, and just be able to walk around with her and be like "How y'all doin, this is my wife" and I can just handle my business in peace. So, basically, I think marriage would relieve the majority of this problem.

I know what you mean about being disowned by your family. I have a friend who's been disowned by his family for marrying a girl of a different culture (even though they're the exact same religion, which you'd think would be more important to the parents). I come from one of those cultures where, for some stupid reason, it is unheard of for a male to get married before receiving his doctorate degree and, for most families, it is unheard of for a female to remain single past the age of 22. End result: arranged marriages between teenage girls and grown adult men where the two don't even know each other. So my family is saying to me "don't even think about marriage until you get your MD, or better yet, until you start residency", while HER parents are telling her "you're almost freakin' 23, all your friends are already married, what's the holdup?!!" And she's been fighting off suitors for about 5 years now... yes, that means her first one arrived when she was 17.

However, regarding the possibility of me becoming a "black sheep" for marrying too soon, there is one stupid aspect of my culture which can come in very handy for me: There is no such thing as a "black sheep in medical school." With my acceptance to med school, I've basically been granted immunity from ever becoming a black sheep, no matter what I do. It's a stupid part of our culture, but hey, I'll take it.

(As an aside, I actually didn't want to become a doctor at first because of how ridiculously highly-touted they are in my community, but then later on when I shadowed a doctor and enjoyed the experience so much, I decided to pursue medicine IN SPITE of my culture.)

 

[HarryRosenMD]

Hi...


As with any aspect of marriage... your love and care for one another beyond the 'self' is what comes into play, especially during medical school. I married the year prior to starting med school - and found it to be a blessing. I have known a great deal of married couples, with only a small minority being affected negatively - which I suspect would have fallen under the category of 'inevitable'. In the end... no one can brace you for the years to come. There will be great times and frustrating times - I mean you are married!! Just go for your dream with your dream girl at hand. What happens - simply happens... and usually for a good reason.
I'm 37 with 3 beautiful girls - Make life like Burger King and have it your way!!

 

[lilnoelle]

She has explicitly said that time we would just spend in each other's presence daily would make her happy. So if we're living together, eating together, and at the end of the day, doing a bit of laughing and joking together, etc., that oughta cover it.

She may feel like this now - maybe even for a full year into the marriage, but most likely that will change. I remember waking up in the middle of the night almost every night during the first few months of marriage EXTREMELY happy to just be laying beside my husband. Now, 5 years later, I'm excited when he goes out of town for the weekend so I have the bed to myself. Things change and most likely your wife's needs will increase as time goes on.

Not to discourage you. It sounds like the main problem in your relationship is the distance, in which case marriage might make things easier.... its hard to tell.

As far as your "honeymoon" time is concerned - life in med school and residency is probably not going to feel like a honeymoon anyway. If you get married at 27 and wait a year before trying to get pregnant, that gives you two years of alone time. Thats more than I had....

 

[MrBurns10]

Or am I overly-exaggerating the increase in risk of childbearing at age 30? I know for a fact that it's a big concern by 35.

I think you are. If you talk to the women in med school, 90% of them will not have their first child until near age 30...and that's fine. While at age 35 you're officially "advanced maternal age", things don't really start getting riskier until 40. Having your last kid at 35 shouldn't be that big of a deal if she takes care of herself.

I would suggest getting married during medical school because a) this is what you seem to want, and b) I can't think of anything worse than being a newlywed (where you want to spend a lot of time together) during your intern year...

 

[nogolfinsnow]

Plus a spouse, by law, has to let you practice the physical exam on them, so you should be able to get pretty good at that by the time 3rd year rolls around.

 

[amkd]

i got married during my first year - i am in my second year now - i am also 22. i also married my high school sweetheart who has nothing to do with medicine. am i honoring my classes? no. do i give a crap? no? am i passing? yup. i am almost ready to start preparing for step 1 - ask me in july how that went! (but i am sure it will be fine!) but i have also been published twice and am working on a third....

do i think i would be doing any better if i wasn't married? NO! i wouldn't study any more - in fact i probably study more currently than if i were single! i am just not competitive, that's fine with me! my husband is my priority - not school, that's just a means to the end. he helps me stay focused when i need to be and helps me let loose when i need too.

you need to do what is best for you/your relationship. it's challenging at times, but prioritize and keep on top of things and with a supportive spouse everything is fine.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

She may feel like this now - maybe even for a full year into the marriage, but most likely that will change. I remember waking up in the middle of the night almost every night during the first few months of marriage EXTREMELY happy to just be laying beside my husband. Now, 5 years later, I'm excited when he goes out of town for the weekend so I have the bed to myself. Things change and most likely your wife's needs will increase as time goes on.

Yeah I have a feeling you're right about that; she may go from "wow we're in the same room" to "all we ever do is just sit in the same room!" I've voiced that concern to her and she doesn't deny it, but says she should be fine as long as I don't start "using her", although I'm afraid that the definition of "being used" is not set in stone and will probably become more and more encompassing as time goes on.

I think you are. If you talk to the women in med school, 90% of them will not have their first child until near age 30...and that's fine. While at age 35 you're officially "advanced maternal age", things don't really start getting riskier until 40. Having your last kid at 35 shouldn't be that big of a deal if she takes care of herself.

I would suggest getting married during medical school because a) this is what you seem to want, and b) I can't think of anything worse than being a newlywed (where you want to spend a lot of time together) during your intern year...

Would you say intern year is more hellish than 3rd and 4th years of med school?

Plus a spouse, by law, has to let you practice the physical exam on them, so you should be able to get pretty good at that by the time 3rd year rolls around.

Haha what?

 

[MrBurns10]

Would you say intern year is more hellish than 3rd and 4th years of med school?

Oh, they're not even close. You'll be really busy as a 3rd year on surgery and on medicine, but the other rotations aren't as bad. You get more vacation, more days off, and less time in the actual hospital than interns do.

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

Oh, they're not even close. You'll be really busy as a 3rd year on surgery and on medicine, but the other rotations aren't as bad. You get more vacation, more days off, and less time in the actual hospital than interns do.

99% of the time you're right. I have, however, known a couple people who took transitional or prelim or whatever they call it Intern years (because they were going into an advanced position like Derm, Rads, Gas etc.) that were very cush, probably on par with a third year workload.

 

[Dr. McDreamy]

just wondering how many of you AOA-ers who are married are guys? methinks that the work balance shifts quite a bit if you are a married female with kids in med school.

 

[lilnoelle]

just wondering how many of you AOA-ers who are married are guys? methinks that the work balance shifts quite a bit if you are a married female with kids in med school.

I agree with this. It depends a little bit on the guys involvement in the domestic scene at home, but I do the majority of it. It can be tough. I cook all the meals (not particularly well) and for the most part I do everything for my kids too. I don't do a lot of cleaning - but that just means my house is always a mess.

I'm not acing my classes.

My husband is very helpful the week and weekend before my tests. If he didn't do that, I'd probably be struggling and I'm not.

 

[Flaxmoore]

I got married over last summer, and it's worked out great. High Passes in two blocks, Honors in another (so far), and a Pass in Anatomy. She's a rock and a soft place to land- all I've ever wished for.

 

[SomeDoc]

I agree with this. It depends a little bit on the guys involvement in the domestic scene at home, but I pretty much do it ALL. It can be tough. I cook all the meals and pretty much take care of the kids by myself. I don't do a lot of cleaning - but that just means my house is always a mess.

I'm not acing my classes.

I'm sure it'd help loads if someone could pick up the slack. You really warrant a lot of respect- that's amazing.

 

[lilnoelle]

I'm sure it'd help loads if someone could pick up the slack. You really warrant a lot of respect- that's amazing.

He's just going to have to do more next year when I'm a third year student-theres no way that I can keep up what I'm doing now.

I know this thread isn't about the difficulties of having kids in med school... but there are certainly things that are difficult to impossible to do when you have kids. One thing that I'd REALLY like to do next year is rural rotations which would involve being in an isolated rural area in Kansas for a month at a time in various specialties. I'm interested in rural healthcare and think I could get some very good experiences if I were to do rural rotations. Having children makes such an endeavor very difficult. I'd be away from my children from an extended period of time and my husband (remember I'm currently the primary caregiver) would have to do EVERYTHING for the kids and the house. I know he COULD do it, but I know it would be very difficult for him and the kids.

 

[Pembleton]

I don't know if being married while in school has made it more difficult for me. However, I think being married in school is challenging. It could be that others handle the pressures of marriage and school better than I do. I sometimes find it difficult to balance my role as a husband with my role as a student. I sometimes feel constrained by the marriage. I also sometimes feel relieved that I have someone with whom I can unwind. It's not all black or white. I think my non-married colleagues do better in class, but the married ones are more centered. I got married the same year I enrolled in medical school. If I could do it again, I would defer school for a year to enjoy the pleasures of marriage.

 

[def jeff]

Dude, why are you worried about grades and all? Getting married is FUNNY!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFixDSO4_s0