Does marriage affect performance? (regarding grades, scores, etc.)

[rkaz]

---

Members do not see this ad.

I agree with this. It depends a little bit on the guys involvement in the domestic scene at home, but I pretty much do it ALL. It can be tough. I cook all the meals and pretty much take care of the kids by myself. I don't do a lot of cleaning - but that just means my house is always a mess.

I'm not acing my classes.

In regards to the OP's question, I have to agree that it may have a lot to do with whether you are female or male, or whether you have kids or not.

My sister is completing dental school, and she tells me about the 50% of her class which are Mormon guys (most of which are married and have kids). Their wives are usually the ones staying home taking care of the kids full-time, cooking etc. Now they'd obviously have a much easier time (and an advantage) over single students as they get to come home to an already cleaned house, clean kids, and dinner on the table. They don't have to worry about spending time in the social scene, parties or dating... as they already have the emotional and sexual support from their primary companion. What luck. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it's no coincidence some of those guys are at the top of their class, when they don't have anything to do at home besides studying.

If the roles were reversed, I doubt most women would be able to have the luxury of a husband at home catering to their every housekeeping, culinary, or child-caring need. Most of the guys would be working. (I guess on the positive side though-- at least they'll be less educational debt afterwards, if their husbands help out with that!) But if the husbands are working, or are also students, then I'm sure female med students would still have a deal of household responsibilities as well (or in worse case, still have to do them all).

I'm not suggesting that being married is bad for women. Assuming the marriage is good, I'm sure women still benefit from the support and companionship of their spouses. And especially if kids aren't in the picture, women may find more support for their academics than even when they were single. I guess what I'm saying though is the amount of benefit may be related to whether a person is female or male, as the guys probably benefit even greater by having a woman at home who is willing to do a greater share of the domestic duties. If it isn't obvious, these kinds of gender roles do piss me off. I'm not saying everyone is like this (I used to have a great guy in my life previously who'd cook me dinner all the time), but the imbalance still happens more often than not.

Having kids totally changes the situation. Perhaps not for the guy whose wife does it all.... but for partners who are both reasonably involved, I'm sure it makes it far harder to be a student. I will have to go through that myself, as I'm just starting med school in my mid/late 20s... so I have no idea how I'm going to plan in a pregnancy, or whether I should have it during med school or take off time before residency. We'll see. Maybe I'll be one of those lucky women whose husband gets to work from home and take care of our kids while I study and go to school... but I don't know about that...

Lilnoelle, I think you certainly need to say something to your husband. He had equal responsibility as you did to bring a child into the world, so I think he needs to work with you on adjusting his schedule as well to take care of your child next year. It's as much his responsibility to take care of the child and home as it is yours. I think you need to put your foot down... sacrificing your performance at school because he can't be man enough to assist you with HIS shared responsibilities is just not cool.

Sorry I know I've been ranting here, but this issue gets me fired up!

 

[lilnoelle]

Lilnoelle, I think you certainly need to say something to your husband. He had equal responsibility as you did to bring a child into the world, so I think he needs to work with you on adjusting his schedule as well to take care of your child next year. It's as much his responsibility to take care of the child and home as it is yours. I think you need to put your foot down... sacrificing your performance at school because he can't be man enough to assist you with HIS shared responsibilities is just not cool.

Oh, I've talked to him about it. Old habits are hard to break (on both sides.)
He's definitely going to HAVE to step up next year but until he HAS to, its hard to change things. He's done better lately than he used to... its still not ideal, but better. I think its getting easier for both of us as our children are getting older. My daughter is almost five and is starting to take care of herself a little more (for instance, she is able to dress herself). My son should be potty trained (hopefully) by the time clinical rotations start.

 

[soeagerun2or]

From what I can tell watching my classmates get married it does not affect class or test performance.

What it does affect is career ambition and drive. Most of the students I knew pre/post marriage have significantly tapered their career expectations to accommodate family expectations i.e. ortho-surg to pathology or cardiology to family medicine. This is even more true for married women, or those hoping to be married some day.

That isn't to say there aren't exceptions, or married people who put their career first, just that the majority I know put family first.

 

[deucerp]

Hey guys,

I know that marriage is a very common discussion regarding med school, and I know that there are many people who are married while in med school who manage to get through it all.

What I want to know is: Okay, you might be able to "manage", but does marriage negatively impact your performance in med school? Do you lose time for studying or research, etc.?

For current and past med students that are married (or were married during med school), do you feel that your stats or credentials could've been better and that you could've been more competitive for your "dream residency" had you not been married during med school?

I honestly believe that it was my marriage that drove me to do so well in med school. My wife and I are both type A, frenetic worrying types of people and always pushed each other to do a little better. It was difficult always knowing what each other got on exams and stuff...but in the end it was perfect for us. We both made AOA and are at the top of our class so, I guess it worked!

 

[la petite mort]

It depends on who you're planning to marry.

I imagine a clingy, whiny, emotionally dependent spouse with an inferiority complex, who doesn't have an absorbing career or major - or isn't wholly satisfied alone with just child-rearing - could be a major hindrance for a med student's performance. On top of the long hours, criticisms from professors and pressure to achieve top grades (you can add on here, the list is endless), no one should have to come home to resentment and passive-aggressive accusations. My desire to be a doctor is probably the best thing about me (I don't know about y'all), how dare a significant other expect me to have to justify or make up for what the best thing about me entails?

My husband, thank God, is nothing like that. 😍

 

[lilnoelle]

It depends on who you're planning to marry.

I imagine a clingy, whiny, emotionally dependent spouse with an inferiority complex, who doesn't have an absorbing career or major - or isn't wholly satisfied alone with just child-rearing - could be a major hindrance for a med student's performance.

Why should your career come before your spouses dreams? Does the fact that we're going to be physicians make us more important than our spouse's desires?

I'm sorry, but this just post just hit me wrong. Maybe because I'd hate to have a spouse tell me that I'm "jealous" because I don't have an important career or major, or that I have to be satisfied with just child rearing because my husband's career choice trumps my own dreams. I put up with my husband - even though I end up doing all of the work in addition to my studies, but I would never put up with being marginalized like that.

 

[yohimbine1]

Marriage has been the downfall of many a great athlete

 

[CaliAtenza]

The only problem we really have is that we have to go so much out of our way just to make time for the other person since we're so far apart. If we were living together, a lot of that tension would be removed. She has explicitly said that time we would just spend in each other's presence daily would make her happy. So if we're living together, eating together, and at the end of the day, doing a bit of laughing and joking together, etc., that oughta cover it. It's just that right now, she feels like she has no place in my daily schedule because I've always been either cramming for an exam or studying for the MCAT or filling out applications. In reality, I haven't had much of a social life at all, so it's not like I'm specifically ignoring her. But whereas I bump into other people from time to time around campus, I have to make a concerted effort to make any time for her (because, again, she's far away). And if I do give her the time she needs, I begin looking unnatural to people around me; there are some days when my friends around me are like, "Man, you're on the phone a lot" or "Man, you text a lot on your phone". I just want to end all this covert keeping-in-touch, and just be able to walk around with her and be like "How y'all doin, this is my wife" and I can just handle my business in peace. So, basically, I think marriage would relieve the majority of this problem.

I know what you mean about being disowned by your family. I have a friend who's been disowned by his family for marrying a girl of a different culture (even though they're the exact same religion, which you'd think would be more important to the parents). I come from one of those cultures where, for some stupid reason, it is unheard of for a male to get married before receiving his doctorate degree and, for most families, it is unheard of for a female to remain single past the age of 22. End result: arranged marriages between teenage girls and grown adult men where the two don't even know each other. So my family is saying to me "don't even think about marriage until you get your MD, or better yet, until you start residency", while HER parents are telling her "you're almost freakin' 23, all your friends are already married, what's the holdup?!!" And she's been fighting off suitors for about 5 years now... yes, that means her first one arrived when she was 17.

However, regarding the possibility of me becoming a "black sheep" for marrying too soon, there is one stupid aspect of my culture which can come in very handy for me: There is no such thing as a "black sheep in medical school." With my acceptance to med school, I've basically been granted immunity from ever becoming a black sheep, no matter what I do. It's a stupid part of our culture, but hey, I'll take it.

(As an aside, I actually didn't want to become a doctor at first because of how ridiculously highly-touted they are in my community, but then later on when I shadowed a doctor and enjoyed the experience so much, I decided to pursue medicine IN SPITE of my culture.)

are u indian? cause it sounds like u are.. 🙂

 

[Sam212]

Let's see, you are either Indian, Pakistani, or arabic. I know how it feels brother but don't cave into what your parents are telling you. Do what you feel is right, and with the number of married people here telling you that married life will have no adverse effects on your medical school activities, perhaps you should give it a go.

 

[la petite mort]

Why should your career come before your spouses dreams? Does the fact that we're going to be physicians make us more important than our spouse's desires?

I never implied that. You seem to project a lot more from posts than what they actually say.

I meant that if a spouse isn't fulfilled in their own professional path, or if they are stay-at-home mothers or fathers who feel they need something more, those feelings of dissatisfaction or boredom lead usually to them sensing erroneously that they're left-out, inferior, needy, etcetera, even resentful of the other's obvious passion for their career, when the other spouse has a demanding job that consumes nearly all their time away from home.

As med students we shouldn't have to apologize for the demands put on us by the career, because there's nothing we can do about it - it's an integral part of who we are or who we want to be. It's not a question of being more important than our spouse's desires. That doesn't mean that we don't feel bad about not spending enough time with the spouses as they want, because we love them. But families need to learn sacrifice.

 

[Brunette1981]

If you really want to be with your SO forever, marriage is probably better than a LD relationship. Most of my classmates with LD SOs either got married/engaged or broke up by Thanksgiving. With the calling and the traveling, they are time-consuming and distracting. Also, a lot of women who want to be married wouldn't necessarily want to wait around for 4 years with no commitment so your SO may leave you if you try that tactic. What if she waits for you then you guys break up anyway? She and her family sound like they'd be pretty unhappy about that!

Your first two years of med school you will have the most free time and most flexible time - sure, you have to study but you can do that at home. You can't take call at home. Many med schools will send you to distant hospitals for some rotations (OB-gyn and family medicine in particular) so you might have to live in a dorm or drive 1-2 hours a day.

And it's ridiculous to worry about your 22 year old girlfriend being too old to have kids with. For one thing, the risk doesn't go up as dramatically as you think. For another, people who already have kids are less likely to have fertility problems with advancing age. If you marry now or at 26, you and she can start having kids at 28 or 29 then another around 30 then another around 32 if you want. There won't be an issue with that.

And for people in medicine there is no "right time" to have kids so have them when you want them - whether you are a 3rd/4th year student or a resident.

All this is unless you will find life unbreable if you can't be a plastic surgeon at an academic medical center, then you should probably not date until you have finished your residency and established your practice, say age 45 or so... Your competitiveness for residency is more likely to be dependent on you than on your status as single/attached - plenty of single people watch TV instead of studying, plenty of married people live in the library. It's more about you and (possibly) your school. If you barely manage to get into HMS for example, then maybe your classmates will just be better test-takers than you are and you'll be at the bottom of your class regardless of how much you study...

Do your parents just not like your SO?

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Female, married and doing well here. No kids, though. My husband also is the primary cook and cleans more than I do.

I agree the general notion here that marriage in itself does not affect performance in a negative way, and if anything helps performance. A bad marriage is a whole different story, though.

To the op, I'm going to be a little rude here and say you and your girlfriend sound not quite ready for marriage. You're very caught up in what your parents say, and your relationship has probably not been able to grow as much because you guys have always been long distance. I would suggest actually living in the same town before making the marriage jump.

 

[lilnoelle]

I never implied that. You seem to project a lot more from posts than what they actually say.

Sorry about that. Reading a post on the internet can be difficult because the tone of the statement can be misunderstood. I probably responded this way because we just had a lecture about this topic a couple of days before you posted that. I think the lecture title was "Being a doctor, maintaining relationships and having people show up at your funeral". One of the guys main points was how we need to make sure to put family first and to not believe our own "mythology". (Essentially the God complex). No partner can compete with "I have to be at the hospital saving lives," and no young child really understands giving up time with his/her parent for altruistic reasons. (Yes, its a bit of an odd lecture, but it resonated with me.)

I'm not generally touchy (you could check my many posts to check on that). I still think the paragraph I quoted came across badly - but your restatement I can definitely agree with. An unhappy spouse will make it difficult for anyone. Truce?

 

[soeagerun2or]

Why should your career come before your spouses dreams? Does the fact that we're going to be physicians make us more important than our spouse's desires?

Yes?

 

[oxeye]

I am female, married, with two young daughters (2.5 and 4.5). I don't expect to be AOA but I'm doing well in my classes.

I actually think I have it easier than some of my classmates in terms of relationships. You know early on in a relationship when you have to spend every minute with someone because you can't stand to be away from them? Yeah, you're not in that place any longer when you have been with someone for 8 years. He is an awesome dad and husband who helps out so much with picking up the slack now that I am in school.

So it's definitely possible and perhaps even easier to be married in medical school. I think it depends a lot on the dynamic of the relationship, though. If I had a needy husband who made me feel guilty for studying instead of spending time with him, this would definitely not work. My children definitely complicate things. Medical school would be A LOT easier without children but that's a completely different topic. 😉

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

Do your parents just not like your SO?

Nah nothing like that, but they do think that even at 22 I'm too immature to know what's good for me. Nevermind the fact that this long-distance thing has lasted 5 years, so it's obviously not a whimsical fling. They want me to put off not only marriage, but even engagement, not only because they think it'll mean the end of my ability to become competitive, but also because they think I may have different feelings about her by the end of med school.

Right, going to UT where there's tons of girls everywhere (of all varieties) didn't make me change my mind about her, but going to a med school with a small student population and cooping myself up in my apartment and studying all day might make me change my mind about her... makes sense.

And as if engagements are irrevocable anyway.

I could tolerate resistance to what I desire if the logic behind it weren't so blatantly erroneous.

Your insight was very good; thanks.

 

[OnlyLiveOnce]

To the op, I'm going to be a little rude here and say you and your girlfriend sound not quite ready for marriage. You're very caught up in what your parents say, and your relationship has probably not been able to grow as much because you guys have always been long distance. I would suggest actually living in the same town before making the marriage jump.

Agreed, that is definitely one of the cumbersome aspects of the situation.

 

[notdeadyet]

One of the guys main points was how we need to make sure to put family first and to not believe our own "mythology". (Essentially the God complex). No partner can compete with "I have to be at the hospital saving lives," and no young child really understands giving up time with his/her parent for altruistic reasons. (Yes, its a bit of an odd lecture, but it resonated with me.)

Boy, that' s the truth.

As tough as med school can be on the relationship for the student, it's way harder on the other half, in my book. Watching a loved one pursue a dream is not nearly as satisfying as pursuing a dream yourself. the SO's deserve medals as far as I'm concerned.

As to marriage making things easier or harder: it's dependent on the spouse. But I wouldn't imagine a scenario in which your relationship gets better because of med school and I can visualize a whole bunch in which it gets significantly worse if you don't put the time in.

And if parental approval is very high on your list of whether or not to get married, I'd say hold off.

 

[TXSurgResident]

I could tolerate resistance to what I desire if the logic behind it weren't so blatantly erroneous.

Sounds like you're married already!😎

 

[Real Name]

I am going to be starting medical school in the fall. I am 22 and I just got married about 2 months ago. My parents were not in the deciding equation of whether I would get married or not. I find it odd that they should be. I have been living independently of them since I was 18, so maybe that is why. If you both are still so dependent on your parents maybe you should give it some time until you are both independent adults.

 

[nlax30]

27 and was married for about just over a year before starting med school. I don't marriage, in and of itself, will really affect your performance, but rather how you balance everything. Also helps to have a very understand SO as I can see how you can start on a slippery slope if you constantly neglect time with the SO to spend more and more time studying away from home while they are "stuck" at home. Easy in that situation for bitterness to set in.

Have to have good, honest, open communication and be willing to be flexible. Some days my wife has to compromise and realizes that I will be spending more time at school (before a test, working with a group, etc..) And at other times I have to compromise and realize, "Man, I haven't been spending as much time with her as I'd like to, maybe I'll take the evening off and we'll just go out."

It also kind of helps that she went to law school, has her own goals, and understands the effort required for these professional degrees.

 

[SnowTown]

it seems to me a lot of married people, esp ones with kids, in my class are doing pretty good... a number of them said that they have "more to lose"

 

[Jwax]

Plus a spouse, by law, has to let you practice the physical exam on them, so you should be able to get pretty good at that by the time 3rd year rolls around.

👍 We've got taped H&P's coming up in late April and I've warned my hubby that he's going to get a whole lot of physical exams in the near future.

Yeah I have a feeling you're right about that; she may go from "wow we're in the same room" to "all we ever do is just sit in the same room!"

Yep - that changes. My husband and I lived ~45 minutes away from each other for most of our relationship and saw each other generally twice a week. After moving in together, we saw each other every day. For awhile, that was enough and I was so happy to get to see him every day. Then... it wasn't enough and I started to get annoyed that I wouldn't get to spend any "quality time". So... it will suffice only in the short term.

Marriage = blessing. I probably do 80% of the cleaning / cooking / housework, but it's okay. He has a son from a prior marriage that lives with the ex, and we don't have kids together yet (not for a few more years). Been together almost 6 years.... married for 3 months (I'm an MSI). I definitely feel that most marriages tend to calm a person down, as in their time spent going out and being crazy is significantly decreased. This is generally a good thing. Marriage also (should) mean you have someone who is always there supporting you and encouraging you when you are stressed and afraid. If you're married to a needy person, it will probably make med school more difficult. Fortunately, my hubby's not too needy and is happy when we get to spend time together and is happy when he gets to do his own thing. I definitely think throwing kids into the mix is a completely different story and I can't imagine doing medical school and being a parent at the same time. 😱 Amazing that there are people who can. I don't think I'm effective enough with time management for that.

Either way... it doesn't really matter. Most likely, getting married isn't going to make or break you in med school. It will most likely give you a stronger support system, and a better reason to effectively manage your time. School (and PARENTS!!!) should NOT be a deciding factor on whether or not to get married. I would say school probably ought to play a factor on deciding when to have kids, but that's a whole new line of thought. Honestly, if you're parents telling you to not get married is really that much of an influence on you... definitely not time to get married. Grow up first...

 

[MartianOddity]

My parents are giving me the "no marriage until you get your MD" line,

Deja Vu.

My parents as well, but that's because they want me to be more mature when I finish med school and take a better decision.

Although I don't think marriage really affects your performance if you really are set to succeed.

 

[-Goose-]

Hey guys,

I know that marriage is a very common discussion regarding med school, and I know that there are many people who are married while in med school who manage to get through it all.

What I want to know is: Okay, you might be able to "manage", but does marriage negatively impact your performance in med school? Do you lose time for studying or research, etc.?

For current and past med students that are married (or were married during med school), do you feel that your stats or credentials could've been better and that you could've been more competitive for your "dream residency" had you not been married during med school?

I am only a second year, but I got hitched between first and second year and have absolutely no problems (i.e. 4.0 GPA). In some ways, I believe it helps being married (as long as youre married to the right person) because she picks up some of my slack (chores around the house, paying bills, making appointments, etc).

 

[yadayadadude]

Marriage has made medical school better and easier for me. No question. And I'm a woman who picks up most of the household slack (laundry, cleaning, etc.) But my husband does almost all the cooking ... and he earns an income too, which means my student loan burden is literally a small fraction of what it otherwise would have been. Gotta love that.

The whole question strikes me as strange, though. Who cares if marriage negatively affects medical school performance? Marriage is so so SO much more important than medical school. If you should get married, do it. Medical school will sort itself out.

 

[montessori2md]

Haha, I like that, the "scientific method". Yeah, that approach sounds foolproof since you'd get an idea of exactly what you're headed for. Only problem is, there's no chance in hell her parents would let that happen. Or mine, for that matter. But especially not hers.

I could relay all y'all's stories to my parents as a way to give my view some weight, but they'd probably waive them off as exceptions to the rule.

Are your parents (or hers) paying your bills? I love my parents, but would be unlikely to let them decide the rules for my marriage -but then, my husband is such a catch, they probably would have gone along with anything.....What you need is a younger sibling who misbehaves SO much that it makes your med school bound self look perfect by comparison.

I agree that a spouse makes med school easier. Mine does laundry, cooks real food, and helps make my life a life.

 

[SltatryDduction]

I think that my performance is much better than it would have been if I weren't married. I tend to procrastinate and be lazy, and my husband kicks my but into the study when he knows I have been particularly lazy or have an exam coming up. He pretty much does all the cleaning, which he handles fairly well ("I'll clean if you're going to study, but if you plan on watching tv, you're cleaning with me"). We split the cooking, if I have an early day I start dinner, if he does, vice versa. He works full time so I'm taking out less loans and we're very happy. We were married a year before med school started for me and we're both 26. No kids yet, but we're working on it😉.

I think in terms of specialties it has made me much more focused. I have ruled out some competitive surgical subspecialties, but I am now much more focused on those elusive ROADS to happiness. It doen't mean I won't choose a career that I truly want to do, but it will make me think twice about lifestyle.

I say go for it if you want to be married. My parents were worried I would possibly put med school on hold indefinitely (deferred for a year) but I didn't, and my husband would never let us being married stop me from having the career I want. Besides, someday he'll retire early and stay with the kids...

 

[rkaz]

Your husband sounds like an awesome guy... and that being said with someone with a feminist streak (me) makes it a real compliment. I'm planning to start med school in 2009, so now I am thinking that I need to get myself married before then before starting! (I tend to procrastinate too and need someone to push me a bit.)

I think that my performance is much better than it would have been if I weren't married. I tend to procrastinate and be lazy, and my husband kicks my but into the study when he knows I have been particularly lazy or have an exam coming up. He pretty much does all the cleaning, which he handles fairly well ("I'll clean if you're going to study, but if you plan on watching tv, you're cleaning with me"). We split the cooking, if I have an early day I start dinner, if he does, vice versa. He works full time so I'm taking out less loans and we're very happy. We were married a year before med school started for me and we're both 26. No kids yet, but we're working on it😉.

I think in terms of specialties it has made me much more focused. I have ruled out some competitive surgical subspecialties, but I am now much more focused on those elusive ROADS to happiness. It doen't mean I won't choose a career that I truly want to do, but it will make me think twice about lifestyle.

I say go for it if you want to be married. My parents were worried I would possibly put med school on hold indefinitely (deferred for a year) but I didn't, and my husband would never let us being married stop me from having the career I want. Besides, someday he'll retire early and stay with the kids...

 

[Steiner]

I think in terms of specialties it has made me much more focused. I have ruled out some competitive surgical subspecialties, but I am now much more focused on those elusive ROADS to happiness. It doen't mean I won't choose a career that I truly want to do, but it will make me think twice about lifestyle.

I think this is an important issue.

How does marriage affect your choice of desired specialty? I know I am not going into surgery because of the commitment it takes. But, with a family you need to take income into account. I'm also looking at the ROAD specialties. Mostly rads, but I have a bit more time to figure out if that's for sure what I want to do. I know I wouldn't ask my family to put up with a surgical resident for 5 or more years after 4 years of med school.

 

[md14]

What about marriage between two medical students? Does this creat tension or problems because both will be stressed out from studying and not having a good married life? Are there any one on this board who has married another medical student and has a succesful marriage?

 

[kc2073]

Hey, to the original OP me and my fiance are in the same situation. We have been dating long distance for 3 years (we are 5 hours apart). We only see each other maybe once or twice a month and in the summers we've been in the same city though. We're both graduating this spring and are getting married this fall. He's taking a year off and then attending medical school the following fall. However, both of our parents support us and our upcoming marriage.

I do have a question for others on this board... I posted somewhere else but wanted to know, what do you all do for finances?? We're both going to work this coming year and so we'll be able to support ourselves financially for a year but when he goes to med school it will just be me making the dough. We want to have 5 kids too, so we'd like to wait until we can afford them, but it seems like lots of med students have kids while they're still in school. I'm curious though, what do you do for health insurance? For yourself, your spouse, and of course your children? We're both such "hoarders" when it comes to money so I can't bear the thought of living off of loans for 4 years but I'm sure we'll have to.

So basically any advice on the financial situation for a young married couple with one in med school... would be really appreciated!! Thank you

 

[Blesbok]

I am engaged ATM and have lived with my fiance (then GF) since the end of first year. Having an amazing fiance has, if anything, helped my studying. She is always understanding when I study all night. She brings me dinner at my desk. She takes care of all the housework when I don't have time. She does more for me than I could possibly ask for in order to help me do better in school. All I do in return is make sure to let her know how much I love her and when I do have time off I make sure to give her all the attention she deserves.

Now, having a kid would be an entirely different story.

 

[klgDO]

I'm a married student and personally, I think being married makes medical school so much easier. Since medical school is socially equivalent to high school, I find it much easier to focus than my friends who are struggling to find someone to date.

However, judging from what the OP writes posts, I'd say don't worry about what your parents think, and if you really want to play it safe, use the scientific method: move in together! (I'm sure your parents will love that).

By moving in together, your significant other can see what it'd be like to live with a medical student, and you'd see what its like to have a spouse. If it works, great. If your grades start to tank, then you'll know that you should probably wait.

I will have to agree that being married has made medical school much easier. Being fed well helps, and fortunately my wife likes to cook alot!

I suggest getting a dog too. It is more responsiblility but it make life seem so much nicer.

 

[Habibti]

What about marriage between two medical students? Does this creat tension or problems because both will be stressed out from studying and not having a good married life? Are there any one on this board who has married another medical student and has a succesful marriage?

I'm sure I'll get at least one person telling me that 'it's not that same,' but I'll chime in anyways. I'm a first year vet student and my live-in boyfriend (whom I will marry) is a first year med student. Yeah, sometimes we're stressed out, but we're, more or less, in it together. We both know how much the other person's life can suck at times. I understand that he needs to study 5 or 6 days a week and he knows that I need the same. I understand that when he has tests, I'm not going to get a lot of attention. And vice versa. We study together most of the time. Although not all of the material crosses over, we can help each other with stuff (for example, he's been my neuro tutor and I help him with phys). Whoever is less busy picks up the slack in housework and cooking. Overall, it's been really great going through it together.

 

[md14]

Habibti- Thanks for your reply
It looks like it is working well for you. Good luck with everything that you guys are doing.

 

[yeasterbunny]

My sister is completing dental school, and she tells me about the 50% of her class which are Mormon guys (most of which are married and have kids). Their wives are usually the ones staying home taking care of the kids full-time, cooking etc. Now they'd obviously have a much easier time (and an advantage) over single students as they get to come home to an already cleaned house, clean kids, and dinner on the table. They don't have to worry about spending time in the social scene, parties or dating... as they already have the emotional and sexual support from their primary companion. What luck. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it's no coincidence some of those guys are at the top of their class, when they don't have anything to do at home besides studying.

I am basically the Mormon guy you have described here, and I think you have hit it basically on the head. My wife does work part time from home, and I probably do about 1/3 of the housework, but the child care thing is invaluable. I certainly know plenty of others in the Mormon community (there are lots at my school) who basically fit the description you have outlined, and most if not all are very successful in med school.

That being said, the time saved from having to worry about cooking and cleaning is not necessarily time I have spent studying. I just have more time to spend with my wife and son relaxing or doing other recreational things. Which perhaps relieves the stress and makes me a better learner in the long run? Maybe.

 

[Iquitos]

My grades improved when I got married during medical school and I am a lot happier now. 😍

 

[little pebble]

Female, married and doing well here. No kids, though. My husband also is the primary cook and cleans more than I do.

I agree the general notion here that marriage in itself does not affect performance in a negative way, and if anything helps performance. A bad marriage is a whole different story, though.

To the op, I'm going to be a little rude here and say you and your girlfriend sound not quite ready for marriage. You're very caught up in what your parents say, and your relationship has probably not been able to grow as much because you guys have always been long distance. I would suggest actually living in the same town before making the marriage jump.

You definitely need to live in the same town before you get married. I came from a long distance relationship (5 years!) as well, and we've been living in the same town for the past year. It's been really good for our relationship. I'm moving out of town next year, but he's coming up the year after (he has a two year commitment to his job).

My dad gave me the "no marriage before MD" line as well. He was genuinely worried that I'd screw up medical school. Then I told him that a doctor friend of his said I should probably have children during residency, and if I wanted any alone time with my spouse, I needed to get married sooner, or I may not have children.

No grandkids? He changed his tune real quick. Good luck, man!

 

[bhop]

my mom had me at 30, then my brother at 32 and my sister at 36 i dont think it is that risky to start at 30