I agree that the BEST thing to do is get it expunged. I don't know what state you're in or how long it's been since you got off probation, but the volunteer work should be helpful in getting it expunged. Sometimes there are 'clean slate' programs that will provide you with a free lawyer to help with the process (assuming that you're low-income and can't afford a private attorney).
IF everything went down as you say, I agree that you should have been arrested but not charged.
Correct me if I'm wrong -- I assume that you were offered probation and DV classes for taking a guilty or no-contest plea and you went ahead and took it because there was no jail-time involved and taking the classes was a lot less time-consuming, pricey, and risky than going to trial in a he-said, she-said case?
The thing is, most people on medical school admissions committees have no practical experience with the criminal justice system.
They don't necessarily understand that with DV, charges are often brought without the police or prosecutor ever really sorting out what actually happened (especially when the police arrest both parties and both claim that they're the victim, the other party initiated it, etc).
People who have no experience with the criminal justice system often don't really understand why someone who's not guilty (for whatever reason) would take a guilty or no-contest plea instead of going to the end of the earth to prove their innocence.
With first-offense DV where there was no premeditation and no serious injuries occurred, probation and DV classes [and sometimes counseling] is a common offer. Even though some places charge an arm and a leg for the classes, it's still cheaper than paying for a lawyer to fight it. Even 26 classes may be less time-consuming and stressful than a trial. Trial can also be very, very risky in he-said, she-said situations.
I think you may have some difficult conversations that start like this:
"if it happened the way you say, why were you convicted?"
"I wasn't convicted by a jury. I took a no-contest plea"
"If your story is true, why wouldn't you maintain your innocence?"
Then you'll have to explain to them your particular reasons for choosing the deal over a trial in a way that doesn't make you look bad (which is hard). Many people THINK that they would go to trial in that situation until they're actually there. They also assume that anyone who pleads guilty or no-contest must have done the crime. I would expect that A LOT of people will have doubts about your story (the way the night of the arrest went down) and will even think you're flat-out lying to them.
If you actually WERE convicted by a jury, I wouldn't expect anyone to believe your story.
If you wind up stuck with the arrest on your record when you're applying, it may not even be worth explaining the circumstances because too many people will assume that you're lying or trying to make excuses for what happened. Even if things happened EXACTLY AS YOU SAY, you may be better off skipping some of the details, expressing contrition, taking responsibility for your mistake, and telling them how you've grown and changed since that event (or even because of that event). The volunteer work will help back you up on that.
You'll definitely need some explanation of why you chose the volunteer work. It's not self-evident why someone would go from 'convicted of DV' to 'helped the victims of DV' (it would be a more self-evident if you had, for example, volunteered to counsel the PERPETRATORS of DV or ran an anger-management class. If you're going with "I have a conviction for DV but I was never really an abuser, it would be more self-evident if you volunteered in some way to help people who had been improperly charged with DV or other crimes)
In some ways, volunteering with victims of DV doesn't really fit your narrative. It essentially boils down to "I was never really an abuser but I was improperly charged with being one. That made me want to help the victims of what I was accused of me". My reaction to that would be "huh?"
I think you'd be better off going with a narrative that boils down to "Even though my boyfriend may have been equally in the wrong, I know how awful my actions were and I take full responsibility for my bad choices. After taking classes that taught me to better manage my anger and resolve conflict, I still felt like I needed to do something to help the people who've been victimized by intimate violence". Then give your reasons for that (whatever they are) -- repaying a debt to society? Gaining better perspective on the devastating consequences of intimate violence? Whatever! Just be truthful about your motivations (unless your motivation is just to make the conviction look less bad. In that case, think of a better one!)
There IS one thing that may be on your side here:
It may be unfair, but there's still a double standard when it comes to DV. If you were a guy with a DV conviction, I'd say that you probably don't stand a chance. But a lot of people view women with DV convictions differently (i.e. they consider a woman turning violent against a man to be less 'serious' whereas a guy is immediately considered a wife-beating *******).
Certainly not EVERYONE feels that way, but in my experience it's still probably the majority reaction (and it is usually just a gut reaction, not something that people have thought through carefully).
But even if your DV conviction doesn't elicit some of the worst reactions that it would elicit if you were a man, it still calls into great question your temperament, your character, and your judgment.
The assumption will be that you had poor control of your emotions and poor judgment (at the very least - the assumptions may be far worse). Nobody wants someone who's emotionally unstable or prone to fits of rage to become a doctor. You're really going to have to convince them that this was a one-time incident and that you've changed.
(OK, I assumed here that you're a woman. I apologize if that assumption is incorrect).
Those are just my opinions. I could be very, very wrong!
and sorry if this isn't totally coherent - I'm exhausted!
